King Philip Regional High School - Chieftain Yearbook (Wrentham, MA)

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After last months mob killing at the Playboy Elite Club, when mob hit men burst into the club and killed everyone, the case finally goes to trial. Representing the mob is Kent MachInegun Belcher, Conslgllore to the East Coast family. The hit men brought up on charges for the slaying of 23 lives are Mike Gunner Dumont, Jlm Reaper McPhearson, and Danny The Skull Boucher. Among the deaths are Rolls Royce manufacturer Bridget Bllnco, tycoon Scott Andrews, Owner of the Playboy Club Chris Cassette. Author of The Best Ever Diet Book Brenda Dahlbeck, environmentalists John Adams and Denise Myette, Fashion Designer Kim Barry. yacht salesman Will Barton, owner of Fantasy Island Julie Rubin Montalbaun,, Whitehouse CPA Jlm Schwartz, Playboy bunny Stephanie Katz, famous actress Kelly Mullin and her husband Mark Doherty, and computer expert Peter lntrelrl. Others who were unfortunately exterminated are Linda Roy, Steve Simmer, Lori Rinaldi, Beth Lakochelle, Tim Masterson, Tracy Allen, Jacque King, Jen Robbins, Ken Wagner, and Lon Hargreaves. District Attorney Paul Conlin made no comment on the matter ..... as usual. On the entertainment front . . . Last summer's blockbuster movie, The Ewoks Rule is up for an academy award for best hairdressing by Maria Coletto. According to Critic Amy Dunn, It was well worth the 57.50 tlcket price. The Ewoks RuIe is The tender story about the Ewoks perverted drive to control the galaxy by killing off all other threatening life forms. Wendy Axworthy as princess Ortega is marvelous. The special effects created by Jim Baker were extraordinarily realistic, those killer worms looked so real. Mark l-'iorillo's directing was also superb. The theme from The Ewoks RuIe entitled Yeah Yeah You're Dead So What is nominated at the grammies for best country and western song. The song was directed by Philharmonic conductor Bob Haddleton, and performed by the band Somebody Please Listen . According to DJ Mike Hazlett, from the radio station WHAZ, the song is soaring up the charts and it's sure to be a 5-'fl smash. On a further note about the band Somebody Please Llsten, lead singer David Ghioni was rushed to the hospital with fractured ribs when he was attacked on stage by the bands only grouple Llsa Geloran. The other members of the band, Bruce Videto and Kevin Nelson, have continued to tour without Ghioni because They don't want to disappoint the fans. Tonight in sports .... Celtics team doctor Laura Pitt was arraigned yesterday on drug charges. Apparently Miss Pitt would put artificial stimulents in the wheat germ of the players because they weren't performing well or working hard enough. Defending her is congressional lawyer Leigh Panettiere, who claims Miss Pitt is innocent because, Well, everybody does lt. Angry cries of Stone herl and Somebody plug in the chairl have been echoing all over Boston. Leading the vlgilante coup ls Barbara Paulson, prominent owner of Paulson's Hardware. Prosecuting attorny Karen Brooks says she is going to make sure Laura Pitt gets what she deserves! Also in sports, the Boston Bruins won the final game in the Stanley Cup Division with a score of 0 to 1 when Bruin Jay Molloy shot past Flyer goalie Jim Cleaves. Boston fans tore down the house. Wife to the U.S. Ambassador from France, Tammy Padula and season ticket holder Barbara Pappas created quite a stir when they jumped the boards onto the lce and hugged and kissed every member of the Bruins team. Other happy Bostonians were east coast bookie Mike Morrisette, hockey uniform designer Jen King who commented, Gee, l hope everyone noticed the stunning pink and blue uniforms I created. Boston coach Jeff Plympton was also pleased. lts been o successful season for Boston Sports. Coming up on News at Eleven we'll have these stories ..... Local woman Kris Gallager was found murdered on a roadside by mute pig farmers. Electrician Ed Holmes finds new energy sources in recycled ravioli and pasta squares. Also we'Il have an update on the Cuban beach crisis. This has been the six o'clock news ..... Goodnight and have a pleasent tommorrow. by Helen Stepanovitch

