Leominster High School - Magnet Yearbook (Leominster, MA)

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THE MAGNET STUFFY FARWELL Farwell was a boy of many likes and dislikes. He had idiosyncrasies which, emboldened by a strong will, seemed to say to the universe, “What care I! JI can do anything I want to.” Now Stuffy ardently desired to own a car. Why not? Weren't all the magazines offering fine sedans, for the trifling exertion of solving a puzzle, and soliciting a few subscriptions to a magazine costing only five or ten cents a year? ‘The other boys would sit up and take notice some when he went roaring up the Boulevard with the cut-out open, at perhaps a mile a minute. The picture so appealed to his imagination, and the magazines continued to offer such alluring terms that finally Stuffy suited his thoughts to actions. The letter he wrote the magazine publishers read as follows: Dear President of the Rural Breeze: I should like very well to help build the circulation of your maga- zine. I have given your proposition, as outlined in a copy of the Breeze, careful thinking, and therefore on this nice day in July 1929, I offer you my services as a booster. Very kindly yours, Stuffy Farwell, Massachusetts. P.S. Incidentlly you can send me that car which you are giving away. The puzzle which I solved is enclosed. What other boy could send such a business-like letter with that phrase, “therefore on this nice day in July, ete.” that was just what the governor said on the end of the proclamation. They'd see he meant business, Stuffy mused. Four days passed and great patience was finally rewarded. ‘The postman delivered the treasured mail, but no sedan was in evidence. Stutfy learned from the literature received that his “Dear Presi- dent” had credited him with five thousand points for solving the puzzle, and an additional thousand points for his promptness in writing. With this fine total of points for a start it would be duck soup” to garner a few more thousand points with a brief canvass among the neighbors. If ignorance was bliss Stuffy was delirious with joy, for he was blindly cenfident of the family and in-laws as initial custom- ers. O, what a snap! The President had even sent him a few golden rules on salesmanship, that he might get the jump on any other boys who were possibly working Hien a sedan too, and in the same dis- trict as) stutty., tlhe president must like Stuffy and want to see him get ahead, ine thought. Well, on the morrow he would hit the trail of success. After a night of dreamful sleep “Stuffy’’ Horatio Farwell launched his campaign. But lo, the family was not on the market. They promised to reserve Judgment, however, and if he attained Ree successes, they also would lend a hand. That wasn’t so good, but mentally listing them as potential customers, Stufty turned to.a consideration of whom he dhol approach first. It was a problem. Mrs. Brown? Well, she might remember the time he painted her cat red. Mrs. Jones? But no, for as his eves roamed to the Naries house, he noticed a broken window in front. He could see a visionary danger sign on the Moore household. Well, he’d make a trial sale on that new lady down the street, she had no reason for disapproving of him. He approached very boldly, and knocked at the front door. “How do you do ma’am, I er-ah-that is I represent the Rural Breeze.” (A pause, and he blushingly looked down at a memo of his sales talk hidden in the palm of his hand.) Then he continued. “It is a very fine literary journal , and all the

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oe THEE MAGNET He He Literary

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Sa ANG Ni sassiety people take it. Now if you wouldn't like to subscribe just yet, I will give you a sample copy for five cents, or if you are eager to get yourself enrolled among our many customers, it will cost ten cents for the year, twenty-five cents for five years, and only ninety cents for ten years. How many years would you like to subscribe for, lady?” “O there goes the telephone, but you drop in some day when I’m not so busy and I might buy a copy. Stuffy staggered, she might buy one copy! Well, ever yone couldn’t be that way, because the president said: “The people are just waiting for an opportunity to avail themselves of this magazine of the century!” She must have been the exception to the rule. The next attempt was on the minister’s wife across the street. Stuffy decided to remodel his speech. “Good afternoon, lady. I came to bring you the magazine the president said you folks are waiting for. It s only ten cents per year, etc.” “Why, Sir! I never asked any president for a magazine, you must have the wrong house. Good day.’ He wondered if she were trying to be funny. He couldn't see any joke. Well, the third time never failed; he'd try next door. The same speech would do. He felt sure it was like many an ad of big and popular newspapers. “Don't try to be fresh with me, young feller.” Bang! The gust of wind caused by the door being slammed in his face by irate woman, nearly knocked him out. Wow! The president never said any- thing about such a reception as that. And on the third attempt, too. ‘That settled it, no more for him, the darned old sedan wasn’t worth it. —Bernard Courtney “30— TWAS ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS “Well, if you had come right out with your ace of hearts, we would have won that trick.” “Tf two sides of a triangle are equal to two sides of another and——-Gosh, I wish they would shut up. Ma knows how much [I like to play cards.” “We got that trick, but if you had played a little differently we would have had another point.” eo b — —C OK and —;” “Ralph, are you doing your studying, or are you listening to the radio?” “He'd better study, because if another warning card comes to this house, he will wish he had.” “Well, what do you think I’ve been doing! Now let’s see, Miss P— said to write an essay con taining atmosphere. I suppose I could have—— “The Sassafrass Club will now present, for the benefit of its radio listeners, “The Canary Murder Case.” “Murder—that’s an idea for my theme.” “Yes, do come over again, we have had a lovely time.” “Thank goodness, they are gone. Now I can do some studying. Oh, Mother, turn on a little more juice so I can hear that story.” “John comes down the dark gloomy hall. His face is pale and his nerves are “Br-ring’ Br-ring! Br-ring!” “Hello—yes—-I'll call him.” ““There is a pistol shot. John drops to the rae “You say India Rubber has dropped two points?” “The moon belongs to every one. The best things in life are free.”