Kirksville College of Osteopathic Medicine - Osteoblast Yearbook (Kirksville, MO)

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THE DAILY DISTRESS Still- l-lildreth Qsteopathic Sanatorium Macon, Missouri i - if -'-- .s-. i . ' 1 N Y' it i 4-hrs Q 'L We EARLY DIAGNOSIS with GSTEOPATHIC TREATMENT Offers Real Hope for a Favorable Prognosis in the Mentally Sick KIRKSVILLE'S GIGOLGS WELL TRAINED Moonlight, a dash of passion, and Osteopathic technic. What a wonf derful combination. At least that is what the ladies in several large Gigolo centers think. The Osteopathic Gigolo has, at last, come into his own. No more is the osteopath a big burly brute with hands like hams. The boys with the patent leather hair are going to have their day-and night. That is if the look in some of those old doll's eyes means what we think it does they will have nights. Mrs. Fanny Acrewide, the big blubber and oil owner, says, Then he gently but firmly applied the presf sure and my fourth dorsal made a noise like a gattling gun. I thought I would die of pure joy. The above statement is quite characteristic of the feelings of millions of satisfied users. Following this modern trend a course will be offered next semester in Gigolology. As there is hardly any member of the present faculty who is qualified to teach this deep and dirty sub' ject, it is thought that the instructor will be selected from a group of students, who have been doing Gicotos IN PRACTICE Notice the dirty smirk on the face of the creature at the left. fl225ll some splendid research in the field of Gigolology during their spare time. The activities of this promising group of young scientists may be observed at any time if one passes in the neighborhood of the Owl.'i Any afternoon they may be seen on the corner engaged in weighty conferences. uGimme a cigarette, or, Who's the Babe, and many other wholly uplifting and enf lightening bits of conversation may be heard if one can stand to apf proach the group closely. Of course as might be expected there are two classes of Gigolos, amateurs and professionals. The amateur group remain outside on the corner while the professional gang hang out inside the strong' hold. There they sit with their feet on the furniture and their minds in the gutter. Don't get the idea that they are not busy, for it is in this Sanctum Sanctorum that the local problems of the profession are cussed and discussed.

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THE DAILY DISTRESS CELEBRATED COMIC ARTIST MUTILATES MULTITUDES Here we have the greatest find since Barnum discovered the sex of the flea-none other than Prof fessor Hokum Mc'Z. Lemuel himf self. decorator par excellence of comic valentines, chief nauseator to the League for Louder E99 Funnier St. Swithin's Day Brawls, spreader of the thick oil. Here's a genial gentleman, ladies and gentlemen, who takes his funny business serf iously. Take a squint, for instance, at that shiny silk opera hat he's sporting around town. A genuine, allfaround, knockdown turban, the pride of any shiek-and you'll notice it has that pert, saucy little brim that's the rage of the social season. The professors dress hat- he wears it out. Professor Lemuel is a true philosopher, or he'd never be able to wear that hollow crepe withf out feeling depressed. Professor Lemuel is a man of digf nity, tact, and a pipe that would be banned in any sewer. The professor takes keen delight in promenading hither and thither of a summer's night, bowing to the ladies of the smart set and belching forth great clouds of sodden Prince Cuthbert Special in their laughing faces. It is rumored moreover that the prof fessor has been offered 189 lf4 yen by the 8th Manchurian Bandit Corps for his services as extermif nator of vice, lice and mice in the barrack annexes of the Chinese Army. All our esteemed professor need do is sit around in the corners and keep the smolder aglow in the old pipe bowl. Everything within qgzg-.5-wg . --s:5.g.g.3:,:::, PROFESSOR LEMUEL AT TEA CNote the Hypnotic Starej 986 L2 Chinese miles will die a sudden death, including all the Chinese bandits and soldiers them' selves. But not our dapper prof fessor-not by a long shot. As Wongyellow, the eminent -Iappof American menufwriter once yapped, a whiff in the gut is worth two in the mush. Such wisdom! If you don't think our genial professor is a combination Delphi Oracle and Walter Winchell, just try him on a few important quesf tions of the day. Do you want to know why crows in New Guinea fly sideways? Ask Prof. Lemuel. Do you want to know why Aunt Maude hid under the back stoop last February 48th? Prof. Lemuel can tell you without thinking. So could anybody else. Waiit to know how an African Wanglefdang makes love to a Squemogian Bookworm? Well, so do we. But the professor'll have an answer for you. 'Supply your own salt. And now-here's a buttered toast and a mug of Jamaica to the one and only Professor Hokum Mc'Z. Lemuel, the sage of the Kirksville brush. Long may he waggle! TI-IE CITIZENS NATIONAL BA K KIRKSVILLE, Missoual Capital and Surplus Resources over SI 60,000.00 51,000,000 This Bank acts as Executor, Administrator, Trustee and Guardian of Estates. Appoint Us Executor of Your VV ill or Trustee of Your Estate H. M. STILL, PRESIDENT- E. CONNER, CASHIER I M2411

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THE DAILY DISTRESS When You Think of a Treatmeni A Table - - - Tl-Il of the lVlclVIanis DE LUXEH The Table thai has stood the Tesi of Time lVlclVlANlS TABLE COMPANY KIRKSVILLE, MISSOURI J. V. lVlclVlanis, .D. O., Pres. C. H. Becker, Sec'y Is this a s d hand store? Yeah.', Nwell, give me f yvsyatchhn Sergeant Cat the p l' stationj: What! ' you back again? 6 Y C Atlas man: Uh, huhg ' y mail? First A. T. S.: What'S th f ' ' X the man we just pledged? Q XXX, ' 1 Second A. T. S.: Gallen. 11 1 First A. T. S. 1 ask d h f N ' his capacity. I X 'wx .m ,A . e. Z.. .3 'Ek U 9 50 . -. R TH S CAFE Y - -. I S StyleNo A STUDENTS SPECIAL PLATE 03.50 - 05.00 - 08.00 LUNCH MYERS BRQS. 20 cents 02260