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Page 33 text:
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Thirty-one HEARD IN THE BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Mr. Jackson: “If you were applying for a job and you would be asked, ‘What nationality are you?’ what would you tell him?” Miss O. H. : “Spanish in color.” Miss G. H. : “Indian in color.” Miss PI. S. : “Mr. Jackson is looking rather blue, I think.” Miss H. H. : “That so? I always thought him rather green.” Miss L. M. : “I met W. M. the other day, and she looked so much shorter.” Miss H. S. : “Guess so. She got married and is settling down.” Miss L. C. : “What are the three quickest ways to send a message?” Mr. R. B. : “Telegraph, telephone and tell-a- woman.” HEARD IN THE POSTOFFICE Lady : “Give me a dozen stamps, if you please.” Office Clerk: “Yes’m. Two-cent?” Lady (absent-mindedly) : “Are they the best you have?” HEARD ON THE STREET Miss C. W. : “Girl, you can’t hold a candlestick up to me.” Mi s O. P. : “No, but I can hold a torch up to ydu.” HEARD IN GENERAL SCIENCE CLASS Mr. Johnson: “What is respiration?” O. L. : “Respiration is what we call sweat.” HEARD IN HISTORY Mr. Love : “What are some of the western frontiers ?” Miss L. H. : “Self-Reliance.” Miss H. D. : “I may be poor, but there was a time when I rode in a carriage.” Miss L. C. : “Guess so, and your mother pushed it.” “Who was the first drunkard?” “Adam.” “Why so?” “Didn’t he see snakes?” A Girl’s Essay On Boys Boys are men that have not got as big as their papas, and girls are women that will be ladies by-and-by. Man was made before women. When God looked at Adam, he said to himself : “Well, I think I can do better if I try again.” And he made Eve. God liked Eve so much better than Adam that there have been more women than men. Boys are a trouble. They wear out everything but soap. If I had my way, half the world would be girls and the rest dolls. My papa is so nice that I think he must have been a girl when he was a little boy. Man was made, and on the seventh day he rested. Woman was then made, and she has never rested since. H. B. Shaw ’23 “Do they ring two bells for school?” asked an outsider of a Lincolnite. “No, mister,” was the reply. “They ring one twice.” V. B.: “I know how many days there are in a year ; three hundred and sixty- five and a fourth.” D. H. : “Is that so? Where does the fourth come in?” V. B.: “Fourth of July.” A. B.: “What’s good for a bald head? R. A.: “What?” A. B.: “Plenty of hair.” M. A.: “Where did you get your cold?” M. M. : “If I knew I would take it back.” B. M. : “What are you doing with that magni- fying glass?” A. M. : “Trying to make this dime look like a dollar ?” L. C. : “My brain is on fire.” H. L. : “Shall I send in an alarm?” J. B.: “If it wasn’t for one thing I’d call your brother a bald-faced liar.” J. W. : “What’s that?” J. B. : “His whiskers.”
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Page 32 text:
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It Would Be a Red Letter Day When The football team wins a game. Everyone stops chewing gum for one minute. Miss Simpson stops reading off unexplained medical terms. Mr. Griffin’s room ceases to be a refrigerator. Juanita Mills ce ases to get excellent grade in science. Henrienne Shaw stops rivaling a Christmas tree. Mr. Dent stops philosophizing in history and French. Alice Collins comes out of her trance. Suggested Improvements Straight jackets for students at socials. A private detective for each book in the library or an association for the prevention of cruelty to the same. Install some couches in the assembly hall for assembly meetings and physical training. Install elevators to Mr. Marsden’s room. Furnish ‘‘live wires” for the Lincolnian Staff. Furnish a girl for William Frazier. Put Jessie Howell and her disturbance in a wagon and dump them into the Kaw. Get a card index for Claude Williams to keep track of his disappointments in love. Ship Celeste Collins to St. Joe. Install racket absorbers (not human) in the library. Install powerful magnets in public speaking, chemistry and nurse training to attract the metal- willed students who float out into the corridors. Ten Years From Today Helen Hall will be the champion typist of the world. Faye Thomas will be the stenographer in the largest firm in the world. Mayme Maxie will be the colored prima donna. iOtellia Howell will be a great worker at the Y. W. C. A. Louise Crosby will be a wonderful housewife. Henriene Shaw will be another Pearl White on the screen. Dollie Holmes will be the world’s most famous auditor. Verda Berry will be able to typewrite at the speed of 100 words a minute. Raymond Burgins will be the president of the largest commercial school in the United States. Hazel Drew will be a great dancer. Lue Rildie Goode will be a great athletic re- former in the country. Mary Donaphan will be another Constance Talmadge in “flirting with men.” Alverda Henry will be living in her mansion in Paris, France. Helen Johnson will be getting away from her enemies on the screen as she gets away from guards on the team. ONE WHO SUCCEEDS The person who takes the best time — now. The best day — today. Never makes the great mistake — giving up. Is not the great deceiver — deceiving himself. Not lacking the greatest need — common sense. Never has the meanest feeling — jealousy. Never does the cheapest thing — find fault. Never fails to give the greatest gift — forgive- ness. Alberta Bean LI EAR D IN THE LUNCHROOM “Will you have some pie?” “Is it compulsory?” “No, sir; it’s raspberry.” “A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.” Bright Senior : “I wonder if that accounts for so many of us flunking in the final?” Four Epitaphs A Senior : Deep wisdom — swelled head, Brain fever — he’s dead. A Junior : False loved one — hope fled, lieart broken — he’s dead. A Sophomore : Running wild — bumped head, Cracked skull — he’s dead. A Freshman : Lollypop shortage — not fed. Starvation — now he’s dead. Dont’s For the Faculty Don’t be hard on the Seniors ; they know more than you think they do. Don’t report cuts to the office; it bothers the office force and is often the greatest inconvenience to the pupils. Don’t fail to repeat at least seven times all in- structions given. Don’t talk too long in class. Give the pupils a chance. Don’t linger in the halls. Give the pupils a chance. Don’t get spring fever. It’s catching, and the pupils are very susceptible to it at all times.
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