Kiser High School - Panther Yearbook (Dayton, OH)

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5 I, is- vfl . if , , s pl Q as iff V Q f 'fl tiara - at EL bds' . is Ns ,ASE .. .g A X i tsgiikl X 11' ffl X f April Fool Edition Of The Kiser Panther , 100th Anniversary BELLVUE NURSERY SCHOOL IDES OF MARCH B.C. QBefore Clinel Down 'n' Out Mar. 20-Crap fame ln 113' admlxslon one pa r of loaded dlce. Dec. 25-Rabies lnnoculatlon for all stu- dents, room 230, isewlng rooml. June, 1960-Graduation for Class of '54. WILLING T0 BUY AT ANY PRICE-one typewriter that doesn't make mistakes -Contact Shirley Lambert URGENT-someone to tell Bonnie Hen- drickson how to git in touch with the Swiss navy-See r. Shannon McCarth Investigates Re s 'Keep It Clean' laimed Code O Kiser Class BY ENERGINE Keep it clean boys, behave your- self and be a little more sanitary is the pitiful cry of A. Jax Mansfield, instructor of the personal hygiene course. A new class in personal hygiene has begun in Kiser's new athletic room and is held six periods a day if anyone is interested. It is located by the woodwork room. This class is for boys only, and they must be of draft age. Object of this course is to keep boys from putting chewing gum in their hair, spitting on the ceiling, and eating out of garbage cans. A. Jax Mansfield said recently, My boys promised to be good, clean, healthy citizens of Kiser. As a result of this course they have not only become more sanitary, but are help- ing girls as well. Just the other day a member of this class was seen eat- ing out of the cafeteria garbage cans. Upon questioning he replied that the food in the cans tasted just like Mom used to cook. Students who have enrolled in this course are: Spencer Liver, Howie Moth, Duane Hooked Her, Ken Weak, Kenny Chair, and Ed Curve. DESPERATELY NEEDED - one strong lock to keep stray dogs out of my locker-Pauline Tntone WANTED-reducing plan--Orpha Wil- llams BEFORE ,'l3,g,5.sQi ' eg., , 4 W X 1, . .a 'ii AFTER fm. Kiwi fl - nv HEAVENLY Bookav Jasper Malcome Klaes, one of the original searchers for the Fountain of Youth, has discovered the fountain right here at Kiser. Mr. V. Klaes began his search with Ponce de Leon in 1513, and has continued the search for the last 441 years. Carl Shannon Held Up On Leo Street Carl Shannon, vice-president of Kiser University on Leo St., was held up yesterday morning. Upon seeing two flashing red lights in front of him he pulled his 1923 Kaiser, with dual cigarette lighters, over the curb and stopped, After sitting there for a few min- utes he was approached by a young boy swinging a lantern and drink- ing a large orange drink. Carl rolled down his window and asked him what was up. The young boy said, This is a hold up, there's a train on the track. He first become suspicious of the location when a frog that was swim- ming in the fountain turned into a tadpole. Jasper has found that a very un- usual drink is produced in the foun- tain, H-g0!! After drinking 33A gal- lons he began to regain his youth. Picture above at the left is Mr. Klaes two weeks before he made his amazing discovery. On the right is a picture of him 33f4 bottles later. He can still be recognized by his glasses and mustache. Eighteen hours a day had been dedicated to teaching the art of fill- ing fountain pens by Mr. Klaes. The other 16 hours a day he had spent in search of the fountain. In his spare time he raised prize termites. Liverachee Plays n K ise SEATED UPON A NAIL KEG with his pearly teeth glowing and his llowing hair blowing, Liverachee Cabovel plays C73 the final number of his recent concert here. Adding to the atmosphere of the piece, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, the candlelantern sits at the right as a symbol of Liverachee's culture. No admission was charged for the concert. Instead, 25 cents was offered to anyone who would come in and listen. r rand Hissing, yelling, and hurling rot- ten fruit, the students of Kiser made Liverachee feel right at home last