Kemper Military School - Yearbook (Boonville, MO)

Text from Pages 1 - 156 of the 1905 volume:

' P I an Y x if A.-fa v l 1- I L 4 A.. J' fi we xlvk , m , 535, V I r . . N '. r 'Q' . QM' i'fQ,':1.'y ,. 4 ' J 'lx RDA .--4 - . :Aff 'g. ..,.,. N 1 Y. , . lx. x J A A rl. ,xljfig y ??C?':' -U-jg:-' f .lf , . Q' ,t 5A vi. -b .r -gg X . - .. J lj. 1 6, ' A 1 -. :N -, .wt ... VI 1, X V. i Lv I 1 IIJZ. - ' :A- J-vw - a--- - 3-' 1 Egfr XY 1 V 4 , ...,',-X: H, :g .D ' . -'R' , 4 3' J .7g-.nw in r li 'Y1J, 11'-.qw J A -' i 'f-1,1?'?:9S,+ , 1 -,Jg ,, ..x ' p 4 A 1 . ,g Q 1 .- 1 T' 41 1. -if I . S x' 1 s, .il I , V .A w ' ' U Juni.-V, is A v gn rc. .5 Q- '- 1-. ,- 'i .gif- wi- , . ' 2 'Q' x '--A Ill 4 J- 1f. V-.ll . .lp ' . ' 7.1. x V Q... -f .f ' . f, ,v Jf. ' 1 . ' x -Q ' 1 . 'QY4 410 .Z A fr 4- ,z ' , a ..- v, ' ',. , xr- - Qf .hw 'V' ' 4 1-'I gm ' J E . ii...- Y I k'! . 154 ,rf . i. .! ,Q 'Wg - .- . .v ' .'..,H,n, . ' . 3 T' .1 w'f. . .', Y' vv'-,. , ,L .v- Q, .ii , . 43 ' . ., . 1 . .., si K.,- ,.. I ,',v -11 'V o ' 4 1 I' ,gina '-l ' . . 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The public school system had scarcely struggled to its birth. The population were hardly a generation removed from the daring pioneers of civilization who fought Indians and lived by hlmting. There Was no large educated class, no accumulated wealth, no traditions or atmosphere of culture. Into this educational wilderness came a young man, Frederick Thomas Kemper, recently gradu- ated from a Western Missionary College. Born of a stock of which several members have achieved dis- tinction in church, in state, and in letters, he inherited splendid natural abilities. Reared to manhood in the mountains of Virginia, their sub- limity and strength, and to some degree their ruggedness, were built into his character. Though edu- cated at a College without age or traditions it included in its Faculty several great-souled men from whom he received a strong religious im- pulse and a bias towards classical culture that made him pre-eminent among scholars in that department of learning. Having decided to make education his life work and having selected Boonville as ii location he founded 4 here a school in May, 184-4. Begin- ning with no building, with no finan- cial backing, and with slender pa- tronage, the school t'hus and then begun has lived, grown, and pros- pered to this day. The first building was erected for it in 1845 on the present site. After some experiment- ing to determine the scope and ideals of the work to be undertaken, it was given the form of a boys' prepara- tory school which it still retains. Only in the addition of the military feature has there been any change in the character of the school, and the change in this regard has been more apparent than real, as the or- der, accuracy, obedience and atten- tion to detail that belong to military usage were cardinal features of his system. He once in court described his oc- cupation as the making of men. No mere imparting of information filled his ideal. He conceived of an educated man as a power, ready for action in any desired direction, and with desires chastened and trained so as to choose only those directions which are good. Admirably as the methods and machinery of his school were adapted to these ends, his own life, words and examples were the best means he employed. Some one has said a log with President Mark Hopkins on one end and a student on the other would make a univer- sity. Prof. Kemper lived the life he taught and his goings out and comings in taught lessons of per- sonal conduct and instilled lessons in achievement that find their echoes and work their results all over our country in lives trained under his care. His laborious, useful and hon- ored life came to a close in 1881. He labored and we have entered into his labors. His intellectual sons are in every business and in every State. His politics have been vindicated, and his ideals have been increasingly realized. It is the busi- ness of us to whom his work has fal- len and who are gathering Where he so wisely sowed, to see that the school that bears his name shall at- tain to ever increasing usefulness and that the name of Kemper shall grow in renown with the years. is-I' 1Nf,'gQfifEr'!4? ' N532 ' W -4---ang - , - , Ai: 1,1-' - -...., .. -...L lf. ...Q , 1 -A.. 5 James Gibson. f -n 'dll' ill av 1 H! Y Cwzmeutory to Kemper Memorial Whdow. A list of the contributors to the fund for the Frederick Thomas Kemper memorial window in the First Presbyterian Church, Boon- ville, Mo. Mrs. S. H. Kemper. Rev. and Mrs. Wm. Warren. Mr. and Mrs. Jas. T. Montgomery. Mr. and Mrs. L. M. Wheeler. Mr. and Mrs. P. R. Toll. Mrs. William Campbell. J. A. Quarles. D. C. McCurtain. H. B. Rollins. E. R. Taylor. Washington Adams. W. H. Bocock. A. D. Stanley. F. G. Gantz. A. M. Hitch. E. E. Browning. J. A. Wettendorf. R. W. Cocke. M. H. Brewster. W. M. Hoge. P. G. Bender. 6 Lynn W. Smith. Geo. F. Black. Henry F. Black. Geo. E. Priest. T. A. Johnston. Chas. G. Miller. David Spahr. J. P. Huston. W. Speed Stephens. H. H. Smiley. C. W. Blow. Virgil M. Harris. Geo. T. Irvine. L. A. Daly. B. C. Lockwood. Frank D. Roberts, Jr Frank R. Smiley. Fritz Meredith. R. A. Johnston. W. E. Evans. E. H. Harris. M. M. McCarty. J. M. Byler. O. Keuckelhan. F. C. Livingston. Samuel Davis. Lambert Ott. Frank McConnell. THE FREDERICK THODIAS KEDIPER DIEDIORIAL YVINDOYV KEMPER FAMILY SCHOOL IN MR. IKEMPEIPS TIME IQEMPER MILITARY SCHOOL 1904 1 V N -1 5. CH P N. n .- O 51 r 2? -4-4 ,!,!' f 4 ws-ar Y 6 w Q 52 + gi 5 Q T7 Q? f 'L' 2 5 U f W N F4 er K 1 M 21- X N P' 1 im 1 Q TJ 7' F11 .1 '12 l VT n Ax 3 5 ii M lx 1? ' - X 10 FACULTY. Family amz' OW6675 COLONEL T. A. JOHNSTON, A. M. QM. S. UJ, Superintendent-Greek and Latin. MAJOR QMO. N. GJ C. H. CABANISS, JR., 1st Lieutenant U. S. Army QGrad. West Pointp, Military Science and Tactics QDetaiIed by Secretary of Warj and Commandant. MAJOR R. L. EVANS, M. D., Surgeon. CAPTAIN A. M. HITCH, A. B. QM. S. U.J, English, Latin and German. CAPTAIN REA A. JOHNSTON QV. M. IJ, Post-Adjutant and Grammar School Department. CAPTAIN GEORGE T. IRVINE, A. B. QKenyonJ, Mathematics and Science. CAPTAIN H. C. JOHNSTON, Quartermaster. CAPTAIN GEORGE W. BURKE, Business Department. CAPTAIN RAYMOND C. WHITE, Ph. B. QHamiIton Collegey, History. CAPTAIN B. F. CLAY, Violin, Mandolin, Guitar and Cornet. MRS. GRACE MOSHER JOHNSTON QKnoxJ, Piano and Voice. MRS. CARRIE REA JOHNSTON, Home Department. La... 44. g if Msn it XXX A Kf 11. gp 'Ffa 'nk Q,g2.??. 9: 1 gn: 7352,3f3.J Af ww- -ww, f. ,, Nxxx 1 -fi! x 2. ., A N N I fi? X MX 'Z Nx X x f -ifjhx 9 wx R5 naw ' evil? xx M 3 Aff ' kk J av-ff' H r Y XXXXX x XX X a 1 Xlg .5 , 1i v ww vw: 'f xx XC' 1' NJN. N?z,4,.,.1 'fr L' V 'gg 3:5 N fs 69 I 1. 'smgff A yr 'x I If vw iff, -Gif 'SH 1 'V '43- X3 .. :'.f i' wi .z .. . , ax.. ,G-bi, -ff X, .qw 'QW x X I 4 aw '7 'uw' fb.. 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'Z' iffiif'--'Zi' ' '19 , na fairly- .Qf,:m.,,c: ,Q - L 'y-,-'.'o,',.- 1. 3- 1.1-'Lg'-,, :' .L , V 54? 1.-5.gfg.-QQ fffejl- 'nf 1 IIIAE . ' 4 ' 'fx q,5f1: ff,'l . 'Jf .I'j:.1':.iv ' 1 -Flo -f .If1 'vi f-:g 4 ':': 1 :,. .- f.. V 'I' . 134 if V LA M A 1 '-J.-2, V .r. ' . z :ffm-fi.-K :. .IL TS-l,, 5' QRN1' 4217 iff., ' QHIX ,I ' ' if :Ig 'iii 73.55 f':f-3 V! lx -..k,.,,. xc: J1.,q.lA ,, ' A R1 9 :' g qv swf 3 ' 'i xii? VMI 'X .Q f tu V Q, 6 tf II1 xx '11 ' 5 , V A V51 ' 'I V V RJ 575' K1 if - ww 4,6 '! 1 S3 TQ ,, . 'Q 0.93, -Vg. V 'E I lf! V yy N-. .. , . r 'f' ' 'L A x A X5 xff . N K xxxgx R. 11 s. 'ii' If ff Q mf' uf? W 4 HIE- fl D lm CLASS SENIOR Senior Class R. C. CROMLEY, President. A. V. BICCORKLE, Secretary. P. C. L'AMoREAUx, Historian. HE first heralds of the morning, in the shape of pale beams of light, come and softly lay their rays upon the sleeping figure of our judge, the royal keeper of the gate of Heaven, St. Peter. He quickly arises from his couch and steps into his bath of perfumed water, then eats a hearty meal of chickory, hash and dough balls. The order of the day is read consisting of convicts from every state in the uniong ministers, doctors, lawyers, laborers and the notable class of Kemper '05, As the last item is read he starts, wheels sud- denly and goes to t.he ponderous gate, which he unlocks, then orders the judgment bar to be prepared. VVhir of wings, low rumbling sounds, and the bleat of sheep as the pride of Kemper class of ,05 enters the golden portal of St. Peter. How cometh this thing into my presence P saith St. Peter. Sir, I am a gentleman. I'll be sworn thou art. Thy 14 tongue, thy face, thy limbs and spirit doth give the fivefold blazonf' CTO the recording angelj What charge against this gentleman? Recording Angel: Sir, this spirit on the twenty-seventh of February, year of 1905 did grossly contem- plate sitting in nigger heaven for no other reason except that this de- crepit miser would save fifteen cents. Thomas Armory Lee, is this charge correct? Correct except that Ctears, sobs and loud wailingsQ-- Debased mortal thou art not get- ting off a report to the Major. Down with him, next. l I X ll ll 5' I . CML e - X5 X uf 'V m x. -P , f a H UTTYLX , fl e W J, vog- Enter Robert Bernard Alderson borne on flowery beds of ease. He hath a military bearing, saith St. Peter, How came he by it? R. A.: As a sergeant in the K. M. S. C. C. He was a veteran of three bloody campaigns against Capt. VVhite. He was that bright and shining star that in the study hall on the morning of the 22nd of Feb., in the words of the immortal Thomas maliciously and privily tri- fled with the organization of discip- line by stealing the bugles on the morning of Washington's Birth- day. St. Peter.: Hast thou else against him P R. A.: He did in his life what any other man would do in time of adversity, he slept. St. P.: Brave man. Unseat the Knight of the Hatchet and the Cherry Tree, Geo. Washington, and place the illustrious Thebo on his pedestal. QA card with ihe name of Senator Cockrell, Jr., is placed in St. Peter's hands. St. P.: Show him in. A tall big-footed, raw-boned fel- low walks up to St. Peter and asks him in a rather hesitating voice if there is any more room. St. P.: Read the charge. - -9 ,- .nlglr ...s ., 'Lim R. A. Creadingj: When a boy he ran away from school- St. P.: Enough, explain that. Cockrell: I was newg I was abusedg the old boys made me sing mean songs fand I couldn't singj like Home Sweet Home, The Black Cat, and Take me Back to Mother. I didn't like it. I determined to es- cape, so one dark and dreary night with two confederates I with under- shirts tied about my neck, socks, handkerchiefs, hair brushes and whisk-broom in my pocket, leaped from the second hall window. To escape detection we decided to walk to Franklin Junction and there after two hours hitting ties we arrived. We were desperateg to be caught meant disgrace so we lay in the tim- ber the remainder of the night and until the sun was high in the heavens. I hid my money in my shoe and as it was now bright midday we saun- tered into a Franklin cafe and were captured. Oh! how horrible the sen- sation to know 'Lhat I had to go back and face the jests of those boys. I who had been heretofore looked up to, a senator's son. I who had been a house-man in Warrensburg would have to take that. I took it, but how hard. The cruel bull ring, I shall never forget it. St. P.: Put him on the waiting list. Next. 15 fI,The heavens become bright: a glow like the Aurora of the north. Heaven rocks on its foundation. St. Peter trembles. The war dogs are unchained. Angels strew multi- tudes of flowers over the Milky Way. 'Tis but the coming of the succes- sor of Gen. Booth, Grand High Chief Mogul Major General Glory Alleluia Ray Cromley, of the Salva- tion Army. Mars is a back number. Napoleon looks like thirty cents. Is there anything against me? Qln a deep commanding voice.j Not thee, not thee, saith St. Peter. Thou art appointed com- mander of the heavenly host to do battle against the evil spirit. Cromley: 'Tis but a continua- tion of the work I first started while a captain in the K. M. S. C. C. They saw my merits when yet a boy and pushed me forward. I became an idol of the school. Was Presi- dent of the Senior class, Captain of the football team. In fact Tom Johnston was my right hand man. Once I smoked a cigarette. I did penance for a month. Went to St. Louis, said How-are-ye-Tate. Did penance for a year. But I am tired and must restg carry me to my bed of roses. QA very bowlegged, sad faced, de- jected mortal with slow step comes before the judgment bar. 16 St. P.: Why so sad? Reuben E. Lucas: For many years I have tried to win her heart but have failed completely. When I was a boy she gave me some en- couragement, let me come up when Holmes was sick or away from school. I loved her all my poor heart could stand. To win her was my life's aim and I have toiled and worked, gained wealth for her but in vain. I was ready to lay down my life for her merest wish but she trampled on my affections and so here I am, a broken -sinner before the bar to be done with as the chaff by the harvestersf' St. Peter: VVho is this wonder- ful maiden? R. E. L.: Peruna, the wife of my rival. St. P.: You have had a hard life and I pity you. Enter into the Golden City and in the third house from the corner of Love's avenue Peruna awaits you. fl, Brigham Young Third waiteth for admission. St. Peter: What! hath that mis- erable yap nerve enough to ask ad- mission here? Let the charges be read in his presence that he may see his multiplied sins. Enter Tummy Stephens. St. P.: Charges. Lend thine ear, base sinner. R. A. fAfter bringing out twelve heavy volumesj: I will begin at his early life. CReadingj: 'Tummy entered K. M. S. 1903 and became a renowned Hunky to .the Micks. Was the scourge of the doctor. Lived on his horde of relatives. COf course he did not thrust himself upon them but he Wrote, It will be convenient for me to come over next week. I know you want me to come so bad. j He acquired during his cadetship a liking for woman which led fin- ally to his immortal sin.' St. P.: Read from the tenth vol- ume. R. A.: In 1905 he purchased the largest apartment house in Salt Lake City to be his harem. His family increased. He beat Solomon by two wives. His children num- bered 1796. In 1960 he became Grand Apostle of the Stephens Church and built an exact represen- tation of the Harem of Solomon. He now had Solomon beat by 16 wives. His grown daughters served as stenographers to correspond for more.', St. P.: Stop. Brigham Young Stephens, I condemn you. I send you to fry with Joseph Smith and Bngham Young First. fLEnter L'Amoreaux, lead pencil in right hand, dirty day book in left. St. P.: Who is this runt of a man P R. A.: 'Tis Paul C. L'Amoreaux, strike breaker, hazer, and finan- cier. St. P.: NP. C. L'Amoreaux, step forward and hear the charges against you. R. A. Creadsj: Spent early life running loose on the streets of Chi, was finally caught and sent to K. M. S. Early training was shown by his attempt to steal the shoes April 1st, 1904-. Won general respect from old boys and brought anxiety to the hearts of the new boys and Tom by his hazing. Is commonly supposed to have marked a 'pile of the filthy lucre' by handling dance and show funds. Took the pipe line for a Qd Lieut. He- St. P.: That's enough, show him the elevator. fl,Two long blasts by Gabriel, enter Taylor Rudolph Hudson. VValks with manly stride up to St. Peter and pulls his whiskers. VVhat, you don't know who I am? I'm Hud- son, didn't you ever hear of my family, the Hudsons, Jerk ye? Pulls them again. Then proceeds to run the recording angel away and look up a word in the Century Dictionary Ah, I have it. Paradise, a place of repose, show me the way in. St. Peter becomes frightened and moves heaven away leaving Hudson sitting in space. 17 . - - -, i, -:g f f,,, Q ,Jam -A 'HN ' 4-LU ff M-' ' 51. - 1 X f , IA fx 1Sfff3HK f' O-Y' ,Vyffff 1 in V 'oyf . D . 1 I :ffm ' ,M 11 llfgnqf K x, 7 Q 1,15 lyw td 'W ,Wim ix 1- x f' Uf -'vi gb tix ff I S ,Q di 'X I' ll 1 S ' A V '. Q A ' 'ff I6 K fIff1T'j' ix u - ' ,Nj -',-1. ' 'fff J 1 4 ' ff'!?f7F' Q l QJXMMMW , Q N 5' - 0, P' ' , 5, 1 x, fx f 'K I W I 1,4 , ' U1 V, j W f -1 M' x ff 5 ' XG , me-W 1 x N A ,f I x ' ff '1 K . ' ' ff . f 6' ' rw y ' I 0 ,SN U 1 l yr r f ' WL k AH l ,X M . :Q M y ,X all- ,ilk . X ' Mr ' 434 I 'V M 'b wiv 'V A :Q row I J, :ly Anezgos DQR 1 XX ' I I QRNEU . 'f '? . 'f 5'w B A xl fir ' 5' ' flflal-ll'V5 1+Wf ,xg , A 4 - Ai22gWW37 K Q M Qgi. M. al if 1 T Q I Z ' NN 1 -1 W W1 F X 3f5v3gW 3Jw9 'SSX' SOME SENIOR FUTURES But we meet him later on, In the place where he has gone, VVhere it's always double drill And no canteen. CKansas Cityj I-Ie'll be squatting on the coals Pronouncing words for poor damned souls And teaching them the difference of between. fI,The great two hundred and sixty four pound coach of the Appleton City football team comes rolling in on a bicycle. St. P.: You are come at last. Yeh! I kinder thought when I was on the farm that I heard a voice callin' me so I got on my bike and come. St. P.: You come here merely for judgment, not to stay. You have deceived the public with your close- shut mouth. You are a sport, a gen- uine sport. That sporty career, I know where you started it. It was when you and Lucas commenced to room together. Browning: Say, light them in- decent lights so I kin see your face. St. P.: Ernie E. Browning, try not to pollute the heavens with any deception. You have one chance. I will show you the good and I will show you the bad. Choose for your- self. St. Peter leads him into streets, shows him the palaces of pearls, magnificent statues of dia- monds, pavements of gold, all the glories of a life of salvation. Then he leads him to the precipice and lets him look into the bottomless pit. Ernie straightens, sees something, looks long, face expands. Down in the fire with beady eyes and pointed tails and crooked horns are twenty- two imps of Satan. What are they doing? Playing football with Lucas for the ball. With one violent yell Ernie leaps headlong over the bat- tlements and down, down, down into eternal fire. fl.St. Peter slowly gathers his man- tle about him and with tearful eyes returns. As he enters he hears the whistle of the cheese factory on the river- Styx and orders his dinner. A sumptuous repast of cornbread and gravy is brought in and set be- fore him. He crumbles up several pieces and puts gravy on them and commences. Shortly, as he is put- ting a piece to his mouth, Edgar Vaughn Simpson with a cuteC?jges- ture snaps it from St. Peter's fingers and eats it. St. Peter not used to such treatment, jumps up and looks at him. Simpson thanks him and sits down in St. Peter's seat and starts on the Cornbread, gravy, and stale jokes. Say, St. Peter, old boy, where was Moses when the light went out? St. Peter looks at 19 him and scratches his hoary pate for in Simpson's words the summit of his pericraniumj. E. V. S.: Well, if vou can't guess that one, why does a chicken cross the road? Simpson then de- liverers his famous epic poem, Beans By All Means. St. Peter becomes flustrated and tries to shut Simpson up but without avail. Still tells jokes St- Peter tries absorbent cotton and sends for the Recording Angel. St. P. fto R. AQ: Read 'Cl1C charges. R. A.: He caused a famine in K. M. S. after three meals, with his dainty appetite. Butted into con- versations, butted into dancing school, butted into Lockwood, butted back again, butted his way up the milky way and