John Adams High School - Clipper Yearbook (Ozone Park, NY)

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THE JUNK Page Two CLASS ORATOR TALKING MORE Miss Patricia Cam- dem has lived up to the title of Class Orator, which was be- stowed upon her in her senior term of high school. She has re- markable ability for talking herself into things and out of things. She recently became employed as a saleslady at Halpern 8: Family, Antiques 8: Pinochle Dealers, a large concern just off Fifth Avenue. Her first endeavor resulted in the sale of two hundred antedeluvian lamps to the Institute of Ultra- Modern Design. Miss Camden lewft her form- er job because she claimed that it was im- possible to learn a living wage. She work- ed on a commission basis in a nun's haber- dashery store which catered to wome-n only. .-so-. B3JSIlflll Adams Folk Find Good Anticlote Once upon a time Muriel and John Pirkl had a sedate greenish- blue with reddish tints complexion when some- one gazed in their di- rection. But now . . . with the amazing new discovery of Dr. Cure Nothing's new drug, everything is different. A much more flattering shade of red-violet cov- ers their upper epider- mis. There is but one thing to be perfected. They are so bashful that they have chosen to live high up in the Empire State Building. As everyone lcndws, there is usually a fog surrounding the 80th story. No one can see their coloring anyway. 27 Uh, Beachcomber Fred Zinna and Janet Wesley are working to- gether during the sum- mer on the beach at Coney Island. Their job is to deposit waste paper and junk into a receptacle. A sign has been posted there ad- vertising their work. It states, Business i s Picking Up. Senior Class Pet Now is All Wet If you happened to p a s s Joe Klofsky's Hardware Store and peeked in the broken glass windows you would have seen Vir- ginia Galvin still carry- ing on her traditon of class pet. For she spent most of her days helping her boss to sort the nuts from the bolts. But last week she was fired. When asked the reason for her employer's rash action she replied, I was sorting out my nuts and bolts one day when he asked me what I thought of him, but at the time I was so engrossed with my work I misunderstood him, and answered . . . your nuts? Thais A Yoke Mr. De Falco is now publishing a hook with the help of Miss Helen Peterson, also chosen as wittiest of the Class of '46. They claim the title is Son, That's a Yoke, to be, That's a Yoke or If You D0n't Get It now, You Never Will. . Certain Sad Sack Says Sharps Return Standing on Rock- away Blvd. these days is Richard Metscher who was voted best dressed Senior twenty 'years ago. He is still in the latest trends with purple plaid trou- sers, tan loafe-rs fboth heeless and toelessl a green sweater with yel- low patches at the el- bows and a red tie. When asked what he was doing at present, he replied: I'm writing a fash- ion calumn for men entitled Hsad Sacks. Any complaints, any desires to sue, any anythings should' be given to the following people who will glady burn them at their most convenient opportunity: Mildred Holt, chairman, Aaron Adler, Gloria Beck, Margaret Francis, Dorothy Greenwalt, Helen Schlereth, Dolores Smith, Rosalie Sherman, .loan Steers, Sam Vizza, Ruth Weinberger, Janet Wesley, Virginia Yarkin and any disappointments in the layout and rhyming headlines should be given over to Pat Brown, who will give them over to Dave Goodman, who will give them over to the waste basket. BILL WHITELY ACTS NIGHTLY Flashlll . . . Broad- way has discovered a ushinning new star, namely our own Wil- liam Whitely, who 20 years ago was chosen the best actor in Adam's class of .Iune '46. He can now be seen in the play, My Mother's Father. Since this part calls for a strong loud voice, Bill was chosen. As the curtain rises everyone is on stage, that is all but Bill. Perhaps he's in the second act. But the second comes and goes and so does the third fthere's four in this playj . Finally at the end, from behind the scenes, comes a low voicing, gaining in momentum until it be- comes deep and thund- ering. At last Bill is about to speak. SHHH. let's listen.. Smoking downstairs or in the outer lobby please. i0T Alumni Wins Fame In Lecturing Game Mr. Joseph Rose- water, another illustri- ous member of the famous Class of '46, has indeed made a name for himself. He has indeed made a series of lectures at Columbus Circle. The soap box was helpfully contributed by the Doll Molleve Soap Com- pany, where he once worked as a bubble blower. Ed. note: Dis- cretion prevents us from printing the name he made for himself. Mary Nicoletti voted best dressed girl is now employed in a butcher shop where she dresses chickens. When ques- tioned as to how nice her work was, she an- swered Oh, it's all stuffing and nonsense.