Tuesday, Feb. 31, when he made his guest appearance at the Kiser grand piano in the auditorium. The assembly lasted the entire day with only 10 minutes intermission for lunch. However, no one was in condition to eat. The auditorium windows were opened upon a suggestion from one of the students. tHe was overheard saying that the music was for the birds.D Born in Dogpatch, young Liver- achee began his musical career at the age of 2 when he swallowed his mother's guitar pick. Upon becoming 4, he was entered into B. I. S. tBratt's Instrumental Schoolj, but was expelled for skip- ping French-harp classes and saw- ing his piano in two. However, the real break came for Liverachee 35 years later when he sent away for Madam Mozart's free booklet on How to Play by Ear in 3 Easy Lessons-No Fingers Required. Comrade Miller Is Glorious Star Witness BY PABST BREWERY Joe Knows McCarthy, Muckraker from Maine, has broadened his in- vestigations to cover more Red ac- tivities, some in this area. In North Dayton, his investigation concerns Kiser's Red magazine team, captained by Howie Miller. Comrade Miller will appear as star witness. The Red team is charged with con- spiring against the Blues and hold- ing secret Red meetings. McCarthy's next investigation con- cerns the Red Sea. He feels that the Red Sea is just a coverup for some fishy business. Next on his list will be the Red Bird. His fellow dirt gatherers have been watching these birds lest they Hy the coop. Another of his investigations con- cerns Red Tape. When questioned as to his success he said he thought Red Tape was one of the stickiest jobs he'd ever handled . President I'sanhour has already given him the green light to investi- gate the investigators who are inves- tigating the investigators who are investigating the Reds. Banke Is Prexy Of Pessimist Club, Ofiicers for the newly formed Pessimist Club are as follows: Keith's I-Iankyg president: Almond Laugh Ever, vice-presidentg Sure- ly Uno, secretaryg and sergeants-at- arm, fright arrnl Hammond Organ, fleft armb Wetter Detter. According to the president, the club is open to all Juniors and Sen- iors in grade school over 21 years of age. One formal meeting will be held each year, February 29, at a local graveyard. Members will be chauf- feured to the meetings in a brand new Model T Ford, presented to them by the Chevrolet Co. This club was formed in 1956 and elections were held in 1953. The members plan the clubs termination on the death of its last member. This Is Last Edition Of The Kiser Panther According to Mr. Clip, this will be the last edition of the Kiser Panther because there have been too many papers given away. Veb Yekoorb, the Kiser Panther swap editor, has sent papers to every teacher in the United States, Alaska, Hawaii, and Canada, which is ap- proximately 100,473,920 teachers. These teachers wrote and asked for the Kiser Panther because they wanted paper with which to wrap their garbage. '

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rnwlwum ' :r 'THEN K1SE'Rj Pg! N-THjE9R- FRIDAY, x... -. .f. .. ', -V The Kiser Kids . 1' i. gn ,, 'I I I 7 'ay'riiQ1yaRt-nfmt TSWT CIT 1 Bl RENFROW PEOPLE DIE oezr IN HERE! BEE IRREGULAR. THAT YOILHAD HE PIEEIT YOU SETTLING SUDDENLY I FEEL DEADLY CALM JUST .A LITTLE GIRL l?UBl3ISI l!TI'lE APE NO EXCUSE Gnosrsf ME! DO OVER HERE 'IN WANT 1' ME BUT I KNOW T THAT NOW My YOUHA ACEMETERY G0 NRO NERVES ARE A OR lsTcl:L DRINK fla Q ' Joyce Isaacs Is Winner Bab Contest Winner of the teacher baby picture contest was Joyce Isaacs '54, who guessed six out of seven of the teachers correctly. Here are the clues and teacher's names: B. B. Vance, teaching two subjectsg Miss Helen Walcutt, one who rarely misses a dayg Miss Dorthea Eikenbary seems to favor Robert Louis Stevenson by having Treasure Island studiedg Wm. Hol- linger, one who most Juniors and An accident on the part of the engravers necessitated retouching of Miss Pearson's baby picture last issue. As a result, it was not like the original. On behalf