Kelvyn Park High School - Kelvynian Yearbook (Chicago, IL)

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U IIJIJSE I5 lillllll IIUSE Since first my loxing teachers set my innocent feet on the broad road to confusion grannmar has been nothing more than a dastardly attempt to ruin my sanity Although experience has taught me the futility of a struggle I still cherish the hope that if I dont look it will go away Grammar has tried again and again to destroy my faith in mankind and it has succeeded fairly well My teachers see no reason why I should not understand grammar as well as my class mates do and wonder why I am dumbfounded when they ask me to define a compound fractured clause From that fatal day in third grade when my teacher informed me that the plural of dog was dogs the mam source of all my woes has been this business of plurals which to my keenly intellectual mind is the most illogical and exasperating process ever ir vented to plague a harmless person Take Just one of my disheartening experiences with grammar One day 1n school I had achieved a blankness of mind that a moron would have envied when upon my peaceful state intruded a most unwelcome query What is the plural of moose? lust like that without a word in warning' I dont consider it sporting of my subconscious to hurl such questions out of the blue I should b given enough warning to build up my resistance I told myself not very emphatically that it really didnt matter but that didnt help since I never oelieve myself anyway The more I said I didnt care the more I did care Co in true Dick Tracv style I set out to find the plural by logical deduction By a long process involving much mental effort I decided that since the plural of goose is geese the plural of moose would be meese But a moment later even I knew that x as wrong I tried another approach The plural of mouse is 'nice mayoe the plural of moose was moice? This was becoming disgusting I gave up and consulted the moss covered textbooks that lay deep in the wilds of my locker They told me everything except what I wanted to know All day I wandered from class to class muttering softly Mooses meese mice At lunchtime I fought my way to the counter and demanded The plural of moose' When I walked home that afternoon people avoided I spent the night counting whatever is the plural of moose Jumping over my bed Then came my inspiration My divis on teacherl My kind reliable understanding division teacher' I galloped to her desk and gasped What s the plural of moose? Slightly puzzled she frowned for a moment and said something about such a lot of office work to do In my tactful and persuasive manner I persisted until she grew annofea As I sat doing make ups the next dawn I was mumbling Meese moses moose and as usual I did not know which was right At last I decided to ask little Waldo the class s one and only brain the genius who got S in everything I asked and watched him as he blinked swept his curly locks from his eyes and said I dont know That settled that Finally I took a truly desperate measure I asked my English teacher This of course was a last resort I doubted greatly whether I would get a definite answer However I took the chance ambled up to her desk and after some chit chat said nonchalantly Speaking of world conditions what is the plural of moose? She was used to my strange act ons but she was really happy to find me taking an interest in grammar The smile faded quickly however when she began to consider the matter When forty mmutes later the bell rang she picked up her boolfs and as if in a daze walked off to her next class all the time murmuring softly Mooses mice meese After that I recovered much sooner than I expected and now realize that life unhampered by grammar is wonderful I can speculate on the plural of any word from eleernosynary to mongoose without Mongoose? Would the plural of that be rnongooses or mongeese? Or maybe its mongiece Mongooses mongeese mongice Ch oh here I go again IEAN KUECKER 15' V ' ' ' ' 4 V L I I ' I , , ' 1 . , . . . , . L-I A ' 4 . 1 I ' I ' 1 ,VT . I a Il I A I . . ll - I me, but I did not notice, for I was still murmuring, Mice, mooses, meese. . I I! ' I I ll . . . Q' J . I I ll Il - 5 I I V I ' ' ' I I I I ' I I I I 4 l 1 1 I . If A I I . r . , I ' I 1 A X I I V N-f . ,

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