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Weather Warm and r T e Junk if it don't ram. Motto: All the news that fits we print. EDITORS' ON THE ROCKS JUNE, 1966 Pick Book Worm For ,Ll-6 Term I was walking down the avenue the other day when I met Goo Goo Edleman the most studious gradu- ate of 1946. I must admit that he has changed though slight- ly. I-Ie greeted me with his favorite ex- pression Hi keedl After exchanging greet- ings, he told me that he loves pitcher books and craves jing C1966 brand of swingj and 'consistently haunts dance halls. He was speechless a good deal of the time and was forced to use sign language, due to his inadequate vocabulary. As he was talking, Dr. Jerome O'Neill joined our con- versation. Goo Edle- man said that he loves gay girls and bright lights. As he left me Ger- ald told me that his boss, Dr. Jerome O'Neill, is a lovely, lovey, man whom I clearly admire. Dr. O'Neill said in his resounding orator- ical style, Ditto. Mol Dignifiezl? Never More! The guest of the Ye Olde Adamsites Dance who went around open- ing his mouth to show his fellow alumnis his newest bridge and slapping everyone on the back was Joseph Rosewater, most digni- fied graduate of June 1946. His meanest of all tricks was trip- ping up Virginia Yark- in his sister graduate as she alighted down the stairway. The editors. reporters, publishers. printers. and distributors of this you guess what . do not request you to -read anything printed herein. You do so at your own risk and with detri- ment to your character. Cute Marilyn Brown Wins Beauty Crown Miss Marilyn Brown, who was voted the best looking girl in her graduating class, can currently be seen work- ing behind the counter of Epstein's Delicates- sen. Apparently her good looks were not marred in the past twenty years, for she was crowned Miss Bo- logna of 1966 at the recent Liverwurst Con- vention. Mr. Epstein is quoted as saying, Business has picked up since Miss Brown started working here. .-0, Says Being Lazyf' Simply Isn't Crazy Chosen as the Chief Sitters in the U. S. last week are Mildred O'Neill and Robert Downey. They have won this honor for the fourth year in a row. There has always been much wonder about the reason for their in- tensive laziness to win the title. Many believe it is to get revenge on the students of John Adams High School for selecting them the most active seniors in the school. Has Gone Insane Working For Crane Domenic Clemente, chosen as the noisiest of the Class of 46 has just found a job that satisfies himself and suits his personal- ity. He now works for the Crane, Crane, 8x Crane Corporation, operating a pneumatic drill. Your reporter discovered him, after locating the root of the tremendous noise, dig- ging up the corner of l01st St. and Rock- away Blvd. 10.1 You Hear Jazz At Club Alcatraz Kenneth Zapf and Mary Ann Sayers have been employed as a duet by the Club Alca- traz. They can be found there every Sat- urday night playing on their sweet potatoes. They have failed so miserably, that t h e management has threat- ened to make them eat their instruments i f they don't succeed. They were quoted as saying, Well, what's wrong with eating po- tatoes? VOTED QUIET, CAUSES RIOT Miss Margaret Fran- ces has turned her tal- ents toward a scientific job requiring t h e strength and stamina only to be gained by e a t i n g Wheaties fwhich she asserts she never touchesj. Miss Frances tests New Year's Eve noise- makers in a factory on Long Island. She has reported that things are running smoothly, and this year, we may ex- pect an unusually noisy crop of noisemakers. Mr. Michael Petrysyn, also voted the quietest of the class of '46, ob- tained the position of porter with the South- ern Pacific Railroad af- ter graduating. He has worked his way up to the position of train- man. The railway au- thorities claim he is very successful in such a difficult position. Mr. Petrysyn calls out the stops along the Ana- hiem, Mazooza, and Kookamongan route. io.. Ambitious? Why Shore! Patricia Camden and Robert Laube, the peo- ple who did most for Adams in 1946 were found running through the halls taking bulbs out of their sockets and eating them. When questioned as to the nature of their business, they replied, We've ate so much recently, that we're eat- ing light today. 26