of Miss Pearson, the staff of The Kiser Panther offers its sincere apologies. Seniors have had, Miss Rosamond Wyrick helps us with our figures, Cmathlg Miss Estella Pearson helps Us to study things of the pastg and J. M. Klaes, the one Joyce missed, teaches boys and had to send to Wisconsin for his picture. There were only five who partici- pated in the contestuone of whom guessed three out of the seven. Joyce will receive free Tm: Krsna Panrnsn for the remainder of the year. U.D. Student Teaches In Kiser Gym Classes A newcomer to Kiser's gym class is Richard Weider, a Senior at U. D. Ho is a student teacher in physical education four to five hours daily and is now completing one required per- iod. 'At U. D. Mr. Weider is training to be a coach and a director of physical education. He lives at 218 Floral Avenue with his wife and six- months-old son. 1 MARYBEl.LE'S - DELICATESSEN , 342 TROY ST. GROCERIES MEATS FOUNTAIN SERVICE LUNCH ES Ahh. . I EIZIMZACQI. i fi, ian' DEAR STUDES, From what I hear it wasn't safe to walk down the halls of Kiser. A re- port I have says you students seem to be shooting six shooters and bow and arrows at each other. What's the matterg haven't you heard of super- sonic ray guns? The other week down in Virginia or West Virginia the state opened up a new prison farm for some friends of mine. They named it Fair Chance, and on the first day two prisoners took the name literally. They escaped! My letter will not appear in the next issue of the Panther for the simple reason that my parole board meets to vote on me. So don't look for me in the next issue. Wanted: Someone to keep Doug Pippin, Don Thies, Leon Roberts, and Dick Longo from putting animals in my locker. Apply in person to Pau- line Tatone. AL CATRAZ Teacher Appears On TV Miss Edna von Berge, home eco- nomics teacher, will be a guest on Welcome Traveler at 4 p.m. next Tuesday over WLW-D TV. Miss von Bergels appearance on the show is in appreciation for an idea she submitted to the program. Leaving Dayton at 10:30 p.m. Mon- day, she will fly to Chicago for the show Tuesday. - l 'f l ll Il :Q Schools thot use our jg ll typesetting facilities are I il I II regular award winners. II I I l ll l IE D I ll Il J' it ll li 35 A if ll ll ff DAYTON rvPooRAPi-nc QE Il SERVICE I If Apdvartltlng Typofraphon il erupting Am suuamg, naynn, om. Il l h V :: : .I 65 Cleveland School 8th Graders Visit Kiser Journalism And Printing Classes EIGHTH GRADE ENGLISH STUDENTS from Cleveland school visited the Kiser Journalism and printing classes, March 2. Purpose of the grade schoolex-'s visit was to become acquainted with the writing and printing oi a school newspaper. They, with the help of their Engish teachers are plau- ning to start a small mimeogra phed newspaper of their own. Firstlpart of the visit was devoted to the mechanical end of the paper. Students were taken through room 107 and shown how the paper is made up and printed. In the auditorium, Cpictured abovej, various staff heads ex- plained their duties to the 65 visitors and answered questions they raised. iPhoto by Paul Gritiyj l P Compliments Black SL Lee of Monument Co. B B . 12:41 r:As'l'Flr'rn STREET , M MJ DAYTON. onul - Open Ibaily Until moo P.M. i Res. Phone IIE l328 9 Evenings and Sunday by I M appointment Omer Phone HE 3942 ' I - ., . . . H - ,E SCHATTSCHNEIDER S BA KE RY, Inc. 700 Troy St. Arcade Market Central Market ' 'fayfw' Mfzde Pf1.ftrzP.r 1 L , 2 M E camera nares, Inc. 30 NORTH MAIN STREET TOWN 8 CUUNTKYUSTROOP RD... i f ct 1 TI sTs 1 S of conneacuu. ENGRAVERS 'SIX-H16 Puorocnmiens a IJQS NIAINSTI' DAYTON OHIO 'vfam' 'fewzm' zslaaasrsfl I 815 Keawee Shed -' 'Aland 8030 I I A - ' 4 .P-rss '

