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Page 77 text:
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. ..... t .,. pisa'w'f9?iii'afiy A- ff fa? i'3' ' H:'? T 1-. :-- 'Tn Fjjgis'-' ' H -'N 'N- 1 -4,,..,a.a, - A X 4 -7 JT- . ' . I ' -Qtr i V- Y ' V In a race to school this morning a Kiser student, Joe Omietanski, beat ,xi ix - a teacher. This race has been going H33 ' 5 ' i . ,nga on for years to decide who could if' xx? f 'X Ccontinued on page 251 . 5 I I I Q J K 5, gf' L- 1 3 ' fa is r xr ff if sflsi April Fool Edition Of The Kiser Panther . ly 2,7581h YEAR, NO. OR YES KISER KRAZY KINDERGANTEN, Alcatraz April Foisr Price 1 Bustoken Q ' 9 N ' Ei?fEf5f55555SgEgEfEfEfEQEg 5.-1j'1ErEjI5.g1,jggg5g1. '35, 55 -595155Z5Ej3.,1555E5135Q5E3E55gigEgEgE5EgE55553E5555555fggg5E5E55grf5555EgZfS5?2if?El 5EgEgE,E,EgI'f ,gg 1,53 gi'1g 5E5Eg5g5:5: -ggE?55:5E,5512551-31 -2:fS!3'5:f:f.f.:.3. :i:?:i,3-' 1' A Joe 511111957 btahn hA 'h 'A4 'AA f ' g1g5.55:5-1-.2 2 f3ff5fisf.5fi2fifi15g5 , , H I C S k 5 Uest Pea el' . ' ' TIIIS Aft6I'l100Il g: . k5 :V 'ffffif 'E?E5E5E55'5E25 sg2gsgsgs:s:sfssa:aiff. n il: , Joe Stalin: woi-id famous ec.cec.c 1 ... . b ' . A . ...c.e. and Statesman, will be the guest i 25e5sfsff2afififi25fEs523522fiiifiifsisfsz .. speaker at an assembly fo be held ,.4,,, ..... . ....h .,.. f i, this afternoon f1'0m'12f30 io 2. Siu- ' ' ' if f r -- dents will be dismissed ii we be- s i ' -ssshs girming oftheassembly' ififi' Topic of staliifs speech win be iii-f'Ei ififi.5?f-' fi-iffiiigfffiffsa U . . .4.-.,.. 14582 ' 1-Q-g-5-3:4-:.: '-. -.-. - :l:I:gg3:g:3'5:5:gg:3:-5-'-'i:3:?:5:5:I:Iig.1:5 -,-,- W:I:Cg1g ,.-.- :-:::-1:-' i::':I:-:- 2:5:fri:?:5f5Qi:1:I:2gCg:373:5. ':7:1g2g:3: -:5Z' :I,'g.1.g.g:':1:l:1:l How to Win Friends and Inliuence ':Q1Q:g:Q:.:g:Q3Q1g:g EgEgE:f:E:iE:j.Q.Q:g:Q:I:j: 3j:ji fjEfffi2i ffff , gs sisisfsisiiisia - 1-.55555515555Ssgsgsgisifgigi525552535255555 : 5s2s5.rQ ,.1. f f5E5EiEE5f5f9.fif5i K J h' .... 25sisis1sfsfs22sPs2if5f?fiif52525222523: iiffifii Means ' Dey' as all 'S many' many Igsfsfirrrffff ii' - :-'fasgssfeafeiz sffsa 'fffff5ffff2sf5e12s1?fi'-2i-ff -'A friends Call him, is well qualified io 'Q iigfifii ' WHS Voted the Worlds friendliest man .i i 2'5f5 -2 ,,.,. and was also awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for 1950- This is the third -' c-31:-:-:-:-:1:1:1:''-2:Ig:3:1:55:5:25:71t1:2:!:3:i:2:2:1::3:::::::2:f:E:f:f:1:j..i':--''g1':g:f:5:5::3f:f:5:2:2' f:f:1g:g:::5:f:f:E:f.,:: :1g!gIg:g:g::. fzjzfzlgg..33'2:2:'1g:fg:::Q:5:f: 35:5-:5.,:::f:::1::.5:5'.,., 551: giizigggzzzfzgzizgzg1Q:f:1:fg3fg5g:g:g:5g:g:5:3 ,:::5:: 1:2:5:g:g:g::::5:g35:5:f2:-:E:f:5.3 .5551 Consecutive Year HSff1l1eY 'MS WOH .f':':':5:s:s:s:s:s:s the honor- 'i ' 2:53'fflfisfiffffiififitiei 4 As to principles in which Joey be- lieves, we might say he believes in equality among all men. There should be no racial or social discrim- ination, remarks Happy, after all, what belongs to one belongs to me. He went on to say, There is only one thing fwant-peece. A peece of Poland, a neece of Germany, a peece of China, etc. Man Stalks uditorium the dark, damp auditorium a lone figure crepton the stage, paused a minute to look over his work of art, and dashed out of the door. His ugly faced screwed up in a terrible frown and he shook hisfist angrily and yell- ed I Taught I Taw a Putty Tat. A few minutes later in walked- Detective Don Hortman and was shocked at the sight that met his eyes. Pictured above is the murdered wo- man just as Detective Hortman found her with her arms and head cut off. As Dauntless Don entered the audi- torium the body screeched a lonely song, I Ain't Got Nobody. It is be- lieved that the murder was committed during the showing of the movie, Phantom of The Operaf' f- A ' ' 5-g-g:g:g:g:g:g.g.:.g.