Lincoln High School - Lincolnia Yearbook (Cleveland, OH)

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t ii f; , I N ( O L N I V 31 nf tbr January (Haas nf 1924 On the fifth day of May in the year 1948, the writer received a communication from the famous Vogel, Wotschak Ellis Travel Bureau who conducted world tours in much the same manner as did the Thos. Cook Sons about twenty-five years ago. The contents of the aforementioned epistle was an invitation to take a trip around the world with these three worthy gentlemen. It may be said before launching into the story of this tour that we received many pleasant and also many painful surprises. The journey was to start on May fifteenth, so this left not much time for preparation. Suffice it to say that everything turned out all right and New York was reached after an uneventful night aboard the train. The writer met the Messrs. Vogel, Wotschak and Ellis and after a few days in the greatest city in the United States, on the morning of the fifteenth we proceeded to the pier to board one of the swiftest ocean greyhounds afloat. Just as we were going up the gang-plank we heard a great commotion and looking down at the dock we saw a husky, throwing baggage into the hold of the ship. “You know who that is, don’t you?”, said Mr. Vogel, “that’s Mack, the baggage smasher.” And so it was. The husky, baggage smashing individual was none other than Clayton Ve-trovsky, who had been hired solely on his past record, for as Mr. Wotschak aptly expressed it, “He had a smashing time while in high school, everything he laid his hands on was soon reduced to splinters.” We then entered this floating palace which was to be our home for a few days and were shown to our state rooms by a porter, a likeable fellow who turned out to be Emil Sovish. After three days on the water we put in at Liverpool which was our first port of call. We disembarked and after becoming accustomed to our land legs once more, we proceeded to a hotel for a few days stay. After a short rest we started to give the place the once over as a good American would say. While we were occupied with this past-time we were accosted by a lady and on looking closer we perceived her to be none other than Edna Doney who told us that she was the manager of the hotel at which we were then staying. After a few days more at this hostelry we took a train cross-country for London. On leaving the cars at the station in the world’s metropolis, we were met by a very stately individual all decked out in a red uniform, trimmed in gold braid. He told us that he was the Chief of Police of London and also the head of Scotland Yard, England’s greatest detective headquarters. We were rather frightened by such a reception, not knowing of any crimes we had committed enroute. But our minds were soon set at rest when he told us that he was Wallace Aulseybrook. now Lord Wallace. When asked how he knew of our coming he told us that he knew of the arrival of every stranger into London due to his unsurpassable detective force. We were told by this guardian of the law that we could do as we wished during our stay in London, but before we left he wished to see us as he had some interesting information for us. After seeing the sights as only an American tourist can see them, we decided it was time to be traveling onward, but first we visited Lord Wallace and learned many strange things.

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30 TUB LINCOLNIA (SJlass UtU To all whom these presents may concern:— We, the 12A class of January 1924, being of a sound mind and accurate memory do hereby present our last will and testament. This document, by our order, hereby revokes all other wills that may have been made by us, here-to-forc this day. Item I—We direct that all our debts and funeral expenses be paid from the over-flowing treasury of our august class. Item II—To Mr. Kerr and Miss Miller, our home-room teachers, we give our profound admiration and everlasting friendship. Item III—To the entire faculty we bequeath our astoundingly new discoveries in the field of learning in order to compensate them for their tiring days and sleepless nights spent in our behalf. Item IV—We give to the 12B girls all the feminine hats lying around the cloakrooms of rooms 309 and 302 to dispose of as they shall see fit. Item V—To the teachers of Lincoln High to whom will fall the task of teaching our successors we leave our physical and moral support. Item VI—To all succeeding Beau Brummels we will the manuscript by our illustrious authors, Arthur Knippenberg and Edward Malanowski on “How to Corral Kinky Hair”. Item VII—We bequeath Donald Blackwell’s dignity to all future students. Item VIII—To Mr. Van Horn we leave our astonishing finds in chemistry to use in his book, “Recent discoveries in the Field of Chemistry”. Item IX—To Mr. Monks we leave John Cowley’s ability and incessant desire to argue in addition to John Cowley’s world-renowned collection of pencil butts. Item X—We leave Wallace Aulseybrook’s vamping qualities to all future aspiring Rudolpho Valentinos. Item XI—To Miss Inman we give permission to place all works of art produced by our class in the Louvre Art Gallery at Paris. Item XII—It is our wish that a portion of our vast riches be devoted to securing a hair cut for Clayton Vetrovsky. Item XIII—We leave Casimir Grabowsky's modest and retiring demeanor as an example to all boys in the 12A class. Item XIV—We leave our old library tables to the fireman of Lincoln High that he may have wood to keep afore mentioned building warm. It is a fitting end for these true antiques. Item XV—We will the parking space near the railing at the well on the second and third floors to be divided among the devoted couples of this school in which to carry on their conferences. We appoint Ray Wagner as traffic officer and judge. Item XVI—We give to the ash men of Cleveland, the broken pop bottles which have added so much to the beauty of our school grounds. Item XVII—We also leave the school elevator for the use of all students of Lincoln High School who wish to be late to class. Item XVIII—We leave James Bennet’s polished art of bluffing to all future students who exhibit talent in that direction. Therefore we appoint Mr. James B. Smiley executor of this, our last will and testament. In Witness thereof we, the January class of 1924 have subscribed our names. Drawn and sworn before me this nineteenth day of January, I hereby affix the Seal of the State of Coma, Anno Domini one thousand nine hundred and twenty four. —Earl Glasenapp, January 1924.

