Kiser High School - Panther Yearbook (Dayton, OH)

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PATTY PAGE ZE NE WSPAPAIR 'MANANA MWJW- , jalmdlff' ?fm.2.azi, 'puncfnq' Will Be Nm! Ja .fine What's this? Yes, it's true, Joe and Marilyn have given up the ' vow to never part and she is now falling for Kiser's own Punchy Weed. It seems that all of this took place when Marilyn came to Kiser on a ersonal a earance tour s onsored by the student council. P PP ' P Punchy was one of the boys sitting in the front row and attracted her eye. Nobody really knew what hap- pened to give her that mile-away look in her eyes, but we all knew when she told Punchy stand up . She thinks he's a doll . . . Ca stuffed object with sawdust in his head.l When Marilyn told Joe that their marriage was over since she found a real love back here he just said Sooo? Then he decided to come to Kiser to see what he could see but seems that Mr. Seldomsober and the student council didn't want to loose anymore comrades so they would Tannhauser To Expire Seniors! Take heed: The day has come: after many years of out-of- step marching to the cadence of the Tannhauser March, Sergeant Saliva- wig says there will be a change. The proposed change is a crazy dance in which one jumps over the cracks in the sidewalk so he doesn't break his father's back. In other words, the Bunny Hop . ll shs's wearing ii Formal Send Flowers Consult your local florist for upoolal suggestions Mllll VALLEY ALLIED FLORISTS Mill. not allow him to come. Now Joe stands in front of the school to watch the girls leave. He is really mixed up as to what door most of the girls use. He can't waste much time since he has to be at baseball practice and warmup games soon. As to Punchy and Marilyn, their plans for the future are uncertain. One thing is for sureg she has con- sented to give up show business and devote her time to him. Clncidently this story is censored by the opinions of all who read it.J ' I r I 1954- Girl Graduates Here is interesting work: TELEPHONE OPERATING I at good pay PLUS I Regular Scheduled Raises, 4 your first year. Experience is not required. You are trained and paid - while learning. You will enjoy: - I I A Chance to Advance I Comfortable Lounges Pleasant Qficca Friendly Co- Workers I , APPLY TODAY! ' THE OHIO BELL - TELEPHONE co. I Fearless Fairfa BY CLIN GIN G CLINE DEAR CLIN GING: D I have a serious problem. I am a young girl in my eighties and my boy friend and I have been going together for 74 years now, and I wonder if you don't think it is about time for him to consider matrimony. Not that I don't believe in long en- gagements, but I would like to marry him before he dies so I could collect his 33.97 insurance policy. Would you please tell me what to do? GERTRUDE SHWARTZENHIMER DEAR GERTIE: Y This is a tough problem even for an old Casanova like me, but here is my advice to you. You might kid- nap your boy friend and hold him for the dividends on his insurance policy. DEAR CLINGING: I am having-trouble keeping other girls away from my boy friend, Al Aehart. I'll describe Al to you. I like him best in his handwoven spaghetti suit with the smart meat-ball lapels. Al has beautiful features, especial- ly his earsg they are like flowers Ccauliflowersl. His nose is just like a river falways runningj, and his hair is just like silk Ccom-silkj. But tell me, Mr. Clinging, how can I keep him from other girls? ZELDA I-IONOWINKLE DEAR MISS I-IONOWINKLE: My advice to you is to take Al on the Palph Deadwood show, This Is Your Death . Maybe by some chance they may send you on a glorious no- expenses paid trip to never-never land in Lower Slobber-All-Oven Ya. WANTED-Bae some ot Hanscom to keep me going steady-Betty Goode D E ' a ' Pi a' 0 0 R C9 , I ! 1614 Koowoo St. HOME OF 'l'll Ullll TRY llllY.