butted into heaven. St. P.: Butt out again. QR. A: VVebster's rival waiteth at the gate. St. P.: VVho is he? R. A.: Newton Axie Johnson of Washington, D. C. St. P.: lVhat say the records about him? R. A. QReadingj: At an early age, being too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work he en- tered K. M. S. and became the de- light of the Eng. Lit. class. His articulation of words was something 20 novel. He could not be dispensed withg so remained there for three years. He could growl and bite, make faces, bluff some people, and was the bosom companion of the pri- mary students K PQ. His pugilistic record has never been surpassed. Whipped Hadly, that notable heavy weight. It was rumored he rode Axie into the very iaws of Col. T. A.'s den. He had an eminent literary career. Wrote beautiful verses to his Goddess Minerva. His sonnets were soul inspiring. His death was sad. One day he became angry and with the strength of Hercules but- ted his brains out against a brick wall. St. P.: Tell him to take the ele- vator down. Gln the distance o'er the broad ex- panse of sky a beautiful white cloud is seen approaching the Golden Gate. St. P.: YVhat meaneth that? Sweet strains of music come float- ing on the breeze accompanied by countless legions of fairies. A mag- nificent 10 ft. yacht heaves into sight. Seated in the stern direct- ing an orchestra of superior beauty, clothed in green and gold is Joseph Baccus Behr. Mozart, Beethoven, Rubenstein and others are drawn up to welcome him while Sir Thomas Lipton stands with head bent watching with watering eyes that superb yacht. Welcome home. Gabriel submitteth his place to you. Behr arises from his seat, steps out, and bows. His loosely-connected body falls apart and the angels hasten to put him to- gether. VVhen his head is stuck on his body he is found to be saying, Although I lived in K. C. I love the East, I belong in the East, in N. Y. any where, O Lord, but the West. St. P.: He is fatigued, lay him on the couch. fl1 XVhat cometh here ? speaketh St. Peter. R. A.: I'is Man and Wife just newly wed who drank arsenic that they might die in each other's arms. St. P.: What's that he says? Voice from outside gate: Can't you hear the rain and hail am fastly falling? St. Peter. St. Peter. St. Peter: VVhat wanteth he? R. A.: He wisheth to enter. St. P.: Bring him before me. A long, lean, bent, curved, shaggy, hatchet-faced, odious mortal comes wollowing along with a beautiful damsel by his side, into the presence of St. Peter holding forth a shekel. St. P.: I had not thought to have unlocked my lips in this unhal- lowed air but that this juggler would think to charm my judgment, and that lady. E. B. H.: She is my beloved wife, Peruna, and we have perished in unison that we might dwell with one another in this land of love. St. P.: Enter, Peruna, but thou, E. B. Holmes, I bid thee back to earth to serve as a mummy for eight generations. Next. fI,'Y0ur name. Claude Harkinsf' Charge? R. A.: Gross inattention, long continued inattention, prolonged in- attention, inattentive to announce- ments by his past instructor in mathematics, G. T. Irvine, who now carryeth water for Noah's ele- phant. VVhat have you done to offset these charges P VVhile in Kemper I rose to the rank of private, was a gallant to the ladies and became a ilunky to the Senior Class. St. P.: '4Enough. Three life- times in purgatory. Now what did I say?,' Harkins: You said to stick them over your transom. St. P.: Away with him. Next. ' 1 lf ' ., f - gg , 1 es - -' I is , ' I up it F I K aw ii ' 1 ,I 4 fag, LW, ' f xi' 4 , 4,--Y I ' I it -' Q ' .y y , f fg V ' If :R ' Il . i 1' I - bg W, lm I . wi I il - 1.5 i. , ll iw I AS' 21 fl,A tall, bony fellow with high forehead flike a cowj steps up to the judgment bar. St. P.: Who art thou? Mc.: On what authority do you piesume to question me thusly? St. P.: Knowest thou where thou art? Mc.: VVhat business is this of yours ? St. P.: fTo R. AJ Read his life's history. R. A. freadingj: HA. V. Mc- Corkle was born in Kemper in 1885. Gained an enviable reputation as a bull-dozer and loafer. During his 29 years at Kemper he wrote some famous satires on Uncle Artie, Un- cle George, his Nibs, and Cousin Tom. It was rumored that he was a relative to Old Tom. During his 30th year he was a charter member of the famous band of rudians called the Micks. Later in life he be- came the editor of the Squib, a pa- per in Podunk, Mo. At the age of 35 he returned to Kemper where af- ter 6 years he was elected council- man of the third ward to succeed the time-worn politician, Shorty John- ston. He died of the cigarette habit acquired by his intimacy with Crom- leyf' St. P.: Conduct him to the stairway. fI,Enter tramp, long hair, beard un- kempt, very slouchy bearing, comes 22 shuffling into the presence of St. Peter. Mc.: Can I get a bite to eat and the price of a. lodging for a night? St. P.: VVho art thou? Mc.: My name is H. L. Mc- Fee. St. P.: Didst thou ever serve any time ? Mc.: Three years in Kemper. St. P.: VVhat did you do there? Mc.: I became a first Lieut. af- ter making the Major believe I had a little knowledge of the tactics. Fact is, I drew on the Major a great deal. Really, I love the Major. The Major was my idolg yes, Me and the Major became great pals and I used to like to sit at his table in the dining room. One day I made 69 in spelling and startled the whole institution, then Alder- son said I might room with him, if 'I was good, so on the strength of that I was given charge of the hall but my star did not shine bright on lVashington's birthday so the Col. removed my dignity from me. Dur- ing my third year I had frequent at- tacks of the O. D. disease which saved me many a flunk. Capt Irvine faforesaid water-carrier for Noah's elephantj one day questioned my ve- racity in class and I left in disgust. The senior class committee came for my resignation that even- ing and as the lump rose in my throat my voice became indistinct until someone pulled my chair and I then saw the point to the joke ffor themjf' St. P.: Show him the path as he belongs to Simpson's class. fl',Heavenly light grows dim. Beau- tiful shadows form around St. Peter and he prepares for his even- ing meal. Dinner is served to him and after a quiet hour over a pipe and the Haversack, he goestobed. A few hours afterward a horrible sound is heard outside the gateg St. Peter jumps out of bed in alarm, rushes to the gate and behold! Fran- cis C. Grimes! six thousand hours late with four cast iron fog horns, stands trying' to blow reveille. Fran- cis sees St. Peter and lowers his fog horn. St. P.: What meaneth this un- seemly noise at this unseemly hour? Francis: Some one said that the senior class of K. M. S. 1905 were in here. If they are, I want to come ing see? St. P.: Knowest thou not that I was asleep and thou wakedst me? Thinkest thou that I would admit you now? Grimes: I was always late every where else I went and they got used to it so you might as well let me in. CFrancis is somewhat like Chesty and was meanwhile try- ing to squeeze past St. Peter.j St. P.: You are not on earth now. Your days of being late and then excused have passed. St. Peter looks hard at him and he feels the ground giving way be- neath his feet and down-down- down he went. Poor fellow his bug- les are now melted and he does not like it. fI,The harsh, discordant blasts sounded on the fog-horn by Father Francis had so shattered St. Peter's nerves that he took a cup of chick- ory and sent a page for that prince of musicians, the leader of the celes- tial orchestra, Joseph Baccus Behr, to bring a band of players and lull him to sleep with the best of all his excellent numbers, Blue Bell. 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From the exchanges of the HAvERsAcx the historian has clipped the follow- ing interesting items concerning members of the junior class. fThe Indicator, St. Paul, Minn., April 16, 1905.1 AUL WOOD who now at- tends K. M. S. has just written us a letter that would do justice to any policeman. He says he hopes to in- vent a remedy for redness of the skin. Wood is a chip oil' the old block and may he burn with great brilliancvf' QAsylum Flirt. Nevada, September 24, 1904.1 fl,At the dance given at our institu- tion last night Sow Callaway made the startling announcement that we would see his smiling face and graceful manners no more for he leaves today for Kemper. Ta, Ta, Sow, may you be as successful soc- ially in Boonville as you have been at the asylum. CBoWdoin Index, Mar. 15, 1905.5 fl,lVe are pleased to announce that our coach has succeeded in securing for next season the services of Mat Cooper, that great western player 26 who invented the famous play know as Cooper mit de ball. This' assures for us the New England championship. CSt. Louis Mirror, Dec. 15, 1904.3 fl,From a letter of inquiry sent to Col. T. A. Johnston of Kemper Mili- tary School, we learn that Mr. Er- nest Mills of the West End has dis- tinguished himself in school this year in many ways. He is doing well in, his studies and in battling for what he thinks is right there is none more strenuous. Go .t Ernest. fBoonville Newser, Sept. 22, 1904.5 QJimmy Johnson, a heap big in- jun from the reservation, arrived' in town today to attend K. M. S. CClub Regular, April 16, 1904.j Qlf Polly Page is bent with age and has Cyranno's nose and canno spell two hoops in-well, to save his, scented toes, why shou1dn't he an ' Cooper dwell in some secluded plac where human beings never go. 'T would greatly help the race. . fSpecial to the Associated Pressj lI,Da11as City, Ill., Sept. 21, 1904- George and Henry Black, the pride of the town, left today for Kemper. They were accompanied to the de- pot by the band. The business houses were closed and decorated with gay bunting. Both of the young men made touching speeches at the station. CChicago Boomer, Feb. 16, 1905.3 fllWe received an interesting let- ter from Cadet McKinney a short time ago praising the name of his friend Cadet Dorland, H. He con- siders Dorland the best looking fel- low in Boonville when he is attired in his baseball suit and admires his wonderful appetite very much. Mc- Kinney savs that he used to think that he could eat but since Dorland arrived he has been forced to take a back seat. Dorland and McKinney are inseparable companions. CScavenger-Prognosticator, K. M. S. Mar. 7, 19059 fl,We will have soon ended the sec- ond prosperous year of our existence. We have just made a splendid addi- tion in the way of an editor who has fully redeemed our expectations. This gentleman is none other than Cadet Sherman, late of Trinidad, Col., and the grandson of the mighty warrior of the Civil War. His is that Hot Air Ship style which takes so well and we feel that with the aid of this talented man we will accomplish much. f Town Doings May 12, 1905.1 fl',Cadet Sombart of K. M. S. has been promised by his papa that on his graduation he will receive a first class St. Louis hair-cut. Sombart's musical tone of voice, which is pecul- iar to himself, has won for him many honors, as it has that touching sweetness which is rarely found. For this reason the Haversack board has decided to give him all rights in the city of Boonville to sell the Hav- ersack. f Chicago Side Issue, Sept. 29, 19059 fl,We greatly grieve the departure of our young friend Shoen to Kem- per Military School to complete his education but it is for the best so we dry our tears. Young Shoen has traveled through many states as will be easily seen on surveying his post marked countenance. The new scenes by which he will be sur- rounded will add a few more checks which so Well set off his Ro- man nose. He will probably be the social lion of the school. fThe Dallas Early Riser, Mar. 19, 1905.3 fl,The best specimen of young man- hood that Kemper can boast of is without doubt the young giant New- ton who has been ceded the title of The Young Lion. Although he is exceptionally strong physically he IS very weak as a scholar which is due perhaps to the fair sex. He has decided to marry the Major and re- ceive as dowry, a nice corporal, for it has been noticed for sometime that the Major has been making sweet eyes at him. VVe hope happi- ness will be theirs. 27 fThe Dallas Right-there-with-the Goods Journal, Apr. 6, 1905.j It is rumored that the other day Cadet Byers of Kemper came near mixing some mud in true Japa- nese fashion but his fire Went out and he stopped boiling. They say that his upper story stove was off and that his pins were bent. After some little delay things Were put in order again with the aid of the Col- onel and the report book. fThe Mexican Interlocutor, Albu- querque, N. M., Apr. 7, 1905.D fl,Cadet Hutchison is a fluent talker and has won his spurs in the eyes of the Major who thinks that Hutch couldn't be improved upon. His expressions are so Well placed that it nearly puts one to sleep listening to them. The graceful positions he assumes While speaking bring back to memory Lincoln. He also is a recruit to the staff of Lock- wood Sz Jones and makes things hum. fThe Plain Dealer, May 3, 1905.5 fl,Our readers will regret to learn that Johnny Clark, he of the splen- did Hebraic profile, and a cadet named Roberts had a fistic encounter sometime ago and much to our shame poor Johnny was put under the cov- ers where he still lies with a high fever. CBoonville Gossip, May 19, 1905.j fl,Doe. Evans fears an epidemic of beauty at Kemper and not long ago ordered Little Harry Gantz to be vaccinated, the order was shortly 28 carried out as Harry is considered the handsomest soldier in school outside of Cockrell who is of finer quality from an artistic stand point. fKansas City Forester, Apr. 7, 1905.3 fl,Roscoe Woods, a cadet of K. M. S. strolled gaily into K. C. wearing on his handsome face a look of ex- treme joy. His beautiful and well fitting uniform etc. QMiss Ura Democrat, Feb. 19, '05.j GN ext year we hope to have the handsome profile of J onnie Elliott in bold relief upon our title page as we expect to see him graduate from K. M. S. with all the pomp and cer- emony necessary for so distinguished a scholar. The Col. considers him an expert in evening side Walks and every day sanctions his walking in the court. He's a studious chap and we wish him luck. QThe Cow Punchers' Daily, Dec. 27, 'om fl,There was a very unusual occur- ence this morning about 5:30. The general delivery train pulled in and a very handsome soldier boy jumped off carrying an umbrella, a cage with some Kemper birds in it, and an air gun. He had not gone ten yards from the depot before a crowd of girls and boys, men and women be- gan to hug and kiss him. After submitting to the embarrass- ing caresses of the multitude for some time he finally reached his home. Who was it? you Say. VVhy, it was Merrill the pride of the town. He has come home from Kemper to pass the Holidays. CSt. Louis Chronicle, Dec. 24, 1904J fI,We feel proud to give out first the pleasant news of Cadet Clare's return home from Kemper Military Academy. You may be surprised on hearing that he has royal blood in his veins, for his peculiar dialect would lead you to infer something else. CKansas City Eye Opener QExtraj March 23, '05.j fl',Lost strayed or stolen, a short rosy cheeked boy with a game leg. Finder will get two years in the pen. Loser wants him back again. His name is Barrick, he carries a gung he is here in K. C. to have some fun. Please ship him right back to his paradise lost. And the Col. of Kem- per will settle the cost. fThe Fresno Boomer, Sept. 25, 1905Q fI,We understand that Mrs. Warlow has just entered her infant son in K. M. S. Of course we have nothing to say in the way of censure but we feel that she has made a great mis- take in parting with so young a child. As he has a very delicate ap- that the little he nourishing. In a playful mood the other day he tried to step on a friend's toe but fell down in the attempt and gave him- petite, we hope does eat will be self such a kick in the small of the back that he was laid out for two hours. CThe Political Booster, Warrens- burg, Feb. 18, '05.j fI,Mr. John Hargis has just re- turned to Kemper after a short ill- ness caused by the refusal of one of his jaws to fulfil its duty, but it has in no way interfered with his won- derful volubility as a talker. Owing to John's delicate health, we hope that he will receive proper treatment from the rest of the cadets. YVe all admire him even though he was a blank failure in athletics, and have confidence that he will prove himself in China marbles this season. fComplection News, Jan. 3, '05.j fl,To the Editor of The Complec- tion News, Pleasant Hill, Mo. My dear Uzncle Jacob: I noticed in last week's C. N. an article on rosy cheeks and am happy to say that after following the directions carefully I am the proud possessor of a pair. Give my love to all the folks and tell them I will be the whole cheese next year with my ad- j utant's chevrons. Your nephew, WILLIE GREENUP. P. S. Are the hogs doing well? CLamar Social Admonisher, QCol- oredj, May 7, '05.j fI,VVe are in receipt of a letter from Master Bernard Lockwood. In part he says: I never realized un- til this year what great hidden tal- 29 ents I possessed and you may be assured they are being used to great advantage in all that happens. Al- though I have some genius as a mail carrier my dominant quality is that of news gathering. I donit want to brag but I am without doubt the best utility man Kemper ever had when it comes to athletics. I will have to close as Heinz Wants to con- fer with me on important matters. VVith best wishes, BERNIE Locxwoon. P. S. I am doing splendidly in my studies being at the top of all my classes. CThe Nevada Enlightener, March 31, '05.j fI.George E. Priest who wears stripes at K. M. S. is doing well not- withstanding the fact that he has the mumps. He eats well and his last temperature read-273 degrees Centigrade. This same Priest at present has a religious turn of mind for he is thinking very seriously of becoming a holy father since his time has been beaten. May he live long und prosper. CThe Beacon Light of NVarrensburg, Feb. 3, 1905.5 fI,One of our coming citizens, Jon- nie Jones, by name, who is now go- ing to K. M. S. is doing better than ever this year. We take a dipper of the Missouri river and drink to your success, Johnnie. CFort Worth Defender, Nov. 16, '04.j fLMaster Auburn Nicks, the prize winner of last year's hair show, has just reported to K. M. S. where we hope the true beauty of his locks will be seen and likewise that he will receive such military training as will make him an able defender of the Fort CThe Jonesboro Bladder, March, 20, 'o5.J fl',W'e would like to acquaint our readers with the fact that CliH' Jones, the .giant of Jonesboro Co., is distinguishing himself in a re markable manner at Kemper Mili- tary School. He has opened the eyes of the other cadets by his great daring in football and wonderful skill in baseball. VVe are led to be- lieve that he will receive a captaincy next year if all the other cadets die off. 30 L T T I . - 'Rf 431 ll X t nizqi' iz L T J . .K 'ff . . . A 5, Battalion Organzzafzon. ZX ' Commandant, IST LIEUTENANT C. H. CABANISS, JR., U. S. Army, Major Mo. N. G. Assistant to the Commandant, CAPT. G. W. BURKE, MO. N. G. lst. Lieutenant and Staff Adjutant, J. E. J ONE-S. Qnd. Lieutenant and Quartermaster, B. C. LOCKWOOD. Sergeant Major, R. F. MEREDITH. Quartermaster Sergeant, T. A. LEE. x t . E afli 'Q U 31 COMPANY A. FIRST LIEUTENANT HUDSON CORPORA1, BLACK, G ,FIRST LIEUTENANT SIMPSON CORPORAL BARTH SECOND LIEUT. L'AMOREAUX ,. CORPORAL PARKER FIRST SERGEANT HARGIS CORPORAL TERRY SERGEANT PICKRELL CORPORAI- NEWTON SERGEANT GREENUP MUSICIAN MASON SERGEANT CLARK, J. NIUSICIAN DALY SERGEANT JOHNSON, N. CAPTAIN CROMLEY Privates BARRICK GATHRIGHT LATCHAM SHERMAN BERNARD, E. GREER MCHUGH SHOEN CHANDLER GOODWIN MERRILL STARR COLBY HALL MILLS, E. TRIGG CONNE LLY HAMILTON MOEBIUS WARLOW CONANT HARPER NICKS WHITE CURTIS HAVILAND PAGE WHITTEN DANIEL HEINZ PEYTON WILCOX DEGRAFF HURT ROBERTS WOOD FORTUNE JACKSON SHIELDS WVOODS GANTZ, F. JONES, C. I. . 