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----. .. ..,-v -. w--vfuu nn v HU!! LHLLDII IUUKIVHL Ill TUE5. Al lEli ll! MUN. IN NOV. BY SURELY UNO vnu I1ilIIl.EI'I' .. ,Q , In the past few thousand years the students at Kiser have seen strange things around the halls, but nothing as strange as this. When I first saw It I thought it had escaped from the circus or the bugology lab. It's body resembles a bull, a dash hound, a terrier, or in other words a Heintz C57 different varieties.J Someone told me they saw a cer- tain lass wandering around who re- sembles the head of this. I think her name might be Sad Pickle, and she has been a Senior for 20 years. But for now let's just call this animalC?J by the name of Butch . Butch told me that he for is it she?J was 21 years old and was look- ing forward to the next election so he for shej can vote for the next king of this school. It's most exciting moment came when it got on the T.V. show Have a Heart and won 5,000,000,000 cans of horsemeat. Butch's favorite record on the juke box is K-9. It livesf?l at 29127 Hog Waller Heaven and It's com- panions are Nanc Bowowry and Mane Kent. Butch's pet peeve is flea bitten, broken down, flapeared dogs, be- cause It is a pedigreed Heintz. It most generally is found hanging around Hog Waller Heaven. Too Much Studying Is Bad For Studes There has been much concern for the students of Kiser who are study- ing too hard. A recent survey shows that nine out of every ten students here at Kiser did too much studying. Dr. Cyclop, famous brain surgeon, says that a student who studies too hard is likely to endanger his brain. Too much studying has been one of the biggest causes of death in the world, he maintains. From now on anyone caught studying in his study hall will get the full punishment. Shannon Buick, assistant principal, says he is not go- ing to feel sorry for any students and proved it by saying he is going to issue 100 hours detention for those caught studying. General Mills, science teacher, says he wishes his students wouldn't study too hard because he likes to give out F's and the way things are now he has to give out A's and B's. I. M. Seldomsober, principal, says students are so smart now that every student will have to be tapped for the honor society and he doesn't like to see that happen. Being smart has also been one of the' main reasons people get good jobs. Let's put a stop to it now. IF YOU QRQ A V '11 'I aorscourfl ,, oorvr Nero ANY W' II HELP , 4 J lyk? 1 v 5 4 - me 'C .N H? x xx? M N we 'lvl , I 6 5 N 0 fbi' 'QL' 5 sc if-'1 5. :P - ' 1 fig Q3 .- X X g 1 ,ii Q.. ' iliilI1iii' f.'2-.- -sf A-f xv- 1- ,Q K-lg.:-. :exile-we 70116171 Zfoa Jlaae? BY 'PABST BREWERY You can always tell the Irish You can always tell the Dutch, You can always tell your teachers, But you can't tell 'em much! Last Friday during Miss Am I. Pa-Toohy's seventh period English class, Miss Pa-Toohy asked Bev Lay Brook-EE to name two long poems written by the famous American writer, Milton. Bev, not knowing, yet making a blind stab, replied, Milton wrote 'Paradise Lost' and when his wife died he wrote 'Paradise Re- gained'! Martha Spits, '50, returning from agricultural col- lege, was trying to impress Farmer Thies with her knowledge of newly learned knowledge in agriculture. Stopping and pointing to a tree Martha said Your ,Q methods are quite old-fash- Q ioned. Why, I bet you don't get ten pounds of apples off that tree. .N 1 I dare say you're rir'ht, replied Farmer Thies, That there's a pear tree! Flash! McKinley has classy assassination. Yes, a group of irate American history classes here traveled to Buffalo, New York, last week and assassinated Wil- liam McKinley, United States president because of his complicated administration. Last Saturday during Duane I'Iookem's fifth period general science class he told Jim Rigger he had com- posed a little piece for the piano. Good, replied Jim, It's time the piano had a little peace! I eat my peas with Honey I've done it all my life, They do taste kind of funny, But it keeps them on my knife. CA. Nony Mousel Yesterday when our entire Junior class went Cthrough the courtesy of General Motorsj to the Frigid- aire Plant at Moraine City, Larry Clingman asked his guide how many people worked there. The guide re- plied, 0h, about one out of every ten. De