-.g.3.5:.3:3::::g:gIgi.:.:.34.1.5.5.:.:::.:z:gg:::g.g.g.g.g.g:5:g.-: .-:4:-:-:-:-'44-.-:-.-:is -:iz-:-:iz 5.51: -:-:':-t-get --.':-gap.-...-az-:-:-:-:-: :-:-:-:izl:.-.g.g.3.,.3:::i:-: 'k-2:-.' -:3:f:1'7'5 . ,. ., ... .... ,,.,.,....-. .. - ,.:.:.f:,:,:,:,15,zmgzp-:5.g.1:::,.g:1::: :g:g,g::g5?:ffE:f:5:5:3:5:5:gEgg51515g:g:Q:::f3:Ej?E3,:::,:, 1 . N P- 'if -:-:-:-:-Ls:-:iz-:-2--f.-.-:-1:-:-:':-:-:-:i:-:-'- -: :':2-I- -- - -:1'5'- A .,...... ,.,.. -. .... 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'- -'5:i:5:-.- 3'i:1:-.3:-:i:I:2:?EIf:'2'-.255:':I:3:?:2:f'I:I:'.2.-3:-:I:I:2:T:2:5:fr-:ii2:2.F::-:-ral .-5-::':-:-:' ?:3:?:f:?:i'f:?F.':l:2.-I :1:1:3:Pi:1:3.1:?: r':':': -:g.-'52':5.3:3:5 :','.2:I' J:5:5.-'-.1:':?:I:7 ,:f:5g:1:Q.:vi::s .:a2.,E::3:: .-,.2if?::5:g:g.. 59,41 -...I r ' I-:.g.:533.31Q:5:g: :5g,,..55,3:3:::::::Qg:grgf:5:jg:g:g:,:::::,:.g.g.',: 35::,i-:::-1,1 .g:,.,,.:,:3,. ..:'2.5.5gE.g.3.,.3.:-2. , 3I35-.,.::i1:.:g:g:g,g:,5:g. -'3:,.,:-:-231:-,. -I-1214 g'-'g'- - :'-:3:.:.,.:- -: ':,:z,:g:,. ' 'z'-.,.: A -.g.3:,:::1:-13:-:5:g:5:-:ir-Q,:5.g.g.g:g:g'i:1:,:-.,:-:-:::, 21.3 3313:- ' :3.g-ig .,Z3:5'5:55. 327:-..4-.3JgZgZ1IgIg'g13.,, .:5Q.Tif'-:5:':5-ig-15-'gig -iam:-:Es-'. : -: 4- .'-:'c- -1-.aa - -31:-:-:-:-:if 2324121f::f8A'a5sf8ae:45:2:l:'::25:1.r:2:'+ -.-:--':':: ,1..-.-:.-r-r- :'z: fzf.-1 f:i-111:-:iz.2--:2g..Qr':5...-:-:-.-:-- 1:15-1-1-'-rf'E'2':ff11:2:257S2?fE2i?? 2f'E1E2E:2:2:2:2:':1'zhiikfgfi-5252335622 UP ' ' lllllll April 1Q4th of July celebration April 2-No school! For no reason at all! April 4-Beauty Contest Cfor teach- ers onlyj April 5-Swimming classes to start in Red Top Brewers Plant April 5+From April 5 to June 11, no homework on Mon., Tues., Wed., Thurs., or Fri. i April 8-Assembly for all goons. Whistler's mother to whistle Dayton's City Railway Company will sponsor an assembly in the auditorium Apr. 5 at 8:25. Highlighting this assembly will be the presentation of the stage hit A Streetcar Named De-sire. This assembly is being brought to the student body through the courtesy of the Student Council. Food Deliveries Held Up Food deliveries to the cafeteria were held up for three hours last Friday when the truck in which they were storedbroke a window handle. This is the first time an incident of this type has occurred according to Garbage Disposal Manager I. M. Stinky. . House Passes UMT And Service Bill, Makes 12- Year-Olds Liable For Duty After overcoming a series of re- stricting amendments the House of Representatives passed this afternoon 326 to 259, 'the Universal Military Training CUMTJ and service bill. It makes 12-year-olds liable for 10 years service as soon as the 90 to 96 manpower pool is evaporated. The House's action came after 10 minutes of sometimes harsh debate, in which only one important restric- tion was worked into the bill-that of not allowing the draftees to be stationed more than 15 miles from ' their home, proposed by E. B. Morse CR-Alaskaj . Extends Selective Service