Lincoln Sudbury High School - Dyad Yearbook (Sudbury, MA)

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contents. student work 4 freshmen “fall sports seniors color section LOB cena winter sports

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It’s that time of year again — ‘I don’t have any Christmas presents to give yet, and no time to go shopping;”’ “I have practice every afternoon, and no time for homework anymore;” ‘I must have all my college applications in by Christmas vacation and I’ve only finished one of them.” There’s no time to even think about Christmas, much less get ready for it. Each year the spirit is lost more and more in the big rush. But, I think I have a solution. In America, Christmas falls on December 25th. However, the original St. Nicholas Day was on December 6th. If they can change it once, they can certainly move it back again. I propose that Christmas be moved back to December 6th. This would spread the activities a bit, producing more to spend on Christmas, so, after it’s over, one could devote more time to college applications. Some people may object to this because Christmas would fall too close to Thanksgiving. They would just be finishing up the leftover turkey from one holiday when they would have to eat another turkey. This idea may disagree with some people, but the answer is simple. We space out the two holidays by moving Thanksgiving to the second to last Thursday in June. This will make six months between the two turkey dinners so as not to dull the people’s love for turkey. By moving Thanksgiving to June, however, there would be another problem. Two whole days of parades on television within two weeks is too much to bear. It’s agonizing to those of us who would have to miss two days of ‘All My Chidren.” So, once again, we are forced to do some juggling of dates. We could move the 4th of July to February. The snow and ice would create a beautiful setting for a cookout and fireworks. However, to save much confusion, the name ‘Fourth of July” could not be changed; “The Fourth of February” simply does not have the same ring. So, to prevent ambiguity, the whole month of February must become July. This would make the holiday valid, and it would keep the Americans honest. This would then pose another conflict, however. All the millions of Americans who had grown up with the chant ‘Thirty days has September, April, June, and November. . .” would have to relearn it with July included instead of February, or, more likely, the other months could be changed also so they follow in the same order as always, with June starting off the new year. But then the people would be confused. With July arriving in the winter, Americans would be under the illusion that it was summer. The hospitals would be overflowing with frostbite patients who had done a little too much sunbathing on the 4th of July. Also, if January 1st came in the summer, the New Year’s Day skating activities would then have to be cancelled due to the lack of ice. So we would have to change the seasons around, having winter be where our summer is now to solve this minor problem. To change the seasons, we would have to somehow move the United States to a position south of the equator. Australia’s location would be just right. We could attach a few outboard motors onto the edge of the northern states. To do this, however, we would have to either detach ourselves from Canada, which would be impossible, or drag them along with us. For the same reason we would have to take the whole of North America with us in our move south. Having bumped Australia out of the way, we would run into a minor difficulty when Australia hit Antarctica. Gravity would increase the velocity of Australia to such a degree that Antarctica would be pushed halfway around the earth. If it were pushed in the right direction to follow a path north through the Atlantic Ocean, it would become locked between Greenland and Sweden. The North Pole would then have to be hurtled south to become the South Pole. This however, would upset man’s evolution process. Black Africans would freeze with only their skins for clothing. In the same way, The Alaskan eskimos’ homes would melt. They would be unable to support their families because all the game would have moved south. This would produce a significant rise in the worldwide unemployment rate. Judge this for yourself — is a nice relaxed Christmas with plenty of time to do family activities such as baking, making Christmas cards, and giving out presents, worth the price of a bunch of unemployed eskimos? carolyn ross