4,7m?Nxx? I COMPANY B. CAPTAIN BROVVNING FIRST LIEUTENANT MCFEE SECOND LIEUTENANT MCCORKLE SECOND LIEUTENANT BEHR FIRST SERGEANT LUCAS SERGEANT HOLMES SERGEANT ALDERSON SERGEANT COOPER Privates BARNARD DINGEY - HUTCHISON BEERS DONALDSON JOHNSON, J- BERNARD, H. DORLAND, C. JONES, J. BLACK, H. DORLAND, H. LAND BOOTH ELLIOTT MCCAULEY BQULWARE DUDDING MCFADDEN BYERS FELLOVVS MCKINNEY CALLAWAY GARTSIDE MEDLEY CARR INIILLS, B. CLARE HUNTER MORTON CLARK, B. HUSTON 32 SERGEANT STEPHENS CORPORAL COLVIN CORPORAL WVATKINS, K. CORPORAL PRIEST CORPORAL COCKRELL CORPORAL GANTZ, H. INIUSICIAN GRIMES PIXLEY ROZIER RUSSELL SHOENEMAN SOMBART TOBIEN WALCUTT WATKINS, W. WHITELAW VVULZE , ARTILLERY DEPARTMENT. h Gunn . -LL ,ml CHIEF OF PLATOON, If I I I CADET FIRST LIEUTENANT E. V. SIMPSON I I 4 6 if +4 I W WIIIIIIIW , IN' f MXIIVX 'I IMI ,ll IQ If I I P . wh lllIlIl lllllh I First Section Second Section CHIEF OF SECTION MCCORKLE CHIEF OF SECTION UAMOREAUX GUNNER ALDERSON GUNNER MCFEE No. 1. BARTH No. 1. BYERS No. 2. PICKRELL No. 2. FELLOWS No. 3. MERRILL No. 3. SHERMAN No. 4. COCKRELL No. 4. MILLS, E. No. 5. PARKER No. 5. VVATKINS, K. No. 6. BEERS No. 6. WOODS No. 7. STEPHENS No. 7. MCHUGH SIGNAL DETACHMENT. CADET CAPTAIN CROMLEY Section I, Section II. LUCAS GARTSIDE COOPER HUTCHISON HOLMES HARKINS BARRICK JACKSON GANTZ, H. MCCAULEY BLACK, G- JONES, C- CONNELLY WALCUTT BARTH NEWTON C CLARE NICKS CALLAWAY WHITELAW DONALDSON FORTUNE -. 1 2 w xwlflff M 7,3 . fl Wxx V54 I 1 5 f2+,f i+S12 SE GMIYQ 33 COMMISSIONED OFFICERS NON-COMMISSIONED OFFICERS Exif' XX XQ G - f jf . O V 'f 1,-'37 I. f- ,e ,Q-. x ' 'J-Q 'P-rf' , X. I ,, n I cf? up '44 L' QQ? W. .AQ ATHLETIC ASSOCIATION. E. E. BROWNING-President R. C. CROMLEY--Vice President H. L. MCFEE-Secretary fAl1 cadets are membersj FOOTBALL BASEBALL R. A. JOHNSTON-Alanager and R. A. JOHNSTON-Manager and Coach ' Coach R. C. CROMLEY-Captain E. E. BROWNING-Captain wswffff- - 5 ' I f xjx I 5 Rf WEARERS OF THE UK. BARTH-Football HUDSON-Football BROWNING-Football, Baseball, JOHNSON, N.-Football Basket Ball JONES, E.-Football, Basket Ball CALLAWAY-Football L'AMOREAUX-Football CLARE-Football LOCKVVOOD-Football, Baseball CLARK, J.-Football, Baseball LATCHAM-Baseball CROMLEY-Football LUCAS-Football DORLAND, H.-Football, Baseball PICKRELL--Football ELLIOTT-Football ROZIER-Baseball GANTZ, F.--Baseball RUSSELL-Baseball HAMILTON-Football, Baseball SHOE N-Football HARGIS-Football, Baseball TOB I E N-Football, Baseball 37 FOOTBALL TEAM Football URING the past: football season much interest has been manifested towards the squad of Kemper Mil- itary School. fl,They have been remarkably suc- cessful, and deservedly so, as they have practiced hard and long and reaped only what was their due. fl,At the beginning of the season, Ray Cromley was elected captain to take the place of Ed Elliott, the cap- tain elect, who did not return this fall. This is his fourth year at Kemper and his third year as captain of the football team and no words can express his ability in that line. ll,Out of the four years he has at- tended this school he has failed to play in only two games and then only through illness. fl,Cromley, with the aid of -Captain Johnston, of the faculty, immedi- ately began to pick out the most promising of the cadets and as a large number of last year's players were back the task was considerably lessened and the practice so neces- sary was soon in full tilt, every one co-operating to make the team suc- cessful. fl,The first game was to occur on October 8th with Blees Military Academy and on account of the short time they had had to prepare them- selves they fully expected a warmly contested game. But alas! nothing of the sort happened. On the date of the game the Blees boys arrived with great expectations soaring about their deluded imagina- tions to the effect that the ensuing game would be theirs in a walk. They did it last year, why c0uldn't they do it again? When at last the game was called, amid the cheers of all the spectators, both teams sallied forth with their respective colors flying defiantly be- fore the breezes. fl1The game began at 3:15 and both teams started in with a vim that bade fair to be a very interesting encoun- ter. But only for a short time did this last, for the lack of practice soon began to tell on the Macon boys. To relate further on this game would be a waste of words and space. Suffice to say, the Kemper boys won and came little short of doubling the score made by B. M. A. last year. After playing over two hours, due to the disabling of most of the Blees men, who called time, the final windup was: K. M. S. 71-B. M. A. 0. On October 17th they played sup- posedly the second team of the St. 39 Louis University and were defeated 12 to 0. It can be safely stated that most of the St. Louis University players were first team men, and this fact coupled with the cadets' ability in holding down the score should make the game a Kemper victory rather than otherwise. In this game all of the K. M. S. bovs played well but they did not have weight enough to cope successfully with their oppo- nents. This game took place in the Sta- dium at the World's Fair grounds and was witnessed by a large and en- thusiastic crowd. fl,The next game took place October 24-, on the Kemper gridiron against the Columbia High School and proved to be almost as interesting as the Blees farce, as the final fig- ures were 64 to 0. fl,Central came next and was the most interesting of the entire season outside of the Wentworth game, for the reason that both teams were very evenly matched and the side lines witnessed a good game from start to finish. But somehow K. M. S. won as was their wont 9 to 0. This game was played October 31. fl,On November 7, VVarrensburg Normal was the opponent. They were much older and stronger than our men as a whole, and with all, a better team. 40 Our men could have played better but they were saving themselves for the final bout with Wentworth. However, we were outclassed by a superior team and had no bones to pick. They tallied twenty-one points to our four. fl,The season closed with the Kem- per-Wentworth game and the uni- versal opinion seems to point to this scrimmage as The Battle Royal. In fact it was. The game took place at Marshall, Missouri, on November 14 and was well attended by rooters for both teams. Both schools had special trains to carry them to and from the battle ground. VVentworth arrived first and had their school colors flying from all the most prominent or conspicuous places before Kemper put in an ap- pearance, much to the disgust of the latter. The teams were perfectly matched in every respect. Both were ex- tremely fast and in splendid physical condition. The W. M. A. boys made some fine combination plays and succeeded in making the first touchdown giving them the first 6 points as they kicked an easy goal. Of course the cheers that went up from the Wentworth rooters embar- rassed the Kemperites beyond meas- ure but knowing that the game was not over they remained calm and confident. Their confidence was not mis- placed for the tide of battle soon changed, to the happiness of the cadets of Kemper, in their favor and remained so throughout the game. Both teams tried hard to win but since only one could do this, it re- mained for the best to accomplish this end. When the whistle blew for the last time they were still at it, hammer and tongs and then and only then did they cease this mighty combat. The results were K. M. S. 23- W. M. A. 11. And so it ended as all things end, to the happiness of some, to the sorrow of others, and the respective schools went away one with joy, the other with sorrow. Gln preparing the first team a great deal of raw material was dis- covered that will mature by next season into some splendid football players and by their aid we hope to do as well, if not better, than the record of this year. One man in particular deserves a great deal of credit for the aid he has given this school during the four past years. fl,His name is Ernest Browning and all connected with this institute should, with one accord, tip their hats and salute him for his gallant service. He has played every game for four consecutive seasons and has never missed a down. Best congratulations, Ernie fl,Mr. Hargis has been elected cap- tain of the football team for the new year.-Cadet E. H. Mills in Central Missouri Republican, Dec. 15, 1904. N5 I? Oayi' 1 xlib? T5 , -I-' A xx yi, 5 bw 1 f 1 v N- K aa X: fl .4 i ' ,f ,X X ' 41 Oct. Oct. Oct. Oct. Nov. Nov. 42 FOOTBALL. CAPT. R. A. JOHNSTON-Manager and Coach R. C. CROMLEY-Captain LINE-UP IN WEN'rwon'rx-I GAME CLARE-Right End JOHNSON, N-Right Tackle CROMLEY-Right Guard HUDSON-Center BARTH-Left Guard BROWNING-Left Tackle LUCAS-Left End L'AMOREAUX, ELLIOTT-Quarterback DORLAND, H.-Right Halfback HARGIS-Left Halfback JONES, E., HAMILTON-Fullback Substitutes: Calloway, Clark, J., Lockwood, Pickrell, Shoen, Tobien. 8, 17, 24, 31, 7, 14, Boonville .. World's Fair Boonville .. Boonville .. Warrensburg Marshall .. P g1wff y IXAX SCHEDULE .. ......-- - Blees M. Stadium- --.. St. Louis Univ. . . . . . ........ - Columbia H. S... . . .. - Central College . .. . - YVarrensburg Nor.. Wentworth M. A. . .o, 12, 0, 0, 21, 11, 4-41 Kemper Kemper Kemper Kemper Kemper Kemper 71 0 64 9 41 23 171 . Kemper Football Song Air- When Johnny Comes March- ing Home. N 'away wi ' . G N I . -LX 1 1 'Q - X we VY . .gefikm if HEN Kemper has the ball again, Hurrah! Hurrah! When Kemper has the ball again, Hurrah! Hurrah! We'll rattle them while the signals crack, We'll harry their lines and crowd them back, And we'll tear them up! when Kemper has the ballg We'll tear them up! when Kemper has the ball! Her center and guards are there to stay, Hurrah! Hurrah! Her tackles and ends will have their way, Hurrah! Hurrah! Whenever her backs go down the field, The drove again' 'em is bound to yield, And we'll tear them up! when Kemper has the ballg We'll tear them up.' when Kemper has the ball. We have the sand, we'll have the score, Hurrah! Hurrah! A couple of dozen or something more Hurrah! Hurrah! Dlit donner and blitzen in we go, And Wentworth ha.sn't the ghost of a showg For we'll tea-r them up, when Kem- per has the ball! For we,ll tear them up, when Kem- per has the ball! --Poet Scout. 43 BASEBALL TEAM Baie Ball .L wgvmt ,tif 'FX Coach BROWN I NG CCaptainj-Catcher HARGIS-Pitcher I R. A. JOHNSTON-Manager and if fl 5 f ' aw r -Q . r ,wwf LATCHAM-First Base RUSSELL-Second Base HAMILTON-Third Base GANTZ, F.-Shortstop TOBIEN-Left Fielil CLARK, J.-Center Field DORLAND, H.-Right Field, and Pitcher Substitutes-Lockwood, Colvin, Rozier, Jones, E. 'K A SCHEDULE FOR 1905 April 7, Wentworth .. ..at home April 17, Columbia High . .at home April 241, M. V. C ..... at Marshall May 1, M. S. D. ........ at home May 8, Mo. Mil. Acad. . .at home May 15, Wentworth . ,at Lexington May 23, Warrensburg .. .at home May 30, K- .. ...... at home 4 3 1 Ill 5 Q, f A 35, so 4 53 e-, W 5 E O gy L I I 46 Band BEHR-Solo' Cofrnet GRIMES-Solo' Cornet COOPER-First Cornet MCCAULEY-First Alto DALY-Second A lto JOHNSON, J.--Tenofr MASON-Baritone LUCAS-Tuba PRIEST-Small Drum GANTZ, H.-Bass Drum B. F. CLAY--Leader f 'WWI X Nh Us Yll gobiflllf Orclvestm B. F. CLAY--Leader HOLMES-First Violin STEPHENS-First Violin BEHR-Cornet MASON-Trombone GANTZ, H.--Piano' PRIEST-Drums and Traps 31-l'1'-'-1-1-1-1't--tilt X I .W - f W 3 i A TY ,,'-RTK? Y XXSN-Q H I 'TQ Tvi N M1 ' v x it ,,,, 9 'Hf:,1.Q.f3fLLffl, , 3 .4 u'5 i A E W Q, t r Q , - Q x H ' L ' K l I QM I f - AA N ' , K1 i v QS ' f 5 . N 4 Rj l . ' 2:7:?7T fTZ1111'-35-Q .L sv A lf! hun v ' BU!! ' !Yl:J'll::,::l',xi, , 9 - ---nn,---U' , ' ' - I 1: l .' . r 11 Q I 1.211 .:gq:: ,, , 122 X . 2 7 '111'l',1:: mn 1 1 n Ili X I ' 'iEfR.'.L1 '11x:'.:: l 11121 .1 .,j:.f'7- i . D L'Q -IqlxF.vFl'::w:iLf4, ll .N 'lb 4 lv, 4 33,1 1 9 X px , 1 'f.:51':ff , 'AA 1 f KW Q r n - . , ' LI44 ' - 52,4-': .51 .J, ,'-Ffa, ' 4, 551:92 1:3311 X I ':: ' '1 'G W 52 H 15111 xx.: Ildf tl WW I 'N flex 1 Cf f' , XY X5 ff w 7 I'- i U I -4 . ' 432222 ' I' 'if ,M Inf! 756'-311 .1-,gl-i il, 48 The K M S. MhffT6l OITY Toity, Hi Henry, Our New Minister, and Macbeth, plays with a well established reputa- tion, were all consid- ered well worth seeing, but for leav- ing a good taste in the mouth and the liver working well none were better than the K. M. S. Minstrels, given by a most amateur troupe of stunning military boys. The chorus assisted by the melo- dious voice of G. T. I. from behind the scenes was even applauded by the distinguished guests occupying the Balcony with Messrs. Lee, White and Peyton. The handsome and most stunningly, stylishly but shape- lessly dressed interlocutor is a distin- guished and well-reputed personage, and leader and most conscientious Worker for the Anti-Cigarette League. On the whole, I do not think that anyone could have filled the bill better than Tate. Dwelling for only a very few moments on Mr. Simpson, alias Chesty, because I am sure you would all be satisfied if I should leave his name out altogether, I will say that as to the sleepy nigger part of it, he was swell, but there can be absolutely no doubt that the audience would have been infinitely more pleased if Mr. Joker would have slept through the entire per- formance. lI,TI1e next is none less than the Hon. Mr. Ransorne Hale Cooper, Esq., but I am quite certain that it would take a very small ransom to persuade kidnappers to turn him loose. One could hardly conceive of a more capable staff than Foxy and brave Captain White for the bicycle repair business, unless it be that of Shorty's Printing Press. Just a few words about Cooper's Marc Antony's oration over the body of Caesar. As far as Victor is con- cerned he got off with a compliment rather than a knock, so far as can be seen from his dealings with the Kemper cadets Cespecially the Pa- jama Chorusj. By the help of Captain White and perhaps the Po- lice Gazette he coined words that Shakespeare could never have com- menced to coin. With these inde- finable words written on his cuffs, which he was constantly gazing at, he spoke more as one who had iust received a Ubawling out from Cap- tain Hitch than an impersonator of Booker T. Washington. fI,One of the most amusing and pleasing numbers on the program was Shorty's Jasper Johnson, 49 I xx hvffx A?f Q, N xi -6 xc? Qvff ' ' x' Magix, W 1 if 1 N . xl J 1. rx, ..f-5, .. 42 , ffqxyg, r, -- Eff -Q '1 - -W-bu? .L-..Q-P: .- f ' Y 'M j-fri . ...f- l' SINGS ALEXANDER FRENCHIE Shame on You. With a voice rank- ing with that of Patti he sang this delicious coon song to an audience splitting with convulsions of laugh- ter. No one worked harder for the show than did Captain Johnston, and he may rest well assured that it fulfilled the expectations of every- body. fl,No one in the whole performance deserved more praise than pretty Miss Estle from Kansas City. She sang in a soft, clear, sweet and car- rying voice which enthralled those who heard it. One who must no-t be forgotten here is Mrs. Behr who ac- companied Miss Estle with her beautiful playing on the piano. Napoleon's famous mot concerning the proximity of the sublime and the ridiculous never received a more apt illustration than the picture of a talented and highly sought young singer, and a young upstart, who comes from the tribe of Benjamin in the land of Sedalia. As Miss Estle sang sweeter and sweeter a certain dreamy eye looked up and gazed and gazed. fl,Mr. Lucas made a very pleasing filling-up with his solo Lenore. But one must not be too severe with Rube as he was exposed to a very trying ordeal. Second Choice, as he is sometimes called, with Ram- eses II watching like a cat every movement he made, and the lady sit- ting with a swell society-going group on his right, and an audience which was hardly less anxious than Mr. Holmes, Mr. Lucas stood his ground like a man, as we all know he is, straining himself to catch occasion- ally a sweet smile or a contented glance from the lady and letting his voice fall flat on him only about nine times. I think this is the correct number. fl,The opening of the second part was in some ways good and yet in others very dragging. Mr. McFee and Flunkie Donaldson, the par- ticipants of this number, looked the real article as far as the make-up was concerned, but their feet which were supposed to do the stunts seemed to get tangled up in the most intricate knots. QA feat which proved not only wonderful but also very trying, on both Mr. Browning and the audience was his lifting of the one hundred pound dumb-bell thirty-six times in rapid succession. fl,The Kemper quartet composed of P. C. L'AmoreauX lead, H. T. Greenup alto, E. V. Simpson bass, and R. E. Lucas tenor, made the opera house ring with harmonious and catching tunes, led by the so- prano, Miss Estle. p Under the Shade of the Old Apple Tree, and Lucy Linda Lady were both sung earnestness and skill, 51 with much chiefly due to the rehearsals which the boys received from Mrs. Behr. Little Willie seemed very much stage frightened, and Lucas al- though not at all abashed by the audience, appeared as if his mind was wandering on something else- where. Chesty quite at home as he always is had several conflicts between his voice and his feet and the latter always the loudest and the strongest came out ahead every time. Frenchie who is always there with the goods, carried the lead to abso- lute perfection. U,There can be no questioning which number made the greatest hit on the program. VVliv, it was Pauline L'Amoreaux and her troupe of chorus girls. Now, there's Sallie the girl with the auburn hair, and Jennie with whom you are all well acquainted, and Maggie with the pretty rosy cheeks, and Henrietta with the daintv trilbys, and the rest -well, it is useless to go into detail as you may all guess after hearing their names. They are Dora, Rose- 52 bud, Gert, and last but not least the would be Prewitt. None of the stunts were more amusing than the double elephant act as it is called. I am positive that the curtain drops would have been worn out completely if it had not been for the butting in of Shorty. , QA Winding up which was rather amusing was the Nigger Store Keeper. It was really very com- ical, and ended in what you may call a real, genuine, sure enough rough house. I wonder why Captain John- ston always stood as near as possible to the wing? Probably Captain Irvine could answer this better than anyone else. Shame on him for in- terrupting so. fl,Thus ended the K. M. S. Min- strel, the best show of the season, whooped, hollowed and clapped for by a throng of amusement seeking peoplef Their only regret was that there was not more of it. Let's call everything off, now, boys, and give three hearty cheers for Kemper. Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah. K. M. S. IVIINSTRELS The new Musical Device never before shown in Boonville, a DOIN 'l'AFINGEl1Pl'l0NE This novelty is the original idea of Prof. W. F. Bentley from whom it was obtained by the manager of The K. M. S. Minstrels. The Pointafingerphone will positively be shown Monday, February 27th, at Stephens Opera House. Lots of Fun. Plcnty to Lavgh at and Something to Please Everybody. GREAT DUMB-DELL FEAT. One Hundred Pounds Raised from the Floor and Extended to Arn1's Length over the Head with One Hand More Than Twenty Times in Rapid Succession. This Feat, also, is Performed by a Kemper Cadet. Many New and Novel Features Specially arranged lor this Organization. An Attraction lor Home People and Produced Entirely by a Home Organization V Personnel of K. JI. S. fllinstrels. R. A. Johnston. R. C. Cromley K. N. Hall H. L. MeFee B. F. Clay L. A. Daly M. H. Cooper E. E. Mason J. B. Behr YV. L. Donaldson F.. B. Holmes E. H. Mills E. R. Bernard C. P. Dorland T. R. Hudson L. Newton E. E. Browning H. E. Dorland H. W. Huston D. L. Parker F.. Clare C. E. Fortune J. W. Johnson G. E. Priest J. B. Clark H. C. Gantz J. E. Jones W. C. Sherman H. E. Cockrell R. J. Gartside P. C. L'Amoreaux E. V. Simpson M. P. Colvin H. T. Greenup R. E. Lucas J. D. Stephens C. R. Connelly F. C. Grimes H. S. McCauley R. E. Terry -John Behr- Scats on Sale at l'Iofmcister's Conicctioncry Friday Feb. 24th STEPHQIWE ,HOUSE F B. 53 K. Nl. S. MINS I RELS Management and Direction of R. A. Johnston. AND UP-TO-DATE. UNDER DIRECTION OF GOOD SINGING AND B. F. CLAY, MUSICAL DI- DANCING. RECTOR. EVERYTHING M O D E R N NEW AND POPULAR MUSIC U 40-PE PLE-40 HIGH CLASS BAND AND VOICES' ORCHESTRA' THE KEINIPER QUARTETTE IN UP-TO-DATE SONGS. HMALE CHORUS or 27 MISS ELIZABETH ESTELLE, Who is a Pleasing and Accomplished Singer of Kansas City, VVi11 Sing. BIG STREET PARADE AT NOON. Seats on Sale at Hofmeister's Confectionery Friday, Feb. 24th. Prices 25, 35 and 50 cents. STEPHEBIETE CQIPIEQAYHOUSE 54 A ,J- 6 1 ,MS .1 L s Ji . . 'ff '. W' A 'WY-if Y .I r f, 1iS'it4': 'f'f. 7 ti flhfnl Yf, AW ...vw . I xx ' ' 'A ' fix , P dl .A N . - I.o.. n... ,x.v.. !' 0 , , 3 o Q - -1'-f a H.. - - . rs ' .-NM4 ., ,Q 'Q' ,E , . 1 Q - W .N .,,. l .A . I .L M. . ' I, 9 ' f'-'-2 - J 'Q' -su .0 ' , N WNKDQQ os. x J f I Q . ,,. . IJ- ' I 'J' ' , K ,Z , x - -. ,.g,. 1 12- V ' ' M PAJAMA CHORUS mx BROXYNING PUTTING UP THE 100-LB. DURIB-BELL KK, 1 1 . W-Z 'ET-.C 7-1. 7, 5 F:--1 4: 'Q N,., , - 1 U Y W ,,31, l WI A, v li I L 1' M, s 1 Jr gh '1 ' 12Z' N NNN Milf .I t 1, A ' ' 'E' 1' A b W? vs K' 1 , Ui ' ,Q 1 'W fail 1 'TZ'lll'IfQIlHf.'1'1'4Ih'n.':.H',1Wr:' UWM ' Hr A m mf! , - ' ml ,A,..Wiv.,,huW V II X 1. X M W A N ' f Z 'wma' fyrlrl1'!!m1WHfw t ill' 'i f in 4 N T ua A, -u:11znrnu,,,,' H , A 1 , m 'm'1 'WT?f W . H ' 1'lYf1rnrs11,mnaa1'154W Wh vm -1- V TW' ' . -f 1' 1 'W ', I ff' 'MZ' 3 f'l7'ilf? .',' ll' mn 'l, : W A' a.' W5 m, fiZfiff1Pff 'f .,?1f.f wfW' wIiLe1 1,W lv U 1 ,H My JM Eff. i IV, ' ,L 3 lL14144.M.,1 ff' ' H I If N-1 .n fff .11 1 Rxx tembeer i iltober Q ' 22 - with .GM 'ix' leafy, TOMS' 'ff 1 A 'ws 55 ,511 9 9 Knowledge box opens. Pretty well filled. Advance in beans. Newt Johnson scares all the new boys by braying on the halls. Captain White reports a boy for sticking fingers up at him. CSaluting.j Sunday a. m. Many boys open the Bible for the first timeg p. m. Harkins meets the damsels. Inspection in the morning. Rally at Huffie's in the after- noon. Warlow passes milli- nery window twenty-five times to flirt with model. Boys get fighting shirts. The Senator makes his appearance. The Senator shows the boys how to play football. Page, Fortune and Woods announce their candidacy for corporal- ships. Mills, E. heap big chief of pow-wow of new boys under red bridge. Invited to bear- dance of neighboring camp. Goes. Captain VVhite is initiated into O. C.'s duties. Likes it swell. Report, L'Amoreaux, Hazing -QSuspended Booth out third story window by his ears.j 58 C? 15 - 1. Popcorn grab in the P5 ..- . - x Q 9 -5. Il , A .,. Wu' X- xc' Nr N57 5.5 I . F 4 1 1 if Q f fl 4:95 by 1 fi ff' J f if 'I Nl A, :I if 4 ' 17 5 I I-I I nf 1-I Parker and Hamilton get the ' bellies full Sunday Mills E, and Cap tain White battle over an af faire de coeur Matchmak 1 Harkins forges ahead and ph his trade Bull ring fiends do a stlm lwI3.JO1' chases new boys out 0 court with a club Jones, E hypnotizes a crow of new boys with harrowm personal reminiscences of - great railway manager Morton relates vivid P01'tl0 of his wonderful career the man at the throttle D , Graff likes it fine De Graff takes French leav for the round house ffix 7?- 3 ' co ' 2. . ' , . Q 3. - ' A 4-. ., ' v' 5. . . . H CK .ll 6. + ?SixiXi 4:5 A k, lt. '4 5 gjy .s A 1 r Colonel threatens to stop local correspondence. Harkins goes into the hands of a receiver. Football game. Blees 0, Kem- per 71. The blow almost killed father. Parade uptown in robes de nuit. Hawk Jones captures 203 corn- bread hill. Another stunt in the court. Major chases new boys in with a club. Report: Woods flirting with Mrs. Johnston's maids. Col. Blees recovers. Wants another game. Cadets get first batch of war breeches. Captain Burke loses gray sock in laundry. Captain Burke tells about los- ing gray sock in laundry. Foot- ball team leaves. Colonel inquires for the gray sock that Captain Burke lost in the laundry. Score, St. Louis 11, Kemper 0. Cromley tore enormous rents in the King's English. Barth and King meet at garbage can 29. Bloodhounds arrive and find in Jim Johnson's undershirt the sock that Captain Burke lost in the laundry. Prayer meeting night. Captain White goes expecting to lead. Nick Carter bested, or the pur- suit and capture of Jim, Dan and the Senator in a Franklin cafe. Corporal General Captain Burke finds a mistake in tac- tics. Rumor that Boulware took a bath. Captain Burke, after much re- flection, decides to write a new tactics. Football game. Columbia ever- lastinfrly thumped to the tune of 64- to O. Goodwin and Shoen join the church S 005. Thanksgiving one month from to-day. All turkey and no hash. Tom and his Nibs shake the plum tree. Polly gets a plum fnitl. Browning makes Lucas put on clean undershirt. Polly don't want no office, no way. Captain Hitch swipes a cigar butt from Captain Clay fmonthly smokej. Chesty arrives. Hail, Chesty! Thrice Hail, Great Chesty! Chesty tells why the chicken crosses the road. It is a new one on Lockwood. Football game. Central 0, Kemper 9. Cromley, You can't get through me, you big fat tub. 59 Xi. ar fi ' 55553 , 1 , ng, 07' :V M., . 15- mi Q59 2' ,.:,.., 3 . In . V , . B' -ik.-.Q Dorlfind H., goes to sleep in chemistry class and kicks goal. Catastrophe on second hall. Bernard, E., washed out of his room, rescued from drowning X ovem or . 19 ' a sep 73221 l. . , was .rf f E Q L6 gt' by McCorkle and Behr. Tate takes up sag in his ele- phant breeches. Football game. YVarrensburg 21, Kemper 0. Shorty 4. Hurrah for Shorty! Team feeds on the Senator. Frenchy meets his Elmira. Captain Hitch uses suction pun1p on Grimes to get an an- swer. Nothing doing. McKinney buries his face in mud of branch. Smile lost for ten seconds. Simpson cracks the joke about Moses and the light. Same December 13, January 5, Jan- uarv 253 March 17. Haw, Haw. Mass meeting in the study hall. Shortv presides. Eloquent address by VVatkins, after which the mob was harangued by Captain Clay. Athletic di- rector 0H'ers his year's salary. Polly receives an ovation. On this day was Col. Thomas Alexander Johnston born. On this day we feed. On behalf of the school Captain Hitch in 60 1 241. a red hot patent medicine spiel presented him with a carving set. Forces move west to Marshall. Skirmishes all day. Main en- gagement begins at 3 p. m. Newt's growl terrorizes the enemy. Browning penetrates the enemy's line like hot shot. Score, Kemper 23, Wentworth 11. Kemper forces withdraw at 6 p. m. Wentworth forces straggle home for several days. Feast day. Eleven days' fast broken. Hard day on big ap- petites and small bellies. Jones, E., surrounds Turkey Roost. Major Cabaniss details Capt. Burke's stenography class to assist S. G. so as to enable him to get Captain Hitch's reports copied before breakfast. F .Q Qffzfk vf 1'-P 7 X I ll , f Q W9 ... F- ffl,- , f- .4 -v ,XXI . YN - llffqui Axaxlx 4 :.,.,v?...f.:': -,- .. 1 .45 B fb ' 'A gi X E' I: ' a 'fn ,fx 1 P . . ' af- gin-Egg--. - ..'::Z, QE-2 1. cijf, -2 QP ' 1 fg, L -' . , x ' .. X1 v I 'yn N l ' X J' . , K Q pm, I 1 I fs R :Q I NT' . 5 . 'vzfill - . -gf if -,J1...,--nv - . I hal-.gziig-12:1L:fq,i'ii-5Lf,V lg ' ' '1-:z::4-L1a..:':51-:n-,- 5 . -,i'Z,A. V. -- Ernie Dlakes a Long Run at Marshall fecemlbieir' 12 Football team enjoys big feed on Captain White. Captain VVhite a swell fellow. Football team again enjoys big feed. This time on VVulze. VVulze swell fellow, Football team a third time enjoys big feed. This time on Shoen. Shoen a fine guy, ain't lt? Alderson receives his Christmas money f30 centsj. Gives sen- iors big feed in library. Bully for Thebo. Mills, E., to Maior in armory: Sir, I was fighting. Captain Hitch published de- tail. Swell job. Behr spells outcome, incomb. Giftless Tragedian Irvine takes part in Union Depot. Re- ceives a handsome bouquet. Later, eats bouquet with salt. Meredith publishes detail. Cap- tain Hitch a back number. Band takes up Blue Bell. Likes it. Plays it again next day. Performance repeated daily during several months. May 2, Page sings it and it dies. The Siamese twins, McCorkle and McKinney, get on the star list together. A Battle Royal between the Sunshine and the Wind. Simp- son tries to horsewhip the edi- tor of the Prognosticatorg but Windy Bernie blows his sun- shine out and dislocates six volumes of jokes in his upper story. Parker brings house down with his declamation. Lucas apologizes for going to see Holmes' girl? Lockwood spells rhinoceros, rye-no-so-rous. Miss Dixon comes to town. Newt on debate. Makes great hit. Aw-aw-aw. lVhoa, there, Axie, careful now, back up. Kemper dance at Turner Hall. Society event. No farmer af- fair. Frenchy and W'os in the social swim. Get a cab. W'os has Hne time. His girl tells him what a fine fellow he is, and he tells her how pretty she is. A small voice, 6 a. m., O, Mr. Mills, your radiator is leaking. Same repeated Jan- uary 5, February 16, February 27. Captain White declines many invitations and decides to spend holidays in Boonville. Last day. Off to Mamma goes her baby boy, including Bro. George and Uncle Artie who walk to Cuba. Privates make a run on chevrons. Comin' back after Christmas? Huh? 61 Z Q5 mm 4N S1 0 Q 261 .ff S XX M f Z Some Ch ristmai Happenings HND ff 1111 Captain White buys opera hat for himself. Get thee behind me, thou friv- olous Christmas. Hail, thou Hash divine and Beans to boot. Work begins, everything up side down, including Walcutt and Wilcox. Captain Burke, Mrs. Burke, Saber, Dress-coat, Commission, and rest of family move into quarters on old second. Arrival of Jones brothers and a brand new batch of Arkansas tales. Dancing class organizes. L'Amoreaux makes a bully speech. K. M. S. Minstrel or- ganizes. Parliamentary Law class is ad- journed sine die, L'Amoreaux presiding. Captain Johnston explains the difference between Miss Davis and Mrs. Johnston by saying that Mrs. Johnston is his wife and Miss Davis is not. Seniors again adjourn. Help the widow in time of need. John Elliott a hero. Mason 22. 23. 25. 26. 29. 31. in tears. Beautiful home in ashes. Lucas quotes Holy Scripture in his debate on jury system. Miss Hudson leaves for Texas on Flyer. Captain White waves his little flag out of Window. Morton runs away, steals an engine, kills three men, all be- fore breakfast. Lucas loses left-hand monkey- wrench. Peyton ierorted for continued refusal to wake up. Skating on the river. YVoodS goes in, but being born to be hanged can not be drowned and is cast out. 'l v'r7f'X X32 UL N ' ASHBWAQL x X . ,A rw- JS A f - ,ff W Q 5 fb SY K ' X S1 4 X .T ' fff' n-11 JP . Y W ,ff K ' 'E' Woods Takes a Bath 63 .er 9- ebruar-V 8 I 1. Behr places the catechism Ccat- L4 K 4 acombsj under the city Rome. I Many gray-haired men and it babes unborn will thank Mr. Behr for this act of kindness. Browning takes morning in- spection at sick call. Gets the Haw-Haw. Hamilton stuck for having quid in left jaw. Harkins announces his inten- tion of entering the ministry. M. S. U. Glee Club gives bum show. Captain Johnston and Bill get a little free advertis- ing. Bill has the colic. Captain Johnston's classes flunk and get rammed. The Clinton CNew Yorkj Clar- ion comes out three days late in an attempt to publish a big- worded and rhetorical effort from the pen of Captain Ray- mond, Mo. N. G., K. M. S., Boonville, Missouri, on the civilization of Missouri, the culture of the Colonel, and other things too numerous to mention. Prunes for supper. Great contest on between Heinz, Dor- land, H., and Jones, E. Jones, 64 8. 10. 11 12 13 15 14- 16 19 Ps X. E., wins by swallowing a seed. Good Roads Convention at opera house. Gen. Miles fine fellow Cwe supposej. Band plays America accompanied by the Colonel. Everybody gets a chromo. Mrs. Haskell recites in the study hall. Captain Johnston charges Chesty full price for his girl. Chesty says it is an outrage 5 says his girl is under twelve. Colonel detects Hud- son sneaking through back door. Fellows goes on strike and is valet for only 23. Very much dissatisfied. I Snowbound. Captain White eulogizes Abraham Lincoln. Shoen laughs and opens his mouth so wide that he dislo- cates seven freckles. Simpson cracks joke contain- ing five-tenths per cent wit. Valentine's day. Great rivalry on between Dannie, Willie and Georgie. Nothing doing. John Elliott shambles into love. Likes it fine. Spends his allowance for candy. Bums smokin'. Hudson same. L'Am- oreaux same. Mills, E., same. Cromley likewise but not also. Sunday. Snowbound. In ev- ening, meet in study hall, sing Nearer, My God, to Thee and America, and listen to a two- hour talk on bull fighting. Big parade before reveille. Major falls in line. Mason sounds reveille on fog horn. Alderson and McCorkle little Georges. Stephens' ardor dies. He talks only one hour about his many girls. Writes but 19 letters. McFee considers resigning from Cenior class. Peyton just realizes that winter is on, and begins to hibernate. Report. Peyton, long contin- ued refusal to wake up. Cath- olic squad go to the Busy Bee. Get a few hot ones from home plate, next day. Capt. Hitch gets no sorghum. Goes to Mrs. Eickler. Page, McFee, and Dorland try to in- augurate old Roman style of eating at table CLying down.j 27 Rea's and Clay's bunch of all- stars perform at opera house. Stage buried under beets, car- rots, pumpkins, celery and onions. 29. No school. Col. reduced to ranks and assigned to the band. Browning and McCorkle run away to be cow-boys and are overtaken by Mrs. Johnston at Bunceton. TELEPHONE. Lee: Is this Hoifmeistefs? Miss H: Yes. Lee: What Kemper boys are down there? Miss H: Just wait: I will send one of them to the phone. King: Hello! Who is this? Lee: Who is this? King: Well, never mind who I am, but who are you? Lee: This is me. King: Well, who is me? Lee: This is Lee, the O. D., I wish you would have some boy bring up two pounds of chocolates and charge it to Cochrelll 65 451 M is . ,395 ' E3 Barrick, Russell, Gantz, F., Mason Colby, Cromley, and Browning cast lots to make a schedule ror calls on the Dutch. Barrick gets Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday arch X 1 . f ' 4 W 66 and Saturday. Cromley and Browning get Saturday nights. Tate and Frenchy go duck hunting. Col. gives his icon- sent and everything is lovely. The ducks return. Frenchy gets his leg pulled fstraightj. Holmes leaves. Lucas gets busy. Sees Peruna. Capt. White gets the mumps. Very happy when he finds they are genuine. Goes on exhibi- tion. Dudding and Harper take to the tall timber. St. Patrick's Day Parade, Mc- Kinney, marshal of the dayg McFadden and McCorkle, standard bearers 5 McFee, speaker, Capt. Burke, horn pipe solog Capt. Irvine and Capt. VVhite's opera hat in car- riage, McHugh driver, Shoen footman. The boys give Bro. Hunt the stony stare. Capt. Hitch takes inspection. Mean Man, says Millsg It is not right. I got provoked, says Byers. Shorty runs the laundry. Eats at second table. Spring campaign opens. Capt. Burke throws out pickets fwoodenj. Before Columbus Lockwood and Hawk Jones attempt to capture Kemper Lake but are repulsed with heavy loss. Jones loses his breath and Lockwood the seat of his trousers. It W l l ,XX .ifllu PH. , C ' ji A, 'ff A T f ff . Q Q ' 711 'irfitne ff iw, If ! -I ' W fli ffw ,lm if Q That bum old thing, the shoe joke, again perpetrated. fThe editors want to know if it isn't time to handle this with the tongsj. ril Kemper Press under the able management of Capt. Johnston opens up in commodious quar- ters on the alley of third hall. Shorty enters politics for a short time only. Celebrated Kemper Press works overtime. Shorty sails up Salt river and runs his political bark aground. Capt. Irvine plays in Ugliest of Seven. How long, O Lord, how long! Will it ever end! Cromley receives appointment to the marines. Gets sea-sick. Major anchors Pickrell at bat- talion drill to keep the line steady. W. M. A. 5, K. M. S. 2. Maj. Cabaniss and Capt. White take supper at the Mil- lion. Capt. White takes Major's dessert. Doesn't get snagged. Jones forms the battalion, goes out at a trot. Dazzling sunburst of eggs. The day of the great debate. European Hudson and mumpy Holmes. First warm day. Jones, E., goes barefooted. Capt. Hitch has to pronounce Men, Min, before Colvin can recognize the word. Chesty assumes duties of Ad- jutant. At parade has first company bring its captain to parade rest. Publishes detail. Meredith in the shade. Grimes appears on the ball field in fiery red, with a Silver- ton placard. Very cloudy day. Elliott goes blind trying to read pony and flunks in the end. Capt. White reads all his col- lege essays to his girl. Capt. VVhite looks for new girl. Shoen explains to Col. John- ston how the little end of the broom went thro the wall. Barrick keeps his demerits within the limit by going home for two weeks. Mills, E., gets 50 cents from home and gets his hair cut fall of themj. Today Qitfs near the end of his third yearj Capt. Clay suc- ceeds in getting regulation step and keeping it for half a block. 67 22. Seniors take a sprint. Crom- ley falls down, breaks neck, has it set, beats Grimes and Lee. 23. L'Amoreaux gets the fixings put on his proboscis. A., 24-. Quartermaster calls for hair- cuts. Gets 75. 25. During the week just passed, McFee slept on an average 36 hours a day. 26. Seniors get a copy of The Val- ley Farmer. All subscribe. 333 fr5!l2 9- - x. A FEW LINES ON JOHN B. of John B., and so fair, lean yellow 'LL speak to you John B. so tall But that long stream Up his back is always there. On the baseball field he's a daisy, And no one with John can compare, But that long lean yellow stream Up his back is always there- At foot ball he looks so enchanting, And you know he will do and dare, But that long lean yellow stream Up his back is always there. 68 He's a regular society liong And well would a match-maker fare, But that long lean yellow stream Up his back is always there. In school he's a regular Shake- speareg And honors and he would pair, But that long lean yellow stream Up his back is always there. We hope that a few years in Kem- PCT, Or may be in some future day, That the long lean yellow stream Up his back may steal away. - X Since the Haversack goes to press April 241 the following items we give merely as probabilities 1 The love of Holmes fades grows dim and dies 2 Johnnie Boulware bums a Q as v-Qi? COMMENCEMENT VVEEK. June 4 Baccalaureate Sermon. Seniors sit in Amen corner. June 5 Owing to the closeness .X .X 5 Q A l s XV, . .1 . if it UUUIQ A A an . D X3 ' fl - - - .D - . . . . Q A 52 N - Q as 2 - smoke. Conant gets up before reveille. 