John Marshall Law School - Abstract Yearbook (Chicago, IL)

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brothers nder the Skin By HENRY XERXES DIETCH Riding down on the street car last evening, I met my old and very good friend, Percival Le Roy Fair- fax, K.C., Q.B., F.R.S.C.X., (ed. note: Hobo Col- lege ), but a most amiable soul for all that. After the usual felicitations, I invited Fairfax to have dinner with me, and he very graciously accepted. We cho.se LePetit Gourmet, for we had heard that one did not have to wash as many dishes per meal there as at other places less distinguished (the slave drivers), when one could not meet such a trifling mat- ter as a restaurant bill. Dogs, yea, sons of dogs, must these people be, who disturb the equanimity of true artists in the pursuit of gastronomical pleasures! I am always amazed by the breadth and profundity of Fairfa.x ' s store of worldly knowledge . . . but to- r.ight he was superb. In fine fettle, he had coursed up and down the land and around the world We were technically still guests and enjoying the fruits of our position. The head-waiter hovered solicitously over us, for he recognized in Fairfax that rare creature, a true epicurean gourmet. Gourmets there are in plenty, but in my life I have met only one genius and two epicurean gourmets. Fairfax is one, and the head-waiter watched rapturously. My friend and I sat toying with our after dinner liqueurs; we had already covered many topics of con- versation. We came by slow stages to the evils beset- ting this great country of ours. Fairfax waxed lo- quacious. He became oratorical. He waved his hands and gesticulated. You Americans, declaimed Fairfax, are you men, or are you mice? The situation is becoming fraught with danger but no one man is brave or hardy enough to face the facts. You slink about in won- derment and in excitable embarrassment. You pay and you pay, and yet your consciences dog your paths, and interfere with your souls. My dear fel- low, I tell you the situation is shaking the very foun- dations upon which the nation is built, the very hull upon which the Ship of State is reared, and the very backbone of every man, woman and child from the rockbound coast of Maine to the glorious, exhilarating, sunny shores of California. (Florida papers please copy.) Yes, my dear Fairfax 1 answered, but is there no hope for the doomed, no ray of light in this sea of hopelessness? I shudder to think of the conse- quences of such an earth-shaking problem. Be calm and take hope then. Fairfax paused to light a Corona Y Corona, furnished by the manage- ment, as I mentally inscribed the mounting costs of the sumptuous banquet. The tipping evil, he in- toned judiciously, can and will be solved, for it is not a problem which is inherent in the waiter aspect of the restaurant business. You have already stayed my beating heart, you have filled me with new life. I am rejuvenated, I cried. But exactly how are you going to go about it? What precedents, what examples are there to fol- low? Fairfax smiled wanly. As a barrister, I should not say it, for it is heresy. But precedent be damned. However, il you want precedent, I shall oblige, and what is more, I shall give you as precedent the culmination of civilized life, if you like civilization, — the legal profession. I stared, wondering what lawyers had to do with the tipping evil, except as grist for the tipping- mill. The table was being cleared just then, so I sat back and meditated. It was getting late and the head-waiter had departed. At least he would not see us do kitchen duty. At the first opportunity, when the table had been cleared, and Fairfax had ordered cafe noir, I de- manded an explanation. What possible connection can there be between tipping waiters, and lawyers? I asked. A matter of history, calmly observed Fairfax. You are brothers under the skin. It was this way, my dear fellow. Back in Merrie Olde England, law- yers started out on a tipping basis. You might even call it a tipster basis, if you wish. Anyway, the law- yers lived from hand to mouth on the bounty of their clients, as public policy forbade the lawyer charg- ing or even expecting payment in his legal capacity. What they did was to put the heat on their clients by walking around with little notices on their backs to the effect — T.I. P. — To Insure Progress , drop some of that filthy lucre in the box, in effect. And how they responded ! Really, I think they let the client worry about such paltry details. For psychol- ogically, who is the one who breaks out in a cold sweat, the tipper or the tippee? The tipper, of course. But time corroded the public policy of the day and the lawyer fell on lean years of fees, retainers, per- quisites, and contingent bases. And that is why, Mr. Restaurant Keeper, here Fairfax turned to the proprietor of Le Petit Gourmet, who had crept up on us, becoming anxious to hear the jingle of the coin of the realm, we must forbear payment until our circumstances permit it. As we were dragged off to the kitchen to the moun- tains of dishes there awaiting us, still buoyed up by the repast, Fairfax philosophically surveyed the scene, and in a sentence that will rank in the front lines of the world ' s wisest words, remarked, Yes, there is not much difference for some, from waiter to lawyer. I wondered — and then I understood. Page Ninety-two

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- ' . ■ ■ l gfflssyf - ■ Curly and Broadway Bil Double-Dealin) The Landlord Brother Joy Louder, Tiger, Louder!

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Substantiue acts of une, 2957 Walter S. Rady The race between Clyde Hdmiltun and R. N. Sappenfield, both staunch advocates of Thomas, Ltd. was won by Hamilton — Sappenfield was second by a hair. John Omaha Wright, our class sponsor, will be altar-bound next Fall. When lookiny; at Jim Egan one thinks of that song called Was Your Mother Born In Ireland. Best wishes to Albert Wendt who was forced to drop out of school because of ill health. Will be back next year. Take it Irom me, I have it frimi good author- ity, that Bernard Hummel has a mustache and it is not an advertisement for a baby ' s tooth brush. Then again wc have Herb (Rip Van Win- kle) Frehling who awoke only to find that three years had passed and that he h.id gradu- ated with honors. Just picture David Mittlcman and John Rie- bly speaking in front of the legislature on The Law Just Doesn ' t Seem Right or Fair. Robert Horner is really not all legs — above his neck is his head. Jesse Wagner, our President, says that the class has decreased from one hundred and fifty - eight to seventy-five, but what a disappoint ' ment to Noble Lee — not one casualty. Ralph Patterson is a law clerk in Charles Center Case ' s office. Judging from how tired he is when he comes to school, his slogan should be Action on the Case. Martin Hausman is handball champion of the school. Then we have Cyril who says that the in- structors mark his exams according to his last name — you know. Wrong Marshki. Harry Dimples Kaplan is much older than he looks. Do you think J.ick Kaufman ' s voice will change? Miss King is the tops in both personality and grades. Hugh Cannon is a clerk in the Circuit Court and is very active in Democratic circles. Jules R. Green is a former University of Illi- nois 1, ' i-lb. boxing champ. R. E. Wright figures that he has traveled practically one-half the distance around the world in his last three years — between his home and school. He lives in Manteno, Illi- nois. Leon Sider who looks like a South American gaucho, has a pair of hands that rival Primo Camera ' s. He wears a size 12 glove. The reason P. G. Schultg sits near the wall IS that he likes to rest his head against it. Probably thinks it ' s softwood. Elliot Grafman should be called Cinder — eventually he is going to be in the public eye. Sylvester Shepard was Golden Gloves Champion of Iowa in the Lightweight Division. Page Ninety-three