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----. .. ..,-v -. w--vfuu nn v HU!! LHLLDII IUUKIVHL Ill TUE5. Al lEli ll! MUN. IN NOV. BY SURELY UNO vnu I1ilIIl.EI'I' .. ,Q , In the past few thousand years the students at Kiser have seen strange things around the halls, but nothing as strange as this. When I first saw It I thought it had escaped from the circus or the bugology lab. It's body resembles a bull, a dash hound, a terrier, or in other words a Heintz C57 different varieties.J Someone told me they saw a cer- tain lass wandering around who re- sembles the head of this. I think her name might be Sad Pickle, and she has been a Senior for 20 years. But for now let's just call this animalC?J by the name of Butch . Butch told me that he for is it she?J was 21 years old and was look- ing forward to the next election so he for shej can vote for the next king of this school. It's most exciting moment came when it got on the T.V. show Have a Heart and won 5,000,000,000 cans of horsemeat. Butch's favorite record on the juke box is K-9. It livesf?l at 29127 Hog Waller Heaven and It's com- panions are Nanc Bowowry and Mane Kent. Butch's pet peeve is flea bitten, broken down, flapeared dogs, be- cause It is a pedigreed Heintz. It most generally is found hanging around Hog Waller Heaven. Too Much Studying Is Bad For Studes There has been much concern for the students of Kiser who are study- ing too hard. A recent survey shows that nine out of every ten students here at Kiser did too much studying. Dr. Cyclop, famous brain surgeon, says that a student who studies too hard is likely to endanger his brain. Too much studying has been one of the biggest causes of death in the world, he maintains. From now on anyone caught studying in his study hall will get the full punishment. Shannon Buick, assistant principal, says he is not go- ing to feel sorry for any students and proved it by saying he is going to issue 100 hours detention for those caught studying. General Mills, science teacher, says he wishes his students wouldn't study too hard because he likes to give out F's and the way things are now he has to give out A's and B's. I. M. Seldomsober, principal, says students are so smart now that every student will have to be tapped for the honor society and he doesn't like to see that happen. Being smart has also been one of the' main reasons people get good jobs. Let's put a stop to it now. IF YOU QRQ A V '11 'I aorscourfl ,, oorvr Nero ANY W' II HELP , 4 J lyk? 1 v 5 4 - me 'C .N H? x xx? M N we 'lvl , I 6 5 N 0 fbi' 'QL' 5 sc if-'1 5. :P - ' 1 fig Q3 .- X X g 1 ,ii Q.. ' iliilI1iii' f.'2-.- -sf A-f xv- 1- ,Q K-lg.:-. :exile-we 70116171 Zfoa Jlaae? BY 'PABST BREWERY You can always tell the Irish You can always tell the Dutch, You can always tell your teachers, But you can't tell 'em much! Last Friday during Miss Am I. Pa-Toohy's seventh period English class, Miss Pa-Toohy asked Bev Lay Brook-EE to name two long poems written by the famous American writer, Milton. Bev, not knowing, yet making a blind stab, replied, Milton wrote 'Paradise Lost' and when his wife died he wrote 'Paradise Re- gained'! Martha Spits, '50, returning from agricultural col- lege, was trying to impress Farmer Thies with her knowledge of newly learned knowledge in agriculture. Stopping and pointing to a tree Martha said Your ,Q methods are quite old-fash- Q ioned. Why, I bet you don't get ten pounds of apples off that tree. .N 1 I dare say you're rir'ht, replied Farmer Thies, That there's a pear tree! Flash! McKinley has classy assassination. Yes, a group of irate American history classes here traveled to Buffalo, New York, last week and assassinated Wil- liam McKinley, United States president because of his complicated administration. Last Saturday during Duane I'Iookem's fifth period general science class he told Jim Rigger he had com- posed a little piece for the piano. Good, replied Jim, It's time the piano had a little peace! I eat my peas with Honey I've done it all my life, They do taste kind of funny, But it keeps them on my knife. CA. Nony Mousel Yesterday when our entire Junior class went Cthrough the courtesy of General Motorsj to the Frigid- aire Plant at Moraine City, Larry Clingman asked his guide how many people worked there. The guide re- plied, 0h, about one out of every ten. De Knee Edjerkton, one of Mr. Crashner's brightest driving students was taking an o'erall Coral! driving test when Mr. Crashner asked what part of the auto- mobile killed the most