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Page 21 text:
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the enrollment card. I had already selected the courses I wanted, so all I had to do was complete said card. What a dream course I had. No class before nine, and none after 12. Three hours of History of Druidism, three hours of Elementary Tomahawk Throwing, three hours of Birds and Bees, and a two hour course in Developing a Child Delinquent. My counsellor nodded approval as he okayed the card. Glad to see you ' ve settled down to some real study, he commented. Clutching the signed document to my pounding heart, I ran to the next station for approval. At this point, after careful scrutiny, my adviser said, You should be able to escape from this institution in the spring of ' 63 if you continue at your present rate. A quick signature was scrawled on the card and I was ready for the final step of procuring my class cards. As I was about to enter the enclosure, I was tled by a near-by commotion. A fun loving student named Alex Jokero had released a wild bull into the pen. Students ran frantically trying to escape, but monitors at each entrance barred their way. Once in the pen, one cannot leave until he has completed gathering up his class cards. Two men were gored to death before the bull was dued. The more fortunate students laughed heartily at the cleverness of Alex Jokero. When the disposal squad had borne aw ay the two hapless freshmen, I entered the pen. My first stop was at the Religion table, where I met my old friend, Professor Alex Bookmark. He was pleased to see me and introduced me to his new assistant Alex Rounder. Young Alex was happy to see me, too. It took me five minutes to get unentwined from his passionate embrace and convince him that I was not interested in his new course How to Reduce with the Holy Rollers. I hurried to the other tables without further incident. My final card filled out, I gathered together my pieces of equipment, threw the empty brandy flask at Dean Alex Alexander, and ran forth into the outer world. Not the line-up at Lansing. bat K. U. Freshmen getting photographed for their Activity Books. Returning to the house, I cast my bleeding body through the doorway, hastily discarded my fire guisher, emergency rations, Bowie knife, rope, ing salts, blanket, DDT bomb, first aid kit, and maps; then I seated myself on the floor and began a rapid application of Band-aids. A Freshman proac hed me timidly. Hello, she exclaimed, isn ' t enrollment the biggest thrill? You ' ve no idea how excited I am. You see I enrolled the first day at eight o ' clock, and . . . I struck her a stunning blow and raced from the room. I threw myself at the feet of our housemother, Mrs. Alex, and reported that I had accomplished my mission. Tenderly she lifted me to my knees, and whispered, Well done my dear. It ' s ove r for another year.
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Page 20 text:
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18 huge spool. When the dial on the spool indicated that 20 feet had been unwound, she handed the forms to me with instructions to fill out in full. Two hours later, after printing my name and address 2000 times, I gathered up the prescribed questionaires and forged onward to the next ing table. Here lightning-like workers began to separate the cards. Two were returned to me—the rest were scooped into a bushel basket marked File. Four tables later I was directed to the business office where I paid my various fees. Peeling off six $50 bills, I deposited them with the cashier. For this I received my passkey to the University and a dime change. The receipt looked something like this: Incidentals $150.00 Health 50.00 Activity and tax 25.00 Union 15.00 Stag hunting license 5.00 ,THE JAYHAWKER Fishing license 5.00 Potter ' s privilege permit 5.00 Vending license 5.00 Smoking permit 5.00 More incidentals 34.90 TOTAL $299.90 Turning from the window, I ran the gauntlet of booths set up at the end of the registration line. Here enterprising students were selling hot dogs, hamburgers, pop, memberships to various organiza- tions, comic books, life insurance, opium, and other articles of use to college students. Sales resistance was at a low ebb, and the ringing of cash registers was deafening. It is rumored that these students pay the highest income taxes in Lawrence. Registration completed, I headed toward son gym. As I was crossing the street, I sighted good old Alex Hundredproof, lying in the gutter. Alex, I said gently, you can ' t stay there. That ' s a no parking zone. Obviously, he muttered feebly, as he unearthed himself from a mound of parking tickets. I ' m going to enroll, Alex. Carry my fire guisher and DDT bomb over to Robinson? Please, Alex, I ' ll be indebted to you forever. Alex, responding to these kind words, emptied his pockets of assorted bottles, and accompanied me across the street. The enrollment arena reminded me of the New York stock exchange. Students, pale and tight lipped, gazed transfixed at the large board which contained announcements of closed classes. Just as I entered the room, the announcement was posted that the last class in Professors of the Past had been closed. Horrifed screams, accompanied by a barrage of pistol shots, rent the air. Disposal squads quickly carried away the dead, and enrollment proceeded as before. Seating myself at a table, I began to fill out
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