Lindsay Collegiate and Vocational Institute - Tatler Yearbook (Lindsay, Ontario Canada)

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THE L.C.L TATLER 23 Mr. Smith:- Smith is my name. I said James Smith. Mrs. O'Grady:- Thank ye, I didn't quite catch it the first time, Well Mishter Smith, maybe ye heercl too, that I be rather hard up. Me husband's out of work and I got three kids that all agoing to school. Yes, and a hand- somer bunch I never dit see, it I do say it myself, as I shouldn't. And the clothin' and the feedin' of thim and fer one pair of hands gestiiculating is shure no cinch! Mr. Smith:- Yes, I realize times are not easy. But for the terms? Mrs. O'Grady:- Well, seeing as me husband is out of work and because of thim kids of mine, the best I can do for ye is to lex it at seven. Mr. Sllllllll- TI13.t'S splendid. I'll pay you in advance right now, t'I'akes bills from his pocketl. Mrs. O'G1'HdYI+ Tll21llk ye, sir. If ye'll follow me, I'll show you to your loom. Curtain. ' Scene 2 This scene takes place in the dining room Where the table is set for five people. Four of the boarders and M1's. O'Grady are on the stage with two children peeking around the door be- hind her. Scene 2 Mrs. O?Grady:- A new gintilman arrived this morning and of all the queer mixtures I ever did lay me eyes on. he's the worst. He calls himself Smith. Marilyn:- Is he good-looking at all, Mrs. O'Grady? Mrs. O'Grady:- Not in the least. New would ye all like to sit in or wait on the gintilman? Mr. Pennyfeather:A Perhaps we had better wait for this fellow Smith. Miss Potts:- Mrs, O'Grady, are you sure that the front door is closed? I feel a slight draught and you know, the doctor especially warned me to keep out of any drauglits as they were dangerous to a constitution as delicate as mine. Mrs. O'Grady leaves the room. Mrs. Pennyfeather: - Well, you know Miss Potts I have never been really sick with the exception of sea sickness, which I had the time I went over to London and travelled in Eur- ope. The channel was rather tempestu-- ous. Believe me, Miss Potts, you wouldn't last long down there where they have malaria. Miss Potts:- Well, that doesn't sig- nify anything. Mrs. Pennyfeather:-tSarciasticallyJ It wouldn't! Mr. Pennyfeather:- Well, Jane, you were done up with the flu yourself last winter. Mrs. O'G1'ady re-enters. Mike O'Grady:-tOne of the child- renl That's telling them. tBridget and Mike snickelxl Mrs. Pennyfeatlier: - tfreezinglyi George, you need'nt drag up all my little sick spells and in front of those children, too. tChildren snicker again.J Mrs. O'G1'ady:-tTo children! Get to the kitchen, you ill-mannered cubs. I smell the spudsf' Exit the two children. Enter Mr. Smith. The boarders all rise and Mrs. O'Grady introduces them. Much confusion ensues while the intro- duction is being acknowledged with hand-shaking. The boarders sit flown at the taile and Mrs. O'Grady goes out of the room. While she is gone there is a dead silence. She enters with some dishes which she passes to the bou1'ders., There is now a great deal of talk and laughter while they help themselves. Mrs. O'Grady:- I've got strawberry shortcake for dessert. tExitl. Miss Clorinda:f Ancl I break out all over my arms and farce when l eat strawberry shortcake. I can't. I sim- ply mustn't take any chances. Mr. Pennyfeather:f Well, it's too bad you cannot eat your dessert, Miss Potts, but then that leaves all the more for the rest of us. Mrs. Pennyfeather : H- George, George! Don't be vulgar! Mr. Pennyfeather:- XVell, I believe in calling a spade a spade and when I'm hungry I say so. Mr. Smith:- I agree with you, sir. I most certainly do. Mrs. Pennyfeather: - Thank-you, sir. Mr. Siuizh:- This wonderful display of food reminds me of the banquet that was given me at the House of Com- mons, in their immense banquet hall. Mrs. Pennyfeather1- Plumpl:! If you've seen the outside of that building I'd be surprised let alone banquetting in it. Indeed! Mr. Smith:- Seen the outside of it. Why my deah lady, I resided thcre for some time. While we are discussing travelling I might tell you that I have stopped at Queen's Hall-My mother and sister are staying there now. l have visited Buckingham Palace and had a private audience with the King. Quite a jolly old fellow! Oh yes, I've done some things that might surprise you, in fact I'm sure they would.

