Jordan High School - Beetdigger Yearbook (Sandy, UT)

Text from Pages 1 - 98 of the 1917 volume:

Urnbera of iFarutttj Prtnripal, ijrnry Ptrramt (0. If. Sutton Anna (CljnBtrnBon Alma £mtiilj Alin iBoutrn Aina ffiauarn Unrilr ulljurman Norman Hjamiltcn Cljrtatinr Clayton Sonylaa Srammrr (Snmnnn 3iohnaon franklin fHaltarn $Jrytou Soljuaon IPrattk djatrljrr (Srrtrljrtt l orat m. AirJt IBaail Halkrr tEnorlj .liorgrttaon COVINNE EDWARDS Corinne hails from Idaho, Her specialty is acting, From spinster or matron to sweet young miss, She’s equally enchanting. FLAVO McMULLIN A leader in word and deed, She ‘flavo’ed every thought A modest matronly maid, A girl who couldn’t be bought. OLIVIA GARDNER “Ole, Olee, Olivia, Olivia What’s in a name to be sure?” says Bill, Call her Carnation, Rose or Lobelia, As sure as she’s a Gardner, She’s my girl still. IDA BROWN She thought no voice had such a thing, As his’n in the choir j My! When Will made “Old Hundred” ring She knew the lord was nigher. 8 LILLIE SJOBLC '! Quiet, but not phlegmatic, In school or in lover’s lanes; Attractive and quite dra- matic Especially with one called James. HARRY JON LC A preacher sedate and honest, With a twinkle in his eye, A lion in his voice, And a toe In his boot. ISABELLE OLSEN Isabelle was the bell of Crescent, And she rang both night and day, Most she chimed to a castle hard, Whom people say was Ray. WILLIAM CUSHING He pushed the quill with skill, He pounded ivory too; thought, But oft he wot that Erma “Oh, Bill! I think of you.” 9 PETER MICKLESON Who says a Webster might not develope From such a speechifer as he? VERA WOODRUFF Quiet talk she liketh best, In a bower of gentle looks of Clarence, whether Watering flowers or reading books. ROBERT PIXTON It was that smile that whipped seniors into line, Robert bruce could have done no oette� ROSETTA SMITH Maids there are of course Whose hall flirtationst beat her, But a “dog-rose blushin’ to a brook, Ain’t modester ner sweeter.” 10 TOM DEWEY Honor and justice sat well on his brow. He might be a statesman or a soldier, or just plain Tom. MARJORIE NELSON Hope and love and joy and union, Song themes these Miss Nelson sings; “Marry Marjorie Marion Milne,” Such a lark song echo brings. ELGIN MORRIS Modest, reserved, clear cut in thought and decisive in action. EDITH CUNDICK She liked to sing and she liked to dance, But most she liked to meet George bjf chance. 11 B. TOLBERT ELBERT DESPAIN FAY WALKER HEBZR EGBERT A senior with sophomore longing That teachers nor chums- could not alter, The only thing Born(e) that could break the charm Was a sweet little boy named Walter. Sweet tempered with lip� made for business. The girls called him hand- some. “Full of a nature nothing: can tame, “Changed every moment, “Ever the same.” Briton in stature, Anglo- Saxon in speech, Teuton in expression, Latin in sympathy, And human in love. 12 DONALD YOUNGDELL He thought he thought, I. e. he thought he thought, But few learned what he thought. MAE WhMDQUIST •Queenly and graceful, With mischeivious eye, She’d wink at the menlets, •Then retreat with a sigh. HERBERT BARRETT Why should those eyes stray so far from home, When Stevenson’s live so near? CLAIRE BROW?) Tender as an Alpine flower, With mien so loving rare; An occasional flash of tem- per You surely recognize Claire. 13 MAURINE PETERSON Maurine I ween could charm a queen, No king has ever charmed Maurine; She’d blush, he’d hush, as you have seen, And that is why we’ve still Maurine. LOUIS NELSON He appears so very serious here, He even may seem slow— But where there’s mischief he’ll be near, “Still water run deep,” you know. JENNIE NIELSON A most attractive manner, A really charming smile. To see her is to love her, And to linger near a while. FLAVIUS ERICKSON 14 His only fault— He likes the girls too well. EDWIN SWENSON Always at his post of duty, Though you would rarely know it Unless you called on him specially. MARY JOHNSON Mary, Mary, not contrary Whenever wanted to “play,” But courting work she’d of- ten shirk, At least so Murray boys say. WILLIAM NELSON He knew his place and he kept it, When Ida was around. BEATRICE LINDELL She wore a smile upon her lip. Her fair cheek showed its dimple, ‘Her apron spread without a speck, Her air was frank and simple.” 15 rella mcmullen Full many a gem of purest ray serene, The deep unfathomed caves of ocean see; Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, And waste its sweetness on a boy named Lee. GLEN BECKSTEAD Fair haired and fair minded. He made every defeat a stepping stone to success. VERA JOHNSON Face and figure of a child Though too calm, You think, and tender For the childhood you would lend her. LEONARD SHIELDS Love and duty reveal Leon- ard, the man, But why does he make West Jordan his mecca? 16 BERTHA SUND ‘‘And her voice it murmurs lowly As a silver stream may run. And her smile it seems half holy.” This, of course, is Bertha Sun (d). HARVEY GLOVER Bashful the first year, smart the second, in love the third. A student the fourth. GENEVIEVE ORGILL Shaky of pen but glib of tongue, You’d always find Gen, Good friends among. WILLARD OLIVER Lincoln like he towered above his fellows. And they were charmed by his drollery. 17 RUTH PETERSON “In to the sunshine, Full of the light, Leaping and flashing from morn till night.” Youth and beauty and maidenly charms. Attracted the lads to Win- ward, Let them dance and wink, t could do no harm, For she kept her heart to Leeward. Expert in motion, Blithesome and cheery, Still climbing heavenward, Never a’weary. 18 BESSIE FACEY '‘Her voice was ever soft, gentle, and low— Especially low. ELSIE BRADBURY A bright little English maid With looks and manners at- tractive. MARIE DAY The telephone rang Quite often they say She’d call at 124W But he’d call a Day. 19 East BJUl Auft Erstammt ©f ilin £ ntuira � i EALIZING that our clay of departure from this life in the J. H. ■ Ii S. is near at hand, we, the Senior Class, leave to the following our most treasured possessions: My gym shoes and tan sox to the J. H. S. Museum—W illard Oliver. My checkered skirt to Mr. Jorgenson for a desk cover—Flavo McMullin. My light blue tie with orange and green dots to the Freshies for a pennant—Harry Jones. My history note book to he used as a text for Western History next year—Naomi Pixton. My laugh to be taken on a blank record for the Victrola—Glen Beckstead. My sister Hazel to some bright, capable young man—Edith Cun- dick. My art of speech making to Burton Oliver- Heber Egbert. My wardrobe of waists to the fashion show of next year—Mae Winquist. My fatherly attitude to tame Herbert—Elgin Morris. My school spirit to Gunhild Larson—Leona Heaps. My dreams of blonde girls to Lamont—William Nelson. My art of making things stir to the Senior Class of next year— Gen Orgill. My spunk to the athletes of next year—Ruth Peterson. My dramatic ability to the high school dramatists of next year— Robert Pixton. My suggestive ability to the next year home problem class—Mau- rine Peterson. My love to Roland Smoot—Beatrice Tolbert. My attentive attention to small boys—Vera Woodruff. My suggestive hints about neckties to the Freshies—Elbert Des- pain. 20 JUNIOR CLASS Extrarts Jffrnrnthr iiarirs nf JJrnmtnml IS From Leonard Millerberg’s Diary. April 2nd. ®ODAY 1 got April Fool on a Freshie and he was so dumbfounded I felt sorry for him. I also showed some Freshies how to pull nails, apply glue, act big, and court girls. It always seems a great pleasure to me to assist the Freshies with tasks that come before them daily. 1 spent some time in generating noxious gases in the laboratory. From Personal Notes of Hattie Fitzgerald. March 21st. 1 have spent most of today talking with Le Grand Smith. He is such a charming person, and his conversation is entrancing. 1 some- times wonder what his intentions are. He acts as though he had some deep purpose in paying so much attention to me. Well, it will be out some day, and if he ever asks me 1 feel that I can give him an answer that will suit both of us. From the Daily Journal of Northrop Garfield. April 18th. My work has not been in vain! After my intense striving, con- stant self-denial, burning of the midnight oil, and well-directed energy, 1 firmly believe that 1 am a great benefit to humanity. T am not striving for my own good, but for the welfare of my fellow- beings. From the Daily History of My Life by Ed. Larsen. April 6th. I have certainly been busy today. 1 cannot remember for cer- tain, but I believe 1 have been to at least two classes today. I have been criticized on my irregular attendance, but what of that? Why not let the others do the work? Indeed, why have work? It soon gets tiresome. 1 am coming more and more to believe that there is great pleas- ure to be derived from doing what people don’t want you to. For instance, the Juniors voted to have a ball in Draper. All arrange- ments were being made when I, without any authority from the classmen, cancelled everything. Oh. you !!! From Flora Bowen’s Diary. Monday, April 25. Same as all last week. Nothing to write about since Frank has joined the army. ■fyr 23 SOPHOMORE CLASS L.r AS H£ EED JORDAN HIGH T. BWWMK WHAT WILL NAOMI THINK AS MAHYAS W CrtHO -HA)M-£ cut it hap NG SHO NOT FErr-Y4i Ijatl tn ®hpr, Utah Hail to thee, Utah ! Thy dear mountain valleys; Hail to the toilers, that made thee so fair; Hail to thine emblem, the pure sego-lily, Token of innocence, spotless and rare. Grand are thy mountains, and wild are thy torrents, Limpid thy streamlets; thy skies, oh, how fair; Making thy clime a delight and a wonder; Thrilling the soul with a rapture most rare. Let thy vales ring with the songs of thy people; Cheery and blithesome, yet loving and kind; May the refrain echo down through the ages; All thy son’s hearts in true brotherhood bind. Utah, we crown thee the Queen of the Mountains, Land of the foothill and desert sage-clad, Long may thy children, a bounteous harvest, Heap from thy water-kissed valleys made glad. O, may thy sons and thy daughters be ever True to the flag with its red and white bars, Making thy light, from the deep field of azure, Brightest of all in the cluster of stars. 