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32 T H K I, I N C 0 I- N I A When we were seated in the “sanctum sanctorum” of this great criminologist, he said, “Thru my eagle eyed subordinates, I was able to find out some things that have befallen some of our former classmates. Glen Almy, the quiet lad while in school, is now- a cock-fight promoter. Pearl Bibel is chief magistrate in the London Court, the first time this position was ever held by a woman. The Moran boys are teaching clog dancing in Amsterdam, Holland. John Brzozowski, Emil Milberg, John Wosnik and John Neuzil are operating at a great profit, a pretzel factory in Berlin, Germany. Howard Nass only recently led a revolution in Spain and has been declared dictator and, last of all, but interesting, is the fact that the Wilkinson twins, Alice and Alene have purchased Gibraltar from England for a home for aged ostriches and kangaroos.” After having heard these amazing revelations we decided that it was enough for one day and saying good-day to our friend we went to our hotel to recover. The next day we bade our old school mate farewell and left by aeroplane for Paris, the mecca of all tourists. The journey was without happening and a safe landing was made. As our time of stay in Paris was short, we did not see much but we did attend the Paris Opera House where we heard and saw many celebrities, among whom were Frances Waite, Marian Ringold, Beatrice Garlitz and Theodore Steppart who were playing stellar roles in some of the world's great operas. After staying a few days longer we left Paris for Berne, Switzerland. On arriving here one of the first things we saw was a huge building on top of which was a sign that told the world that the building was the home of “Yurick Zahour’s Select Swiss Cheese.” Several days later we visited this place and received a royal welcome. The Messrs. Yurick ZahourZ took us on a tour of inspection of their factory and then we were shown a surprising sight. On the top floor of the building we saw George Loeber and George Cermak with large electric drills, drilling holes in cheese. We were also told that if we went to the capitol buildings we would receive another surprise. The two gentlemen of Swiss cheese fame accompanied us to the government headquarters and thanks to their influence we readily gained admittance. We at once proceeded to the Navy Headquarters and here to our great astonishment we were introduced to our old friend Donald Blackwell, Lord High Admiral of the Swiss Navy and his chief assistant. Edward Malanowski who had charge of the submarine division. During the conversation we asked Admiral Blackwell if he knew anything of the whereabouts of any members of the class of January 1924. “Yes,” he replied, “I have information of a few of them which I can give you. Helen Stephan, Johana Zseder and Miriam Gratz are now in Constantinople working for the betterment of Turkish women in the harems. Marie Miller is a lecturer for the “International Society of Suffragettes” and just yesterday I received a letter from Paul Glenn who is teaching the South African natives Latin, that Helen Whittle is running a beauty shop for the benefit of the tribe chiefs wives.” After our visit with the Admiral we bade our friends, Mr. Yurick and Mr. Zahour good-bye and made ready to leave Switzerland. We went from Berne to Genoa, Italy by aeroplane and at Genoa we again took a steamer, sailed thru the Mediterranean Sea, thru the Suez Canal and in due time we arrived at Bombay, India. From there we went to Calcutta by rail and again taking a steamer we finally reached Hongkong, China. After settling for a short stay we set out to see the sights in this Oriental city. While walking along one of the main thorofares we saw a sign that advertised a well known make of light car, also on the sign were the