Lancaster High School - Mirage Yearbook (Lancaster, OH)

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CLASS PROPHECY Athens (not University) State Asylum May 1958 SCENE: Office of a famous psychiatrist who, having delved into the minds of two patients, pre- sented their case histories to the hoard who dc- cided that they had the incurable disease “night' mareosis A member of the board, Dick Camp- bell, happened to recognize to names of the two helpless beings. What! No, it can't be—not Nancy Aten and Gcri Jewell! No—he was not mistaken. They arc the inmates of the so-called “Nuthouse. But how did all this happen? So, wanting to find what circumstances led to their insanity (poor souls), in his investigation he came across some old papers which gave the needed information. This is how it all began. It was two years ago in the big city of Detroit, in the studio of Radio Commercial Song, Inc., managed by Gcri Jewell when she received an invitation—via atomgram— to the wedding of two old classmates. Having made certain that she wasn't otherwise engaged, she called Nancy Aten who was a radio script writer for the program called “You Lose If You're Smart. Because they wanted to make definite ar- rangements for their future trip, they decided to dine together. At seven-thirty sharp they met at the Deeshwa- terc Cafe, owned by Helen Ruth Boyer and Vir- ginia Simons. They were assisted by James Snokc and Dan Mattox. While eating bitter-sweet sauer- kraut with pickles and cheese, they made plans to take the ten o'clock S.A.S. (safe and sound) rocket ship. In their casual conversation they discovered that Don Gillulcy and Herb Schumacher were both third vice-presidents of the I. M. Pickled Co. Having some extra time, they went to the Good- win (Jackie) theatre. The cashier was Howard Ball. Not finding any seats, they were about to give up when the usher, Doris White, by no less than a miracle, located a couple of vacant scats. En route to their seats, they stumbled over the feet of Jack Hauser who was enjoying the success of his best seller, called “Knights of Sherman” or “Kids of Satan. The movie was called “Spring Is Here,” adapted from its sequel “If Winter Come .” It was produced by Kenny McLaughlin and starred the matinee idol of the bobby sox parade, Bruce Boyer. Playing opposite him was Norma Lee Fries- ncr. After the last torrid—not horrid—scene, a stage show was given as a special act. At first glance, it looked like a group of ordinary chorus girls dressed in the usual costumes. But looking again at their bony, knock-kneed legs, they were shocked to sec that what seemed to be chorus girls were really boys. Hurriedly they looked at their programs and found that those girls participating in the Swan Ballet included Sam DeMcrell, Jim Johnston, Bill Eyman, Jim Crook, Ed Young, and Jack Amcndt. After a good night's sleep, they concluded that it must have been a dream. Gcri quickly packed, rushed down to the lobby where she was stopped by the manager, Lee Reid, who checked to sec whether she had taken any hotel souvenirs. She hailed an Ixat taxi, driven by Lowell DcLong, who was the boy that always had the answer to the question: What is the shortest distance between two points? On her way she picked up Nancy and ?hcy rushed on to the airport. They were going 200 m.p.h. when a policeman, whom they recog- nized as Bcrnadinc Griffith', overtook them. They told her they were going to a wedding, not a fire. She then provided a police escort composed of Joan Boystcl, Don Heft, Tom Gill, Jerry Morgan, and Martha Jo Nichols. Running for the rocket ship, they bumped into Joan Herrold who was an F.B.I. agent trying to travel incognito. The stewardess, Jim Wcsthovcn, was just closing the door when he saw them run- ning toward the plane and he helped them aboard. As they were leaving terra firma, the co-pilot, El- eanor Clements, came back to sec that everyone was comfortable. They had barely relaxed when the pilot, whose voice they recognized as Ted Cole- man's, informed them of the landing. They landed at Port Lancaster which is run by Jo Ann Wcst- hoven, assisted by Marijean Bruney. They felt they needed a cup of coffee after that long trip— one minute—terrible, isn't it? Jim Slagle served them delicious electrocuted dogs with their drink. Their baggage was grabbed by Joan Erickson who was making a small fortune from the tips. The

