Lamont Public Hospital - Yearbook (Lamont, Alberta Canada)

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Thirty Lamont Public Hospital D. K My first crack at domestic life begins like so ... . I get a summons from the T.S.O. “Go down and learn the trade,” is all they say, So skeptically I scan the old D.K. “Remember, doctor’s tea you have to make,” And so I hurriedly begin a cake. “The raisins?—Oh! you can’t have them today. The cook is off and they ' re all locked away.” Stuff cooked with lard just hasn’t “eat-appeal” And so a bit of butter I must steal. In other locked apartments is the flour, In trying keys, I’ve wasted half an hour. Now, all but soda I have right at hand. It’s in the store room, heaps of good “Cow Brand.” Now where’s the key? “You’d better ask the cook.” “It’s on the table. Take a better look.” “I tell you woman, it just isn’t there!” “Then Annie has it,” Cook begins to swear. “Have you the storeroom key?” “Me don’t know what you say.” “Come, translate for me please.” Then Annie’s got away. My spuds have all boiled over. Good heavens, what a smell! The dietician showers salt In hope all will be well. My salt free spuds all salted up! I angrily then yell, In booming voice that certainly Will reach the T.S.O. But I have got a cake to bake So off again I go. I give my vegetables and soup Another loving look. And wonder if for storeroom keys I dare approach the cook. And then a flock of angry maids Approaches in a troup. “Why must you wash our nice clean floors With cream of celery soup?” “Old Isaac Newton is to blame.” My point they fail to see. You’d almost think they blamed the law Of gravity on me. “God help the diet kitchen nurse,” Is my last helpless plea, And consequently doctors Will have sandwiches for tea. E. Richardson. (Censored and copied without permission).

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SUMMO COMMISSO MlSSI Thirty-One CRGATIOn - According to Biology First the earth was whirling gas Then it was a liquid sphere Then it was a piece of dirt Spinning in an atmosphere. Then for aeons it was black, Dark and cold and oily green, Protoplasm came to life Then was the first amoeba seen. There it lived the King of Earth, Senseless, deaf and blind and dumb Tripping in with friendly mirth Came algae and closterium. Said the Master of the World “Bring ’em on now, pile ’em, pile ’em Species now of every kind Genera for every phylum. Let us have some hydra, please, And a platyhelminthes, Bring forth plants with all your might Throw us down a sporophyte. And a liverwort, by gum. And a paramoecium, Things have skins and legs besides, We’ll give the hydra some insides To give the human man a start Our ameloids shall have a heart, Little plants may now bear spores. Fishes have nephridiapores. Their locomotion has no flow All have pseudopodia Or on setae begin life’s chase While plants (by rhizoids) stay in place. Chordates now are quite the thing, Amphibians are in full swing; Things have lungs and even feet, Fins and gills are obsolete. Life streams on to man—and past— Who shall say how long ’twill last This is how we came, I guess. (With apologies to Genesis). E. Richardson.