Kenyon College - Reveille Yearbook (Gambier, OH)

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POLITICAL SCIENCE Four Years of Free (?) Enterprise by DR. JOHN CHALMERS; Professor of Economics at Kenyon College ( litis speech teas first delivered at the Senior Class Commencement Dinner, 1950) Mr. President, members of the Graduat- ing Class, Fathers and Colleagues: I have no weighty message tonight. On Sunday and Monday, at more formal occa- sions, you will hear of the seriousness of the task before you, and of your responsibilities to yourselves and mankind. If, in spite of your education at Kenyon, you go out and amass considerable wealth, then you will hear more of your responsibilities to your college. There is, however, no moral to my tale. It aims to be but a sketchy register of the pinnacles, the depths, the crimes, follies and misfortunes of the eminent class of 1950. In September, 1946, one hundred and eighty-one neophytes came over the Bishop’s Backbone, or arrived on what is now of only historical interest, the Pennsylvania Rail- road, to begin a monastic experience opti- mistically called the Kenyon four-year plan. Of the one hundred and eighty-one sec- ondary school cowboys, there would de- velop men of distinction and men of extinc- tion. And much like a big league baseball manager separates the DiMaggios from the Pat Seereys, so does a college send its men of extinction back to the bush leagues. As the Lip” severs from the Giants those who bat less than 200., so does the Rock” give an unconditional release to those aspiring Run- yon men who fall below 2.00. But tonight we gather to pay homage to those of you who have succeeded: those with the sharp and wandering eyes, the supple wrists, the strong fingers, the bent elbows and the abil- ity to wield the shovel if not the bat. Fol- lowing an intensive two-week period of training, prayer, and meditation, during which Gene’s faced bankruptcy, your world series has just taken place in that beautifully appointed and classic structure designed for student comfort, Rosse Hall. Baf- fling pitches were served for the home forces by a full complement of chuckers including Dreadnaught Dennie, Malignant Max, Pul- verizer Paul, F x)lem Phil, and Sinkem Sam. The umpires, exhibiting an all too apparent affinity with the pitching staff, included Ralph the Ripper calling strikes, Rollem Raymond at first, Chopem down Charlie at second and Bustem Bill at third. Heated arguments took place between the unbiased men in blue and Fair Frank, field manager for the batters, who sensed a conspiracy con- ducive to a no hit, no run series. Sound ef- fects were supplied from the dugout by Yakkity Pat. Sustenance between innings, jokingly termed Mystery meals or yon guess what it is, was served by the bountiful Bobbseys. Injured players—or those just too sick to think—were practiced on by Leave- ein-die Lee. Throughout, hits, runs, errors, stolen bases, beer mugs and dance week-end dates were compiled by the official score keeper. Stupendous Stew. Now the wonder of all this is that, despite the little world series each February and June and the more recent hard fought bat- tle, there are 133 of you sporting a 2.00 batting average or better. And in this group we have our Ralph Kiners, Stan Musials and even a Ted Williams, the valedictorian with an average of 3.81. Though the average that you have com- piled may seem to you at the moment to be of the greatest significance, you will remem- ber longer the fast plays, the double plays and when the game was called because of rain or women. Your first impression of the men of cap and gown, to be revered, obeyed and slaved for, were supplied by the Collegian through the acid pen of an anonymous upperclass- man. Here it was pointed out, and I quote: Captain Fbcrle and Winkie: Cap is a stern prof who is too fond of fresh air. Winkie is a bitch. Dr. Coffin will hang you on the first dangling participle. Dr. Berg: he doesn't smoke, he doesn’t drink and he doesn’t pass the boys who do. Dr. Timberlake—is a driving professor. Mr. Pasini: From a tin god to a stout Coach. (Continued on page 28) Page 27

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MAJORS IN Charles H. Dolan William R. Chadcaync Poge 26

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MAJORS IN POLITICAL SCIENCE George W. Hoithaus John S. Tommasscnc Roger G. Miller Four Years of Free (?) Enterprise Dr. Cummings: a psychologist in dire need of a psychia- trist.” Things ran smoothly until the last dance week-end of the Pre- Bailiolithic era. This was a dance week-end in name only. Everyone was in the swim. Rather than having a party that would go down through history, too many went down to Shaffer Pool and Student Government went down too. This thoroughly wet event climaxed your freshman year. Having passed from the lowly status of freshmen, defined by some as those who know not and know not that they know not, to Sophomores who know not and know that they know not, you attempted to impress your superiority on the new fuzzies through a series of traditional events leading to the usual defeat of the Sophomores in the cane rush anti the rope pull. That this victory typically goes to brawn rather than brains can be attributed in part at least to the zealous process of selectivity practiced by the faculty, as well as the normal attrition caused by the rude awakening of non-catalogue reading prospective students who finally discover, after infrequent trips to the li- brary, that the women there are student wives and that Kenyon is not co-ed. Among the arriving fuzzies still with us, should be includet! Professors Paul Schwartz, Dave Strout, Jim Michael, and the erroneously rumored chip off the old granite, John Chalmers. After a short period of time extending to the first down report, there appeared to be some question as to whether the above mentioned first year men were being properly initiated or whether, on the contrary, they had taken Hell Week into their own hands. As Juniors, who know but know not that they know, high spirits followed a successful indoctrination of the entering class in a Freshman week. Then, vandals from Ashland College de- scended upon our fair community before a football conflict and desecrated our most sacred shrines. Paint was smeared on Bex- ley Hall, the Rutherford B. Hayes lawn in Benson Bowl and the tomb of Philander Chase. Effective retaliation began in the next month. Illogically, the counter-moves were directed not against Ashland but against our neighbor to the south, Denison. The difference in the quality of the co-eds in these rival insti- tutions seems to have been decisive in the determination of the object of sustained student endeavor. When the so-called men of Denison instituted a no-date week, the gentlemanly Lords rush- ed to the aid of the Denison damsels. Not only did our timor- ous male rivals pledge themselves to no dates, they ruled as well that all Denison women should be banned to Kenyon for the (Continned on page 139) Robert J. Carr