Kirksville College of Osteopathic Medicine - Osteoblast Yearbook (Kirksville, MO)

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THE DAILY DISTRESS TWIllllIllIllllI1lIllllllllllllllllllllllllUllllllllllllllllllllllllllIIllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllUlllllllllllllIIlIllIlIIIIllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIQ H ere,s CONGRATULATIONS AND AN OFFER OF HELP Our sineere eongrutulzitions to you, Doetor on the eornpletion of your eourse of study in Usteopzithy. Soon you will he entering your life workvin your own ofhee-with your own pruetiee. Aeeept our liest. wishes for un early :intl prolongecl sueeess in this work. It is our hope that we may he of fissistzmee to you. We realize that unless you ure pzirtieulzirly fortunait e your 'finances are likely to he rather limited. Yet you want anal shoulrl have proper anal sufheient equipment. Aloe onfers you lL monthly p:1y1nent plan, without interest or other Charges, that will make it possilwle for you to have eouiplete equip- ment from tl1e start. The A. S. Aloe COIHIJZIIIY is the Worltl's Largest Surgzgieul Supply House. Here you will finrl every- thing you nec-il. ln zuldition, you'll get quality ut the lowest possible prim-es. See our lor-:il Kirksville representative lwefore you leave sf-hool, or write for our 516 page ezitalog. Success to you. Doetor. . S. ALOE CO 1819-21f23 OLIVE STREET ST. LOUIS, MO. 0 willlllllllllllllllIllIlllllllllllllllllllllIIIlllllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKlllllllllllllllllllllllllllKIIIIIIlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllIllllllllllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKQJJ 52213

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THE DAILY DISTRESS In order that Herr Slaterus can carry on with his work, the Ace' tonian Burpological Institution has rounded up every diabetic canine in that country to be pressed into service in an effort to insure the great American ample facilities to concentrate on. It is reported that eleven tank cars have been filled and will be rushed over the rails to Placenta upon arrival of I'IerrSlaterus The only comment heard from Professor Slaterus concerning the coming events was, 'lDer bleasure, mine lieber frens, is all urin'. PING PONG KING ARRIVES Abdul Ben Basin, the muscle bound Mameluke, arrived today for his match in the near future with Ivan Skivar, the mammoth Muscovite. This should really be the Battle of the Century. Both men' are in the pink Cunderwearj condition and should just about tear each other to titters and tatters. Oh, dear. But the ladies will want to know what the Great Abdul was wearing when he breezed into town, now please control yourselves. The love' ly white fit was white oncej robe that he always wears was draped around his manly shoulders in a most fetching way. Really girls you should have seen him. On his head sat the beautiful turban fit should be a potj of white silk. X' Asnur BEN BASIN FACTS LAID BARE AS A NUDIST'S BACK 'LI Am a Fugitive From a Dis' section Gang the latest thriller to be released on an unsuspecting pubf lic in recent years will be shown some time in the near future. Never before has this heartrending tale of the osteopathic student been told so plainly. All the terrible facts laid bare. Like its brother, the Foreign Legion, the Dissection Gang is The crowning glory of this great man is not the white cloak or bon' net but the wonderful beard that he drags around with him. Many is the poor old goat that he has made weep with envy. Long and black his beard stands out like a sore thumb. Of course it is useful as well as ornamental. No soup is too thin, no stew too thick but what this mighty natural strainer does its work. Any day the thicker and more solid parts of gravy may be seen lodged within its luscious depths. It can easily be seen what a help this would be in Abdul's wander' ings in the far places where he hangs out. Then too the beard beautiful may also be used as a place to conf ceal weapons, a wardrobe trunk, friends who do not wish to be seen, and various other ducky little uses that most people would never think of. But let us not waste more time on the beard beautiful. The great man is also an author of note. His book Concealing a Burpv is genf erally thought to be the best work of its kind in Swedish literature. It deals with the gentle art of hiding a burp under almost any condition that one can think of. Have you ever stepped into a crowded elef vator and burped? If so you will value the book beyond words. Never again will those situations arise for you will have the burp whipped after the Hrst chapter. It is on sale in all Bowling Alleys. Come let us leave before Abdul passes the pot. If riding on a locomotive gives you locomotor ataxia, why doesn't riding on a broncho give you bronf chitis? ' 1122011 made up of broken souls. Silently they trudge on toward the end when the greatsfinal tests will come and some will fall to rest more or less permanently in the lab lands. Those who take their cribs in hand and with a courage born of desperation beard the lion in its den, may pass those stern tests and rise to a higher glory. But not for long. The power of the gang is too strong, sooner or later it will rise in the shape of Applied Anatomy and smite them down. But let us get back to our story. I Am a Fugitive from a Dissection Gang is the story of a young man who dared try to escape. Through a long winter he had quietly worked at his table and had been somewhat happy in his work. But spring came and the grass turned green, the trees blossomed, nature called to him. Silently he tucked his upper extremity under his arm and stole away. Out the door, past the boiler house, past the cabin, down the side of the hill to the cool slope. He lay down in the soft grass and gazed at the clear blue sky. Life was good and the Brachial Artery began slowly to fade away. Such peace was not meant for him. Over the crest of the hill dark iigures loomed. Silently they crept upon him. With a sudden rush and roar they were swarming over him. It was the guards come to drag him back. Back to his table, back to Cunningham and Gray, back to the Brachial Artery. But that brief glimpse of the outside world has given him new strength. He will carry on to the end. GUARDS on DUTY AT A Dissncrion GANG CAMP

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THE DAILY DISTRESS 31,000,000 GUESSING CONTEST! Name these buxom wenches and win a pile of dough. No strings tied to it, the money we mean. just bring 25099999 in nickels and dimes to the office of the Daily Distress and receive your prize. All you have to do is think of in nice clean name that can be printed. We intend to use the name on a beautiful bottle containing stable disinfectant that will soon be put on the market. . The name you choose should get into the spirit of the thing, Get a name that will describe the two lovely ladies. It should bring out the fact that they are perfectly at ease and relaxed, you might even say unconscious. Mail all answers to: THE DAn,Y Disraass, Burpsyille, Mo. CONGRATULATIONS to the Stajj' of the 1933 OSTEOBLAST Preparation and production of your 1933 Osteoblast constitutes a notable achievement of which you may well be proud. Becktold Company is gratified at having designed and fabricated the cover for such a fine yearbook. We are also proud of the fact that so many schools turn to Becktold for the yearbook covers, again and again. We regard this as evident appreciation of the beauty and durability of our product, as well as our suc- cess in embodying the school spirit and year- book theme. in cover design. BECKTOLD COMPANY Cover Manufacturers 200-212 PINE STREET - ST. LOUIS, MO. ll222ll