people. De Knee, being ever alert, answered, The nut behind the wheel! Also in Mr. Crashner-'s driving class there is a bright student, Color I-Iue. Lately when taking a driving test he stopped for a red light and in- stead of moving when it changed, he still sat there. A policeman watching this, finally walked over and said, What's a matter? Run out of gas or ain't we got no colors you like? . HHH 41 N R QL- 1 ,Q Beneath this silent stone that's made That noisey, corney Joan isilaid. Who from her cradle talked till death' And oh, just now ran out of breath! FLASHLIGH T FRE HME BY AL CAT CIIOO BornC?J in California, Georgia, these twins now live in Nightpound, Old Silk, and are enrolled here at Kiser. Ari and Flirt Williams, who are the twins, were bornf?J 14 years from now on Feb. 31. Although they were born on the same day, Flirt is only two years older than Arf which really doesn't make much dif- ference as long as they are still twins. For pastime, Arf goes around barking at people and Flirt does what his name indicates, fiirts with everyone. fThis is true, so you'd better believe it.J Their hobby is getting out and pushing Flirt's cart?J to get to school on time. Along with this, Aff finds time to enjoy taking the car out and having it run out of gas on her. She does. Now her favorite saying is I gas we can go now. Flirts biggest thrill came when Heda Hopper was at Kiser on a personal appearance tour. He started fiirt- ing with her only to find that she too was a big flirt. As an insult, he ended up with a date, he did. Winning first place in a dog show was Arf's happiest moment. She received a gold plated trophy and a blue ribbon for her reward. Their biggest disappointment came when they first found out they were to come to Kiser. After they got here they found out that they really liked it here and decided to stay. Best friends for these twins are Tudy Jootle, Ally Lamb, Delbert Webb, Joe Balogna, anxd Chuck Roast. People who spit on the floors, plaster their chewing gum on seats and tables, and eat garbage, seem to be the biggest pet peeve of Arf's and Flirt's . April Fool Edllion Ol The Klan Pnruller ex ' RRQSKX Pi' Ou I' ' 37 E D. f -xv DX wx S - gyda QP' 3 Telephone: IM: RUl2 Published daily by the Sanitation Department and printed by the Counterfelter's Assxcwtkmn lg the Sing Sing. Price-less, - RD First place award ln the state for Chug-a-lugglng fish bowls Qbuttennllkj. iesogd Llace awgdrdffor bulgng. r ce awa r w n d ink to 1 t stupid edlftion like thls.0 as K paper an pu ou a Slavedrlver ................................................................................ Clip Clop PAROLE BOARD Warden ........ ........ ...............................................,.............. M a rtha Splts Parole Officer . ...,.. .......................................... ........... 0 r ange R nd Jaller .................................................................................. Bu Me Cline ,Pitcher Drawers ............................................................... law Longo? Floyd Freefrow Pitcher Shooters-Our slogan- You Name 'Em, We Shoot 'Em Toby Or What? Paul Maul BALL AND CHAIN GANG Graham Cracker, Pabst Brewery, Heavenly Bookey, Surely Un ShadJ C lGseMl PIMs Tb Or tlilhafi, hiarimlllayfts, xlullat TedreCro:ll:eder,uL 0 Y 0 tsid Y d Bl d JURY Ma u e ar r ..............,...........,..................................... B Inslde Yard Bird .................................. ......... . ............ A I C5 Chit: Intemational Yard Bird .................... ............... H eavenly Bookey Town Crier ......... . ......... ....... . . . .............................................. Paul Maul Woodpecker: ........................... .....,,............................ G nham Cracker, Almond Laugh-Ever, Man Baits, Al Cat Choo BARBDAY, FLAPRIL 54, 192-678954 I

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JUDGMENT DAY BLASK LIST CAN'T YOU COUNT? Seats Put In ckers For 'Locker Lovers i The story you are about to read is untrue. Only the pencil has been changed to protect the paper. It was a warm summer day in January when Mowie Hiller, presi- dent of student council remarked, Locker lovers must have seats, he did. He talked it over with the other captives in the student council. They decided if there were to be seats there must be tic tae toe pads on the doors. They found a reliable man to remove scribbled pads: his name, Mr. Mud, dum da da dum. Thcy kept on the problem when someone suggested door knobs be changed to the inside. You know, I never have figured why? What to do for entertainment was the next problem. A floor show was decided at first but the caretakers wouldn't agree to it. It was finally decided on television. But how could they enjoy television in the dark? You guessed itg yea, lights. Graham Cracker and Kenny Weasle tlocker loversl remarked, I think, I do, that this is the best ln- vention since moonshinef' Pictured above is a newly in- stalled locker that comes equipped with a seat. EVERY SATURDAY NITE ll CHRISTIAN TABERNACLE Tops m Talent ,fs Y --A as A ----as T h 3f2!KII7IIKLE4Ql- . F . 