7. Hudson satisfied with the exist- ing order of things. 8. Capt. Clay sweeps out twice in one week, makes bed and dies. 11. Lockwood tails to find any news worth mentioning. 8 to 15. Camp. Col. sleeps five in a bed. 14. Sherman buys his own smok- ing. 20. No sick list. 241. Trigg goes to drill. 26. McCorkle unable to get into an argument. Dr. Evans holds con- sultation with Dr. Burke and de- cides on amputation just below the ears. 29. Cromley takes ride on ferry to get used to the water. Again sea- sick. 30. Pickrell has another attack of granulated eye brows. 32. Capt. Hitch developes a kind and lovable disposition. 33. Polly gets corporal. Won't take it. of the contest in senior debate the 35.00 gold piece was not awarded. It was decided to divide the money among the several speakers accord- ing to deserts. Hudson gets 10 cents, L'Amoreaux a nickel, the rest 15 cents each except Simpson who owes a dime. June 7. Commencement. The following are recommended to receive special mention in the Army Register: Grimes for readiness in all sub- jects. Behr for his general set up. Hudson for his general knowledge of military etiquette. McKinney gets drill medal. Goodwin gets deportment medal. Whitelaw gets scholarship medal. Duddin' gets house-keeping medal. Lee gets medal for longest face. Capt. VVhite, marksman medal. Score, no record. Peyton declamatory medal. Grimes gets the final recall blown just before sunset. 69 WHO SHOT THE CALF? HERE was a young cap- tain named White, VVho dreamed about hunting all nightg He'd go day by day, To the wood by the way, On black and white rabbits to light. It chanced to be on a bright day, When our Captain most bravely did Says f I 1 :f y fx V k . iwiakof' ' fag i s .S P C F 1. H .W X F5 Q5-iixj ' 4 . .I ff-N Ill f Q -J NJ , X ff H -i fi ,f ff fr WI, Gia - E l 31 'W ' Cf I My ' 70 I'11 go shoot a rabbit, So then I can have it, For breakfast the following day. There goes a rabbit, he said, Wait! while I fill him with 1eadg He then fired away, And it's funny to say, He hit a poor calf in the head. And now Capt. VVhite cannot boast, For no more he loves hunting the most 3 And now we all laugh, 'Cause White shot the calfg So we all join in with a roast. New Boob. EFLECTIONS on Duck Hunting, L'AmoreauX and Hudson. Very funny to L'Amoreaux and Hud- son. U! New European Geography, by Hudson. A lengthy appendix on European railways. R How to Flunk and Flunky, by Flunky Fellows the F lunker. R Dogging the Steps of great Men or Eating Snakes with Bosco in the Den. Chesty. E The Home Medical Companion, by Capt. George Burke. Compiled after years of study and practical experience in civil and military life. I! We beg to acknowledge receipt of, and desire to thank Mr. Wilcox for a copy of that thrilling masterpiece, Forty Buckets of Blood, or the Butcher's Revenge, and that tender tale of love, Seven Skulls in a Black Ebony Case, or the Mystery of the Black Palace. E Slow Speed, or How to Rest and Still be Going, by Father Grimes. B Pickings from Lockwood. It has few equals and no superiors. Published by Lockwood and Jones in 15 volumes. H Encyclopedia of Wit and Humor or Shakespeare Ausgespieltf' E. V. S. R Hudson on Etiquette, by the K. M. S. Beau Brummel, Mr. T. Rudolph Hudson. Mr. Hudson has studied extensively at home and abroad, having spent several seasons in Prairie Lick and Blackwater. One chapter is devoted to the styles in vogue at that famous watering place Choteau Springs. Q Remarks, Wise and Otherwise, by Edgar Vaughn. We recommend it heartily for insomnia. It will make you appreciate humor in others. 2 Memoirs of Ghastly Tragedian Irvine, or Forty Years on the Stage Cas driverjf' Very tiresome. Con- sists principally of a lot of soft soap given him by people who had never seen him act. The list of plays in which he has taken part is really enormous. We haven't space to print it. He has appeared before the faithful of this generation in The Ugliest of Seven, in which he played the leading role, Union De- pot, and many others. We predict a very small sale and are sorry that the clever manager of the Kemper Press has been hoodwinked into agreeing to publish the book. No- body will ever get beyond the au- thor's picture and the fac-simile of his signature, which appear on the first page. 2 71 Proverbf book in the hand is worth As busy as MCI.-ee. two in the desk. His bark is worse than VVhite. We will give the devil McHugh. Great Captains may venture more. Little sergeants may sing Lenore. Of the two evils I choose Priest. One foot in to bathe. Plain as the nose on Polly's face. Scared out of 15 senses. CLeej. Seize time before 4 o'clock. For Major finds some bull-ring yet for idle feet to do. Birds of every feather fall in the hash together. If the shoe fits, take it. A clean child dreads the mire. Turn over a new beef. To make a mountain of a small pill. A whipped child dreads the teach- er's ire. An idling son wants no boss. 72 Parker is willin.' A word in the mouth is worth two in the book. First get out of sight and then go ahead. Faint heart ne'er won Shifty Sadie. CWoodsj. Arose between two morns. Better half a loaf than the bull- ring steady, for than no rest at alll. Still waters show sleep. R E have a solemn white- haired Celt VVho wears his drawers above his belt, And sometimes in the study hall Can a person hear him bawlg VVhen Colonel speaks of something new, This fish yells loudly at him Who. CATOR I ST ER-PROGNO G AVEN LY Sc AI CD rn I 'O C O Pu 0 -D c o Tv E I3 U Ln .... U o Z 3 o .:: U CD c I? 50 6' OJ :I N N1 O Q ': a. -A o ON F1 :S v-1 P' D5 41 D cd DQ I-TJ F14 Hall. Third of e Tower Oflic 3 JONES AND LOCKWOOD, PESTILENCE! PLAGUE! DEATH! Joint Proprietors and Publishers. THE MUMPS HAS BUSTED H - Ed. Jones. - -- Editor 0U-13. PATRON1zE YOUR HOME PAPER. B. Lockwood . . . .. . . . .Reporter Th' r h b Bernard Lockwood . .Society Editor ls mommg We are t e Carers , of the sad intelligence that half our Our Old friend Chesty was a J. E. Jones ..... Associate Reporter Staff, including the reporter, Busi- pleasant caller at our Office yester- Lt- and Q- M- I-00kW00d --------- ness Manager, Assistant Business day. He entertained us for two .. ..... ..... B usiness Manager Manager, Society Editor, Sporting h0l11'S with a great fund of jokes Lt, and Adj. Jones .,.. Newsmonger Eglditor, and prfintigg press hhai got that the present generation is slow Bernard C. Lockwood D i l . . r D r . r t e mumps. en ays ago t e orri- to appreclate. 0 ------Assistant Business Manager illfliiaifiririiloolii. iC1.ff,1E,LfXf.f isZidii.lffhieifrthaedtiggiiisrump- J- Ed- Jones ---- ---- O Hice boy peter, and our esteemed reporter in kin of the season on our table yes- Lockwood .... .. Printing press attempting to glean the latest news terday. He and L'Amore ux are Jones nnn. hot air motor went into the very jaws of death farming the old Smith place 12 with his usual daring and was pur- miles south of town. Come again CAPT, WHITE QN ABRAHAM sued thence to his own bed by the Ben. LINCOLN. death dealing mumps microbe. We We hope our readers will make are reminded of that touching little free use of our exchange table. It Verbatim report of this famous verse from the poet. always has a complete file of The lecture which was given in the Study Here he lies Jonesboro CArk.j Bladder, Cuba, Han last evening And ever sighs fMo.j Review, Appleton City Times N ' . For the guys Valley Farmer and last years Hav- We here have a man of sterling That buy him pies.-, ersack. W01'th, etc-, etc- -L'Amoreaux. Go to Burke for bandages. '73 5' Tale Ill Debate Mr. Chairman and Gentlemen: HE question to be debated is, Resolved That the Government Should Own and Operate the Rail- roads. And I, Mr. Lieutenant Tater Hudson B. X. O., will show to you they should be owned by private companies. As I have had a great deal of experience in rail- roads as time keeper of the graders and wrecking crews I will speak from experience. The railroads of America are owned and operated by private com- panies and we find the best of ser- vice. In Europe all the railroads are owned by the government even to push cars. It is hard to get a toy train for a child unless he belongs to the ruling house. Is this right? I say No. We all say No. What would we do if we had to get govern- ment toy trains for the children? In Europe they have such fast trains that they do not stop for pas- 74 . V ,f k 4 L . 1 x I N X f JjyjQ1,.! X. . Ml U e w lt fi Xxx MW ' w ill lx M l l i W 'll Ml will! 'D li M, sengersg they get on and off wher- ever and whenever they please. fHu- morousj Now in America we have the fastest trains in the world, you can go from New York to San F ran- cisco in 80 hours. Where in Europe can you go from New York to San Francisco in 80 hours? Nowhere. I repeat it, Nowhere. In Europe you can make at least 3 or 4, miles an hour as the trains go about as fast as Boonville automobiles. Europe is a little larger than Cooper County but not as big as Texas so they run only 2 cars and an engine for a train so you can think you are going somewhere. In America we have double tracks on all the railroads. The Bunceton Cotton Belt Route is a fair example. Now in Europe there is not a single double track roadg it is hard even to get the government to put down a single track. Cause: Railroads are owned by the government. The cars of America are surpas- sed nowhere. The cars on the Cooper County Flyer, the fast train on the B. C. R. R. are not to be compared with cars in Europe. Take the open-top observation cars with a capacity of 80,000 pounds, then the palace car ventilated on both sides from end to end and hay on top, and the combination dining- tourist-sleeper which you can load only five feet high. Can you find such cars in Europe? The reason I refer to the Cooper County Limited and Big 6 is that I have shipped ducks over that line. Lastly, Qapplausej A Slow Train through Arkansaw is not a circumstance to the vile service un- der government ownership in Eu- rope. Finally, taking everything into consideration and after hearing this address I can't see Why you do not agree with me and say I have won the debate. Again thanking you for your attention, I stop. Capt. W.: Mr. Hudson, consider yourself one of the prize debaters. 75 Farewell yo yo Sept. 21, Shoeneman arrives as travelling companion of Capt. Burke. Mistaken for new member of faculty. Sept. 22, Shoeneman enters school. Wants to study Geronomy. Sept. 23, Nicknamed Jo Jo. Mc- Corkle likes him fine. Sept. 24-, Cuts his questions down to 473,510. Sept. 25, Asks same questions as on 24th. Sept. 26, Turns head oif in mess hall. Sept. 27, Loses thoap. Sept. 28, Browning chooses Jo Jo for his company. Sept. 29, Jo Jo starts to drill. Don't like to drill. Don't like to drill. Sept. 30, Barrick made guardian. Gets out tennis racket. Oct. 1, Jo Jo becomes uneasy. Don't like to drill. Don't want to drill. Want to lie down. Oct. 2, Again turns head OH' in mess hall, and loses more thoap. Oct. 3, Jo Jo is found in pantry. Refuses to get out. Oct. 4-, Jo Jo becomes frantic at drill. Throws hat and belt in lake. Oct. 5, Jo Jo wants to go home. Oct. 6, Trade brewing. Many relieved. Oct. 7, Jo Jo loses the last of his thoap. Oct. 8, Trade consummated. Shoeneman and his traveling com- 76 panion leave for Chicago. Maj. shaves his head and goes in mourn- ing for a week. Oct. 20, Shoen arrives. Col. gets a gold brick. R There was a young man named Newton Who thought he would go a.-shootin'g But Tom found out And set up a shout Which sent young Newton a-scootin'. . R There is a soft lover named Tummy. His stunts in the class-room are bummy. But lend him your ear And you'll have to hear . WVith how many sweet girls he is chummy. B Consolation to our dear friend Tate, Who at last received a fearf11l fate. He was horsing at drill And received Major's will So now he has taken a much slower gait. Q There was a young fellow named Polly, VVho though jolly was chuck full of follyg He had a big grin And a cute little chin This frigety noisv Polly. W but T 12131 PHY! do Starr: Minister M. E. Church fAfricanD. Hurt: Agriculturist and Stock Raiser. Whitelaw: Vice President: big biz. Boulware: Lightning calculator. Morton, Curtis, Degraif: Rail- way engineers. Grimes: Spending next 20 years catching up with Grimes. Polly: Philosopher. Colvin: Speed tester for short- hand class. Browning: Busy city man, and society swell. Jones, J.: Angel. Holmes: Beau Brummelg Ardent lover. Pickrell: Member Scotch fusil- eers Cin kiltsj. Cromley: Corporal in Marines. L'Amoreaux: End man in col- ored minstrel. Cockrellz Page in U. S. Senate. Cooper: College student. Gantz, F.: Mob member. Gantz, H.: Rough rider, cow puncher, bronco-buster. Page: President of trust. Ani- mal trainer. Booth: Poet, Cross-Roads Clar- iong Lockwood, Reporter. McFee: Corporal in National Guard. McKinney: Member of the 400. Fellows: Valet to King of Eng- land. Stephens: Professional Lover. Kemper Military School Boonville, Mo., Mar. 29, 1905 Report:--Idol in study hall. Mar 29 O. C. Explanation:--Satisfactorily explained. Respectfully submitted, C. P. DORLAND, Cadet Private, Co. f'B To The Commandant of Cadets H N 77 The flhrror Would the gods some giftie gi'e us, To see ourselves as others see us.-Burns. ALDERSON- A crooked log makes a straight Ere.--Herbert. BARmcK- Your face is as a book, my thane, where men may read strange matters.--Shakespeare. BAn'rH- A penny for your thoughts.-Swift. BLACK, G.- Henny, O Henny, Oh come to me.-Song. BLACK, H.- Let not woman's weapons, water drops, stain my man's cheeks.-Shakespeare. My appetite comes to me while eating.-Montaigne. Mirth cannot move a soul in agony.-Shakespeare. BEER- BEERS- BERNARD, E.- BERNARD, H.- Birds in their little nests agree, And 'tis a shameful sight, VVhen children of one family Fall out and chide and iight.--Watts. Boo'rH- He sleeps by day more than the wild cat.-Shakespeare. BOULWARE- There is strange music in the stirring wind.-Bowles. BROWNING- Disguise our bondage as we will, 'Tis Woman, woman rules us still.-Moore. Why do strong arms fatigue themselves with frivolous dumb- bells. Today a vineyard is a worthier exercise for men.-Martial. Bymzs- O, Mischief, thou art swift To enter in the thoughts of desperate men.-Shakespeare. CALLAWAY- One may smile and smile and be a villain.-Shakespeare. 78 CARR- Things are not always what they seem.-Phaedrus. CLARE- It is a great plague to be too handsome a man.-Plautus. CLARK, B.- 'Tis not my talent to conceal my thought. CLARX, J.- His bark is worse than his bite.-Herbert. You Wonder that Marius CMary'sj ear smells unpleasantlyg You are the cause of this, Nestor, you whisper in it. -Ma-rtiafl. COCKRELL- I'1l talk a word with this same learned Theban. VVhat is your study ?-Shakespeare. COLBY- The sound must seem an echo to the sense.-Pope. COLVIN- An image of a calm life. CONANT- Now let it Work. Mischief, thou art afootg Take thou what course thou wilt.-Shakespeare. - CONNELLY- For my part getting up seems not so easy by half as lying. -H ood. Coopmn- Learning by study must be Wong 'Twas ne'er entailed from son to son.-Gay. CROMLEY- VVhen I'm big I'll be a soldier.-Anonymous. An eye like Mars to threaten and command.-Hamlet. CURTIS- Despatch is the soul of business.-Chesterfield. DALY- ' And high above the fight the lonely bugle grieves.-Mellin. DANIEL- ROBERTS- Agreed to differ.-Southey. DORLAND, C.- With volleys of eternal babble.-Butler. DORLAND, H.- I am not the rose, but I have lived near the rose.-Constant. DoNALnsoN- VVhence that three cornered smile of bliss? Three angels gave me at once a kiss.-Macdonald. 79 s 'V', L M Z,,wX'wW N ' s uv : ' 1 w N W N lt-.swyh-f3'l va M 5,5 u hybdnyx 'b if .W+,.Q!?ff-f fm- k- 1- , 4 'fr-Q58 Ynngxg 0 80 '33 1 if HX 1 ii . 'X XJ vfkxgftj I 55 If j fguglg MPV' WW ill 7 f A L 2 Ft P :hh 'Ya- f 'K iq w' A K 'P : we H02 L 4 DUDDING- What will the stream become in its lengthened course, if it be so turbid at its source.-Metastwsio. ELLIOTT- There is no royal road to Geometry.-Euclid. F ELLOWS- He speaks an infinite deal of nothing.-Shakespeare. A rolling stone gathers no moss.-Syrus. But still his tongue ran on, the less Of weight it bore, with greater ease.-Butler. QAnd others too numerous to mentionj F ORTUNE- As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.-Socrates. GANTZ, F.- Sometimes from her eyes he received fair speechless mes- sages.-Shakespeare. GANTZ, H.- Ah, you flavor everything. You are the vanilla of society. -Smith. Goonwm- ,Cause I's wicked, I is. I's mighty wicked, anyhow, I can't help it.-Topsy in Uncle Tomfs Cabin. GARTSIDE- Night after night he sat and bleared his eyes with books. -Longfellow. GREENUP- For seldom shall she hear a tale, So sad, so tender, yet so true.-Shenstone. GRIMES- Oh! Nothing is too late Till the tired heart shall cease to palpitate.-Longfellow. HALL- The glory of young men is their strength.-Bible. HAMILTON- He rolls it under his tongue like a sweet morsel.-Henry. VVhere hast thou wandered, thou gentle gale, to find The perfumes thou doest bring.-Bryant. HARGIS- The surest way to hit a woman's heart is to take aim kneel- in g.-J errold. HARKINS- Out of too much learning thou hast become mad.-Burton. HARPER- A delusion, a mockery, and a snare.-Denman. 81 i HEINZ- A happy accident.-Madame de Stael. Hor.Mr:s- Oh, most delicate fiend! VVho is it can read a woman ?-Shakespeare. Going as if he trod on eggs.-Burton. HUDSON- I'l1 be at charges for a looking glass, And entertain some score or two of tailors, To study fashions to adorn my bodyg Since I am crept in favor with myself I will maintain it with some little cost.-Poem. HUSTONi 0ne foot in the grave.-Beaumont and Fletcher. HUTCHISON- My tongue's use is to me no more Than an unstringed viol or harp.-Shakespeare. JACKSON- Every inch that is not fool is rogue.-Dryden. J 01-INsoN, J .- The game is up.-Shakespeare. He doth indeed show some sparks that are Like wit.-Shakespeare. JOHNSON, N.- He mouths a sentence as curs mouth a bone.-Shakespeare. J ONES, C.- And still they gazed, and still the wonder grew, That one small head should carry all he knew.-Goldsmith. J ONES, E.- I hate to tell again a tale once fully told.-Homer. Born but to banquet and drain the bowl.--Homer. J ONES, J .- He has strangled his language in his tears.-Shakespeare. L'AMonEAUx- Since your legs resemble the horns of the moon, you might bathe your feet in a cornucopia.-Martial. LATCHAM- The human face divine.-Milton. LEE- VVhence is thy learning? Hath thy toil O'er books consumed the midnight oil P-Gay. LocKwooD-- They never taste who always drink, They always talk who never think.-Pope. And what so tedious as a twice told tale.-Homer. 82 LUCAS- Above the pitch, out of tune, and off the hinges.-Rabelais. MCCAULEY- , Oh, most admired disorder.--Shakespeare. MCCORKLE- Wrongs unredressed or insults imavenged.-Wordsworth. MCFEE- A You may relish him more in the soldier than in the scholar. -Shakespeare. We are two travelers, Roger and Ig Roger's my dog. Troifvbridge. MCFADDEN- The sweetest thing that ever grew beside a human door. -W ordsworth. MCHUGH- I am a fool, I know itg and yet, Heaven Help me, I am poor enough to be a wit.