2!) ®1t? Country a (Call © UR great country is in a state of war. In an age when we hoped for universal and perpetual peace the earth is deluged with blood and our own great nation is involved in the strug- gle. We are called upon to rally to her standards. But war is not an unmixed evil. By that bloody process the hu- man race has broken its chains, overthrown despotism and strug- gled upward to liberty and democracy. That goal that has been real- ized now by our own and many other people must be reached by all. It is in the overthrow of despotism and the establishing of democracy and freedom that our nation has enlisted. Our country now calls upon all her children to give her strength. In this crisis she needs us all. Some are required to bear arms and carry our standards, the standards of liberty, to the tront; some to produce munitions of war and weapons for armies-and navies ; some to produce and. conserve food and clothing for ourselves and allies; and some to bind up the wounds and minister to the needs of those in- jured in battle. In these activities we can all enlist and each should find the place where he can serve the best. In this crisis the call has come to the school—to our school. We have responded promptly with a dozen or a score in the army and navy, with a hundred enlisted in farming activities to produce the needed food, with a hundred Red Cross auxiliaries to aid in the cause of relief of suffering, and with fifty as a body of minute men responding to the calls of our labor bureau for quick and urgent help. Honor comes to the soldier who risks his life or sacrifices it for freedom, honor to the mother and sister who anxiously wait and pray for the soldier, honor also to the industrial worker who supplies the needs, and to the nurse who binds up the wounds. Honor comes to all in these varied lines who put their life and energy into this cause of human freedom. The thrill of the feeling of patriotism is the reward for right action in this time of needed help. The cause of humanity invites us all to enlist in some phase of this activity and get the reward. SO lEnltatrit 4fen Boys from Jordan High School who have enlisted in the United States army: THIS YEAR STUDENTS. Oscar Olson, Frank Ellis, Clyde Brady, William Park, George Oliver, Norman Oburn William Boggess, Dewey Canning, Clemen Green. Flavius Erickson Griffith Dowans. Rufus Ray. Ivan Born. Ray Vincent. Gerald Butler. Charles Van. LAST YEAR STUDENTS. Verlan Bateman. Elgin Erickson. Elmer Charter. Dewey Monteer. Marion Milne. Hyrum Stag. Carlos Hanson. PROBABLY WILL ENLIST ON JUNE 1. Thomas Dewey. John Oldham. Herbert Morris. Wilford Thornblad. William Egbert. Merlin Butler. 31 §dtmil Saijfi CHOOL days-—how much reflection these words contain. This is the springtime of life when the buds of thought are just ready for opening. It is then that we are so earn- estly mounting the great ladder of learning, that ladder which has no end but leads ever on and upward. It is true that we must always be ascending or descending; we cannot remain still, we must either fall back or advance. But our school days, the time when the mind is developing and forming, is the time of the greatest ascension. It is then that the brain is most ready to receive; it is then that the character is formed for future life. Each act or thought, be it ever so small, will some time make itself known. Our school days are the days of happy hours. In them we form true friendships that will last throughout the coming years, and though we are scattered far apart, time or distance can never blot out the memory of our happy school days. They will come back to us in dark hours of sorrow. In our dreams we will live again the time we spent in forming the golden chains of friendship, whose links can never be broken or rusted apart. And when we are tottering down the hill of life, vve will look back and long for just once more our “Happy School Days.” 33 United States, Sjurn United States, my home, O sacred land of worth; Thy vales and streams, thy plains and'woods; Thy rock-ribbed hills and rushing floods; Fit home art thou for freedom’s birth. My native land, my heartstrings swell With Orphean music as I dwell On all that thou hast given me; On all that’s kept in store by thee. Thy sacred soil we tread with joyous step and free; No conqu’ring foot shall press thy sod; While strength remains, with help of God All foes before our might shall flee. To all the world we give a hand of greeting kind; May no false step be ours to break The peace we pray mankind to make; One mighty brotherhood to bind. i i :t4 DOMESTIC SCIENCE CUASS -f PHYSICAL EDUCATION. JfljgHtral iEfturatifltt HE gymnasium classes of this year consist mainly of girls tak- IIL ing first year physical education, there being only eleven enrolled for second-year work. Because Jordan sees the benefit of this work for girls, all freshmen are required to enroll for it. The work taken up consists of Swedish exercises, games and dancing. These varieties add grace to the body as well as develop- ing the different muscles and organs. Even those organs which are inclined to be sluggish and inexercised are reached in one way or other. The gymnasium is one of the best in the state, roomy and com- fortable, with equipment suitable for this work. During the warmer months the students are allowed to be out-of-doors for class work. This is very beneficial because of their being shut up in the schools rooms practically all day. We believe that through gymnasium work a better standard will be set in Jordan for girls. They will be more efficient mentally and physically. DOMESTIC ART Homratir Art ffirjnirt 01D you notice the picture of the Domestic Art Girls? If not you had better look at it now. ’Fess up, isn’t it the nicest looking group of girls you ever saw? They include some excellent sewers, too, as you would be ready to say if you had seen some of the tasteful dresses, pretty underwear, art needlework, and other useful things made by the girls in the different departments. You k: ow the Domestic Art Department ' is helping the girls by allowing them to make whjit they want and need, instead of having hide-bound rules as to what must be made in each year of sewing. 41 f, I THE CHORUS mb (Siria’ (Slrr (£lub HE JORDAN MALE GLEE CLUR was organized rather late ill in the season, but when they did come out with their first number it was a glad surprise to the school, and the club made a great hit. The object of the club is to promote spirit and to this end they have put forth their best efforts. The Girls’ Glee Club is also wideawake. Fourteen of the best girls of the Jordan High are represented. They especially showed their ability for singing when they so successfully rendered “Wash- ington Song” at the Washington program given in chapel. At the program given by the “Fairchild Sisters” the girls showed their interest in the program by selling their most delicious home- made candy, the proceeds to be used in buying more books for the benefit of future glee clubs. 43 Sijr Hatti jlI UR1NG the school year of 1916-17 the band has made very IrJ rapid progress. It started at the beginning of the year with a sti ong determination to make good, and it has indeed succeeded. The band lias been present and has played at many football games this year. It has put spirit and determination into the players and has enthused the onlookers. The object of the hand has been to give spirit to the school, to spread the fame of “Old Jordan,” and also to prepare students for a musical career ni fter life. Members of the Band. Peyton Johnson William Nelson Flavius Erickson Samuel Egbert Lamont Nelson Willie Park Clyde Raddon Rex Miller Louis Nelson Wesley Sadler Charles Van George Whetman Egert Larson William Anderson 44 £m GDrrhrstra Violins. Wilford Pierson Clyde Rnddon Nephi Anderson Newell Kuhre Herman Bjork Marcus Cushing Corinne Edwards Eva Anderson I.evi Preeman Cello. Leo Freeman Trombone. Edwin Larson Lamon Nelson Cornets. Clarence Nelson Wesley Sadler William Fox --- Egert Larson Samuel Egbert Clarinets. William Anderson Charles Van Drums. George Whetman Piano. Etta Wootten Valora Cushing William Cushing 45 g tutont BniU| ©ffirrni HE student body is conducted under the constituted name of “Students’ Organization of the Jordan High School.” In the year past our newly devised government (stu- dent self government) lias been launched upon that untried sea, and we champion the cause of this first administration and say that it has been a success, morally, financially, and practically. Never before in the history of the school has the student body been effective until the year we now regret to leave. The students’ organization has been guided by tbe officers form- ing the executive committee. By our own practical experience in this new regime we have come to realize that the foundation of a school, as of society, is law and order; that the student by wisely gov- erning himself certainly gains the supreme end of his education and whatever has caused him to put forth efforts of improvement and self- control has trained him toward this end. High school students have come to regard this system of self- government as an active, willing participation in the responsibilities of school government and have attended to their duties faithfully as members and officers in the organization, enforcing the rules, notwithstanding the possible opposition and ill-will of the offenders. Thus by doing and observing such,, we have without question re- ceived a most excellent training for citizenship. Our government has been expressed in the will of the students to enthusiastically support the best interests of the school and disapprove of anything harmful to its welfare. Such has been the experience of the student body officers in helping to make this first administration of student self-government a success and a boost to the Jordan High School. May this organization continue to endure and its praises be heard when its friends and foes, those who support it and those who assail 'it, those who bare their bosom in its defense and those who aim daggers at its heart, shall all sleep in the dust together. ____________________________________________________ 47 Continued on next page §trfcwt lofty ©ffima I’resident .................................. Wid. I). Oliver Vice President Harold Brindley Secretary ................................. Bessie Facey Treasurer ..................................... Marie Day Historian ................................. Naomi Pixton Veil Master ........................... Heber Egbert Marshal ............................... Herbert Morris Editor of Student Publications. Corinne Edwards Manager............