The bill extends and expands the present selective service law, which expires April 32. It lowers the draft age from 90 to 12, with the proviso that the 12-year-olds have .passed the sixth grade of elementary school. Second feature of the bill is the UMT provision. This will not go into action until the 'present emergency is over, but provides future establish- ment of compulsory military train- ing for all young men, as they reach 9 years of age. Six years minimum training followed by 60 years in the actives is contemplated. - Don Parrott, Student Council presii. dent, has announced that during in- termission between the acts of the play beer and pretzels will be served in the cafeteria to all girls upon the presentation of their draft card. Beer will also be served to boys under the age of 14. , The Council has also planned a drive for comic books. Classic comics such as The Vicar of Wakefield, t'Pride and Prejudice and Lorna- Doone are preferred. After the col- lection these magazines will be dis- tributed in all study halls. - Pictured above is the streetcar.. 1 Kiser Girl Will Sue For Cutting Remark - .o CContinued on Page 43 i
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I1 v--+ r F -,qv-V 7 X--M. V .F AX ' ' ' n ' 'Gi' '! 'T'f 'T'-':'Iirf'3 :QAGE six - 'r H E K 1 S E R- PA N T H E R FRIDAY,iMARCH 9, 1951. The Kiser Kids - By Dick Sefton l DONJJ' MAKE A MOVE THERE KID! ' 'Cows 'ro ME PLACE AT THAT mom' HE is opvmsncd Tai' fs X Q Qs News GONNA HELP me Wwe seven nvvfenr. I A5 HE WALKS To-wo THEPI-ACE - PR BOYS MAKE SOME HANGOUT AT 601 I M ALMOST ,Amp M vneneas me vuxcs- ACE- ETZEL- C0- ,CROOKED DOUGH!! KLUNDER FINKLE THEREWMAYBE S K AND... ?ffGULpy- f A Smear! we LL TALK r LL as Lucnv WHEN gy oven oun PLANS emu: I M g0 V'C'VgD OFM, - HOL Y COW ff E THE N How CAN I - 1 62 -r 0t?f!Mw,Zr5 ASNLYT X GET our or THISIIMINA ABOUT , X l F 'rEmusLE Fvx-.c,usss PLL k. TEN 'i 'f'w if f 1 . . , HAVE TO 60 nfenzvwgy-5 A 5 Oo YEARS f- 12.1 - A WND QA-fi P51 Q '. 'll 76k C.,-Ar i fp--,,,,l , I ' , : T + 2 xx crzooxeo owen Huge- , ' ' Mft - 9 Inoue BEEN, ' 9 , L , l , ,WW K BAM-BXZLEU! ' 4 ggi, V 9 N f as 1 5 15 . t 5 1 Q' . , V Y gh '. - ' Y w TQ Movie Shown, Talks Given Bringing to a close a series of three vocational guidance pro- grams was an assembly last Wednesday. Motors on Parade, a movie, was shown after which Willi Hyde, a methods engineer, talked on motor processes and opera- tions. Following him was David Waggoner, who described the kind of work available in industry and outlined the various areas of job opportunity. Sponsored by the Delco Products this series of assemblies have been planned to help both boys and girls. At this first meeting for boys appren- ticeship and co-operative training programs were discussed by M . Waggoner Eugene Baumaster and Robert Burns Delco representatives. Helen Tackleson Marjorie Werner and Miss McGarry presented the second assembly held February 14 for girls. Included on the program were the opportunities and require- 'nents of both office and factory em- ployment. Wampler s Is Scene Of Annual Alumni Dance Wamplers Barn was the scene of the annual Kiser alumni dance Feb- ruary 24. Several North Dayton stores contributed gifts which were presented to' the guests. Joe Acetos orchestra played from 9 80 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. Acting as gen- eral chairman