-Congreve. MCKINNEY- 'Twas strange, 'twas passing strange, 'Twas pitiful, 'twas wonderous pitiful.-Shakespeare. Oh, I am stabbed with laughter.-Shakespeare. MASON- VVho riseth from a feast with that keen appetite that he sits down ?-Shakespeare. MEREDITH- And being thus frightened swears a prayer or two And sleeps again.-Shakespeare. MERRILL- A woman's honor rests on manly love.-Esias Tegner. MILLS, E.- The first virtue, son, if thou wilt learn, Is to restrain and keep well thy tongue.-Chaucer. MILLS, B.- Gloomy as night he stands.-Homer. MoR'roN- The trumpet of his own virtues.-Shakespeare. NEWTON- For brevity is very good, VVhere we are, or are not, understood.-Butler. Nicks- To the stars through dif'Hculties.-Poem. PARKER- Blessed is he who expects nothing for he shall never be dis- appointed. 83 PAGE- Soprano, basso, even the contra-alto Wished him five fathoms under the rialto.-Byron. PEYTONY How silent are the winds.-Cornwall. PICKRELL- If your slave commits a fault do not smash his teeth with your fistg give him some hard biscuits instead.-Martial. PIXLEY- Better late than never.-Dionysius. PRIEST- Still amorous and fond and billing Like Philip and Mary on a shilling.-Butler. ROBERTS? See Daniel. ROZIER- VVho climbs the grammar tree, distinctly knows, Where verb and noun and participle grows.-Dryden. RUSSELL- Making night hideous.--Shakespeare. SHERMAN- Thinking is but an idle waste of thought, And nought is everything and everything is naught. -Horace. SHOEN- An example of how Wisdom and Folly mix, mingle, and unite.-A non ymous. S1MPsoN- I believe they talked of me for they laughed consumedly. -F arquahr. SOMBART- Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, And waste its sweetness on the desert air.-Gray. STARR- That fellow seems to possess but one idea and that a wrong one.-Johnson. STEPHENS- His heart kep' going pity-pat, But hern went pity Tummy.-Lowell. TERRY- Have I caught my heavenly jewel P-Sidney. TOBIEN- Nothing is beautiful from every point of view.-Horace. TRIGG-- By two headed Janus, Nature has framed strange creatures in her time.-Shakespeare. 84 WARLOW- Action is eloquence.-Shakespeare. WATKINS, K.- A little house well fill'd, A little field well till'd, And a little wif e well will'd, Are great riches.-Poem. WATKINS, W.- Hark! from the tombs a doleful sound.-Watts. WHITE- Little pitchers have Wide ears.-Herbert. WHITTEN- But it does move.-Galileo. WHITELAW- Beauty and wisdom are rarely conjoined.-Petronius Ar- biter. WALCUTT-' A fellow of no mark or likehood. Woon- I even think that, sentimentally, I am disposed to harmony. But organically I am incapable of a tune.-Lamb. VVooDs- He is a soldier fit to stand by Ceasar and give direction. -Shakespeare. Wxncox- Push on, keep moving. -Thos. Morton. GRIMES- MASON- DALY- fBlowing taps togetherj.-The silver snarling trumpets 'gan to chide.-Keats. CURTIS- BOULWARE- DUDDING- CLARK , J.- MCKINNEY- MCFEE- Learning will be cast: into the mire and trodden down under the hoof of this multitude.-Burke. 85 No! W lm! lil' Bu! W bat Ouglat to be OGGING Slowly Elliott. J ollv Darling Stephens. Thomas Armory Lee. Goo-goo Eyes Priest. Certainly Hairless Cabaniss. Chanting Ape-like Page. Tickled Rube Hudson. Just-a Baby Clark. Loud Mouthed Fellows. Ever Voluble Simpson. Peggs Crooked L'Amoreaux. Rainbow Extremities Lucas. Hair Cuts Johnston. Ranting Captain Cromley. Enough English Browning. Louey Schnittsgehoffelmeister Shoen. 86 Everybody's Business Holmes. Absent Minded Hitch. Haughty Looking McFee. Chicago's Pride Dorland. Much Perplexed Colvin. Homely Faced Black. Hump Shouldered McCauley. Kemper's Awkwardness Watkins. Beautifully Colored Lockwood. Always Hungry Barth. Jumping Idiot McKinney. Great Orator Peyton. Grinning Foolish Black. Hash Eating Dorland. Laughing Simpleton Shoen. Rag Chewing VVhite. Grumbling Wedded Burke. Fcworzle Exprefdom White: Yas, Sir. Mills, E.: There isn't any sense in that. Shoen: Did you ever see a Jew in the poor-house? Lockwood: Say, did you hear the news? L'Amoreaux: Don't let that oc- cur again. Mason: You can depend on me, old feller. Irvine: As I said before. Burke: Don't dispute with me. I have taught school for fourteen years and was in business before. Hitch: Get busy, over there. Johnston: Hair cuts in A, Company? Black, G.: Aw-Aw-He-He-He. Pickrell: Careful, there, Bud- dy. Elliott: E-E-E-E-E. Simpson: Ha? Jones, E.: Here comes the gravy. Is there any more corn- bread? Johnson, J.: My lip hurts me, Captain: I can't blow. Alderson: Seen Chink ? Heinz: I'm suffering great ag- ony. Browning: Me and my girl. Cooper: I'm a dinger. Gartside: Brush me off, Kid. Barrick: Goin' to get excused to-day. Parker: Old Dan ain't bothered yet. Fellows: VVhere is the Princess? Lee: I permitted it, Colonel. Wilcox: I'm pullin'. Barth: I'm a disgraceful to the team, I want to apologize. Latcham: When I was in St. John's. Callaway: Got your Chemistry note book written up? Meredith: Tut-tut, tut-tut, you're boodling. Harkins: Mav be I'll get a cor- poral. VVhitelaw: VVhen I was with the radiator company. Fortune: Wonder if he'll take it off. Harper: Me and Duddin'. Behr: I'l1 report if he does that again. Johnson, N.: My cut hurts me. 87 if MIM ,W NW . . t I ll .1 . X ...X w .1A' 'I A, . 5 i f e 1 . I -I ' Q r 4515. iv Er: . 5' Silk' : I':i y 251, ,5,E. 55 X 3522 x X .S ' if ik 1 f f' 1 I - E' I 1 f 'X Z , I S 5 One morning dark and early When the wind was blowing round I was wakened from my slumber By a very doleful sound. I listened to the wind And I thought I heard it creaking But 'twas only Mr. Mills, Your radiator's leaking. Next morning as I lay there My nervous system is a wreck. All wrapped in dreams of love And I can sleep no more, That my sweetheart was a-calling I climbed out on the hurricane deck Me her little turtle dove, At a quarter after four, I heard again that fearful sound g To watch that radiator I cleared the bed with one big bound And keep from feeling sneaking And down below that voice was At hearing, Mr. Mills, squeaking, - Your radiator's leaking. Mr. Mills, your radiator's leaking. 88 Tlne Full many a gem Edltorff of purest ray serene The unfathomed caves of ocean bearj Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, And waste its sweetness on the desert air. -Gragfs Elegy. UCH, dear reader, are the following productions which were elaborated with much care, but which for various reasons we must meet with a marble heart and turn away. They must be given a word of notice, however, even if they do crowd out a lengthy and noble poem by Cap- tain Johnston on his son Bill: Where All I Have Been, And What All I Have Seen, by Mr. Whitelaw. Very instructive and very true. The Secret of Social Success, by Louie Shoen. A lengthy but meaningless dis- course on Talk Without Thought, or Does Perpetual Motion Really Exist, by L. N. Fellows. Labor Unions in K. C., by our friend, Bankrupt Fiddler Clay. It is a lengthy and spirited presenta- tion of this great sociological ques- tion, but seems to us somewhat one- sided. Song, They Shifted Daddy's Grave to Dig a Sewer, by Matt. Cooper. This is a tender little ditty but we insist on originality. Come again, Matt. Waite Basket Musings of a Sandow, by Ernie. How to be Funny tho' Sad, McHugh. This is so tearful that the majority of our readers would never survive it. We have kept it for moments when we might be too gay- The Many Bad Things and Clever Tricks that I Have Done, L'Amoreaux. We regret to say that we can not publish this for the bane- ful effect it would have on such ten- der youths as Cromley, Goodwin, Barth and Starr. Poems Satirical and Otherwise, in six huge volumes, by the Poet Scout. Very meritorious and vain- glorious. Not written in Choctaw. Digest of the Kemper Library and Other Books, by Count de Polla. Also, What I Know Per- sonally about Evolution. The Difference Between Long Green and Honey Dip, by Elliott. How to Clean 'Em Out, by One Who Has Tried and Failed, Ham- ilton. Lecture on the Proper Method of Giving Commands, Captain George. New Ideas on the Science of Right and How to Apply Themg or The Whichness of the VVhat or Why Not, E. H. Mills. 89 -4' DICTIONARQT Gun. An explosive that gives a loud report when touched off. Syn. Captain YVhite. Big Gun. Captain Johnston. Haoersack. A thing thrown to- gether by a Witless lot of humorists who take advantage of their position to perpetrate a bunch of pointless jokes on the unsuspecting multitude. Sorghum. QPronounced Sar- gumj A concentrated form of nourishment that is the cane of life just as bread is the staff. Highly prized in Kemper for its rarity. Dough-balls. Wads of money and other things. Reveille. A legalized form of disturbing the peace. Ram. A male sheep. The butt end of any breach of regulations. Jig. A merry dance. Jigger. One who stops the merry 90 dance. Orderly. A king in his own little domain.-Col. Johnston. A respon- sible household drudge and police- man.-The orderly himself. F lunky. Honorable janitor and valet to would-be nobleman. L'Amoreaua:, from the French L'Amo, meaning I love ity and reauz, pronounced rose. I love the Rose. Joke, from Anglo-Saxon jok meaning stale, musty. Original meaning still held by Simpson. Beef. Noun, Meat coming from the neck of a male cowg verb, to chew the rag. Newspaper. A collection of scan- dals, sensations and gossipg not at all certain of anything. Human N ewspafper. Lockwood. Il Di.. , 5 . HH -5 fri f V. . One day in the winter, if I remember right, A Captain crossed the court in the soft morning light if He went to the laundry, he had been there before, And piled his soiled clothes on the cold stone floor. His laundry consisted of clothing and such 5 Now who in the world would those things want to touch? But somehow or other of a pair of his socks, Only one ever came from the new laundry box. The Captain then opened both of his eyes, And loudly bewailed with tear-drops and sighs. He looked everywhere but no hose could he find, So he rvearily said, I must leave it behind. When all of a sudden with a smile on his phiz, He said, I've the dope to do up the biz. So up to his desk, and with pen in his hand, Said, Of you, Colo-nel, one sock I demand. So at supper the Colonel did question us all As we sat most attentive in the mess hall, Now, listen, dear boys, and say if yo-u can, Have you seen a gray sock that belongs to this man? I n the laundry last week a gray one was lost, Sin: cents a pair is, I think, what they cost. If any one finds it in the building or yard, Return it to Burke and receive the reward. Blue Bell Xg E 'E 5 QDedicated to the band and othersj Blue Bell, your tones are raking, They almost split my ear. Blue Bell, my heart is breaking, Oh, please go rvay from here, Hear horv the fiddles play it, It's whistled from each heart, Hear horv the bugles bray it, The band has done its part. Chorus. Good-bye, my Blue Bell, Farewell to you, We are too tired to tell, We hope that you are through. From Mose to Mina, Mid hash and beans, We hope you're in Lima With other Has Beens. CRepeat till tired.j 92 Blue Bell, your course is ended, Nom no one sings you through Blue Bell, your grave is tended By those who once sang you. Gladly they tell the story, Tell that you tripped and fell, No more for you of glory, Only a grave-yard knell. Chorus. Good-bye, my Blue Bell, Farewell to you, We are too tired to tell, We hope that you're through. From Dlose to Dlina, Dlid hash and beans, fVe hope you're in Lima With other Has Beensf' Kemper Prey! General Oflice, Alley of Third hall, S. E. corner of room. Editorial Room. Alley of Third hall, N. E. corner of room. Sanctum Sanctorum, Alley of Third Hall, N. W. corner of room. Reportorial Room, Alley of Third hall, S. W. corner of room. Auditing Room, Alley of Third hall, S. side of room. Advertising Department, Alley of Third hall, W. ride of room. Manager's Ofiicv., Alley of Third hall, Middle of room. Press Room, Alley of Third hall, E. side of room. Power Room, Alley of Third hall, Center of room. Mailing Department, Alley of Third hall, Near the door. R. A. Johnston, Manager, Type- setter, Press-feeder, Solicitor, Re- porter. B. F. Clay, the human dynamo. Bennie, the motor, 1-41 mule power. Bankrupt Fiddler, oiler and inkist. Benjamin Franklin, smoke-stack. Hall, devil. Irvine, bald devil. Hitch, red devil. 3 'mulls '- ies his day march' 28, We tip Our cap, Make our bougH to tl-Ie caDet corpse, And Anounce That we are reddy to Do all sorts of Job work, Such as printinG cheep callinG Cards, Jack Bills, And run- ninG the Laundry. We are payinG a biG price for This paiGe in the haver- sacK and are DoinG the printinG ourselfes. we have used moast of Our tipe In this announcemenT and to Give it all a chanc for Publicity Will Stick it in belo to fill Out the paGe. We do not imploy Union labor, And are hear to sTay, the Daily Scaven- Ger-Prognosticator, jones, Lockwood 81 Co., N ever-the-less not-with- standing. 1 Mrs. R. A. Johnston, wife of the ,rg e Manager. Bill, his son. fi ,H 3 93 The Banhrupt Fiddler Once Again. 1. We had a musician named Clay Who in 1904 went away, By the look on his face As he walked from the place You'd thought he was going to stay. 2. To the hills of K. C. he went, On finding a job was he bent, He shouldered his bow, Said, Oh, I don't know, And ahead his business card sent. 3. Now a Behr lying back in his lair, Spied a gleam of Ben's shining black hairg And he laughed, Ho-ho, A chance for my Joe, F or Ben's fiddling seems tolerably fair. 4. I will give you a job with my song H e's a pippin, but only begun. But, sir, if perchance, I could only advance, Then would I consider it fun. 5. Well, said Papa Behr, looking gay, I'll give you a chance for to play 5 If in W illis-Wood's pit Your fiddling makes a hit, Of course I will give you more pay. 6. But before Ben was ready to play The Union unto him did say, You can't stay in there And play with the Behr, So you'd better jump out and away. Q f x 7. He jumped and ne'er made a stand Until he'd again joined his bandg Now daily he plays And sighs as he says, My fiddling was not in demand. 4:- 5 'f. 'ZI vnu .IS 'It's getting entirely too slow for me here, Said this old cat to her brood last yearg I 'fm going to where there's a larger field, Where fruit sufficient my labors will yield. I think I'll start down in K. C. And you can read in the papers of me. But when the summer ivaned away, And he happened to think of the Union's Nay The cat came back. Adoerfzlfzng Section. IRVINE,S SCHOOL or DELSARTE AND ACTING. Thirty Years' Experience. Good Environment. Expert Expert Expert Expert Expert R. A. JOHNSTON, TI-IE HANDYMAN. Laundry Work. Printing. A ccountan t. Politician. Manager of any Old Kind of Organization. G. NV. BURKE, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Bandages and Liniment a Specialty. No' Fee. LEWIS M. F ELLOWS, SCAVENGER AND HoUsE CLEANER. References Furnished. EDGAR VAUGHN SIMPSON, Drum Major and Band Leader. T rvo Years Abroad Under CAPTAIN BOURKE. ARTHUR BARTH, Chef. XVI-IEN ORDERING SInLoIN You DoN,'I' GET Foncn. Scalped Oysters M y New Dish. RAY CROMLEY, GUARDIAN ANGEL Leads Back-Sliders to the Straight and Narrow Path. Cut this coupon out and swallow it. If you don't digest your food after so doing you have Indigestion. Sign here .............. B. F. CLAY, Dance Contractor. I Play for Dances and Entertainments of all Kinds. HAWK JONES, News Butcher. BARBER SHOP. 1 Chair -1 1 Razor 1 1 Towel 1 1 Mug' 1 Bring your own paper. H. L. WHITELAW, LL. D., Proprietor and Barber. QUARTERMASTER'S DEPT., Run and Managed by the Triumvirate, H. C. JOHNSTON, B. C. Locxwoon, OPEN 'ro ALL POSITIONS. LIAJ. BEHA. 96 ddverizlrzhg Sectzbn Wants C10 cents a linej. McFee-Cosy corners and rest parlors on every hall. Page-A peanut. Hargis-Win a game. Mills, E.-A hair cut. Lockwood-A bit of news. Gartside-Wrinkles ironed out of his sheet. Bill-A tooth. Captain Johnston-Alderman. Barth-A revised tactics. Jones, E.-Pan of cornbreadg three pans preferred. fl NEWS FOR NIMRODS. fTaken from the sporting column of the Daily Scavenger-P1ognostica- tor.j APTAIN WHITE this day discovered a large black and White rabbit near its den about one- half mile southwest of the school. He shot at the varmint and it bawled vociferously and scampered away to its mother in the barnyard. fNov. 5.j This day cadet Lieutenants Hud- son and L'Amoreaux took their fa- mous duck hunt on the Lamine. The ducks fared well. Not so the hunt- ers. For full particulars we refer you to the above-named gentlemen. We hate to tell it. fMar. 7.1 Captain Burke kills a musk rat Cpronounced mush-rat by B. C. LQ The animal furnishes sensation and amusement for a day. Lively in- spection. See Mills, Harkins and Meredith for serio-comic tragedy. fApr. 5.j A FEW DOUBTS. As to the exact age of Uncle Artie's overcoat. Whether Captain VVhite was born in Palestine or Jerusalem. As to whether Bennie Clay owns his own fiddle. As to how many times Captain Burke has been married. Vlfhether G. T. I. has discovered the elixir of love in any of his chem- ical operations. 97 wx . px u Q SKQQX-x Ai QQ I ' xxx 9 V -x - x 1. x u Q 1, X X. I I IN I X S X djs. .I. , , S. ls. wsu NT: 'r -xxx X . I XIII fl II IZI II III IIII 1. 1L II . Wg ,I I I f IIE I I II I I IIIII .I II II I I I 'Lxi 'II V ul IWII' I If IQ! sill III . 4' II ,r.. I II I S I I I I III 1 xx 2 h V 'v Sag? Xxx ' .,, 9 L: U: g4' -as 3-5 iffy' XX . j-Q. :L-x az! - ji , 99 - - 'g x I X Mizz X xg v xr. Il:-V. 1 L' I E?-E .- - X g3:f:.f,.-I-Ig.-.QQ-? X ' , 12 'A -' I my 45 QE' I Xswfsig. X x I., M555 1 .I X3 - - , N 1 X N ,. ,Q sf' sa -I ' ,. ' '- , - , ex., If I I fx - . XI 'I ' -X I 'I 2 : X. N K XI I I N XX 2 -- M Hi. 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L, all I ' E53 1' ' 5' Q - X --'4? +-E I9 Ex K ' - K g A-nb .A+ 'I i NS E x5Si X' : il Some Has-Boens N w X V lvll fl lml., 'fgwi' nf ug f d wi xy! u Tl There is a Captain White, He is so awful short! In weight he's very light, But thinks he's quite a sport. He teaches declarnation And helps the boys to speak With his angry passion And his show of cheek. When he is O. C. He tries to make things humg The boys all think they're free And put him on the burn. He tried to draw his sword To let the Major seeg He got it half way out And then from him did flee. CL There was a cadet called Polly. The name was not attractive, So he changed it to Count d Polla And became a great detective. 