Lincoln Sudbury High School - Dyad Yearbook (Sudbury, MA)

Page 12 text:

Moving quickly through the halls of Lincoln-Sudbury, Senioritis Disease is fast becoming a real danger. Senioritis is a sickness that hollows out and destroys the minds of seniors, thus posing a direct threat to the future of our nation. Officials of the school nurses’ office confirmed yesterday that over 25 percent of the student population is susceptible to a new strain of Senioritis. The report elaborated that while the disease is now under relative control, it is likely to reach epidemic levels as more seniors are accepted to college. The symptoms of this years strain are consistent with those of previous years. One unfortunate student, after having been accepted to Harvard, Yale, Cornell and Princeton in the same day, testified before a special Senior Class Meeting and warned his classmates about the dangers of being accepted to college. He told of his compul- sion to throw freshmen through windows, skip classes and ignore assigned work. The senior, while physically forcing a student to do his “English 9” homework (a torture within itself), commented that he just “didn’t give two — anymore.” In past years, recalls one Hall Director, “all hell broke loose.” This was in regard to a sex-a-thon sponsored by the senior class. For years, Anatomy and Physiology teachers have been conducting research on how an acceptance letter from a college can create serious brain malfunction. According to a statement released by a cafeteria spokeswoman, seniors who have consumed too much chocolate cake over a four year period experience inflammation and sponginess of the brain. While this is regarded as theory, teachers do have some concrete suggestions on how the disease might be curbed. It is reasoned, by one auto shop teacher, that after seniors have applied to college their eyes could be surgically removed. This would reduce the likelihood of students reading their acceptance letters and thus catching the disease. One member of the school committee supported the new concept and ordered that the Science Department proceed ‘full steam ahead’’ and immediately start putting their suction cups to work in removing seniors’ eyes. It was also suggested that once the school had possession of the eyes they could be sold back to the students after graduation, as a means of increasing revenue for the school. This is not the only way that the faculty here at Lincoln-Sudbury plans to combat the sickness. Superintendent David Levington announced today that he would be meeting with Former President Ford, as well as other Republican leaders, to discuss the possibility of converting left-over Swine Flu Shots into Senioritis vaccination. If Levington’s plan is workable, freshmen enrolled in Earth Science Courses, would be put to work (for Service Component credit) preparing the new drug. One of the unfortunate side-effects of the new medication, however, is sterility, similar to that now being experienced by males who walk through the library’s radioactive security system. This aspect of the drug was hailed by a group of Sudbury residents who petitioned the School Committee to ‘nip our budget problems in the bud.” It is their reasoning that through sterility, future enrollments at the high school are likely to decrease, saving the town millions in decreased budget expenditures. Senioritis, as you can see, is a very serious disease and is one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. If left unchecked it will corrode the brains of next year’s seniors and the seniors after them. jon david

Page 14 text:

For the past four years, I have always been anxious for the yearbook. Now that I have finally become a senior, | can see my picture featured in this annual publication. I have also known that I would participate on the Dyad staff. Well that is just the beginning. I have always enjoyed watching people and accounting for everyone's business; which basically makes me a busybody. Fortunately, Dyad had the perfect job for me, and I proceeded to become the official “Identifier”. That job proved to be relaxing and challenging. I think I have looked through at least ten-thousand pictures three times. But, I shouldn’t complain because frankly, I liked doing that. Anyway, I was soon given bigger and better assignments which included getting candids of all the students no one else could find. I received a five minute camera lesson, and then the staff patted me on the back and told me to “go get them”. Since I was very naive and inexperienced with the camera, | found the mission rather trying. Personally, I have never understood camera shy people. I wonder what was going through their minds as I chased them down the corridor. People have been upset, to say the least. For instance, one boy had a few very, let’s say, vivid words for me and my camera. Another girl was literally dragged and held by five ‘friends’; while other people gave me various hand signals. These are only some of the typical reactions that I have experienced. While these people are whining and complaining about a painless, 45 second process, they think it’s easy for me to take their picture. Well, it isn’t. To begin with, I can be very clumsy with the equipment, and everything is supposed to be still and perfect. Then I end up hiding around corners or behind staircases so I can get an actual candid. Finally, if I am not hiding, I am running after a person which makes holding the camera still almost impossible. But through it all, I have successfully captured many of those stubborn camera shy people revealing their natural character. Well, I still don’t understand this film repelling attitude; maybe all of these people are invisible on film (I don’t know, it’s only an idea). Anyway, I am a candidate for the ‘Honorary Trish Beaubien Award”, and good luck to all of my opponents. sue goldstein