Lindsay Collegiate and Vocational Institute - Tatler Yearbook (Lindsay, Ontario Canada)

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60 THE L. C. I. TATLER We pause to inform you that the hil- arity editors of this issue of the Tatler are almost positive of an important posi- tion with A'Ballyhoo or Hush following the depletion of their education here. Funny but we couldn't find anything good enough to put in albout Kay Neil. We wondered why Mr. Paterson was so absent-minded around Thanksgiving tune till we happened to look in the Personal column of the Post. We think the Board of Ed11Cati0I1 should censor Mr. Lee for his inveterate habit of betting on his rugby team as during the game he could be heard shout- ing Get that quarter back, Get that quarter back! Miss ,Clark and Miss Gerrish ought to have considerable in common or else the birdies have made a big mistake. Mr. Hale treading from Macbethl: 'Fillet of fenny snake In the cauldron boil and bake- Bob Smith: Soup's on! Miss Adams Cdictatingl: Grandmother kneaded the dough. Graham fat boardl: La grandmere avait besoin de 1' argent. He calls his girl quisquan-she's so indefinite. We have been asked to draw your at- tention to a new kind of fence post. Un- like the old fence post that had to be placed in the ground this new invention comes with ground attached. All that that is necessary is to dig a number of holes and insert each post with its ground attached. Full directions may be obtain- ed from Mr. Faulkner, the proud inventor. Endicott-I dreamed last nigtht that I proposed to you,-I wonder what that is a sign of? Dot Fairfield-It's a si-gn that you have more sense when you're asleep than when you're awake. Miss Adams: Say, who is doing all that talking over there? Gregory: There was no one talking over here Miss Adams. Miss Adams: Say who is in charge of this class. If I say there was someone talking there someone was talking alrigiht. 2600 years ago Aesop said a hen sit- ting on a china egg would be better off. Mr. Couke: What's a joule Bradford? Bradford: What, Sir? Mr. Couke: Yes that's right, Bradford, one watt. Doing better work in mech- anics this year Bradford. Mr. McMillan: Smith, will you do this geometry question at the board? iSmith does so.l Mr. McMillan: Now if Smith can do it all the rest of you ought to be able to do it Advice to young ladies. Never go horse- back riding with your Kboy friend, because horses carry tails. And girls if he tries to pull that old one about the beautiful lblonde being his cousin, tell him she isn't his first cousin. A Sleep -fto Enidicottl: If you were rid- ing on a jackass what fruit would you remind me of? Endicott: I dou't know, what? Sleep: A beautiful pear. A little bird tells us that McGinnis is going in for 'quarrying 2600 years ago Aesop said miracles nev- er happen to those that stand and wait. You see you can't depend on sparrows. We hear Tripp kissed va girl three times after a hockey game at Bobcaygeon. Too bad, we'll miss Jack! Fred Williams Cto Galagherl: 'I wish you'd stop that habit of yours. Galagher: What habit? Williams: Breathing .

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THE L. C I. TATLER 59 HILAWTY. l i..-1--L p1,F. L To edit the hilarity section Has been a novelty to us, We've found out lots and lots of things That would surely raise a fuss. They would give you something to laugh at And perhaps to wail albout too But to get them past the censors Was more than we could do. Your editors, Nerts land Willie The boy stood on the burning deck Eating his curds and whey So don't forget a bird in the, hand' Gathers no moss. Little Russ Horner sat in the corner, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, The little Red Hen said I will , Brother can you spare a dime? The above are written with due apology to Tennyson, Milton, Zane Grey and Shakespeare. Now from the sublime to the ridiculous Miss Adams: walling for number of French mistakes? Jean le Cra,w? Groves fwho h-as closely marked her pap- erl: Perfect, And who said that chivalry was dead. 2700 years ago Aesop said-a miss in the car is worth two in the engine. Depression is just a game of golf, the darkie said: All dat it takes to overcome the depression am three puts . . . putt yer faith in Gawd, putt yer Ford in de shed, and putt yer folks in de field. We hear that Miss Garbutt and Hart have had another falling out in French. Life seems to be just one Hart-break after another. I Mr. Hale Cwhile remarking upon the poem Mari-anna J said that during the day Marianna was at her ease as Sleep was far away from her. iWe wonder why Milf. blushedl. Abbott- I wonder how old Miss Ger- rish is? Dart- Well they say she used to teach Ceasari' Mr. Breese- How long have you been away? O'Leary- Since the wa-r of 1812. Hill: I don't suppose you don t know of nobody who don't want to hire nobody to do nothing don't you. White: eYs, I don't.

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THE L. C. I. TATLER 61 Mr. Patterson: People usually feel bet- ter with their tonsils out. Miss Ure: I read that it affects the brain. Mr. Patterson: How many here have had their tonsils out. Miss Adams: Bradford I thought you said you spent an hour on this prose. Bradford: I did Miss Adams, railroad time. Miss Adams: 'What do you mean? Bradford: Stops included? 2600 years ago Aesop said that in the spring a young man's fancy -turns to what a girl has been thinking about all winter. We conducted a popularity contest to find the most popular girl in the school. Owing to the large number of sballots we have not yet completed the counting, however, at present, Woodward is leading Rodman by three votes. Miss Clark: Use the word triangle in a sentence. Doc Williams: If a fish don't bite on grasshoppers, triangle worms. mm Gregory fJuniorD: I have an awful cold in my head. Mr .Halex Well, that's something. Judge Galaugher Cto Bryson in recent Mock Triallz Rfememlber that anything you say will be held against you. Hishon fthe clerk? was heard to mur- mur softly: Garbo, Dietrich, Crawford, Bennett. It is reported that a scientist has pro- duced a new kind of bread which in- spires courage. We understand that a mouse found a few crumbs, ate them and immediately kicked the cat away from the milk. Mr. Couke is so musical that he could sit for hours under the trees and listen to the band on his hat. Brace yourself for this bit. Some of the cadets complained that M.r. Breese drill- ed them till they were bored. Fans did not actually believe that om' runners had burned up the track until they saw the cinder path around the campus. Isabelle Williams, translating Latin. I sing of arms and of men. Oh, gee, this is going to be interesting. And the report comes from the west of the sad death of a cow. It appears that the cow was pasturing beside a field of corn. Suddenly it fbegan to get hot. The thermometer went from 100 to 110- 120-150. The cow was practically cook- ed. The lcorn in the adjourning field popped. Then up came a windstorm and blew all the popped corn into the pasture. When the cow saw the corn it -thought it was snow, and so froze to death. Isn't it too bad that Miss Frost leaves some of her pupils cold. Personally we didnlt think it of her. Groves was on his first trip to the oity. As he stepped from the train at Union Station a red-cap picked up his bag and asked King Edward? , and Groves re- plied: No, just plain Jim Groves of L.C.I. Seasonable? Ceasar mustered his sol- diers, peppered the enemy and took the town by assault. Mr. Hale: This is an excellent compos- ition, Peters, but I notice it is exactly the same as Gregory's. VVhat am I to conclude from that. Peters: Gregory's must be excellent too. Cole says that if you want a good fin- ish for your car stall it on a railway cross- ing. Mr. Lucas fto pretty country maiden, milking cowhz Does your pretty little cow give milk my dear. Maiden: No, we have to take it away from her. Stephenson: Do you know that I think the girls a fellow keeps company with should be his direct opposite . . . blondes with brunettes, and so on. Fred Williams: Well, are you still look- ing for an intelligent -girl? A few on the professor: The professor met his son on the street and said Good- morning, George, how is your father?