6 9727721.63 Donnie, and the Senator. Listen cadets, And you shall hear Of the midnight stroll, Of some cadets we have here. Thinking a red-headed captain Had treated them bad, Swore that they'd leave Without permission from Dad. One was the son of a senator grand, Another belonged to our Kemper band, The other we don't know much about But that he was raised on Dutch sauer kraut. They started out we don't know when, But in their step was no despair. They were all on the way they said To the great St. Louis Fair. At supper call they were missing, At school call were also gone, About this time the Colonel got mad, Swore something must be done. 100 He sent a captain, A red-headed chap, Who said he would bring The dear boys back. One said he would beat a cop, Another said he would run, The other said he would shoot the red top, If he only had a gun. But the threats were all a bluff, And the red top more than sore, My! How the Colonel beat the boys, Then threw them out the door. And now they're keeping step To the beating of a. drum, While on their weary shoulders, They carry a nine pound gun. Now, children, let this be a warning, Always be gentle and tame, For, children, if you dmft, The red top will climb your frame. Tbaff Ibm. His name I would not dare to speak Because he is so quiet and meek. He played football gallant and rvell But like all such great men fell. In St. Louis he did hit the line And stood at garbage can twenty- nine, I'm a disgrace to the team, he said, And then was helped right into bed. In Chi he was a genuine Reg, And ate scalped 0ysters by the keg. He is norv a Corporal fair and straight And as good as McKinney at any rate. I've heard him say he'd die for herg No, not a girl, just his Oliver. R McFee Cwriting letter in study hallj: McKinney, tell me quick how to spell senior. Is it cenior or scen- ior? Question: What is there that tends to give a supernatural influ- ence to the story of the Ancient Mariner? Answer: In the Ancient Merry- ner the rime of the verces, the odness of the tail, the circomstances under which it was toled and the weard scienes which it pictures awl tend to make it a wierd and unnatural tail. It is uncanny when the Mare-ner holds the wedding guest by his tail and his eye. His tail is bad enough all the way along but it is worst in the part about the companions of the marener when they were lying about rotting on the deck and got up and fixed the sales. The climacks of the tail is where Life-in-Death comes sayling along. This is the highest point of the tail. Another peculiar part of the tail is about the albatross. This part is not all un- folded until we get to the end and learn that the principal thing in the whole tail is the lesson that we must be kind to the lower animals or we may have a tail of woe greater than the Mariner's. 101 CC George? Purchase o f Shirts 1 i X 1 A ii fi., fe? -are me 'L ,, .. ,,,, Q ,I Q.. T H f .lily ttf ', 225. Af, It lil 539 cl f 1 ' ,.,, ly, 4 .5535 I fffl t? E ' 1 By the flow of the Missouri, Where the Bull Ring is often Where the cadets are made to By reports given out by Red, There was a captain I knew Who often went with Rea, But the day he got the blues He was with Captain Clay. 2 tread, quiver From the noise of schooling hours To town the two did go, And east from the water tower A Jew had shirts to show. I like them, said George, do you? To little Captain Clay, 'Cause one it is of blue, The other it is of gray. 3 So in went they to do trading, The first act now was doneg Now he leans o'er the railing 102 And asks for a shirt, just one. Under the roof of a Jew Was Irvine and Captain Clay, But one was to get the blue, The other was to get the gray. 4- The price you'll have to sever Was the next that Georgie said: Or I 'll leave the shirts forever And take a tie instead. Under the roof of the Jew The shirts are still to-day, Left by the Captain in blue, The teacher of the boys in gray 5 So with their beautiful splendor The shirts remain for a call, But for the feminine gender And not for men at all. So home went the Captains two Irvine and Captain Clay, The teachers who dress in blue Of the boys who wear the gray. A A Q? fi X 2 I 'il . 0 l ' u .,..-- x .1 L ...- 4 . X I 1- T 'W' M w I I Til- 1-:- I I I I' I I 1+ - '. i c I rl: 6 II tl K M-I-E. He came from where he started, And was going where he wentg He landed here in Kemper, I heard that he was sent. He strode about among us, With Minerva on his brow, And we all sat and wondered Just where and when and how. He's as graceful as Apollo, He appears immaculate. He couldn't be mistaken For some alligator bait. The seventh period we see his teeth As white as any fountain, And when he opens wide his face We see the crater of a mountain. One day some very degenerate boys, Just by one fairy like toe, Held him right out' from the win- dow. And what he said is here below. 103 A Few Specimens from the Biographia Kemperana Qwhich will be issued in full by the Kemper Press about 19453. UGUSTUS V. HEINZ was born in 1890, of Jewish parents. He is not one of the fifty- seven varieties, yet of him it has been truly said, His cradle was a pickle vat, all he drank was vin- egar. He spent the playful part of his tender years gamboling about his uncle's factory. Notwithstand- ing his nimbleness he frequently fell into the brine. In September, 1904, he was fished from the depths of a monstrous vat and for- warded to K. M. S. Here he dis- tinguished himself by jerks, often throwing a whole squad into confus- ion in getting into position. At the beginning of his second year at a caucus consisting of the subject of this sketch, Starr, Conant, Roberts, McHugh and Shoen, he was nom- inated for the position of captain of his company but failing of ap- pointment he resumed his old posi- tion in the rear rank of Company A. After leaving school he rapidly rose to the rank of nightwatch in his uncle's factory and later became president of the company. He dis- pensed his millions lavishly. It is matter of record that he has put on their feet such Captains of Indus- 104 try as Cromley, L'Amoreaux, A1- derson, Jones and Bro., and Dud- ding. He died at the advanced age of 75 and was followed to the grave by his old and faithful valet, Henry Lee McFee. Rest, rest, perturbed spirit. I Irvine McKinney, distant relative of Captain G. T., was born Cctober 12, 1889. This bud of genius was brought to a full bloom on the plains of Oklahoma. For further development and culture it was transplanted to K. M. S., where it was developed to full fruition. He entered the Military Department with great vim and a huge smile. This smile he had brought with him all the way from Oklahoma and from it he would not be separated at prayers or when lost in the arms of Morpheus. The lightness of his heels kept company with the sunni- ness of his disposition. And he has edified the entire Cadet Corps by dis- playing his accomplishments in the art of Terpsichore. After leaving school Mr. McKinney made a tour of the earth and by his smile paci- fied several wild tribes. For this he was made U. S. Indian agent. During his long business and polit- ical career this smile was his most valuable asset. It accompanied him to the grave in 1956. A peculiar glory of the earth has parted. It will never seem the same again. 8 Elihu Bartholomew McHugh. Born in the latter half of the Nine- teenth century. Four-thirds Irish and the rest Scotch. A great grower, his growth stopping only when it reached the ceiling. For further development he went to K. M. S. in September, 1904. It is said that there he distinguished him- self as a dry wit and long sleeper. He took Rip Van Winkle as his hero. His ability was not noticed at first but soon came into prominence. Dis- tinguished himself as a new light among men of letters by the produc- tion of a real masterpiece entitled, How to Answer Colonel's Ques- tions Without Incriminating One- self. The author himself admi-ts that there is not much to it. Re- flections of a Dead One, or How I Spent My Sundav Evenings was published as a 81,000 prize story in the Fireside Companion. In 1930 appeared the most pretentious of Mr. McHugh's works: My Re- marks for the Last Ten Years. Vol. I. In 1940 came Vol. 2, In 1950 Vol. 3, and in 1960, The Best of All My Remarks in One Volume, Revised and Edited. Admitted to the priesthood in 1915 and did much good in his parish in the interior of Africa. While leading a file of ne- groes in the straight and narrow path he met a railroad engine and never recovered. 2 McCorkle, Awfully Vigorous. Born 1843, the year before Kemper was founded. Came to Kemper the next year. Will probably be here until fired. May graduate in '05 and may not. Disputatious. Ar- gumentative. Stubborn. Always up- holding and dying for the wrong side. Founder Washington society. Member Never Sweats. Omniverous Reader. Not good in fractions or as a ladies' man. Saw the country from the bumpers. R Fellows, Lanky Medling. Hap- pened 1901. Has flunkeyed ever since, has made the rounds of the military schools in the middle west. Now at Kemper under tutorship of Cromley and L'Amoreaux. As the wind bloweth so bloweth he, and as the fountain bubbleth so bubbleth he. Rather talk than think. Will be a philosopher. Liveth on hope and what he can borrow. Thirsty for anything but knowledge. B Behr, Just Been Jointed However Loosely, born 1885-86. Sea-dog and 105 land-lubber, half-and-half. Walks like a human circus giraffe. fl. Holmes CTalking over the phone to Miss ---Q: Just dandy- oh, fine-yes-certainly-well I should say so-no-surwwhy-no, I didn't--hope so- Then a deep bass voice from the depths cried, Did I say you could use the phone? QThe night is Wrapped in stillness.j R Major Cabaniss: Mr. Hutchison, wlio was Portia? Cadet Hutchison: She was a woman in love with Shylock and didn't want Shylock to take the pound of flesh for he might get into trouble. R April 1. Voice Cat telephonej: Please call Captain VVhite to the phone. 106 n, .if Other Voice: He isn't here 5 he has gone snipe hlmting. H K. M. S., Boonville, Mo. Col: T. A. Johfmon. Dear Sir: I am felling very bad at my head 8: sthomac, my head especially, and would like to get es- cused from study hall to-night. Yours cincerily, R. H. WALCUTT. R Captain fserving meat at table, to L'Amoreaux at the other endjz Mr. L'Amoreaux, kindly convey the in- telligence to the transporter of viands on her next approach to our immediate vicinity that we are en- tirely destitute of plates and desire two additional. L'Amoreaux: Compliance with your request will be most hearty and immediate. Bernard, E. Cto neighborj: I wish they would decrease their dictionary so the rest of us could know what they are talking about. ' 'A NURSERY RHYMEH Said Parker to Johnson, Pray where are we going? Said Johnson to Parker There's no way or knowing. Said Parker to Johnson, Then what shall we do? Said Johnson' to Parker, I thought to ask you. R A smile, a laugh, a great broad grin, Methinks it's Polly, yes, that him g And like a book, dog-eared with age, Are the jokes that come from Polly Page. R Sallow eye and hollow cheek, His words are nought but groans. This debater rooms with Sheep, And is our springy, mummy Holmes. wrii 'f'i- mil? , 5' V uf X. we if f f ,, MA . DI 7'-ik 'I Km , M f we -Q xl E gf! F QETNW Vx, ,- Q T: ' 6971. l -. - s iff' -. mfiyjxgun gr? f Q l.S1'S.'gQ+ 1 T. PETER stood guard at the Golden Gate, With a solemn mien and air sedate, When up at the top of the golden stair A man and a boy were standing there, In hope the city of peace to win 5 They asked St. Peter to let them in. 2 The man was tall and lank and thin, With some red whiskers on his chin. The boy was very far from stout, His foot seemed to have the gout. The man did look at him quite cross g The boy smiled ony he knew his boss. 3 O, thou that guardest the gate,', said he, W e two come hither beseeching thee.: I want to come in and with you sing, But this boy should be on the Bull Ring. My pretty red hair giveth light to all, Except cigarettes on new second hall. 4 I've told the boys about the day When they'd repent their evil way. I 've rammed them great, I 've rammed them small I ,ve rammed them most on second hall, I've done my duty e'en in my sleep, If this you doubt look at the report sheet. 5 So, good St. Peter, you clearly see, The gate of heaven is open for meg But this little boy, I regret to say, Has walked and walked the bull ring way 5 He smokes, he flunks and grave faults he's I don't know whether he'll pass or not. 108 go 6 St. Peter sat quiet and stroked his staff, But in spite of his office he had to laugh. And up he rose with a dreadful twitch And said, Iv believe your name is Hitchg On earth the cadets you'd appall, But now, bewareg you're about to fall. 7 St. Peter then turned to the boy and said, You've walked the Bull Ring till you're almost dead, Come in and smoke and your new harp sound, Where by old Hitch you'll ne'er be found' He's gone where the rest of them go- Clay, Irvine, Whitey to fry below. fl. McC'orkle is a senior of markg J In composition he's a shark 5 Although itis his fate To be overly late In handing it in for a mark. CL We have with us a cadet named Newt, Whose mind is a soft kind of fruitg To honor the day He went home with Miss Fra- But returned minus part of his suit. Ill Cadet H.: Captain, here is a paper I have had for you since F riday, but have been unable to find you. Captain I.: Where have I told you to put papers when you could not find me? Cadet H.: You have never given my class any instructions. Captain I.: I beg your pardon, but I have done so. Do you think you can remember if I tell you now? Cadet H.: Yes, sirg I am sure I can. Captain I.: Put them under my door. Captain I. Cten minutes later as Cadet H. starts to leave the roomj: VVhere did I tell you to put papers for me? Cadet H.: Through the transom. 109 I' li 'RE?as:qggy-. ., '- 'Fn lg IIINEIS ' Gd.-lp!! D'-'fad N 599i v c,-Wa' W :Ia P6451 5 D 4' op. V6 vt. F4 fi 'Q QWWMQM . li 10,1 ff ' va, A I I--- -WQTTY an suv. I -.-..M s gimp. linux - asv, W - I V ll-.. . - Txauagg , 'Ji NN ,.., ..r Q ' Ax ..--.... nys' 5 an so I. W ofa I' 'FlnA1-n-'Q SLA-rg ri' 1 .1 ' 3 5Ecofu2 Svomncw - - ZW. f f- -- ,Bcur Mmu. ' - -- .. REC-IBN or nr: Hgmzf .. -..-- gifs' es. un-.S 1353 4 - ---M.,,f..f. -N W C 'MVN' TRL Vinh. 1 , ....--..----..--Srq.n11.s .vnu-. 1 ff n . m ' SWN Qfzupewp I 'N I f 'qu xx. , U lzfffeff '..' 5 C... fr, g X Q, x X X WW ' ' xx X N 1' f11'l--2 t::v:::::ec:'a1' 'G -'01 --, ,...----'Shu-Q-.Y .lan m .. .. M 4- , , ...... Vg X W Q A' ' ' 4 --.:::::'.f1Z'.f' f.'!IT'.1f.QJ2'l.-1 x V qt H- Q... - . S 1 F Gunn Muay? VXA X I ,V - K S , W, 5 3 1' X Gu K 06 5 W J W 'iff I Q gun- Lo. u G nn Q Q 'J 'l A an ll it!! in Ni vuvA 1 In-isivua Q. io-rqo -Q---... .- - - Q' N ,vu -unrrx ng -Xb 6 Alu- nn vs .qua -nan-'b -..-..a...--..-- - .uf-v'--U--s 2 vnu va--uni' --..-4.-.-...-.--.-.- -0.-alq cuff .,-Q Y f rl-sf'-x.,- ' YA EIL , x ITYO l'7b 3' nk Rl'F5l - 'E , Nw? -1' Lucgvi iv 'U 760 I V K T E ' F 69' WU M W RN B -X X, fg. H -. 5 ' '-1.6 U' nv' XX f fy' 91 ,F l ' I. S. ...v -W X, . xf I--f-i?' X X xxggp :t?2i ?51'fg qi s X X '- Qo4qf:'-L N X 'Q xxxx XX N 4 There is a cadet named Russell Who had been here years before, But now he has to hustle, To get where he was of yore. We had a cadet to run away, Whose homesickness no one could stayg He crossed o'er the bridge And walked down the ridge. He was caught in a Franklin cafe. ADDITIONAL BOOKS. Lessons in boxing especially adapted to very young Faculty Ofiicers, by Kid Black. U. Polite Conversation and Common Sense in Etiquette, Cromley. C11 A List of Feminine Monosyllabic Neuters in German, by M. H. Cooper. Shows ripe scholarship in the author. LIMERICKS. There was a young captain named White, Who was once in a pitiful plight, He called for a wrench, But took a back bench, For Ophelia found it in plain sight. Clay is the leader of the Kemper band, Whose music is far from being grand, You sho-uld hear him blow, And then you shall know, Why they call him the windy man. There is a captain who has A. M. At the front of his name not the end. His hair is red, And it is said, He rams the boys Ad libitum. Methought I heard a voice ery Shoen, Perhaps to all he is not known, For learning a quotation Is not his vocation, Hence about the Bull Ring does he roam. F 111 Szkie Talks' PWZIQ Boys 'W QA I if .. rl 5 jaw.: X - ... V I ggqiggzlwfig .lg 'air .ff-' 1 ' ll l T5 lf If I 5 I Q f , In X, .muy fr .i: 4 W ge fl ' ni.. . 9. .www 1- ' ' ' le f .-M il H111 -e:-- k 'V l M ii! .3 x I is ' --' 1' A Slow One.-By all means leave the lady at the front gate. You make a mistake by following the di- rections in Hudson's Etiquette. In Colonel Johnston on Social Forms and Usages, page 25, paragraph 3, you will find the following: Leave the lady at the gate. If she asks you in, she does so merely for politeness, not because she wants you. Wos.-VVhen you call in a car- riage for a lady do not stick your head out and call for her to come along. It is better to send the driver in for her. On returning from the dance have the carriage stop for her to get out. See Hudson's Etiquette for Primaries. N. J.-Never let the girl know that you spent only a nickle for her candy. She might throw it at you. J. E.-Hudson says, on page 15, paragraph 1, near the top of the page, that one two-pound box of candy each time you call is enough. 112 If you take two boxes the boys that call after you might eat it and guy you. E. E. B.-You are quite right. By all means insist on the young lady going into the house. Cromley.-Don't become despond- ent because your love married a handsomer man. Many a great man has been crossed in love and has re- covered. Take Captain Irvine for instance. Captain H.-If you had inter- viewed the Colonel before he made his remarks about one spoonful of sorghum, he probably would have withheld them, but you were too slow. There is nothing for you to do now but to strive secretly to win your way into the good favor of Mose. Jones, E.-We realize that eating with a fork is a slow process but we hardly think Mrs. Johnston would allow you to bring your shovel to the table. McFee, Dorland, Page et al.- Since the fall of Rome in 476 A. D. lying down at the table has not been in vogue. See the first edition of Hudson on Etiquette. Simpson.-Neither the joke about Moses and the light nor the one about the chicken crossing the road is any longer considered tea table talk. See Hudson on Etiquette in the chapter on Antiquities. Elliott.-WVhen talking with a. young lady, do not lie down or perch your frame on a neighboring fence. You need rest, we know, but such conduct is not fair to the lady. I I i 5 . Lockwood, Pickrell et al.-Beg to acknowledge receipt of your com- plaint. We have no consolation to offer. Under thc head of Revised Commandments, page 175 of this book you will find: Thou shalt not steal Mr. Morton's turnips nor his apples, nor his potatoes, nor his fence, nor anything that is Mr. Mor- ton's. B. C. L.-Cromley in Polite Conversation says it is not neces- sary as soon as you hear a slight ru- mor to proceed at once to enlarge upon it and tell it to everybody you can find. Gartside.-It is not necessary to wash oftener than once every ten minutes. We think the following formula will fix your complection up great. i VZ Gal. Sulplzuric acid. 2 bricks. 3 bars of lead. V2 pound printers ink. 1 quart Diamond Dyes. Take inwardlv. S. C.-Yes we think you did as well as could be expected by making that toe last for two months. If you had tried Casteel soap and warm water sooner you might have done worse. Notlimah.--We do not think the disease a permanent one. It may stay with you for some time unless you use the following every month: 2 baths in water. 1 cake of soap. A smattering of elbo grease. Tummy.-Yes, we think that Capt. Hitch did a very unjust thing in mentioning your private matters before the Study Hall. Certainly let the Latin go. Bennie Clay.-Just because you are short and hammered down is no reason why she should turn you over. Tell her to think of your good qualities. For the mustard seed that accumulates on your coat and trousers use a whiskbroom. Grimes.-You are in the right. To hurry to duties would show a lack of good breeding. Never at- tempt to get there before they are half over at least. Anxious Inquirer.