__....................Lee A. Beckstead Executive Committee ....................... Elgin Morris ..-...—.....-..........Newell Kuhre .....-.......—i—...............Olivia Gardner Improvement Committee ...............Genevieve Orgill ............-.......Claire Brown ............-....Millard Henderson Debating Manager.......__................Leonard Shields Dramatic Manager —.......................Le Grande Smith Athletic Manager William Dewey Senior Representative ...............Flavo McMullen Junior “ William Dewey Sophomore “ Eva Crapo FreshmaW ...Ivan Born Geo. Whitman resigned. Rella McMullin resigned. AG CLUB 50 THE GIRLS CLUB THE PAPER STAFF §taff Editor-in-chief Assistant Editor ........... Business Manager ...................... Subscription Manager Advertising Manager Assistant Advertising Manager.......... ASSISTANTS. Artists. T.ooinis Richardson Maurine Peterson Jokes. Vern Hardy Olivia Gardner Society. Mildred Dunyon Mary b hnson Sports. I’eter Mickleson Photographer. Thomas Dewey English Critics. Miss Horst Miss Johnson Ce rrine Edwards Harold Brind'ev Lee Beckstead Heber Egbert .. Robert Pixton . Le Grand Smith 5.a 64 9S Jfaotball HE Jordan High School is in line with other schools in placing football first on the list of high school athletics. No activity should involve a larger number of students. The training necessary for football is the kind that puts “red blood into the veins of men. Playing football means the spending of leisure time profitably. We are in need of men who do things, men whose time is given to the school in some form of activity in prefer- ence to displaying finery in the halls; and where will you find a sport more worthy of a person’s best efforts than football? It tends to eliminate the unmanly quality of petty cowardice and places the virtues—bravery, courage, and determination at the head of the list. The following men represented Jordan in football this year: Old- ham, H. Morris, E. Morris, T. Dewey, Richardson, Whitmore, R. Brown, Glover, ann, Mickelson, Pixton, Canning, Lambert, Lind, Ellis, Terry, R. Gardiner, C. Brady, Boberg. Many of the above- named men will be in Jordan next year. Let us get together and boost Jordan by boosting football next fall. 5« Uaakrt-SfaU Srasmt JSnnnn OACH HAMILTON worked wonders toward the development of a winning team this year. He had only three men who had had some experience at the game. First was Clyde (Elder) Brady, who has played a good game of basket-ball for several years, but went on a mission for two years, making it quite impossible for him to play as well as was otherwise expected. Nevertheless, he was a tower of strength and his loss will he felt keenly next year. Then there was Capt. McKinley (Fitz) Fitzgerald, whom Coach Norm developed when the Fitz boy was a freshie, and who has been the mainstay of the team for three years. The students expect great things of him when he returns as captain in the fall. Oscar (Ocie) Olson is a beautiful blonde athlete who has played a whirlwind game at forward at Jordan for two seasons and who nas two more years in which to do great things for his Alma Mater. Now for the green ones. E. William (Bill) Dewey has suffered a vast improve- ment in his playing during the past season. He started out to make the team as a guard, but the watchful coach, seeing that he had more ability at forward, developed him into a shark at baskets and an excellent co-worker for the Cyclone Olson. Herbert (Sea Pirate) Morris is another blonde who got his start in some metropolis called Crescent, but was really made into a star guard last season. James (Funny) Anderson is considered as a comer for next year and Brat Berritt and Blue-Eyed Holt have been perfectly capable substitutes. The regular team is as follows: Olson ....... Right Forward Dewey.........Left Forward Brady .....Center Fitzgerald ......Right Guard Morris____________Left Guard The team played rather consistently all season, but they did not think of their own ability and thus failed to train as well as they should have done. However, they have a fond ambition to play in the state tourney this coming year, so support them next season and watch for victory. The second team, consisting of K. Brady and W. Parks as for- wards, A. Boberg at center, G. Holt and M. Henderson as guards, made a good showing as a team. They won most of their games and were a credit to the school. The J. H. S. group athletic teams won the championship of this division, so on the whole we feel that basket-ball has been a splendid success, more so than in other years, because everyone who wanted to enter has had a chance to receive physical development from the game. Some things the team members are professionals at: Funny Anderson at dancing and fussing. Ocie Olson at say “Da! Da!” and wearing bow ties. Fitz Fitzgerald at saying “Sweet Florence” and “Oratory.” Bill Dewey at singing and adoring Swedes. Sea Pirate Morris at roving the seas and leaving for Texas. Elder Brady at keeping quiet in assemblies and being called Petramus. 57 E. M err i. s H MorrvS T Devine y F? B r o vitrt I G. V«-n-n FETU LT err y C Brad, LLirul ff.Pxxt en PMatkles on. DCantii n CLft-mtertr RGra, r ol yi e r Bo b ere H C-l'e ve r L. W H I t m o r e. L F? ic k. a. risen 68 HE first real event that took place in the history of the Jordan Mir'1 School during 1916-17 was the Freshman-Sophomore flag rush on September 15. The Sophomores defended the pole for ten minutes, keeping the struggling, determined Freshies from mount- ing to any height. The battle raged and excitement from the side lines grew tense. After a vigorous fight, the whistle sounded and the wrestling ceased. Then the volunteer “Red Cross nurses of the Senior Class” played an important part. Many victims were revived by a swallow of water. Several who were thought dead suddenly came to life when the ambulance drew near. The rest period over, the battle was resumed by a football rush to determine the victor. The Freshmen secured the ball, and proudly bore it across the field. Sept. 16—A party of twenty-three made the annual expedition to Mount Jordan. However only eight reached the top. The High School was represented bv Principal Henry Peterson, Christina B. Clayton, and Genevieve Johnson, all three of whom climbed to the top. Sept. 22—The Student Body enjoyed its first matinee dance in the J. 11. S. gym. Oct. 2- The Jordan High School had its annual excursion to the Utah State Fair. Oct. 5—The Student Body gave a matinee dance in honor of Wil- liam Dewey, one of the football men, who met with an acci- dent while practising. Oct. 13—Jordan football team met Ogden on Jordan’s campus; • Ogden won with a score of 48 to . 1 he defeat was taken in a good-hearted manner, with hopes that the future would prove as superior. Jlorlmn (Halntibar On the evening of October 13, the Janitors and Stage Drivers entertained the Student Body, Faculty and invited friends from the outside, at a very enjoyable program, dance and banquet. Oct. 20—The Student Body gave their opening ball in the High School ballroom. Nov. 24—A Thanksgiving concert, under the direction of the music department, was given in the auditorium ; the proceeds of which were used to purchase a Victrola. Dec. 4—The American Quartette, the first feature of the Lyceum course, rendered a very enjoyable and educative program. Dec. 11—A mass meeting was held the sixth and seventh periods, at which several questions of vital interest to the Student Body Republic regarding our honor and general welfare were discussed and resolutions passed. Jan. 19—Jordan’s first team in basket-ball met the L. D. S. Quintet in the Deseret gym. The latter were victorious by a score of 46 to 39. Jan. 24—Jordan’s first team played Granite’s first team. Jordan victorious; score 28 to 25. Jan. 26—Senior Dramatic Club presented “Snow'ball” in the J. H. S. auditorium. Jan. 31—Jordan first team played Murray first team at Murray; Jordan won; score 36 to 20. On February 7 same teams played at Jordan, Jordan again victorious; score 63 to 18. Feb. 23—The Bingham basket-ball team met the Jordan “hoopers” in the Jordan gym. at 8:30. Bingham, though strongly represented by “rooters,” was miserably beaten by the superior Joi'danites by a score of 40 to 19. The game was followed by a grand ball. Feb. 26—At 2 p. m. Bingham’s funeral was held in the auditorium. Mar. 9—Payson basket-pickers met Jordan’s “All Stars” in Jordan gym. Payson carried off the laurels with a score of 43 to 39. Mar. 30—The Bingham debating teams (affirmative) met Jordan (negative) in J. H. S. auditorium. Bingham, who was rep- resented by Eva Burke and Mark James, put forth the stronger and more substantial argument. Jordan was rep- resented by Peter Mickehson and Clyde Brady. Mar. 28—Girls’ Club gave their annual “sack-apron-overall” dance. co (fueatioua anh Anawra i. The following are some answers to examination questions given in the various departments of the J. H. S.: History Department. There were no Christians among the early Gauls. They were mostly lawyers. George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time be- came the father of his country. The government of England is a limited mockery. Georgia was founded by people who had been executed. The qualifications of a voter at a school meeting are that he must be the father of a child for eight weeks. Pompeii was destroyed by an eruption of saliva from the Vatican. Weapons of the Indian—bow, arrow, tomahawk, and war-hoop. Physical Education Department. Typhoid fever is prevented by fascination. A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors. The function of the stomach is to hold up the petticoat. The purpose of the skeleton—something to hitch meat to. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana. The stomach is just south of the ribs. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. English Department. The feminine gender of friar is toastress. Achilles was dipped in the River Styx to make him immoral. Gender shows whether a man is masculine, feminine, or neuter. A phenomenon is something that looks like your face. The Slough of Despond is the Atlantic Ocean. Procrastination is the mother of invention. Science Department. A dinosaur is an officer in the Russian government. A freezing water pipe bursts because it has no other way to get out. Gravitation is that if there were none we should fly away. A mountain range is a large cookstove. A blizzard is the inside of a hen. Climate is caused by emotion of the earth around the sun. A vacuum is the place where the Pope lives. Mathematics Department. Sixty gallons make one hedgehog. A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle. Geometry teaches us how to dissect angels. � 1 o: ic Rubbish f}OS£Ly f C0( LD M REVERTm To THE Qim OF £ DEV. ClAIKE 33 GO ro r BRamhe r p ' G£ro'rr% tracks zm LOAFERS '«I . ; ' ■ faulty iitijlj 8 djiuil Sirtimtanj Agg.—The means of saving the expense of a gardener. Applause—A means of prolonging assemblies. Bluff—The process of making a little knowledge go a long way. Broken stage—An excuse for tardiness—good indefinitely. Chorus—A modern means of torture. Debate—Fifteen weeks’ work condensed in fifteen minutes. “D”—An unoffending letter of the alphabet but possessing much sinister meaning. Faculty—A medley of unpronounceable names. Freshie—An excuse for the Joke Editor to jump into the air and cry, “Good josh material.” Girls’ meeting—An argument against equal suffrage. Gym—A process of keeping Freshies quiet a limited length of time. Hill—An unscalable demon at 8:45. Library—A pleasant room where sociability is encouraged. Oral expression—A production of weird noises that haunt the school. Student Body President—An expert press agent. Self Gov.—A means of governing the teacher. Seniors—Beautiful statues that adorn our halls. Tardy bell—The finish of a race against time. Track team—An aggregation of masculine gender and singular number; invincible in the hundred and two-twenty-yard dashes. Cafeteria line—A means of developing sprinters for the track team. Football—A legal method of doing away with undesirable citzens. «3 (Ujr Srmnalir (tilth of 1910-1X 1 he Dramatic Club has made ten different appearances this year in their various plays. They have appeared at Draper, Union, Sandy, South Jordan and Midvale. I he club is now at work on three one- act plays, 1 he 1'eeth of the Gift Norse,” “The Burglar” and “Re- tween the soup and the Savoury.” James Anderson — The Romancers and Mr. Boh Ervin Anderson ........The Romancers and Niobe Clyde Brady ................ The Neighbors and Niobe Marie Day ..... Mr. Bob Fay Dooley ................. Niobe Corinne Edwards ........I'lie Neighbors and Mr. Bob Frank Ellis _... Mr. Bob llattie Fitzgerald The Neighbors and Mr. Bob William Park .................. The Romancers and Niobe Bertha Peterson ....... My Wife’s Bonnet and Niobe Lucile Peterson ...............Niobe Una Peterson ..................Niobe Wesley Sadler •••......Niobe Claudia Shields ....... —...... My Wife’s Bonnet and Niobe Le Grand Smith......... ....... Mr. Bob Marie Smith ........... ....... The Romancers and Niobe Le Grand Terry.........._...... Niobe Vera Woodruff ........ .... My Wife’s Bonnet and Mr. Bob Etta Wootton ... The Neighbors and Niobe o o Otyp Skat of a Mm The test of a man is the fight he makes, The grit that he daily shows; The way lie stands on his feet and takes Fate’s numerous bumps and blows— A coward can smile when there’s naught to fear, When nothing his progress bars; But it takes a man to stand up and cheer While some other fellow stars. It isn’t the victory after all, But the fight that a brother makes; The man who, driven against the wall, Still stands up erect, and takes The blows of fate, with his head held high; Bleeding, and bruised, and pale, Is the man who’ll win in the bye and bye. For he isn’t afraid to fail. It’s the bumps you get, and the jolts you get, And the shocks that your courage stands, The hours of sorrow and vain regret, The prize that escapes your hands. That test y,our mettle and prove your worth; It isn’t the blows you deal, But the blows you take on the good old earth That show that your stuff is real. Sunflmurrs mh Biolrls Full in the flash of the golden day, The sunflower raises his lordly crest, Flaunting a scentless life away. With its diadem, bright as a monarch’s dress; As who should say. ‘Come worship me. The lady and (,ueen of the garden bed.” But soon as the twilight dims the lea. Its petals are folded; it droops its head. The violet’s home is down in the vale. Where none intrude on the moss’d retreat Save a curious beam, or a wandering gale, Who leave it laden with odours sweet, But when daylight melts to purple pale. When the songs of the birds stream far and wide, In richest perfume its flowers exhale Welcoming the restfulness of eventide. jjjCi'.J Ttf£C0M«VG GENERATIO . '' ---- fRE5HlEs ON TOP A Scene At Bingham's Funeral [ E DIC. ATI Oli C5 -1 o 'FACIAL ShFAFi A LAMB favorite poSE SEAR Editor: Is laughter an aid to digestion? Some people talk of it so lightly.—Herbert Morris. Yes, the condition of the mind has much to do with digestion. “A sour disposition makes a sour stomach.” Do not talk of food values or Germany during meal time but let your conversation be pleasant and agreeable. Dear Editor: Where can I have hair combings made into a gentleman’s watch chain?—Fay Dooley. At the Sasse Hair Factory, 218 South Main St., Salt Lake City. Dear Editor: Is it proper to hum the tune when you are dancing?—George Whitman. No; it is decidedly bad taste and very discourteous to one’s part- ner. Dear Editor: Should a girl accept a proposal the first time?—Miss Thurman. Certainly. Perhaps you have missed your chance because most men would never dream of asking the second time. Dear Editor: How can 1 remove ink stains from a lady’s handkerchief?—Heber Egbert. Place the stain over steam and apply salt and lemon juice. The stain will disappear. Dear Editor : As yet I have been unable to get pictures from the girls in our graduation class. Can you help me ?—Robert Pixton. Send one of your photos to each of the girls. Ask them kindly for an exchange and offer to pay the difference. Dear Editor: Please inform me when wedding announcements should be sent out.—Olivia Gardner. Do not send your announcements out until the day of, or the day following your wedding. You might whisper of it to your friends if you tell them not to tell. Dear Editor: Since I have taken up farming 1 have found a very bad looking bug on my potato vines. It is two inches long and has glass eyes. 1 am in great distress because I fear for my crop.—Pres. Willard Oliver. Take a smooth board six inches by two inches. Lay the bug on the board and hit it in the head with a hammer. If one blow is not sufficient use two. When the eyes are injured it can no longer see your vines. Editor’s Note: It will be necessary to send private answers to the other questions, as they are too personal for public discussion. 71 -4 U CLOSELY Jt£L0 “TH RE BoTH I Full m FTrsto APAJROF on the TOPOFMT. foUD aho . J A RoS£ 5Erw££M TWO 'FAGU !lm THOZtfc? 4k « V Hy rw£ To s Bar SHfi.LLJ' Vtfstut .•i. — aljr ijikf to Surimtt HE hike to Mt. Jordan—Mt. Jordan? Where is it? What is IJL it ?’’ Some Freshman, and perhaps a few Sophomores mur- mur, as they read the title. Now. Junicrs and Seniors, isn’t it a shame that we have so sadly neglected the education of these children? Let’s make amends, as best we can. by telling them all about Mt. Jordan and the famous hikes that teachers and students have made to that mountain peak. For a long time the highest and most rugged peak in the moun- tains east of Salt Lake valley was called by a half dozen different names: “Lone Peak.” “Farmers’ Peak,” etc.; but when the Jordan High School was placed almost under the very shadow of this peak, could there any longer be doubt about the true name for it ? Mt. Jordan, like all other rugged mountain peaks, persistently challenges every nature lover; it stands winter and summer and seems to say to admirers below, “The view is wonderful, why don't you climb?” and much as all love a challenge, very few seem to have heard the call of Mt. Jordan. In September of last year. Superintendent Ryan, and a few other enthusiastic mountain climbers planned a hike to Mt. Jordan, and in- vited student and teacher to join them. When mountaineers, familiar with this section of the country heard of the expedition, most of them laughed and said, “You’ll never climb that mountain; I’ve tried it four or five times and I know it can’t be done. Insects can walk up those cliffs perhaps, but men can’t.” In spite of such discouragement, the date for the trip was set and much enthusiasm was shown by . teachers and students throughout the district. However, when the day arrived, the weather was cold and stormy and only about ten climbers appeared at the appointed meeting place, on the morning of the hike. When they got well up into the mountains they encoun- tered a severe snow storm and one or two turned back almost at the beginning of the trip. Several climbed thirty or forty yards of the top of the peak and then gave up. They would very likely have suc- ceeded had it not been for the cold, which so numbed their hands, as to make climbing over the rocks exceedingly dangerous. Four or five of the party reached the summit and Mt. Jordan was officially named. In spite of the difficulties and hardships of the climb, everyone who went last year wanted to repeat the trip and great preparations were made for the “Mt. Jordan” hike in September. 