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22 THE L. Cl TATLE1? Literary ONE NEVER KNOWS A Comedy In One Act First Prize in Original Play Competition tlly Miltlrefl O'Lea11-,vl THE CAST .Iames Smith, an Englishman with a decided English accent who arouses mysterious and uncomfortable feelings in the boarding house occupants. His one dark blue suit is worn throughout the whole play. On his head is a plug a. boat and has been seasick ever hat. Mrs. O'Gratly, a good natnred Irish- woinan with a slight Irish accent. She wears a bright-looking house dress and large apron throughout the three scenes. Mrs. Pennyfeather, extremely cultur- ed, wears a monocle. She has been on since. Her clothes are exceedingly stylish. Mr. Pennyfeather. a Loarder whose wife is and seems likely to remain the head of his household. He is dressed in a grey tweed business suit. Miss Clorinda Potts, an old maid who believes that every breath she draws is going to be her last. Her clothes are dark, long and unbeconiing. Miss Marilyn Ross, a stenographer who chews gum all the time and talks slang. Her dress is extremely brief, lrilliant and not unbeconiing. Hawkins, a census taker who has been an English valet. He arrives in a critical moment and explains the mys- tery. He is dressed rather floppishly and carries a cane. Bridget and Michael, Mrs. O'Grady's children. They are very mischievous. They wear play-clothes that show the ettect of wind and rain. Asylum Guard, who is dressed in a blue uniform. One Never Knows Scene:-In a boarding house. Scene 1:-In the kitchen of house. One small bench. Mrs. O'Grady, Mr. Smith. Scene 2:-In the dining room. Table set for tive. Mrs. O'Grady, Mr. Penny- teather, Miss Marilyn Ross. Miss Clor- inda Potts, Bridget and Michael. Mr. James Smith. Scene 1 Scene 1:-Opens with Mrs. O'Grady at a small bench paring potatoes. Her sleeves are rolled up above her elbows. She is singing Come back to Erin. Scene 1 Mis, O'Grady:- Come 'back to Erin: Mti':ouriieen, Mavourneen, oh! Shure'n I got me thumb that time tTears up a, pie:e ot white cloth. Ties it around lxer finger.l That comes of givin' yer business to a stranger to the town. Faith'n the skin on thim spuds is an inch thick and look at thim blotches. Though these do be cheap they're not xv-Qrtli u cent more than I give for thim. tRap at door? Och! 'Dhere goes that clern dhure agin anti one in sich a mess, I wonder who it can be. Come In. Walk right in. fNo responsel. Come in, I say. I can't come to the dhure now. Say what ails ye out there? Be ye deaf? tShe goes to the door and opens it up quicklyl. Now what do ye want? tGentleman enters with a suitf case. Mrs. O'Grady stands with arms akimho and looks at the suittsasel. Nah! I don't wan: any of yer cook-books, magazines, baby soothers, ten thousand ways to get rich, shoe-laces. or .lny of that rubbish ye peddlers have to bone off on a phure womin trying to hold her own in the wur1d. Mr. Smith:- Pahdon, the intrusion, Madam. but can this be the abode of Mrs. Patrick O'Grady? The lady who keeps roomers? My name is Smith, James Smith. Mis. O'Grady:-tSeeing him now as a prospect! Sure'n tha.t'll be me. Can I do anything fer ye? Sure I keep boarders. Leastaways, when I can git thim. Mr. Smith:- Yes, yes. The police- man infohnied me that you would lbe glad to have anyone stop for a while. Mrs. O'Grady:- Well, Mister- er- tSuggestivelyJ.

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