-We have not been able to discover the object of the Anti-Smoke League. Hudson, Hargis and L'Amoreaux have the thing in hand apparently, and may be able to rope you in and fleece you. Tidy Cadet. We know of no bet- ter method of cleaning your room than the one you now have. Capts. Clay and H. Johnston in their book- let, How to Clean a Room in Thirty Seconds, say Open wide your window, open wide your door, on a windy day, and let a little sun- shine in. But this is only for them. Wilcox.-In answer to your in- quiry. would say that an iron corset would help your shape. While this might be hard on you and the corset it would be very successful from an artistic standpoint. 113 J 'f KJ JM , PQ, F d-M EQJDBEQ UJQBIPQ Axunf IT A SHAMt 9 Q 114 The Missouri at Boonville, June, 1903 Edztorf 'WWW Q E ' fig Q55 N-2' NI HITCH Edztor zn Chze T IRVINE Buszness Dlanager V XICCORKLE flssoczate Edztor C Locxwoon Assoczate Edztor BARTH Assoczate Edztor LAMORI-:mx 'lssoczate Edztor LUC as Assoczate Edztor NICFEE Art Edztor SIMPSON Art Edztor S: ff gg 'QA f-,f .1 I X ' f 'Tf1.h ' A -X ,,:..Mg. X 4 N PXA fxyxwr-:X - K' tx 1 A l4.s:.b.J I L rxx X IQ.. . 4 '21 . 1 ni n . 1 L1 U . 1 C. ' . L'--4 ' ' . L. 1 -- ' . V. - ' f. HAVERSACK EDITORS. HE compiling of the Haversack is an annual source of much work and some pleasure. The editors this year have worked hard and have produced the biggest and, they hope, the best Haversack yet. They will feel re- warded if their efforts are apprec- iated. Enraged Reader, don't feel grieved because you have been hit. The other cadets wouldn't apprec- iate our efforts if somebody wasn't hit, and you wouldn't either. The editors have triei to say funny things but they have always tried to say them so no sting will be left be- hind. They tried above all not to take advantage of their position. As an earnest of this you will find on investigation that none have fared half so badly as the editors them- selves. They desire to thank all that have assisted in the production of the book. Especially do they desire to thank the advertisers who have made this book possible by cheerfully con- tributing S200.00. Boys, show your appreciation and trade with our ad- vertisers. Who's Your Druggist The answer is more im- portant than some people seem to think. Didn't vou ever notice a dif- ference in the w o r k of t h e various millin- ers, tailors, plumbers and leather. l'lid ummer Reminders Sponges. A splendid lme ranging in price from 5c. to 50c Soft as sxlk tough as painters t h at you have em- p l o y e d P Of c o u r s e you h a. v e . A n d there's a differ- ence in drug- stores, too. If we were to ask you what you expect from your druggist you would very likely use that comprehensive word reliability. That is a characteristic of our store, and we begin at the right point. We buy reliable drugs. For no matter how much skill we had in compound- ing prescriptions. it wouldn't count for much if the ingredients we used lacked in strength or curative properties. W. E. ROESCH EL. PHARMACIST, .Yoda and Potash Streets Bath Brushes. With hand strap or adjustable handle. From 75c. to 32.00. Violet Ammonia. A refreshing and agreeable addition to the bath. Soap Cages, A great convenience for vacation time. Materials: papier mache, celluloid, silver. Prices: from 35c. to 82.00. Brush Cases. Another handy contriv- ance for travel is a leather case for comb and brush. 51.00. Manicure scissors, nail files, dental floss and other things that ought to be in your grip when you go away you'll find with us. W. E. ROESCHEL. PHARMACIST. SPRI. HEDICIN Our Own .farsaparilla is made according to a formula which was devised after long and careful experimentation. It contains a number of vegetable drugs which act promptly and surely on the blood. It re- moves impurities, and in addition it acts on the liver and tones up the digestive organs. Incidentally, it clears the skin of pimples and blotches. Of course, we sell our Sarsnparilla all the year around, but we recommend it particular- ly as a spring medicine, It paves the way for a healthy, comfortable summer, One size only-551.00 W. E. ROESCHEL. PHARMACIST. .Yoda and Potash Streets . M ,ffohnson 53 Sons Leaders in Up-to-Date FOOCIWEACR 329 Wain Street 9 9 Boon'biIle, Jlissouri ESTABLISHED 1546 1905 Parties Seeking Invest: ments of Vloney in Safe Securities will find that W. H. Trigg 6: Company Always have on hand, and for sale, selected notes, secured by first deeds of trust Qmortgagesj, on improved lands. In active business in Boonville, Missouri, for fifty-five years. Business intrusted to their care will receive the same careful attention as has character- ized their action in the past half century, They do a general real estate, loan and insurance business 120 Broadway, Cor. Locust Mermgd, Jacgard Q King Co. And No. 4oo Filth Ave ST. LOUIS, l'l0. NEW YORK CITY The World's Grandest Jewelry Establishment I 'rn 4 1129 '-pl:-...lzxp 'YW W iatr E ta ' l . L i Wiillli K A l l 2 ' Q: eee' ' J e a - X, Y in X fi at A A , : ' Importers Makers Retailers Dealing 1n Dlamond and Gold jewelry Watches, Clocks Silver China and Glassware Marble and Bronze Statuary Brlc a Brac, and Society Stationery Class Pins and Buttons Medals and Prize Cups made to order We will furmsh speclal deslgns and estimates on request School Stationery Cards and Invitations' also Correspondence Stationery Die Cutting and Stamplng Lowest:Priced Housein America for Fine Goods 'Illia 'fl ii,-Y XT-L:-T'::kLX , . , . I C:'fff:s.f5??i L , f ' ' ' ' , '-'e l - H ,a 9 . p . Ti Q 1 ' JEL , I 5 . lflshrxft ?'I '4-I . - N Pl:TT,4 ', . v so , sg, 2,1-'by ,V . FOUNDED 1829 Flnest Goods at Lowest Prices Flermod, J accard Sc King Co. Orders Sent to Either Our St. Louis or New York Establishment Will Receive Prompt Attention-Write for Catalogue. 121 '8Hofmeister's'4' Confectionery Bakery, Confectionery 6: all Fruits in Season MORGAN STREET PHONE lu ICE CREAVI EVERY DAY IN YEAR Agent for St. Louis Globe and Republic CHILTON 6: CO Chas. Swap SURGEON DENTIST OPTICALGOODS, FINE enum AND cur oLAss - - WATCH AND cLocK REPAIRING - - - 5PR'NG STREET 122 C. A. SOFIBART, President. lEst. 1852.5 H. E. SOMBART, Vice-President SOMBART FIILLING AND MERCANTILE COMPANY Millers of HIGH GRADE WINTER WHEAT FLOUR CAPACITY OF MILL 400 BBLS. PER DAY. ELEVATOR CAPACITY 175,l-00 BUSHELS. OUR BRANDS:- Boonville Star, Boonville Patent, Boonville High Patent, American, Beautiful, Fancy. J.M.Da idson -. '- -::,Q--fgie-.e...2i2s:f ii 1 ' , Y H aim ing, 3 Erin: 5 f FE, tl 1il1l'fY A 54 J !'QKC W I ,gui . Q I . . C X' ' X 1.17: . , ' nn I i jqQl21.5Xf I , 'fi' f '- f44w'4- a 4 I , , 1 1, if ':vy3'lx . S L, g,aq b. Q , l'iH':7iI' I-ix v' ' - 1' Q-nl T5 i'P ' R1 ' 'if g!'- ffm, 5:55 IH 3 V i - , . r1,11Ww,:r M' l-If sr Ly --g:!f55':.x.I,. :-f 'MJF Ll W HJ' Hf- Q. Ifuli I u ' - .li I G 6 ' wwnrmapg 1. .'+f'fua X ntl 51.25 nmiglci llilwnlgnn- '1 lfl I' 1 W 5-7,- '1 gimgi ii n wfusfa- H II refill I- H 1,6 1',J:'i.1 H . I ,- 'le' .1 -' ,- Q1 I I, T-15' A 11.11 Digg?-v --1 . V . ll , HN A, ll ..1gQ.w:n 4 V 1 1 ,, ' if V5-if ,1Tff':ffw '. v l- f ' xi 5. ' if 11 Mg :,,- ',1f,,.,,-,-'Li-gl -'Nw 1' :5Q..--i-- W5 f-., L , 214' nf .-r V ,liggw J K 1: ,qi ig-f 1 ' W. ,ll f.,-- y we-' W S :I 'l-f: A-'LI 4- 5 ,.5:,Mi5,,t., ma-iTi?:1gi'v:4 :L U' 1. 5 . iQEiwE'fi:-QY dxf. -li2f?fj'17f2f2 WJF1. . H , , ' -eff? -1,.i-ings.:-i-+A Qi E' --L--fl .ni-11 1--L - ----1 - X ' A A .. , T .V X Plumbing, Sewering, Gas Fitting, Hot Water and Steam Heating All Work Sbricbly First,-Class North Main Street, Boonville, Missouri, Next Door to John M. William's Clothing Shore 123 Commercial Bank of Boonville, Vlissouri J. F. Gmelich Wm. Johnson Fred Dauwalter President Vice-President Caghigf CAPITAL 51.0011 PAID IN, 550,000 Surplus 325.000, Directors ' J. F. Gmelich, William johnson, john Cosgrove, T. A. Johnston, W, W. Trigg, D. W. Wing, john H. Zollinger. This Bank will do a general banking business. Loan money on personal and collateral security. Buy and sell exchange on all the principal cities of Europe and America. Collections promptly attended to. Your business is solicited. D 0 n ,t B u Calumet Tea and Coffee Company Your Carpets, Matting, Art Squares, Rugs, Lace Curtains. Window Shades, Etc., UNTIL YOU HAVE SEEN THE IMMENSE STOCK OF Geo. J. Hain 51 SL 53 Franklin They are THE LEADERS of ' LOW PRICES for good goods Street' Chicago in this department. 124 ES FIMATES furnished on Complete Laundry Outfits including Engine and Boiler. Let us quote you prices on Supplies. We can certainly save you some money. u . 1 l Geo. J. Fritz ' Foundry and I' Q'1Jilff1IQZ:Er1?aAN' Machine Co. 2008-2028 s. Third street, ST. LOUIS, Mo. W. H. WULZE, President H. H. CORDES, Secg. Sc Treas. amp przng z 0. C A S ' C-'7Il'II C ESTABLISHED 1545 CAPACITY 1,500 BARRELS DAILY MANUFACTURERS OF High Grade Winter Wheat Flour MILLS AT NASHVILLE, ILL. MAIN OFFICE: 503 CHAMBER 0F COMMERCE. St. Louis Mo. 125 GOTO Chas. E. l'lirlinger's For Everything ln Copyright, Popular and Standard Books. Gift and Illustrated Books, Booklets, Bibles, Prayer and Hymnals etc. Headquarters for School Books in Cooper Co. PHONE 251, Boonville, Mo V n E LILLEY 5Uniforms tl E are the standard H in a majority of - the Colleges and 1 Military Schools is in AMERICA. Our Uniforms are I A made of the very best E cloths.by experienced E military tailors. and t dt be M. 0. LILLEY 8 00. COLUMBUS. 0. ea seaeeseea Write for 3 Catalog' and Prices. E 5 126 D P esident WM SPEED STEPHENS, Cashier A 't Cashier CHAS. E. LEONAR , r . LON V. STEPHENS, Vice-President ALEX. H. STEPHENS, ss A. J. FLUKE, Bookeeper CROCKETT HICKMAN, Ass't Bookkeeper I 584 The Central National Banli OF BOONVILLE CAPITAL, S200,000 Surplus and Profits, 370,000 Total Dividends Paid Stockholders Since Organization, Sl,002,000. li fDe osit Discount and Collection. All Hinds A Ban o p , of Bonds Bought and Sold. Good Investment Securities Al- ways on Hand. DIRECTORS-N. Nelson Leonard, Chas. E. Leonard, Lon V. Stephens, Wm. D. Adams, Chas. A. Sombart, A. J. Fluke, John H. Windsor, W. Speed Stephens, Alex. H Stephens. We're After You We Sell Everything Groceries a. Specialty. If We ha.ven't it no onehas. Mrs. C H Brokmeyer FOR Low prices, fair treatment, , quick service and honest CD0 Goods' Gfocmes methods. ANT FEED JOHN N. HUBER THE TRADE WINNER PHONE 4. MAIN sr. BooNvxLr.E,Mo. 127 VlCTOK'5 OUTFITTERJ' FUR MEN AND BOYS G t t Cl thing Hat and Sh H se in the West BOONVILLE. . MISSOURI Bargain Headquarters AT THE WQEQEK A grand and varied collection of Fancy China, Cut Glass, Queensware, Tin and Granite- ware, Wall Paper, Window Shades, Sporting Goods and one thousand other articles too numerous to mention. Every- thing sold as low as possible. Visitors welcome. THE WONDER BUCKINGHAM HANDLES Lowncy's Candy 'rue FINEST MADE Don't forget this when wanting a box-any size. J. F. BUCKINGHAM we Carry the largest line ol trvnks and Svil Cases in Boonville. OUD PRICES ARE THE LOWEST. WARN HOFF Clothing Co. W. A. HURT W. R. TURNER HURT 6: TURNER. Manufacturers of FLOUR, NEAL, BRAN AND ALL KINDS OF FULL FEED. Our Brands- - Klondike and Rose- bud Flour. GOOCH MILLS, MO. 129 i 1 3 0 THE SOMBADT GAS CO. Onice on Main Street, between Morgan and Spring Streets. We are selling Gas Stoves at cost, and, Where houses are piped, We will at- tach stoves free. Gas, When properly used, is cheaper than Wood for cooking, besides there is no heat nor dirt, and no danger Whatever. Telephone 52 M. LOHSE dn SON Sole Agents For C. F. BLANKE'S Celebrated Coffees Boouvmn, mssoum SUNNY BDOOK CDEAMEDY BUTTER The Butter made by our Grandmothers was good because it was made under the most favorable conditions: a good buttermaker, good rich cream, plenty of clear cold running water, will produce the genuine article every time. Our best efforts have been directed towards achieving the same result by our modern methods, and so in the manufacture of our SUNNY BROOK CREAMERYN we embody all the elements which made the product of our Grandmothers famous. Our factory is a model of cleanliness, our buttermaker a skilled artist, so it is inevitable that our SUNNY BROOK CREAMERYH merits the praise which users give it. In order that all its original delicacy and sweetness may be preserved, our SUNNY BROOK CREAMERYH is packed in sealed air tight packages, thus protecting it against the absorption of any foreign oders. The name SUNNY BROOK is synonymous with purity and excellence and we take pleasure in commending this product to your careful attention. HELMET CREAMERY CCMPANY. Kansas City, U. S. A. 1,000,000 I'IOTEL W. R. MILLION, Droprielor Formerly of Hotel Million, Salisbury, Missouri Efvery Room Nebb Painted, Papered and Carpeted. All Jfodern Corfbeniences. Efverytbing Nea! and Clean HIGH SCT 'REE T B OON VILLE MO. TWO DOLLARS PER DAY 132 Strauss-Samlsh H 0 n o r s to Graduates ggi are fully expressed by presenting a E' MILLINERY co. 'e'.-e lil.l Importers of gn- Famr tgvenfiy-Eve fyegs t e tan ar o e MI L L I N E R Y World . v i? Manufacturers of ffldby a Re ab'e Bea' TRINNED HATS r IEOE. WAEERTAN 33: sl-L ., 173 roa way, ,fab Washington Avenue, 1gevslYorlEh. 355 os on. rca o, A., COTUCI' 11th Sf- Montreal, SangFrancisco ST. Louls W P7-.'fNTN923Ns 5 V N F' ROOF . g 'QQ' I if 42 IiQ 0 E39 T. W. BAST r W PM SEDALIA Mo. -M awr Q , u'LWAMmara.wu YITTSBURG YLATE GLASS CO. General Disfribufors 12th and SI. Charles Streets ST. LOUIS M0 133 I ' I 108 Chestnut Street Philadelphia I I f We have our own Photo- graph Gallery for Half Tone and Photo Engravings. FASHIONABLE ENGRAVING AND STATIONERY LEADING HOUSE FOR LEGS. SCHOOL AND WEDDING INVITITIOIUI, DIICE PROGIAIO MENUS AND FINE ENGRAVING OF ALI. KINDS BEFORE ORDERING ELSEWHERE COMPARE SAMPLES Ano Pmcsa At Actupigcjgholesale FOR COLLEGES, CONVENTS, ACADEMIES, SCHOOL MISSIONS, HOSPITALS, MONASTERIES, AND ASYLUMS Our Holly Journal lists over 3000 Grocery items and is revised and corrected every Wednesday. Send for copy-FREE ON REQUEST. When you receive it, compare our prices with the houses that prepay the freight charges: and when a grocery agent calls on you, ask him to give you the price list that his company sends to the retail merchant and not the special GJ Institution price list which is from 25 to 50 per cent higher Cto allow for prepaid freight chargesl. We guarantee satisfaction in price and quality on every article purchasedg Send us your orders, no matter how small. Address all orders and correspondence to MR. JOSEPH F. KELLY 3 T0 I3 STATE STREET, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS WALSH, BOYLE 81 CO. Wholesale Groceries, Manufacturers, Importers, and Coffee Roasters. SAMPLES OF ANY GOODS WE HANDLE SENT FREE UPON REKQJEST W. J. GOGHRAN General Contractor All Kinds of Woodwork for Offices, Banks and Stores HIGH STREET OPPOSITE MILLION HOTEL Boonville, Missouri HOME AND BELL PHONES 135 JACOBS BDOTHEDS GEO. W. CONNED 8 SON LIVERY STABLES DRY GOODS Morgan Street Boonville, Mo. S HA5dE S LADGE STOCK LOWEST PRICES YO UNG'S CBARCBER SH OCP Headquarters FOR KEHWPER Wholesale Coal, Coke and Sand. Capacity 1,000 Yards per Day BOONVILLE, MISSOURI 94 z if 'E Q O z .1 N Lf-I :J 2 F2 . 52 'D Z -1 'IS o f- 137 THE BEST OF THE BEST. CUDAHY'S Hams Bacon THE TASTE TELLS. Mild Cure-Choicest Quality-Delicious Flavor. Prepared Specially for Connoisseurs. THE CUDAHY PACKING CO. D. S. KOONTZ STARKE KOONT Z ESTABLISHED 1876 D. S. KOONTZ E5 SON QJEALERS IN Dry Goods, Groceries and General Merchandise coawz ASNCQ7 sEE Us IN OUR aww LOCATION Two DOORS SOUTH OF FARSUERS 'BANK HIGHEST 'PRICES PAID FOR COUNTRY PRO- DUCE. EXCLUSIVE AGENTS FOR scH0TTEN's COFFEE. 138 J. A. HOWARD Headquarters for Staple and Fancy Grocerie Confections and Feed. o4gency for Gunther's Fancy Candies ALL FRUITS IN SEASON S, JNO. S. ELLIOT, President C. C. BELL, Vice-President E. W. CHILTON, Cashier M. W. MUNTZEL. Ass't Cashier Farmers Bank of cBoon'bilIe Capital Stock Paid in, 350,000 Surplus and Proiits, S 20, 000 DIRECTORS-E. W. Chilton, J. D. Turley, W. A. Hurt, H. Os- wald, Wm. Meyer, john S. Elliot, C. C. Bell, Joe Combs, John Vier- tel, W. E. Roeschel, Geo. Roeder. Perfumes '?AL49WER'S and COLGA TE 'S Tooth 'Brushes Soaps of all Kinds Patent Elledicines A. B. HIRSCH '3oonfuiIIe, Jfissouri Kemper Boys' Headquarters for Good Things to Eat, at Hirlinger 6: Huber's Bakery and Confectionery Boonville . . Missouri 139 th p I a c e where you find FINE FURNITURE MASTALKA A N D MCCASKILL The best Stoves and Ranges Made. Keen Edge Tools, Cutlery and Builders' I-I a r d w a r e 'IR Store That.. Means - Much bo Boonville Next bo Posboftice P h o n e 34-6 A. M. KOONTZ FINE GR.0CER.IES Sole agent for CHASE Q, SANBORN'SFamous TEAS Q COFFEES Recognized by Connoisseurs as she Leading Teas and Coffees of the world North Main Street.. Phone No. I8 140 ' QOFFICE PHONE 195 ' N RESIDENCE PHONE 107 Q V'emg?Q5? if 'EQQ Q M 912 -'Nil fi' 2 Q Q 1 - F r 2 Q ga' r 92 J. ED. TALIAFERRO I 3 92 ' 5' EMBALMER. AND ,Q 2 FUNERAL nm:-:cron 2 f A FULL LINE OF UN- f Q Q DERTAKERS SUPPLIES 2 - r - A 2 CALLS ANSWERED PROMPT- 2 N LYATALLHOURS N Q 6' 2 2 r -gi 2 r f Q 'irq f ' 2 2 r1 Q, 2 r ' f Q f r ' Q ,g f 52 , - .1951 'll D514 QQ QBOONVILLE - MISSOURI? 0 iwwmwwwwi URE DRUGS may not mean anything. Some drugs may be pure, but if not fresh they are worse that useless We buy only in such quantities as will insure always keeping the stock fresh . . . It may do to experiment with some things, but not with prescript- ions. One wrong one may make further doses unnecessary. Our prescriptions are carefully prepared by a registered Phar- macist who knows drugs and their uses thoroughly. Surpdries, Slialtiotjery Supplieg argd Toiieli Arliicieg ig Ialteflf ciesiggg HUBER BROTHERS Druggisbs 228 MAIN ST., BOONVILLE, Mo DIGOTT 5? MCKINLEY EVERYTHING IN DryGoods THE LATEST STYLES THE NEWEST DESIGNS The Lowest Possible Prices BOONVILLE, MISSOURI THE AMES CASH STORE DRY GOODS NOTIONS Es MILLINERY AG1-:NTS 1-'on NEW IDEA PATTERNS CAMPBELL BUILDING BOONVILLE MISSOURI Established 1860 Gmelich 6: Schmidt Jewelry Company THE LARGEST AND OLDEST JEVVELRY FIRM IN CENTRAL M I S S O U R I A Fully Equipped Optical Depart- ment. Eyes Tested and Glasses Fit- ted by a Graduate Optieian BOONVILLE MISSOURI 142 - -l MMMMMMMMMMM TI'IE I FECHHEIMER , M nnomfns co. Y 217-221 E. COUDT STREET, CINCINNATI, OHIO Y ommmmmmoomm Y Y Y fn 'ffl Lx Ti' Y Y wnMrQ Y Y 2 EI' Y , if ll I p I , Y ommoomomomm America's foremost uniform tailors. Y The best workmanship, All gar- ments made to order by separate Y H dq f C d Y f h d d q p Y U f pl f b d Y Fl p I b ll b y g f f 11 h h I bl g y A11 d 511 d Y der our own roof, under our personal Y supervision. Satisfaction guaranteed. WWWWWWWWWWW C. H. VAN RAVENSWAAY Pxvsicum AND Sqnczou Oflice-Corner Sixth and Spring Streets Tzurx-lon: IOS Boonville - - Missouri Office in K. P. Building, 'Phone 146 ROY H , ELLIS DINTIST Boonville, Missouri ARTHUR J. SMITH PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON BOONVILLE, - MISSOURI R. L, EVANS PHYSICIAN AND SURGION Residence Telephone No. 27 Boonville Missouri JNO. AND W. COSGROVE Attorneys-at-Law OVER THE COMMERCIAL BANK BOONVILLE, MISSOURI This annual was printed by the E. W. STEPHENS PUBLISHING COMPANY Columbia, Missouri 144 STEVENSON PACKING CO. Wholesale Dealers In FRESH BEEF MUTTON PORK CURED HAM BACON ETC. Liberty Brand Hams 6: Bacon 700-7:0 West Mnln Street SEDALIA, MO. A 'ML 1 '13-'.g'. Q, 1' 1' 1 1 1 11 15,-l,11 W- H11' A . -1, ' ' 1 1 11 WL - 1 '. ,. . . LW 11 11-.'.1 1 'a ' 21' -. .1111-1?fa'-Q Q7 1 1 H '-. 41 'f 1, If, 1:1 - ' ,,,' ' .-,. 1 1 1 1 ,1-11. 1 NH. 11' . L 4, L ,5 A '1' - 10 if W , U I 1-1 X W , 1. J11 , 1 -n 1 Y l 1 11 1 I 1 51 2, 'fm 1 r.1.,.., X111 ., .1 11,111 5' . 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