1916. It was decided that the trip could be made more enjoyable by taking more time for it. so the crowd planned to leave the high school shortly after school closed Friday afternoon, to spend the night in the foot- hills and to begin the climb at daylight Saturday morning. It seems that fortune smiled on the “hikers” this year, for the weather was glorious and about twenty-two students and teachers met at the high school on the afternoon of September fifteenth. If words but had the power of the camera we might give you a picture that would set you to guessing for the crowd might easily have been taken for a troop of gypsies or a load of homeless -Belgian refugees. Several of the girls wore bloomers, one or two wore overalls and high top boots, and a number wore skirts, shockingly short. Per- haps the most noticeable figure in the group was a gentleman who ap- 73 Jjikp tu fflt. Surfcatt, peared in a white collar, a gay silk tie, and a suit so neatly pressed that the creases fairly crackled. The party reached the mouth of Big Willow Canyon, about seven in the evening and proceeded to eat. Then, after the last hot dog had been roasted and the last marshmallow had been toasted, and every popular song ever heard in America, had been “killed blankets were unrolled and the crowd enjoyed the ‘solid comfort” of the Gran- ite Rock. At five thirty a. m., the hikers had the pleasure of greeting the rising sun, and fifteen minutes later were on trail to Mt. Jordan. You may wonder how they—especially the girls—dressed themselves, cooked and ate breakfast all in fifteen brief minutes. That’s easily answered; no one needed to dress for no one had undressed; and as for breakfast, when some famished soul started a fire ior coffee, he was so severely up-braided by Mr. Ballard, official hike leader, that even the hungriest simply seized a lunch basket and foiiowed the crowd. Once on the trail, however, even the most resentful of the break- fastless climbers forgot his hunger and became completely lost in the glorious autumn colorings of the mountains. Mrs. Clayton became so wrapped up in admiring a particular tree, that she intruded upon a hornet’s nest and was stung before she came back to earth at all. The well-dressed gentleman previously mentioned did not even notice that a certain small hole in the heel of his sock, grew and grew until there was more hole than hosiery. About nine o’clock, the party reached the last mountain spring on the trail, so the signal for a halt was given and tne climbers ate breakfast and rested for an hour. Near this same spring, about ten of the party forgot their former ambitions and loitered till evening. One o’clock found but seven determined men and women within a mile or so of the trail. “A mile?” you may say, “how easy!” Yes. a mile over a paved street in a “Hudson Six,” or even a “Ford,” is easy, but let those who climbed that mile tell something how 5,280 feet can stretch them- selves. Every step of the wray was impeded by rocks or brush, yet eveiy inch of ground gained meant inexpressible delight to the climbers. It was nearly three when four men—-all pretending io be fresh as a May morning—and three women—frankly admitting exhaustion —reached the coveted goal. Mt. Jordan itself rises two or three hundred feet as a pinnacle of almost solid rock. Only from the northeast is it at all accessible and here a heap of boulders, seemingly hurled against the pinnacle, serves as a difficult yet interesting and moderately safe approach to the “tip-top” which is perfectly flat and about the size of a large dining table. The rest of this story is briefly told. The climbers viewed the world—or at least a big part of it, from the delectable mountain; they found the names of climbers who had visited the peak fifteen years ago; they organized a club, naming as charter members all those who had ever reached the top of Mt. Jordan; they then wrote epitaphs for those who had “fallen by the way side,” and returned to camp. 74 Alumini SnU Class of 1911. Clare Me Hale Idaho Silas Brady Abbie Ballard Richardson H. Alva Fitzgerald Garfield, Utah Draper, Utah Marv Goff Union, Utah Arthur Peterson Sandy, Utah Elsie Farrer Smith Draper, Utah Effie Smith Beckstrand Salt Lake City, Utah Peyton Johnson . ... Sandy, Utah Genevieve Johnson _ Sandy, Utah Orson Smith, Jr Draper, Utah Class of 1912. Albert Brockmeyer Sandv, Utah Nora Tangvvall Peterson Butler, Utah E. Berg Jorgensen .. Milford, Utah Martin Kuhre Basil Walker Union, Utah Gertrude Anderberg Sandy, Utah Darrel Gardner W est Jordan. Utah Elgin Walker Union, Utah Ebba Lindell Finlayson Pocatello, Idaho Esther Lindell White Hvrum, Utah Melvin Lind Midvale, Utah LeRoy Wilson Logan, Utah Portia Rawlins Draper Utah John Simonson .. Sandv', Utah Martin Peterson South Jordan, Utah Leda Sadler _ Draper. Utah Oralie Smith Draper, Utah Mabel Smith Hadfield Riverside, Utah Class of 1913. Allen Bateman .....Midvale, Utah Ernest Greenwood Union, Utah Wilburn Goff Rigby, Idah . Anna Anderson Buxton Union. Utah Joseph Millerberg Union, Utah Agnes Fitzgerald Rasmussen ... Draper, Utah Oscar Peterson Murray, Utah Otto Ivins _ Sandv, Utah Benjamin Nokes American Falls, Idaho Thomas Richards Magna, Utah Olive Despain Granite, Utah William Richards Raft River, Idaho Edison Denny Union Utah Ada Farrer Mamie Malstrom Tholen Sandy, Utah Garfield, Utah Hazel Malstrom ..Pleasant Green, Utah Harold Moore Lark, Utah Mark Gardner W'est Jordan, Utah Margaret Bowen Peterson Magna, Utah J. Milton Peterson _ Printers Fitzgerald Magna I It a Vi Draner Utah 75 Alumni «Oil Class of 1914. Earl Greene Sandy, Utah Gwendolyn Dewey Sandy, Utah Florence Larson Parmley Salt Lake City, Utah Nathaniel Jones A. C. College, Logan, Utah Harold Nelson Wei by, Utah Alice Kuhre Sandy, Utah Ruth Parry Granite, Utah Horrace Wheeler Salt Lake City, Utah Raymond Rerret Union. Utah Marian Nelson Midvale, Utah Esther Swenson Sandy, Utah Charles Lords Salt Lake City, Utah Wavne Egbert Midvale, Utah Rosa Johnson Smith Draper, Utah Grace Sharp Midvale, Utah Hvrum Glover West Jordan, Utah Alva Despain .. Granite, Utah Ebba Nordberg (ieneve, Idaho Stella Greenwood Union, Utah Earl Ferguson Sandy, Utah Harvey Driggs — Sandy, Utah 1 va Peterson Bingham, Utah Ann Gardner ’.....Kamas, Utah Irene Allen Chicago. Illinois Ervin Milne Union, Utah Albert Anderberg Sandy, Utah Class of 1915. Lionel Hartvigsen Sandy, Utah Edward Beck Sandy, Utah Eva Butler - A. C. College, Logan, Utah Lois Walbeck Brindley Coyote, Utah Thomas Parmley - - Sandy, Utah Alma Crane A. C. College, Logan, Utah John Anderson Sandv, Utah Tames Monson Sandy, Utah Olivia Nelson Cleveland. Emery County, Utah Eva Elvin Sandy, Utah William Thompson Magna, Utah Washington Boberg Sandv. Utah Lenard Larson - Sandy, Utah Carol Smith — Midvale, Utah Blanche Nelson Coe Garfield, Utah Leon Morgan Los Angeles, California Alvin Thornblade _ Sandv. Utah Herman Nelson .'.....Union, Utah George Bateman A. C. College, Logan, LTtah Mary Hansen ...Riverton, Utah Margaret Lehman McMullen Bingham, Utah Author Morris A. C. College, Logan, Utah Carlos Hansen Midvale, Utah Ella Brown Draper, Utah Maida Crosgrove 1 lonnevville, Utah 7« Alumni Sail Lillian Oleen Preece Altonah, Utah Belle Burgon West Jordan, Utah Lavern Day Draper, Utah De Los Jenkins Victor, Idaho Floyd Anderson. Union, Utah Carl Jensen Elizabeth Anderson Sunnyside, Utah Sandy, Utah Zina Peterson Tropic, Utah Robert Bateman A. C. College, Logan, Utah Edith Sjoblom... Draper, Utah Class of 1916. Jennie Garfield... Draper, Utah Merle Brown Garfield, Utah Arvid Anderson. Midvale, Utah Bernice Nelson Orrel Greenwood Welbv, Utah Union, Utah Maxine Presler Midvale, Utah Brigham Hardy Josephine Peterson Salt Lake Citv, Utah West Jordan, Utah Erma Despain Granite, Utah Perrv Gardner West Jordan, Utah Elgin Erickson Sandy, Utah Kathlyn yland Terry Leona Leak Draper. Utah Midvale, Utah Rosena Dansie James Whitmore Venice Deming Riverton, Utah Midvale, Utah Coalville, Utah Violet Swenson Sandy, Utah Ortence Fitzgerald Alva Butler Draper, Utah Sandy, Utah Hazel Nelson West Jordan, Utah Genevieve E'itzgerald Draper, Utah Leland Jorgenson Varro Jones Sandy, Utah Heber, Utah Golda Brown Draper, Utah Ida Gardner Kamas, Utah Horace Burgon Lamont Crosgrove Midvale, Utah Draper, Utah Dora Roycp Morgan, Utah Verna Fitzgerald Draper, Utah Lawrence Despain Pearl Cowley Fedelia Nelson Hattie Parry T .e 1 a nd Vardlc A. C. College, Logan, Utah Granite. Utah Cres cent, Utah Granite, Utah West Jordan, Utah Draper, Utah Irvin Greer Salt Lake City, Utah Ethelyn Oliver ;i1ter Atwood - Union, Utah Independence, Missouri I ervin Despain A. C. College, Logan, Utah Fay Stewart Sandy, Utah Holden, Utah Marion Milne Union, Utah y 77 (Senior Class.) OOD-BYE is always the saddest thing to say, especially when I Kfc it is forever. It is for this reason that we, the class of ’17, regret to say good-hye to one of the dearest and most influential factors of our lives. Such we hold dear old Jordan to be, for its kind and willing fac- ulty, for its enthusiastic student body, for its pleasures, lessons and even its troubles are dear to us, who have for four years shared these things that we are now leaving. Whether it