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CLASS POEM A shining world is balanced in our hands; We feel the pulsing of its crystal tides; We see the greenness of the lovely lands Traced in clear colors on its gleaming sides. If our hands should tremble in their trust. And the bright ball be tumbled from its place. If it should slip and shatter into dust And trickle soundlessly Into infinity. Swirling with the winds of empty space. We, standing empty-handed, would be left With nothing else to dream our dreams upon. Our hope and love alike would be bereft Of the perfected beauty they had spun. We shall not trust our faltering hands to hold A future of such bright fragility. But safely in our hearts the vision hold And it shall be a light Through the storm and night. Till we shall bring it to reality. —Lucy Turnbull

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class PRomcy taxi driver, John Heft, was singing the Toreador Song, but they finally got across to him their des tination. When they reached the Hotel Lancaster, man- aged by Bob Smith, they went up to their rooms, reserved by their two efficient secretaries, June Shriver and Evelyn Wynkoop. Going down to the bar—Soda Bar, that is—they met Marian Smith and Marilyn Knight who were on the radio as co- mediennes, and were there for the wedding. They were seated at the soda bar when in came Bob Wenger and Jim Savoy who were managers of the Whistling Gum firm. John Towt was sweeping the floor and at the same time clocuting Homer's ‘Odyssey.” Mary Foglcsong made their suspicious ?odas out of French fried grease and sour cream. They decided they weren’t hungry, after all. They heard some discordant notes and found it was Bob Schneider exercising his vocal cords. He is the singing Western Union telegram star—held over from “Junior Miss,” no doubt. They went to the Lancaster Flower Shop and saw Frances Brown sorting dandelions, and Bob Noble working behind the counter. Jack Kerr and Tom Tyler were buying flowers for their wives. The two men were prominent in the town—own- ers of the local newspaper, Crow Gossip Getter.” Who walks in but Jack Shaffer, a famous criminal lawyer, who bought a dozen roses for his secre- tary, Louretta Smith, and a snapdragon for his wife, Audrey Wiseman. Geri and Nancy had for- gotten about getting a wedding gift and went down to John Shaw's Department Store. There they were shown a beautiful sterling silver tray by 11a Jean Nixon, but decided on a gold dog collar for the bride and a sterling silver bullet-proof vest for the groom. They noticed it was only twclve-forty-five and went to Carl Halsey's restaurant, where they were served by Eleanor Grimm who said the special for the day was cockroach soup with stale graham :rackers. They wondered what was wrong with the food in Lancaster. Bob Dunnington stopped by and said h:llo. He said he was the one who put the straws in the bottles and might, by chance, get the job of opening bottles. It was one-thirty. Just time to get ready. The maid, who was Tom Douglas, was just finishing cleaning up the room. They stopped at the desk and asked the clerk, June Strohm, at what church the wedding was to be. She said it was to be at the L.H.S. gym. They couldn't believe they had heard right. Luckily Don Wagstaff and Jim Eads were there and caught them in time. Tho two rescuers were the town's leading paper hanger and street cleaner. They also learned that the wedding wasn't to take place until three-thirty. In order to pass the time, they decided to go shopping. They entered Hattie Shy and Norma Van Horn's Fashion Shoppe. On the first floor, in cologne, they recognized Don Beery. His sales talk to make them buy the latest perfume called “Schmell the Schmoc” was too convincing, so they each bought a pound. They wondered why the shortage of perfume bottles, but later they found the answer on the second floor where Lloyd Thrush, Charlotte Valentine, Phyllis McGinnis, Bob Starowesky, Phyllis Probasco, and Frank Linn were playing spin the milk—oops, I mean perfume bottle. No reason was given for their behavior, but Geri and Nancy later found that they were part of the advertising department and were advertising a new type of bottle. Geri and Nancy decided to venture up to the fifth floor. There, modeling the Newer Look, were Chester Keely, Gene Cole, Chuck Kessler, and Paul Acton. What in the world? Could it be some- thin' they et? The floor walker, Peggy Crciglow. and the men's underwear clerk, Marjorie Bauman, helped them reach the main floor. After a quick check-up by Dr. Joanne Brown and nurse Bill An- drews, they didn't feel much better. They couldn't hail a cab, so they called a car from the You-Rent- Em-Wc-Fix-Em Garage run by Evelyn Schilling. The car was brought over by Dick Householder, who only dented two fenders and smashed the bumpers on the way. He showed them how the car worked. It was a new type of car—radar-equipped. They were just beginning to relax from the unbe- lievable experience when a cow nonchalantly strolled into the street in front of the car. Because of the radar, they didn't hit it, but they wondered