was Lois Philipps Schmidt. Hoefer, Koenig Are King, ueen At the Queen of Hearts dance, an All-City dance Feb. 16 Bob Koenig 52 and Lois Hoefer 51 were crowned king and queen. The crowning took place during intermission. Lois as queen received an iden- tification bracelet with All-City Queen for 1951 engraved on the back and a corsage of white carnations and hyacinths. An identification bracelet with All-City king for 1951 was given to Bob for reigning as king. Two of the male attendants were also from Kiser: Keith Wolfram '51 came in second place for king and Russell Red Phares 50 came in third. After they were crowned the king and queen danced a dance by them- selves and then the attendants. Q, a . .i J, I ,i X16 ' If ll A 5 . If xv la W 3, ' 03 5 Lip I f ,T 4 I Nl. NZ' i f ,J 5 I Z . M it 'Vocational Assemblies Endg ' am T y , U U 13 Names Added To Servicemen List With this issue of Tm: Krsna PAN- THER 13 names are added to the school's list of servicemen. Nick Harowski '47, Ed Liefke '48, and Douglas Finfrock '47, are in the army and stationed at Fort Knox, Ky. Stationed at Norfolk, Va. is Dale Senter ex '47, Also in the Navy are: Clark Miller ex '50, Jerry Walden- haus '49, and John Randall '50. Jimmy Coey '49, is in the air force. Former Kiserites in the Buddy Platoon of the marines are: Rahl Price '48 and Walt Kuntz '50, Clar- ence Landenberg ex '47 and Al Li- povsky '48 are in the army. George Howard '49 is also in the service. This list is still incomplete. Any- one having additional information is urged to put it in the Panther Box. Editor of last year's Panther, Jerry Mann, is working in a filling station on weekends while attending the University of Cincinnati. V 14 - l - I Compliments E BLJBMJ Black SL Lee Monument Co. l23l EAST Fll l'H STREET DAYTON, OHIO I Open Daily Until 6:00 P.M. Hes. Phone HE l328 o l Evenings and Sunday by M appointment Office Phone HE 3942 . w 1 . l ' aww an Wendi' Special Rates for Students BODY BUILDING REDUCING Men's Director Women's Director Assisting Mrs, Schmidt we,-ef Shir- -' . Darrold Henderson Helen Phillips IG' P blk't'kt 1- ,. ' - Efeiyinifinkgfnydial, iiciraflii, L , J -Q , I legion Jfealifz Sfuclwd I i t vi E. l fgxg,-i-.jr I ' 1 11' 1 1 L 2? iii rrwo LEGS NEWSPRM mc. Wllllilll ' Ch 1 C k d if ..... . . as - 522. si? me e 4 IN Pqnfg Taste adventure in every . ' ..V..A :'. C I Q S 0nl3b7 A bite. . ' 5 ...,,,,,,.. q H, Sweaters l Thirfty taste-thrills galore I inihr Jackefs . Deliciopgrgexs you'll C mplete ' ' . ,.,, -fff 2 0 Sport shirts ' ' QL '? ' of ' scnmscnuslnsn l p ease TH :IJHC - Ballerinas, I I B Open type and Sports so Main sf. D ' Sandal that ' i' allow lieerman 700 Troy St. and Arcade Market gives complete ' hulle, Pnce5' -, freedom of I the foot. i Klei' llep rtment Store ' 'EERMAN5 , n s I Complete Family ro 765 moi si. A , ins sizs SHOE DEPARTMENT X: ' J ' . ' . H- 'WL-P,-.,,t. 1. msiutni.-A!-n.-AA.A-l,-'.fs'-. ,.. lr- iw..i'uiu.L sen