be for better or for worse we do not know, but our lives have been so enriched that we may hope for the better. It may be that war will sweep over our nation and carry us, un- experienced as we are, into its dreadful pit of destruction, and it may be that peace will be restored and leave us to follow the path of in- dustry to build up this great nation after the ideals set before us day after day, but whatever our destination, whether it be the grave of a patriot or a seat of fame or even the modest and humble fate of the American citizen, we will hold the memory of Jordan and her ideals dear to our hearts. W Sr 78 ®l|p SrmmfaU of Satan A TAN : Now minions, gather round your mighty For here is News, ’twill please you all to hear. My messengers that swarm ’oer all the earth, And that do press the very gates of heaven, Have come post haste a riding on the wind To bring these gladsome tidings to thine lord. You know 1 am a free and royal host, 1 turn no knocking stranger from my gates, Doctor nor priest, nor rude mechanical, Forever inward swing my ponderous doors, Rut I have always had a special love For that same breed of men who while they’re living, Do wield the rod with autocratic hand O’er helpless urchins, and boisterous youths, And make of childhood’s days a hell on earth. I hese school teachers are mine especial joy. Rut to the message that 1 told you of, The Jordan High School faculty have turned To ripe old ages, now they all must die, Their spirits all will leave the earthly vale And drift through rows of eternity— Of course, they’ll knock first at the Golden Gate, Rut there’s no doubt they’ll join us here at last. So now prepare your most ingenious arts, king, A thousand tortures new and weird devise To punish these o’erbearing pedagogues. In life they torture. Hark, the telephone. 1st Imp (Answers telephone; then bows before Satan) Your majesty, prepare your face to smile, Your eyes to gloat; for o’er the telephone Saint Peter tells me he has just sent down A marvelously talkative old man Who tried to talk his way right into heaven; And when at last to stop the dreadful noise St. Peter thought to let the fellow in, And offered him a mellow golden harp And bid him take his seat among the choir And placed a halo on his wise old head, This pedagogue’s remonstrance filled the air. 79 He said that he had never learned to play ’ A bloomin’ harp, but if they wished to sing And had a grand piano he could play Accompaniments most loud and sometimes but the— As for the halo, he had kept his hair Through all his life and he’d be hanged if he Would rub it off now with a golden wire ; Besides he didn’t think he’d like the wings— He’d rather ride round in a Zeppelin And keej) his impressive figure as it was, And so they sent him down; ev’n now 1 think He’s answering the call of gravity. (Bell rings) Satan: The bed. He comes. Prepare. We’ll meet him here. (Thund er Imps throw powder on the fire. Thunder and lightn- ing and Mr. Jorgensen shoots down the chute. Imps rush around him with pitch forks. They poke him.) Mr. Jorgensen (Sitting up, rub- bing his shins) Why all this hubbub? Pray, don’t be so rough. I never thought to end in such a place Or mingle with such blackguard company, I always planned to have a seat in heaven— In fact, I thought I’d be the best one there, Continued on page 82 RIVERTON IMPLEMENT CO. The Big Store on the Corner We make every effort to serve the People in the following lines Farm machinery, wagons, fencing, hardware, harness, cement, stoves, paints, wall paper, auto oils and tires, cream separators, trunks and suit- cases, granite, tin and aluminum ware electrical appliances, bicycles, base- ball goods, fishing tackle, machine extras, twine etc. Our newest articles are electric sewing machines and white enamel ranges. If we do (not have what you want, we will do our best to get it. (� ive us a call RIVERTON, UTAH The one who thinks our jokes are poor Would straightway change his views, Could he compare the jokes we print With those that we refuse. Teach your dollar to] have more cents. Farmers Impiemini Company Farm Implements Buggies Wagons, Harness, Extra repair parts for all kinds of machinery Stoves and Hardware Phone Midvale 203 P. 0. Box 162 Sandy, Utah We have it—Can get it—or it can’ be made. 80 Mr. Peterson: What did you think of the dinner party last night ? Mr. Jorgenson: It was the most daring bareback performance that I ever attended. As for your niece, she outstripped all her com- petitors. Marie : Wilford told me a long story last night. Flavo: Is he an interesting story teller? Marie: I should say so: he held his audience from start to finish! Bill and his sweetheart drove into town and happened to stop near a popcorn stand Presently Erma said: “My, don’t that popcorn smell good?” “Yes,” said the gallant Bill C•� . “I’ll drive closer so we can smell it better.” Hattie: And so you quarreled with Frank? Flora : Yes, and I returned all his presents and what do you think he did? Hattie : Something horrid, 1 am sure. Flora: He sent me half a dozen boxes of face powder with a note explaining that he thought he had taken as much as that home on his coat since he met me. Tourist traveling through Draper: You have an unusually large acreage of corn under cultivation. Don’t the crows annoy you a great deal ? Pete M.: Oh no, not to any extent. Tourist: That’s peculiar, considering you have no scarecrows. Pete: Oh well, you see, I’m out here a good part of the time my- self. 81 Continued from Page 80 But since I knew I might, I came prepared. Asbestos B. V. D.’s protect my skin, I always did believe in prepara- tion. 2nd Imp: And so do we. Imp fellow, answer me. Are you prepared to treat him royally. Imp one? 1st Imp: Prepared. 2nd Imp: Prepared. 3rd Imp: Prepared. 4th Imp: Prepared. 3rd Imp: The pit, the fire, the boiling oil’s prepared. We learned your rule of daily preparation, And art thou now prepared to welcome these ? All Imps (Poking him vigor- ously) : Answer! Mr. J. (Writhing, shrieks) : Prepared, prepared, prepared, pre- pared. Satan: Hands off. He hath not yet approached my throne. Mr. J. (Approaching): Well, Satan, I don’t care much for your looks. Your pictures that I’ve seen must flatter you, A little redder color, I’d suggest Would make you look more dia- bolical, As for this place, I would sug- gest a change, It doesn’t suit my preconceived idea of hell. Satan: You see we had to make it fit MULLET-KELLY COMPANY HOME OF CHESTERFIELD CLOTHES Excell The Finest Of All READY TO WEAR CLOTHES 156-158 SO. MAIN STREET Anto-mena-mina-maul, Catch the menlets in the hall, When you’ve caught them let him bawl, Anto-mena-mina-maul. L. L. RADDON SERVES ICE CREAM AND ALL KINDS OF LIGHT LUNCHES ALSO CONFECTIONERY TWO STORES MAIN STREET SANDY OPPOSITE JORDAN HIGH 82 The scanty Jordan High School scenery. GIFTS— And yet me thinks it must be most correct. For the GRADUATE For once when Mr. Walker viewed the stage, A Good Selection of I heard him say aloud, “It’s a GOOD GOODS at hell of a scene.” Reasonable Prices Mr. J.: But still I would sug- gest— Satan: Nay, it’s my turn. Our OPTICAL Dept. My privilege, as host, to make Will give you Careful suggestions, Attention. : And so, my Imps, draw near while I suggest C. M. DIEHL, iTD«i£ A faint suggestion, now of boiling oil, 68 So. MAIN ST. Of fire, a mild suggestion to his skin, There are meters of accent, The scourge lay heavily upon And meters of tone, his back But the best of all meters, Sir, ’twill suggest the burden Is to meet her alone. that he heaped on helpless you, When he did wield the rod— R- WHITE Away with him. Nay chain him here awhile. Dealers in Lest other bright suggestions reach my mind. (Imps drag him, U. R., and chain him up.) HARNESS, GLOVES, ETC. Mr. J.: I would suggest— (Bell rings.) Satan:- Here imp the telephone, AUTO CURTAINS REPAIRED (2nd Imp answers phone and hastens to Satan.) 2nd Imp : My lord, another fol- lows- hard,.upon; The keeper of the gate sends word that he Has started Master Dutton MAIN St. - SANDY, Utah 83 down the chute— I hear him coming. (Dutton shoots in.) Satan: Ah, so this is he? Dutton (Brushing off dust and shaking his fist at Satan.) Now what mean you by this? I tell you, sir. No one can treat me so and get away with’t. (Slowly and ponderously, with wrinkled brow.) I wonder if you fully realize The dignity and prestige of my station; 1 am no common clay, I’ll have you know. But lately was proud owner of a Buick. Satan: That will not save you here for it is true, That autos ever lead to deepest sin. (To Imp) : My slave, step forth ; of what is he accused? (2nd Imp): My lord, of many things but worst of all He loved his swine more than his fellow men. For oft as he sat teaching in a class. His brow perplexed as if with thoughts of science, He really wondered if he’d fed his hogs, And pondered on_a diet to make them fat. Satan: His punishment shall be to feed my swine, Ten thousand thousand, that are never full, And hark ye, he shall teach them science too. Dutton:. An easier task than I have had to do. Satan: Away with him and chain him with the rest. Dutton : I wonder if you realize, old man, that I have lately owned a car. Mr. Jorgensen: May I suggest— Satan: Nay, not a word, away. (Great clatter outside. Imps crowd around throne as if afraid. Walker bounds in. Imps rush at him but are stopped by his speech.) Walker: Oh, can the rough stuff, beat it now, old tops. I’ll have to show you where to head in at. You get my goat with this big bluff you pull, But don’t think you can put it over me. Satan: What says he? Not a word, I understand? 