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Footsteps in the future ..... And now for the six o'clock news - December 13, 2003 .... ln our top story tonight, Cuban factor workers continue their attack on Daytona Beach. Guerilla leader Sean Slattery, known to the Cubans as El Extranof' leads the rebellion with the cry, EL Extrano para dictador de Americal Defeated President Fred the boss Gillis has sent armed troops to suppress the rebellion claiming, We must make the beach safe for Democracy. Besides, the only girls that go to the beach now wear combat boots and carry rifles. Brigadier General Beth Paulson, angered by this statement, has taken a band of followers consisting of Pennsylvania State Senator William Weir, daycare owner Laura McCracken, New England Patriot Carl Nobels, dental hygenist Maria Arado and Union Leader Ken Starefos, and convinced Philadelphia to secede from the union. President elect Jukka Olavi Anttoni Honkaniemi's only comment was, Who cares Philadelphia's no good for anything anyway. Don Guido Ricardo Godfather Leveroni objects to this claiming he gets all his best drugs there. Back on the Daytona shoreline the only fatality reported so far has been the death of beachcomber Rita Preston, who accidentally blew herself up when she picked up a live grenade. And now our own WBZ reporter, All American Boy Larry Skip Rausch is here with a live report. Naval Officer Kyle Stockwell has the beach surrounded with 21 destroyers and 3 torpedo submarines. A trying battle ensued when a company of Cuban soldiers swam out to one of the ships and attacked Capt. William Golding with a barrage of ashtrys and bic lighters. A daring rescue was made by Corporal, soon-to-be-Major, John Ellis when he singlehandedly and bravely fought off the company assault. Corp. Ellis suffered minor injuries but according to naval doctor Regina Petris and R.N. Lorraine Petrosian, He's doing just fine. On the Marine front the few and the proud are taking a severe beating. Marine Commander Douglas McArthur Carson has led his squad of militants across the beach in a daring attempt to save Dawn and Serena's Taco and Burger Barn owned by Dawn Dodmund and .Serena Richards. Wife of one of the marines in this suicide squad, Kim Arnhols just comments, l'm just glad my husband's getting a good meal. Marine biologist Joan Edwards, who is reknown for herumany years of studying marines, made this comment, They seem in great form to me. New advances in modern science have been made today in Mongolia where scientific genius Chris Hayden has just bred the world's-first checkered guinea pig in the back of his jacuzzi club. Quoted Mr. Hayden deleriously as he was being carried away, Ha ha Mr. Ligorl I told you it could be donel During Mr. Hayden's stay at Juli Andrews' Home for the Mentally Deranged his live in assistant, medical technician Kristy Bazaire, has taken over The Business and appointed Karen Pomfret as her personal manager. Graphic Department manager Jennifer Andrews reports, Business has never been better since the takeover. Reportedly several illustrious people have been frequenting the establish ment. According to National Enquirer reporter Kirsten Holst, multimillionaire Marc Wholpers and world renown concert pianist Paula Charron have been spotted on several occasions. Also reported as frequenters to the club are aeronautic engineers Sean McLaughlin and Tim Slaney who said they always have a hell of a time, while Celtics team member Jon Crowell is doing just fine. Unfortunatly since we made this report the Mongolian authorities have had to shut down the club. A comment from Sue Vaphiates, Miss Bazaire's personal secretary, Don't worry we'll be back, you can't stop progress. ln our human interest story tonight we find Ripley's Believe-lt-Or-Not correspondent Mary Laliberte in a Tibetian monestary where a monk, Brother Anthony Cordoni, is building a life size model of the Tibetian god Bob Maduski out of 25 straws and a piece of string. Brother Tony quotes, I've always wanted to do something constructive and this is just my way of expressing myseIf. Ann Pfischner, a poor orphan girl taken in by the monks at an early age, comments Tony, he's a nice guy. He really gets into this monkey stuff. I guess he's just trying to find himself like the rest of us, maybe he should try the yellow pages. Christian leaders Julie Holmes and Helen .Stepanovitch have launched a full scale crusade to Tibet to Stop this evil brigade of satanic dealings in Third World Nations. Along with them is CYO Vice President Ken Pimental and various editions of Modern Day Bible Translations for Modern Day Living.

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