John Marshall Law School - Abstract Yearbook (Chicago, IL)

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HUMOR Office Manager: Before we can engage you, you will have to take an intelligence test. Girl Applicant: Intelligence test? Why, the ad said you want- ed a stenographer. Rastus was before the judge, charged with stealing chickens. Judge: Well are you guilty, or not guilty? Rastus: I ' se not guilty and Ah waives a hearin . Judge: What do you mean, you waive the hearing? Rastus: I don ' t want to hear nothin mo ' about it. Foresighted Witness Counsel: (cross-examining wit- ness) You stated that you were standing nearby when the shot was fired. Now, jurt how near were you? Witness: Twenty-four feet and seven inches. Counsel: Ah, how do you know exactly to the inch ? Witness: Well, I thought some smart lawyer might ask me, and I got a foot rule and measured it. My ancestors came over in the Mayflower, Lucky for you they did. The immigration laws are stricter now. Last Known Address Sheriff (to deputy): If yuu can- not serve Jones personally, you simply mail the summons to him at his last known address. Deputy: That ' s what I did. I mailed it to him in care of the ce- metery where he was buried last week. Prof. Harbert: Give an example of an Estate on Special Limitation. Berdine (Feb., ' 39): To A, as long as he shall be a student in the John Marshall Law School. Spencer (Feb., ' 39): Sounds like a Life Estate to me. BELIEVE IT OR NOT (EXCERPTS FROM EX.AMS) ' Cooling time ' is the period which elapses between the time A calls B a liar, and the time B hits A. At common law, a husband and wife were one and the same per- son. But this has been remedied by statute. • A defendant may be held by an indictment or an information. He may be held without either un- til Habeas Corpus proceedings are brought against the prosecutor. Question — Define embezzle- ment. Answer — Embezzlement is the appropriation by one to his own use of property of his employer which he was employed to appro- priate. Examiner ' s note — Are you try- ing to define embezzlement or to describe a political office holder? ' ' A criminal attempt is an illegal crime. • And it ' s a good reason — Personal actions die with the person. Plaintiff recovers nothing because he is dead. Question — In homicide cases, what is meant by ' cooling time ' .- ' Mr. A ' s answer — It is when a man who is laboring under a strong passion or emotion takes time out to decide what to do. Mr. B ' s answer — It is the time between the ending of one heat and the beginning of another. Question — In libel or slander, is the truth a defense? Answer No. 1 — Not at all, un- less coupled with a beneficial in- terest and good faith. Answer No. 2 — .At common law, the greater the truth, the greater the liability. .Answer No. 3 — In Illinois, ma- lice in the truth is no defense. .■Xnswer No. 4 — No defense — the greater the truth the bigger the lie. A traffic officer whose red lights were not functioning held up his hand for motorists to halt. One la- dy driver disregarded his signal and went through. The officer chased and stopped her. Don ' t you know. he growled, what I mean when I hold up my hand? I ought to. was the devastat- ing retort, I ' ve been a school teacher for nearly twenty years. His Benefactor Doctor, said Abie, I want to thank you for your great patent medicine. It helped you, did it? asked the doctor, rubbing his hands with satisfaction. It helped me wonderfully. How many bottles did you find it necessary to take? Oh, I didn ' t take any of it. My uncle took one bottle, and I am his sole heir. Patient (recovering from opera- tion): Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor? Doc: Well, there ' s a fire across the alley, and I didn ' t want you to wake up and think the operation had been a failure. Why Satan Laffed It seems the gate broke down between Heaven and Hell. St. Pe- ter appeared at the broken part of the gate and called out to the de- vil, Hey, Satan. It ' s your chance to hx It this time. Sorry, replied the boss of the land, beyond the Styx. My men are too busy to worry about fixing a mere gate. Well then, scowled St. Peter, I ' ll have to sue you for breaking our agreement. Oh, yeah, yeah ' d the devil, where are you going to get a lawyer? Page Ninety-seven

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£ast ill and Testament (Or Strange Interlude in the SubConscious Mind of a Senior Class). We, the Senior Class of this the most Honor- able John Marshall Law School being of sound mind and disposing memory (Conclusive pre- sumption, having passed 111. Govt, and the like), and realizing the uncertainty of this frail and transitory existence (and of ever getting out of this hole!) and desiring to make disposition of our worldly possessions (after paying tui- tion?) do make, ordain, publish, and declare (Whew!) this to be our last will and testament (Mr. Hayes, what have we omitted?). 1. We hereby direct that Ed Lee, Jr., as administrator of our estate tear up, destroy, convert and dissolve all our just (?) debts and pay our funeral bills as soon as possible after our decease (who wouldn ' t pass out, when he gets a diploma from this place) . 2. We hereby give, devise and bequeath: to the lucky hombres who will get corralled into Wilkie C. (for cowboy) Ham ' s evidence courses: 1 pair of hip hoots; 2 six shooters; one plug of tobaccy and a Yippee-e- . 3. To the unsuspecting wretches who re- main alive after Illinois Government : a Palm Beach suit and a fan. 4. To the future class in real property: the most damnable conglomeration of mental cal- isthenics and ballistic tests that any bunch of stooges ever used a pony on. f. To the poor prisoners who are in line for the loving and caressing Max Liss and his delightful Landlord and Tenant: Fifty (fO) pages a Night! (Your Own briefs!) 6. To the undeserving parasites who will be privileged to sit in on Reuben (What a Lover) Freedman ' s nightly shows: 1,000 laughs and a new appreciation of humor. 7. To the Common Law Pleaders: a Latin dictionary and two aspirin tablets. 8. To the Cocky young brutes who will swagger into future interests secure in the knowledge that they are nearing the big day: a copy of Laugh, Clown, Laugh , a good job in South America and plenty of firewater to help them forget. We give, devise and bequeath to all those pink cheeked illusioned young things known as Freshmen: All the rest, residue, and remain- der of our estate namely, four years of Pur- gatory (some dare to call it lower) which strangely enough they will regret leaving after all the burning and roasting are over. Witness whereof our hand and seal on this graduation day, in the year of Our Lord, Nineteen Hundred Thirty-seven, A. D. THE SENIOR CLASS Page Ninety-six

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OUR FACULTY By I. S. H. Axelrod, Hutchins and Shults. Tho ' youthful, pretend they ' re adults. But the students all know They ' ve a long way to go Axelrod, Hutchins and Shults. Vv ' ilson and Resa and Case. W ' hat a terrible trio to face! All the F ' s and the P ' s And the C ' s and the D s Come from Wilson and Rca and Case. Anderson Dahlin and Hayes, Ah, those dreary monotonous days That we spent in your classes, Seemed slow as molasses, Anderson, Dahlin and Hayes. Freedman, Matheny and Rush. Tell jokes that make the girls blush. Incredible Nay. You should hear what they say! Freedman, Matheny and Rush. Milne and Crcssey and Liss, Their exams are too easy to miss. So whatever you say. Will get the O. K. Of Milne and Cressey and Liss. Harbert and Heth and Von Hoist Pedantic, scholastic — almost. They drone and they groan At the heads carved of bone, Harbert and Heth and Von Hoist. Stcbhins and Yarros and Ham Most of us don ' t give a damn For the courses you teach. Or the way that you preach, Stebbins and Yarros and Ham. Edmunds and Grossman and Wright, Come to their classes each night With their heads in the clouds, When they should be in shrouds. Edmunds and Grossman and Wright. The Dean ' s paradoxical son Noble — the name ' s just a pun. In Damages muddles. Then laughs at our troubles. The slave-driving son-of-a-gun. Page Ninety-eight