Knee Edjerkton, one of Mr. Crashner's brightest driving students was taking an o'erall Coral! driving test when Mr. Crashner asked what part of the auto- mobile killed the most people. De Knee, being ever alert, answered, The nut behind the wheel! Also in Mr. Crashner-'s driving class there is a bright student, Color I-Iue. Lately when taking a driving test he stopped for a red light and in- stead of moving when it changed, he still sat there. A policeman watching this, finally walked over and said, What's a matter? Run out of gas or ain't we got no colors you like? . HHH 41 N R QL- 1 ,Q Beneath this silent stone that's made That noisey, corney Joan isilaid. Who from her cradle talked till death' And oh, just now ran out of breath! FLASHLIGH T FRE HME BY AL CAT CIIOO BornC?J in California, Georgia, these twins now live in Nightpound, Old Silk, and are enrolled here at Kiser. Ari and Flirt Williams, who are the twins, were bornf?J 14 years from now on Feb. 31. Although they were born on the same day, Flirt is only two years older than Arf which really doesn't make much dif- ference as long as they are still twins. For pastime, Arf goes around barking at people and Flirt does what his name indicates, fiirts with everyone. fThis is true, so you'd better believe it.J Their hobby is getting out and pushing Flirt's cart?J to get to school on time. Along with this, Aff finds time to enjoy taking the car out and having it run out of gas on her. She does. Now her favorite saying is I gas we can go now. Flirts biggest thrill came when Heda Hopper was at Kiser on a personal appearance tour. He started fiirt- ing with her only to find that she too was a big flirt. As an insult, he ended up with a date, he did. Winning first place in a dog show was Arf's happiest moment. She received a gold plated trophy and a blue ribbon for her reward. Their biggest disappointment came when they first found out they were to come to Kiser. After they got here they found out that they really liked it here and decided to stay. Best friends for these twins are Tudy Jootle, Ally Lamb, Delbert Webb, Joe Balogna, anxd Chuck Roast. People who spit on the floors, plaster their chewing gum on seats and tables, and eat garbage, seem to be the biggest pet peeve of Arf's and Flirt's . April Fool Edllion Ol The Klan Pnruller ex ' RRQSKX Pi' Ou I' ' 37 E D. f -xv DX wx S - gyda QP' 3 Telephone: IM: RUl2 Published daily by the Sanitation Department and printed by the Counterfelter's Assxcwtkmn lg the Sing Sing. Price-less, - RD First place award ln the state for Chug-a-lugglng fish bowls Qbuttennllkj. iesogd Llace awgdrdffor bulgng. r ce awa r w n d ink to 1 t stupid edlftion like thls.0 as K paper an pu ou a Slavedrlver ................................................................................ Clip Clop PAROLE BOARD Warden ........ ........ ...............................................,.............. M a rtha Splts Parole Officer . ...,.. .......................................... ........... 0 r ange R nd Jaller .................................................................................. Bu Me Cline ,Pitcher Drawers ............................................................... law Longo? Floyd Freefrow Pitcher Shooters-Our slogan- You Name 'Em, We Shoot 'Em Toby Or What? Paul Maul BALL AND CHAIN GANG Graham Cracker, Pabst Brewery, Heavenly Bookey, Surely Un ShadJ C lGseMl PIMs Tb Or tlilhafi, hiarimlllayfts, xlullat TedreCro:ll:eder,uL 0 Y 0 tsid Y d Bl d JURY Ma u e ar r ..............,...........,..................................... B Inslde Yard Bird .................................. ......... . ............ A I C5 Chit: Intemational Yard Bird .................... ............... H eavenly Bookey Town Crier ......... . ......... ....... . . . .............................................. Paul Maul Woodpecker: ........................... .....,,............................ G nham Cracker, Almond Laugh-Ever, Man Baits, Al Cat Choo BARBDAY, FLAPRIL 54, 192-678954 I