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,L V- , iv , A , 'Q ji ' E' ' if HF!!! 31125 :yqaj gi s ..gLA1'n'f1'r'vf 'r ' 'ff' ,I wwf V' iq-sa-qnmaQi'qm' en., ' Til' fl ' - . I . .57 'Qi ' . ' A' -' ' ' f - ' ' ' 'Q ' ' ' A t v W 'V 4 , - . H 2 '- ' Q! ' . 'i ,i?S '!,., Q E- 1 VER, sz. 1952 g gi' g. n A Y r o N , D A 1 L Y N E W s 1 , ,5,:?gis6f7?j,ivAEi:Li l'H8 'krazff Qfizlllq- lrollikal L be Published by weakllngs-The .Igurnallsm Class and prlnted btheGlrt1icArtDe rtmtflil 'K Kld rt 0 . 4 gl 3 TELEPHONE Glla frult 812Sour y a pa en o sers razy n erga en. Prlce: one bus token per gross. Advertising rates upon written coaifssiiid o u an n Cl ln P A y- e rnery ra n , e can ress ssoclatlo 1802: State wlde Onery igxist Plalcyeg 1901 1502, 1903, 1776. ' n' Second place certltlcate, Christopher Columbus press associa- tion 1492-1451. All-American honor rating 1776-1938. Faulty Adlsor and Dlrecor of Mechanics ........................ Paper Clip EDITORIAL STUFF Editor ........................ ....,.......................,............................... J udy Canova vlce Editor .............. ..... ................................................... I . Knew York S tty Editor ......... ...,........................,...,.............,....... B akem Brown and Sports ....... ............ 3 JoseplhStalin ames r Artllt ................................................................................ Richard Setitgiig Photographer ............... ................ Queenle King Clrulatlon Manager .................................................... Beatrice Taylor Assistants ........... .. ................. Shlrlee Temple and Bus Body Betty Exchange Editor . ........................................ .......... . ............ I oyce Cookie Advcrtlsln Manager ................,............................,.. Linda Suburban Aaslstang ................ Paddlllng Madelyn, Chesterfield Cam bell, Wilma Belch -Stenographers .................... Jeanie Pogule, Joan Hartels lHanstelJ ' Mary Anne Shlvelinsklowltz Mary Ann Dead Pan, and Shlrlee Temple. Jl vice To 'T e Love om BY BEATRICE TAYLOR Dear Miss Knowitallg I have a problem that is causing me much worry. It is a delicate subject and I hesitate to talk about it. But you always seem so kind and understanding that ,I know you will help me. Here is my problem-my two eyes used to love one another devoutly. They always stared at each other all day long. But since I visited Dr. Fixit they have been looking straight ahead. I hope you will be able to advise me for I know they really love each other but are just 'being contrary. Q Q Depressed Depressed, After much concentration I am ready to advise you on your grave problem. I suggest you have an eye-to- eye talk with your eyes and really see this thing through. If that doesn't help, run into a door and black them both, that will shut them up. Dear Friend, I am a sixteen-year-old girl and have been smoking cigars for 15 years. I was born very young. My parents don't approve of girls smoking and don't know that I do. I am afraid that my parents will soon realize I smoke. Is there anything I could do to soften the blow for them? A ' Fog fiend Fog fiend, Maybe if you gave up cigars your parents would for- give you. If you can't give them up all together, try chewing tobacco. Dear Miss Knowitall, Q ' If they start drafting 12-year-old men, I will have to go. I have been supporting and taking care of my family for the past two years, and if I am going I don't know how they will get along. My father, who is 35, is too old to work and my mother is sick. My brothers, ages 3 and 5, are two ignorant to get a job. Do you think I could get a deferment? Worried Worried, Why don't you visit your dentist? He may hage some pull. assumes., Mrs. R. U. Crazy sent in this helpful hint-on how to rid one's home of pesky dinasours. This also works on deadly mice. Many of ua are confronted with the problem of irre- sponsible parents, but Mr. MacBeth has developed a solution. I-Ie has patented a device, known as a kill-joy killer which will eliminate parents by beheading them. 