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Page 23 text:
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This is an ugly story about vs Coke® We have all, at some point in our lives, heard stories that have warmed our hearts, and by our exposure to them, prompted us to pursue greatness. This, I assure you, will not be one of those stories. After a freshman year that included adjustment to college life, initiation into a fraternity and an excellent grade point average, I became a victim of college burnout. Teachers had always told me grades aren ' t as important as we tend to make them. Yet even these philosophical giants could not deny that the 0.583 grade point average I attained during the fall semester of my sophomore year was considerably less than adequate. My introduction to the real world was somewhat abrupt, if not terrifying. This is an ugly story — ugly, because it ' s true. Being a warehouse employee by day and a sporting goods sales clerk by night was not the type of career I had envisioned for myself. Since the hours were long, and my social activities remained quite extensive, sleep was a rare experience. I ' ve never been an early riser, and dragging myself out of bed at five o ' clock in the morning quickly became the single most difficult activity of the day. My productivity never reached the level of my conscious counterparts and my whose personality resembled Atilla the Hun, made it clear that he would not tolerate my sub-par performance. They say necessity is the mother of invention. This being the case, I discovered Coke. Within weeks of my discovery, I a mild physical dependency that quickly grew into a major addiction. I would awake each morning during my 10 o ' clock break to the taste of chocolate doughnuts and ice cold Coke. The burning, acid-like substance seemed to revive my senses, thrusting me into the flow of the day with a keen awareness of all things around me. My addiction grew as the months drug by. Soon I was stopping at the local Kwik-Shop on the way to work for my first hit of the day. I usually did 16 ounces of Coke before clocking in. The euphoric high that one experiences after slamming a cold Coke on an empty stomach is something only a true lover of heartburn can appreciate. It was a typical Monday as Mondays go. As usual, I was late for work and not being able to stop for my Coke left me in a sleepy haze, accompanied by a sour disposition. It would be another unproductive morning. As I sat down in the break room with my doughnuts and Coke, I noticed a look of discontent on several faces. I gathered from their conversation that the Coke was not quite right. I quickly gulped down part of mine. My God, I thought to myself, this tastes terrible. I discovered, through the excited conversation, that the substance I was drinking was new Coke. Once the initial shock subsided, a feeling of complete helplessness overcame me. There were many factors to consider in this momentus change of events. There was no burning in the throat as I drank it. Instead it went down smooth, almost pleasing to the pallet. It produced no gut-wrenching belches that seemed to rock the warehouse at its very foundation. Why, it was like drinking Pepsi! What a horrible thought. During the next several months, I slowly grew to accept my situation. I overcame the physical withdrawal slowly, occasionally experiencing flashbacks which faded with time. However, the psychological dependency was much more difficult to break. My work suffered, dropping to an all-time low level of productivity. My supervisor became my most feared enemy. His daily verbal assaults on my usefulness clearly showed his opinion of my work performance. Just when things were at their worst and termination was eminent, I was saved. Coca-Cola Classic had arrived, or returned, or whatever you wish to call it. Call it what you want, media hype, business blunder of the century or informed corporate decision, the fact remained that my Coke was back. Many months have passed since the resurrection of the real Coke — Coca-Cola Classic — and life has been much easier to handle. I awake whenever I desire by the mere push of a tab. My friends have noticed a significant improvement in my personality. Even my goals and ambitions are completely re-alligned. As for work? Well, I just couldn ' t continue at a job in which I was grossly overqualified. I am now back in school and I plan to be successfull this time. It may seem trite to award the credit for such a dramatic resurrection of one ' s ambitions to a liquid that burns when you drink it, causes nauseatingly large belches and at• best creates raving lunatics out of already high-strung individuals. Say what you will about Coca-Cola, but I like it. It ' s the real thing for me. —Dan Hoss
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