1st Imp: Well, think of that; he beats the very devil. Satan: Who is this man? What language does he speak? Walker: Now get me, good, I’m Walker—the rag time man— And you’ll find no last year’s bird nests in my hair, Keep open, and I’ll tip you who 1 am. (Sings.) You will never find any flie.s on me, I’m always buzzin’ round just like a bumble bee, ont lined on Page 8ti 84 WE ARE THE ONES Who took the Photographs for the “J” Courier Look through it and see The HIGH GRADE Work Displayed there. We want to make your PHOTOGRAPH. COME IN AND SEE US We Guarantee to Satisfy THE THOMAS STUDIO PHONE WASATCH 3491 44 MAIN STREET Roland: What a marvelous animal the grasshopper is: he can jump one hundred times his length. Walter: That’s nothing; I saw a bee raise a two hundred pound man three feet in the air. Keep Your Money in the Bank Are you troubled by having your money “burn a hole” in your pocket? That is a common fault of money. If you have your money in the bank, whether it be much or little, it will not burn any holes and it will be there when you need it. Money carried on the person is a temptation to spending. Money in the bank does not offer this temptation. You may hesitate before writing a check where you wc-uld not hesitate to spend if you had the money with you. We offer you the advantage of our bank- ing facilities and invite you to open a check ing;accou:it with us. MIDVAL E STATE BANK m.dvale, utah Capital and Surplus, 40,000 Resource� over 350.000 85 Continued from Page 84 If anything is happening, you will find me there, I’m always present everywhere, I am very clever when it comes to wit, Every body round the school is fond of it, You ought to hear me crack a joke, My face is my only fortune. Everybody: Then, Walker, you’re broke. Satan: But what’s the crime wherewith we have him charged? 3rd Imp: Murder, my lord, a foul, unnatural crime. All (Moaning): Murder? Alas! A most unnatural crime. Satan: Who was his victim; pray what did he slay? 3rd Imp: He murdered oft the English languageses. Satan: Away! and let him taste a murderer’s doom. (They chain him up also.) Mr. Jorgensen: Now, Satan, if you’ll only listen here— Satan : What? You again. (To Imp) : Thy hand upon his mouth. (Miss Bowen’s voice heard off stage.) Miss B.: Oh this is s.well. Watch out, I’m coming down. 1st Imp: Miss Bowen, 1 can tell her by a word. Miss B.: That was a swell ride; do you want me here? Satan : Who would not want you any place, my love ? But tell me, dear, what have you ever done To justify my liberating you? Miss B.: I taught the girls to sew a good straight seam; and mend and patch and darn a husband’s clothes. Satan : Stop! that’s enough, I’ll send you straight to heaven. Miss B.: My lord, I do not want to go to heaven. Satan: Then where, young lady, do you want to go? Miss B.: To Brigham where my loving Cy is; he longs to gaze into my lustrous eyes. Satan: Alas, that cannot be, but never fear; He’ll follow lustrous eyes e’en though to hell; Just make yourself at home, my pretty one. (Bell rings.) Satan: The bell! Who’s here? (Heard off) ’Tis I, Alma Smith. (Smith enters looking as if he had been arguing with his Ford.) Satan: My Imps suggest a punishment most dear. Mr. Jorg.: I might suggest— Satan: I’ll use another word. 1st Imp: Consider well, my lord, before you act, In like the culprit owned and ran a Ford. Satan: He owned a.Ford? Draw nearer, my good man. For you have suffered more than man should bear, You had your hell on earth; fear nothing here. Come sit thee here upon my right most hand. 86 Ask Your father MIDVALE, MAGNA AND LARK how he could get along without a ’phone, typewriter and other modern 'conveniences in his office, and then ask him how he expects your mother to do without modern con- veniences in the kitchen - • An P. C. RASMUSStN SONS Electric Range A Complete Line of Then tell your mother to call at our store and let us demonstrate an electric range to her. Meats and Groceries We will show her how she can save her health, as well as time and money and at. the same time get better results by cooking electrically Utah Power X light Co. Q j tlity and Service our Specialty Efficient Public Service PHONE MID. 252 Edwin: Who is your favorite author? Ivan: My father. Edwin : What did he ever write ? Ivan: Checks. FOR GRADUATION GIFTS y COME TO JENSENS We Save You money “The GIFT Store” for the GIRL Graduate f 'I 1 1 Wrist Watches Cameo Brooches “ Rings “ Lavalliers Diamond Lavalliers Earrings Vanity Cases For ihe BOY Graduate t_9_♦_ — rT i Thin Model Watches Chains and Fobs Gold Knives Signet or set rings Link Buttons for Soft or Stiff Cuffs Scarf Pins, Etc. Diamond Engagement Rings our Specialty Watch and Jewelry Repairing 87 (Mrs. Clayton’s voice, outside.) Mrs. C.: May I come in? Satan: Whose voice is that I hear? 1st Imp: Tis Mrs. Clayton, mother of good cheer. Mrs. Clayton : You see 1 did not have to come down here, But then 1 thought that you might lonely he, And 1 might cheer you up a little bit, For listen; this is my philosophy. (Sings.) Oh I’m always merry; I’m never gloomy, No matter what the weather, And 1 have to laugh at this good old world, Why I can’t keep my lips together. Second Verse. Oh the rain will fall and the sun will shine, hor we must have all kinds of weather; But it ain’t so bad, you’ll soon find out If you average ’em up together. Third Verse. Oh Im going out in this good old world And I’m going to win my feather— When I’ll get me a house and a little man And we’ll settle down together. Satan: You’re welcome, but your cheer must fall, For cheer is not for Hades gen’rally? (Bell rings twice in rapid succession and Mr. Hamilton slides in followed by Mr. Thatcher.) Satan: What’s this? Behold, it’s raining teachers now, Don’t crowd, kind sirs, there’s room enough for all. (Hamilton looks around) Hamilton: How lovely ’tis in heaven, peaceful, calm, I now am really happy that I died. What sweet repose, existence more than bliss To spend my days among this blessed host; I dared not hope that I would come to heaven. Satan: Why what is that? This is not heaven, you dunce. Hamilton: Not heaven? Then what? 1 pray you, where am I? 1st Imp (Whispering): He was in life the coach at Jordan High. 2nd Imp: He also was, my sire, a married man. Satan: Then that explains his humorous mistake; As coach he must have lived a checkered life, When his team won they called him prince of men But when it lost they called him king of boobs. He had not the support that he deserved, Then let him have a place of honor too. 88 NOW is a good time to enroll for our Summer course. New students may enter at any time Our school is in session all the year. Positiosn guaranteed to all graduates. CALL, WRITE or PHONE for full informa- tion. - - HENAGERS BUSINESS COLLEGE 49 So. Main St. Salt Lake City Elg. Morris: How can 1 disguise myself so I won’t have to pay my student body fees? Coach: That’s easy; get a shave. The Only Store In Utah Specializing on WOOL SUITS FOR MEN Greatest Value. In America No More No Let. WONDER CLOTHES SHOP I I I South Main St. Wm. I. Bateman Son Hay, Grain, Flour and Feed Of All Kinds DEALERS IN COAL PHONE MIDVALE 232 SANDY, UTAH SERVICE FIRST 89 (To Mr. Thatcher): Now, sir, what do you want? And who are you ? Thatcher: I, sir, taught wood work at Jordan High. 1st Imp : He ever was a loyal, helpful guy ; To student dances and to High School shows He always lent a willing ready hand To build and mend, get ready and prepare, He really was the High School classes’ friend. Satan: We’ll keep him here to build and fix and mend. (Thatcher retires to hack ground.) (M iss Christensen is heard outside.) Miss C.: Sisters, defend your rights; surround the flag. 1st Imp: Have we a woman’s suffrage meeting here? Miss C.: My sisters all, emancipation’s near. Will you downtrodden be and bend your heads To man’s dominion, in servility? Satan: Now, woman, fie for shame. Why all this now? Why thou should’st hide thy face in humbleness, To waste thy talents thus is thy disgrace. With all thy art of cooking thou could’st make Some happy man a more than useful wife; And make his life a perfect round of bliss. Man’s joy upon his stomach e’er depends. Miss C.: Your majesty, I tried my humble best, 1 tried with will and art to bag my game Each day in cafeteria be it known, I freely handed spoons to all the boys, And did 1 not, sir, drive a Kissel car? At last I grew disgusted with the men. They sometimes left the napkins on the trays. And on the tables oft they spilled the salt. Satan : Then thou must run our cafeteria here, We always leave our napkins on the trays, And always on the tables spill the salt. Miss C.: Oh, wee is me, alas such misery! (She is led away.) (Mr. Brammer s’ides in unannounced.) Mr. B.: My wife said if you do not treat me right To go straight way and tell the principal. Satan: What, Brammer, hast still that upon thy tongue ? Here, lock him up in furnace number five. Mr. B.: My wife would never let me in the heat. You’d better see if ’tis all right with her. (They drag him back stage.) (Mr. Hansen, off stage yells): My, this is hot. To ---------------------- Fine Athletic Goods m ' ( Sail Lake y. WESTERN ARMS - ICE CREAM -SHER ET SPORTING GOODS CO. PUNCH AND CANDY We announce the opening of a Ladies Outing Clothing BEST BY TEST Department Clothing for every outing or VIaSIT OUR RETAIL aSToREaS Athletic need 260 STATE ST. 55 MAIN ST 1 15 So.Main St. PHONE WA.S. 3223-4-5 The Sandy City Star advertises a cow for sale as follows : “For sale—A full-blooded cow, giving- milk, also three tons of hay, a wheelbarrow, a grindstone, two stoves, a scythe, and a Demo- crat wagon. Call Midvale 126R2.” MONEY TALKS We buy for Cash; we sell for Cash. We buy for 175 stores, con- sequently we can sell for less. Cash Prices Low Prices One Price To All Farr and Square Treatment to Everyone has caused the Golden Rule to grow from one store established fifteen years ago-to 175 stores today. We are always the last to advance th : pdees and always sell for less. Our string of buyers are in the market all the time buying for spat cash and see the goods they buy. We carry a complete Line of DRY GOODS Ladies’ and Gent’s Ready-to-Wear NOTIONS And make a Specialty of Good Shoes for Less Money rT,l i 1 1 T 1 n, 175 BusyStores I he Golden Rule otore v ie, utah 91 Satan: Ha! Ha! Who have we there? (Hansen shooting in). Hansen: Yes, you can laugh for you have lots of hair, But listen, sir, when 1 remove my hat, I’m half undressed, and bared unto the heat. Satan: I need not ask thy name, I know it well. Hanson, we’ve waited long to greet you here, Thy sins are great; thy punishment shall be. Mr. Hansen: Whate’er my sins I penance did in life, Enough to wipe the blackest sins away; 1 was a busy man, yet every day At morn and night I had a weary task, A greater task than that of ther men. For when at breakfast and at supper time 1 washed my face, I had to wash my head. There was no way to tell where one began Or t’other ended, so 1 paid the price. Satan : That will not help you here, you cast your hair, In counting money, tainted nd ill got, Wrenched in pennies from poor students’ hands. (To Imp) : But say, speak forth, what is his chief offense? 