'Hoods can then be used for ornamental decorations in .the home. After having read this edition of whatever you want cell it, use Energine to rid your mouth of its horrible Il0'l FLAMES BY BUSY BODY BETTY FLASH: Glamour Puss magazine Cfor those who don't carej has just announced that Miss Gravel Gertie has been crowned Miss Nobody of 1851. When G. G. was informed of her recent award she just smiled and said, Of course, I use clorax for the skin you live to touch. THE FASHION CENTER has moved from New York to Cactus Junction, U.S.A. CYou find it and you can have it.J It has been reported that the head designer, Baggy Britches Burke, is designing summer dresses with shorter hem lines and lower neck lines. This is for those girls who want a sun tan but can't make it to the beach. IT HAS BEEN announced by Supt. Spain of Board of Education, that there will be A's given to all pupils who attend school on Saturdays and the rest of the week will be devoted to educational movies such as Frankinstein, Call Me Mister and things of this important nature. IMPORTANT NEWS of world affairs: It has become a law that the draft age has been lowered to 13. The reason for this is that the government needs shorter. boys to fly the new, low, streamlined jets. Applications are being taken during the hours 6 A.M. to 6:15-A.M. on February 31-33 at Mumicicle Building 3rd floor, rear. fTurn to the right and follow the arrow.J A At the Kiser Athletic Field, Umptober 00, Rex Jack- son, mathematician and actor, will make his daboo for his first consecutive time as Harvey, In his program he will demonstrate several of his mathematical puzzles. He specializes in multiplying. Due to his overwhelming likeness to John Cornfield, Ronnie Massie will film a picture for the snort and Buger Studies, Inc. entitled, HREGERGITATION 301. Ron will play the leading role of Vomit The K.D.AA. would like to extend their thanks to Buckey Staggs for his remarkable accuracy and speedi- ness in gathering cigarette butts which they will use in their painting of Tobacco Road. This masterpiece will hang in the students' smoking room. Lila Wigwam and Frank Soosoola will be joined apart in holy wetlock at the first teepee on Tomahawk Road, April 1. Chief Sittin' Bull Tillinger will perform the ceremony. An open house reception will be held at Twi- light Inn with Moonshine being served as the drink. Kiser's genius, Ray Morris, was found working rather late in his chemistry laboratory last evening. He re- ported today that he had discovered a new food for television viewers called luminous popcorn. His motto -- lighten your burden. K1D...lS.f?1RE Recently I received a letter from 51 young mother with a most unusual problem. Her son, aged 3, is a very ardent Hopalong Cassidy fan and treats him as though a hero. Mrs. X question is Should I allow Timotheus to watch the Jerry Lester show? My dear young woman, my advice to you is very definite and positive. By all means, even at the sacrifice of letting home work go, should you permit Joey to view the l-Iowdy Doody program. The educational value of