'Md . A .Z 'V V A 7:30 fCor. Herman Q But SIIJ ossip arments ripes BY TALLULAH STRADER WHILE INDULGING in my fa- vorite pastime, wire tapping, I over- heard a most rare bit of gossip. It seems that our own principal, C. L. Shannonberger was arrested last night on Main Street for dual ex- haust pipes and unnecessary squeal- ing of the tires. The scandal is be- ing secretly investigated by the P.T.A. SPORTS-MINDED girls around Dayton and Miserable Valley have shown delightful taste in their new creation, bowling-ball earrings. The balls are supported by iron chains fastened to the skull with gold sil- ver screws. NOTICE! A ruptured guinea-pig has mysteriously escaped from the school biology lab. The animal, nick- named Hernia, was last seen travel- ing south on Troy St. He is 5 inches tall, has pink eyes and white fur, and' squeals no English. However, searchers are cautioned that he may be in disguise. FELLOWS EATING LUNCH at Aunt Milly's Beer Parlor have re- cently been complaining of arsenic poisoning in the mashed potatoes. The students first began getting sus- picious about three weeks ago when l4 boys, upon the request of Aunt Milly, ate some mashed potatoes, after which they grasped their throats, fell dead, and were dragged away by Aunt Milly's dogs. AFTER MANY EXPERIMENTS, Sir Walter Chesterstrike, noted fail- ure in the tobacco world, uncovered an entirely new and different smok- ing treat, the cigapipe. Made es- pecially for smoking old dollar bills, the cigapipe will soon be available at leading hardware and sporting goods stores. OVERHEARD IN THE LIBRARY: T.B. or not T.B. That is congestion. Consumption be done about it? Of cough! of cough! But it'll take a lung, lung time. DESPERATELY NEEDED - a way to stretch deadlines-the Panther stat! Corduroy .01 SIICYTI o o o ' Violet 0 Aqua 0 lluo f 1- 0 iggsholl ' M-lm A- - io to ra :trod floor Sob nd Dill, Siamese Twins, re Recently Enrolled Here Recently enrolled at Kiser are the Siamese Twins Sob and Dill Sherman. These twins can be found wandering around in the halls tbecause they aren't intelligent enough to go to classj. They are definitely brainless because at the time of their birth they were examined and found to be that way. These boysf?J or may- be animals, are joined at the ear. Anything that is said to them goes in one head and out the other. is possible because the thing This that is said to them travels in sound waves to the external auditory canal and then to the tympanic cavity, from there to the ear drum past the first twin's head to the ytivac cina- pmyt to the lanac yrotidua lanretxe and out the opposite head in which it entered. Therefore everything that is said comes out backwards, and in order to understand what comes from the twin's ear a person must stand behind him. The Siamese twins are the most valuable ever born because their mechanical capacity' has never been duplicated. Assistants Present Library New Books Collecting used cigar butts and selling them for new enabled the library assistants to buy a collection of new books. The total income of the sales came to 33.04. The group selected Grudge Kirk- land to choose and buy the books. She was able to purchase these at a bargain sale at Price Stores. The Sugar Cane Uprising , I The Grand Jury, Hands Heathen Anderson Fairy Tales, and the latest in the Dr, Kinsey Reports, were all purchased. WANTED-One-way trip to Massachu- setts-Bev Brookey Fine Candies Baked Goods Lunch Meals I BURREY DELICATESSEN 429 Troy St. Open T A.M. to 8:30 P.M. tSunday 8 'til 81 UFPUIAIIUR AWQH., A llon't let the fun go by. While you hesitate- others are learning to play. I37 So. Main St. AD 8581 WA 7823 me Cggjoriruils Q, I I Uqieli us Ciutjzlo I i CgI'dJ'l.lLlI'IOl'I Cwsecfcifirigs 1.457 gunner 9584 15 fl 0berer's Florists WlSE'S SERVICE 1841 Troy St. FU 3984 , r rt .Q P ' N Motor Tune Up N' ' ' . ' - General Repairs 1504 Troy si. 1-is ian LLlbI'iCafi0I'l