1st Imp: I have him booked, sir, as a bootlegger. Accused, my lord, of running a blind pig. Mr. Hansen: It is not true; I swear it is not true! Satan: How’s this? Step forth, my Imp, and give thy proof. 1st Imp: ’Tis as I said, he ever broke the law, In prohibition district he sold gum And therefore tempted students pure, to sin. Satan: Away with him! He hangs his head in shame. (The Imps take him back stage.) (Mr. Johnson hammers on the gates outside and shouts in an- guish.) Mr. Johnson: Pray, open thy gates, have pity, let me in, From worse than Hades, prithee, rescue me. (More hammering.) They closer come, alas in wild pursuit, Please open quick these great protecting gates. Satan: Well, this is strange; I never heard before, Of spirit seeking for protection here. (Shouting off stage) Quick, open the gates, thou slave, and send him in. (Mr. Johnson slides in. He has a hunted look and glances over his shoulder.) Satan: Mow why this foarT Explain thyself, young man, Let’s hear; who is it that pursues you so? Mr. Johnson : Miss Thurman and Miss Horst. Noble sir, 'Twas so in life; where ’er I chanced to be, 92 S’alt IGake Engraving (Ho. 145 MAIN ST, MAIN 590 SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH Mr. Brammer, upon arriving in America, was asked his name at Ellis Island. He gave it. “Speak louder,” said the officer. He repeated it: “Why man, your voice is as soft as a woman’s.” “Well,” said Brammer, “that might be, my mother was a woman.” UTAH IMPLEMENT All the High-Priced Styles are To Be Had In VEHICLE CO. REGENT ;§§ SUITS for MEN Where the Goods are Good Goods AND YOUNG MEN We Want Your Business !5C0 Snappy t A f From Factory New Styles .'L 1 To You AUOne Price sj 1 Lf No Middleman’s The year around Profit 135 80. STATE ST. 137 Main St. Opposite Kearns Bldg. 93 I was not safe ; they always followed me. They quarrelled about me, tagged me everywhere, At last. 1 longed for death to set me free. I died; but not in peace for each was there To claim the kiss 1 had derived in life. Freely my soul ascended through the air. Alone at last, and bathed in heavenly calm, I had not gone ten leagues above the earth And still could see Mt. Jordan’s snowy top, When looking down.-my blood with horror froze 1 saw two spirits rising on the breeze. It was Miss Thurman and Sweet Gretchen, They gained on me and when 1 came to heaven, They were so close behind I dared not stop. So down I swooped: they saw and followed me. (Some one hammers on the gate.) Mr. Johnson: Oh save me, sir, they hammer on your gate. Satan : We’ll let them in; we’ll listen to their plea. (They come in, Johnson retreats to other side of stage. They see him.) Miss Thurman: 1 tell you he is mine; 1 love him most. Miss H.: Flow will you prove it; he is mine, I say. (To Johnson) : Come thou with me, I love you most of all. Miss Thurman: Nay conic with me, and be my husband, king. Mr. Johnson: Lock me up, burn me, throw me in the fire—(to Satan)-—Hell hath no horrors like a woman’s love. Miss H.: He’s mine. M iss Thurman : Nay mine. MissH.: He’s not. Miss Thurman : He is, 1 say. (They fight pulling hair; Imps separate them.) Satan : Here, separate them; take them both away— Your punishment shall be to stay down here And gaze for aye on him you cannot have. (From the top of the stage are heard the strains of a song. Some one is singing “There is sweet rest in heaven.” Then Mr. Madsen’s voice is heard shouting.) I say, it must be deuced hot down there: at least it looks so from the golden stairs. Satan: Who are you, sir; that dare intrude this way? Mr. M.: Why can’t you see, I’m wise old Madsen? Right now I’m sitting on the golden stairs, A crown upon my head and in my hand My Baton, for I’m to lead the heavenly band. I mean to put the harp quite out of use, I like it here, a little change or two | TRY OUR LOCAL DUTCH I | SOMETHING NEW 40c, 75c, $!.00, the Box | IN CHORUS. Mr. Johnson: When Mr. Madsen comes in here this period I want you all to help him out. A. O. McMULLIN. PRES RAYMOND SPENCER. SECY. ALMA HOGENSEN. V-PRES. E. L. BURGON. BUSINESS MGR. g alt Eakr Farmers Equity fflmnpauy Jinr. ;; THE ONLY BUSINESS HOUSE IN SALT LAKE COUNTY OPERATED FOR THE FARMERS BENEFIT :: SEE US FOR FENCE MATERIAL % I plan to make in heaven before I’m through, I he golden streets are broad; they hurt my feet ! m going to get a Ford to save my soles— And elevator I shall soon install I to grow ing much too fat to climb the stairs. (Imp who has slipped off stage enters hastily.) 1st Ini]): M lord, there doth approach a mighty man ith frosted locks and face of iron strength— I would not face him, not for treasures rare Nay nor defy him, for a cake of ice. 1 think, sir. we had better shut the gates. Satan: Nay, let him come; I fear not anv one. 1st Imp: But this, oh sire, is Principal Peterson. Dutton: I his will be good, I oft have longed to see A scrap between these two; I’m glad I came. Walker: A ringside seat at what will prove to be The great sensation of eternity. Mr. Johnson: I am not a better man but on the level I 11 bet on Peterson against the devil. Mr. Jorgensen (to Satan): May I suggest, you’d better move your throne. You might hit a sharp corner when you fall. Principal: Here stand asid I say - nd let me in: He slides in but lights on his feet and immediately assumes a heroic position.) Satan: Now. sir. beware! Mr. Peterson: Aha! so this is he. I’ve always longed to get a chance at you. And now, I warn you, you had best beware; There won’t be any devil w'hen I’m through. Satan: You, sir! (Loudly and defiantly.) Mr. Peterson: Take care, your power is ended c|uite. You’ve done the last harm you will ever do. (lie approaches Sa- tan menacingly. Satan, entirely frightened, falls on his knees.) Satan: Ah. pity sir, I prithee pity me. You always claimed to love democracy. Mr. Peterson: No pity do I show to such as you— I’ll roast you, sir, upon your hottest fire. (Satan resists slightly but Mr. P. grabs him by the collar and drags him off.) Mr. Dutton: Well, this is good. Walker: Oh, well, I told you so. (Mr. Peterson enters again and speaks to Imps, who have THE UTAH AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE LOGAN, UTAH Offers to Graduates of High Schools Liberal Training in all Branches of Agriculture Home Economics Agricultural Engineering and Mechanic Arts General Science Commerce Here is your opportunity to affiliate yourself with the big live educa- tional movement of the century Write the President for Further Information. THE— ECONOMY —STORE wvwww%vww wvwv v Dry Goods Groceries B o ots Shoes W%VW%WVWVWVVW V%Wl Prices Always Never Right Undersold George Whitman: Mr. Madsen, do you think I will ever be able to do anything with my voice? Mr. Madsen : Well, it might come in handy in case of fire or ship- wreck. crowded behind throne.) Mr. Peterson: You Imps, come here. I guess you’re free, With such a leader what else could you be ? I will not punish but I’ll educate. Right here we’ll start a school. Now let me see. I think we have a good full faculty. (Mr. Jorgensen comes forward and takes out roll book. Imps line up in row.) Mr. J.: Impone? 1st Imp: Prepared. Mr. J.: Imp two? 2nd Imp: Prepared. 3rd Imp: Prepared. 98 WHY. Pupils sleep, Teachers blue. Answers minus, Scholars, too. Frowning faces— Scowls are more ; PRETTY GREEN. A little green Freshie in a green way Some chemicals mixed, just for fun one day, And the little green grasses, tenderly wave O’er the little green Freshie’s little green grave. While Miss Bowen was in New York City last winter she decided to learn some of the new dances so she went to one of the leading dancing academies. The instructor was helping her when suddenly she slipped and fell down. Four men rushed to her assistance and, as they were manfully endeavoring to assist her to her feet, she said, “Oh, do hurry, this floor is so lumpy.” “I’m not a lump,” came a voice from below. “I’m the instructor.” IDA BROWN’S SOLILOQUY. 1 think of you, Bill, When 1 am sad. And 1 long to hear, your-voice, So to please me, Bill, just stay around And help me to rejoice ; You see the times I want you near Are just the times when you’re not here. ANTOMINA IN D. S. CLASS, TASTING CAKE FROSTING. “Oh, this tastes jiist like the kind of kisses I like so well.” SPEAKING OF WISDOM. To jump into a bramble May not be very wise, But what of men who haven’t push Enough to advertise? A watch may have no gender, But you really can’t efface The fact that, nearly always. There’s a woman in the case. Mr. Jorgenson dreamed one night that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter took him around to inspect the choir. On being told that he could arrange the singers according to his own taste he said: “1 shall need twenty thousand more altos, twenty thousand more sopranoes, and ten thousand more tenors.” St. Peter: “But what are you going to do for bass?” Mr. Jorgenson: “Oh! I can sing bass.” Questions hard ones, Flunks galore. Pencils bitten. Smiles laid by. Vacation coming— That is why. IPO