the show cannot be expressed with mere words. Without a doubt, Dagmar will leave a lifelong effect on the boy. Along the same line Miss Ima Beanbag, of Nuts, R. I. has a problem with her little brother. It seems each time the young lady's bow comes to call, the little monster rears his not-too-pretty head. Luna's question is What can I do to get rid of dandruff? In the past many people have come to me with this serious problem and from experience I have found but one solution. If that doesn't work, try using Helen Bishop lipstick It is guaranteed not to come off. One of the biggest problems facing grandmothers today is caring for the young grandchildren. Of course, old-fashioned methods of punishment such as soaking their head in a bucket for two hours is definitely out- moded. Most recent method is for grandma to hire a sitter while she goes to play bingo. . Q I have tried to answer your questions to the best of my ability but of course, it is difficult to buy meat reasonably any place. If any reader should like to have a personal interview, I may be found, but then again I, may not. I s , 9 ' w.: 3 ,i.iL.Q '. J iooluis ion BY BAKE 'EM BROWN Gusht Gooseberries Ingredients: one pan of gooseberries, two bare feet ' 1 Directions: pour pan of gooseberries A ' 'on fioor and squeeze between your toes. Makes excellent toe jam. 1 Minute Cake Place one egg in your left shoe and beat it. Heard on Different Radios Simultaneously Directions: Sift in Hour. f and touch your toes. J Add eggs. C'and resume squat- ting position. J K Mix thoroughly. C'by rolling on fioor. D Place in 16 in. pan. C set in steam bath for one hour. J f Serves four. Cuwhile bouncing on bed to improve balance. J Week-end Special E Ingredients: one boy, one girl, two kisses, two hugs , Directions: Place in dark room and allow to set for onechour. Result: one boy with black eye, one girl with red face. I Lenten 'Luncheon for Saturday Ingredients: one quart catsup, one cup garlic, one grain of salt, one lb. oyster, one cup vinegar, and one raw egg. Directions: Mix above ingredients thoroughly by placing in wash- ing machine. Remove Friday's fish bones from refrigerator. Serve mixture from washing machine and, spred on fish bones. As a beverage, drink milk. ' Serves: four, kills three. Vile Statistics BY FAT BURNS Births Mr. and Mrs. New Monia are very happy to announce the arrival of the stork. Clf was quite'a shock . . . they expected a baby.J The new arrival weighed in at 8 lbs. 10 ozs. Mrs. New Monia is the former Miss Caughta Cold. They have named the arrival Snifiies. - Engagements June 32, 1974 has been announced as the wedding date of Miss High- pitch Nightingale and Mr. Nibbling Birdseed by Miss Nightingale's par- ents, Mr. and Mrs. Florence Nightin- gale. Mr. Birdseed is affiliated with the Acme Cuckoo Clock Co. No Windows-Open House Morgan's Melancholy Mutual Mor- bid Mortuary on Last Mile Road will be the scene of an open house cele- bration of the 100th wedding anniver- sary of Mr. and Mrs. Down and Out. The refreshments will include iced formaldehyde, embalming fiuid 'and oiled eyeba1l's. ' Everyone is welcome to attend. LATE FLASH! We have just been notified of the death of George Washington.'We wish to extend our sympathy to Martha. April 11--Fody Prom, 58:30 a. rn. to 9:-30 p. m., City Hall ' H X
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