Lansing Central High School - Oracle Yearbook (Lansing, MI)

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in 3 weeks-or longer, he would look like Paddyuisky. Ile bought 6 bottles and poured 2 of them on his head to unct. Xow there must have bin sunthin in that medesin which smarted for he reared and charged, and took on terrible. I had business down the street allto unct, but the last I see of him he was bootin every body within reach and a sharpenin razors on the stove pipe. It was so near 12 olclock decided to postpone business and get 1ny dinner, so I went in to Ii. I3. Shank tk Cofs and bought 2 doz. of them non-eombustable buns. but after I had scraped the rust off a couple desided I wasnlt hungry a bit. However, I took them buns home jest the same. white washed them and put the hull 2 dozen around a posy bed in our frunt- yard. As I continued my way down the street I met the Orakul bord a airin of them selves. I got right off the side walk and raised my hat but they were a feelin to proud to speak and only reviled me and kicked slivers in my eyes. The next house I stopped at I see a girl reklinin on pillows with her hed tied up in a sling. Sez I to her mother. after I had tirst in- serted my satchel between the door and then squeezed through myself. sez I. Madum I perceave by cirkurnstances your darter has some ailment, and is about the billyustist lookin critter I ever sot my eyes on ', Yesf, sez she, I am afraid my girl studies to hard. this is her first year in the high schoolf' and she fondly smiled on a latin gram- mer and a algerber a layin on the table. Yes, sez I, I infer from what you have said that your darter is a freshmun. She donlt sleep nights. she is to orful smart to sleep nights. and she has week laigs. that's because of her great heft of inteleekf, Now madum I have a remedy- but the womun wouldn't listen at all and before you could say 4' Guvernur Ric-hls guvernment galluses ll she had chased me acrost 7 vacant lots ketched me by the kollar, and had 2 panels of bob-wire fence knocked down with me. Finally she yanked me around jest a little more, booted me about Q furlongs farther and left me in piece. in

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'C the sinners do be orful this year, last night 23 Went forward and T23 went backward, and he groaned in spirit. IVell sez I you need sunthin to brace you up, and I have the thing, it is composed of roots, hurbs and pure malt licker. IVhen I sez lieker I noticed a slight elevation of his right ear, so I knew I was on the right track. Sez he, air you sure that there licker is pure? Yes, sez I, war- ranted to make a man so in 10 minutes he can't see the holes in a ladder. 't Gimme 12 bottles, sez he, which I did and done them up on the spot in one of Georgie Fields' Iligh Skul Observers. I after ward learned the poor feller died, but I was to busy a visitin, the sick and aiilicted to inquire of the undertaker whether it was the rubarb or what the medesin was done up in that killed him off. IVhen I got off at North Lansing a draymun, who had part af the sermun on the mount printed on one side of his wagun and 't In God we trust all others pay as you go H on the other, hollered for me to get out of the road as his horse was fond of grass. After I had counted all the ribs in his old horse except 2 iloatin' ribs on the off side, I jest kum to the natural konklusion that his appetite did tend that way and hustled acordingly. The first house I stopped at the woman throwed 2 sticks of cord wood and the stove iron at me jest because I kicked her dog olf of the frunt stoop. NVhen I tried to rcmonstrate with her and sell her a little renovater to kam her nerves. for every time she throwed high and to the right, she told me if I stopped to arger she'd have the depity-konstnbble lock me up three hours in the ladies waiting room at the North Lansing depo. It is simply surprisin' how fast a man kin move in an enierguncqv. Then l tried a barber shop for I sec a bald heded man in there readin' a paper. I walked in. Sez I to him, sez I. Hdon't the flies trubble you orful in the summer time? Ile never said a word but ketched two on his hed that were lightinl over a bred crumb and pulled their laigs off. Then I told him I had an article that would make his hair so long 110

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Then I riz up and give thanks that I wasn't killed, and hoped all her family would have sleepless nights and week laigs all the rest of their lives, but I knew by the feelin's in my bones that I was a goin' to have a fit of sickness but whether it was spinal complaint or jest commun dumb ager I was undisided. Any how I kum to the konklusion that that fresh 1nun's mother must have bin one of them ere new women you read about but I was to busy at the time to notice whether she had her blumers tucked in her boots or not. IVhen I felt able I went further down the street till I seea long haired feller workin' in a gardin. I found out on conversin' with him that he was president or sunthin' on the Urakull bord. and that he was either a goin' to start a tannery or plant all his gardin to 15 cent potatoes and cheap tobacco after he had graduated. Sez he to me what would you do? IVl1'V, sez I, put her into potatoes, I have an artikle best on earth to kill off potato bugs. Well. sez he, I guess I'll plant potatoes, so I traded Q bottles of my renovator for 2 copies of H Twelve Buckets of Blood, a new poem of his. I learned afterward he never raised nothin' on that gardin for I years after he used the renovator, but it wasn't the renovator, it was jest because he didn't half hoe it. On my way to North Lansing, say that's certainly the meanest place this side the equator, a feller commenced to grin and asked me ifI wasn't the only senator ever elected by the prohibitionists. UNO, sez I, I am the tale-end of the lost tribe of Israel come in to pay my dog tax and be you the kollecter'? No, sez he, 'E I am only jest a member of the skule bord please don't say nothin' about it, and he bought a bottle of renovator. Well this is the last of my experiences in Lansing and I wouldn't fetch another bottle of renovator there if the hull town was dyin' oil' with the mumps and measles. But in jestice to myself I will say that many well edicated people who have bought my renevator say I am a prevaricator now whether IIZI