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Page Three THE JUNK JOYCE BURTON NOT SO CERTAIN In a dark, dusty, musty, cellar some- where between Moe's Delicatessen and Jake's Bar and Grill, we Find Joyce Burton working endless in her labora- tory. It seems while in Adams she got the idea for runless stock- ings due to the many runs she received in the course of the day. She first tried coal, air, and water with little success. But she would not give up. Again she tried, this time adding a pinch of ce- ment. And so the years passed, each time a new experiment, and each time a failure- Finally, after 20 years of laborious work, she made a statement to the press, which I should like to quote, Wear bobby socks and your troubles will be over, unquote. mom Sensational Author Is 4'Our Eleanori' The new author who is soaring to fame is Eleanor Riebau, the lit- erary light of the June 1946 graduating class. Her first book was Esnepsus which in- deed was a thriller. Coming off the press is her newest best sel- ler Cso her agent c l a i rn sl Ulivloisciedn which can be bought with her autographed picture on the book jacket for 25 cents. As special offer she will deliver the book peronsonally to your home with a singing message for 30 cents. CORN BELT GETS CORNIER Flash . . . fjust re- ceived from the wires of the P. UJ Aaron Adler and Theresa Murphy, who were voted Corn Huskers of the Class of '46, are stagng a breathless race in the State of Illinois, heart of the corn belt. lt is a close contest, and the judges are still undecided. Altogether, they have husked 626,372,598 and 22f36ths corns, and are almost out of corn. They are broad- casting urgent appeals over a nationwide net- work for more corn to husk. lt is rumored that a relief ship from Europe is on the high seas now with 220,000 tons of unhusked corn. COPY DE SK SNIPS The U. N. O. which celebrates its twentieth year this year has an- nolnced its appoint- ment of Eleanore Don- ovan and Kenneth Nolan as the chief hand-shakers to the United Nations. Twenty years ago back in John Adams High School in 1946 they started shak- ing hands. So much so that they were chosen as the most genial seniors. Their love of people certain- ly pays off. Dancing Doherty Mary Doherty voted the best dancer in Adams way back in '46, now occupies most of her time dancing around her home and running after her four daughters, not to men- tion her six sons. At a class reunion the other night I asked her why she wasn't dancing and she replied, My feet are tired. Popular Pets A new record has been set by Ronalda Moore and Robert Downey. They have shaken the hand of 111,321,652 people. It all started twenty years ago back in John Adams High School when they were chosen the most popular se- niors. We will never let the world forget, is their cry. Mary Ann Wackenhut voted in June 1946 as the .female found day and night class artist, can be painting furniture in the store of Ker-O-Seen. There's only one thing wrong 'though, she doesn't lacquer her job. ln fact, she says shellac a different ORB. Murder . . . ? Richard Metscher and Katherine Van Arsdale have recently estab- lished a mortuary business which has b e e n flourishing. Bleached blondes have been dyeing all over the place. As a result of the increased busi- ness they have been handling, they have es- tablished a drum and bugle corpse. mom Working Wit Mr. Phillip De Falco has used his talents to further his career to staggering heights. He third assistant of sixty script- composing Bob program. is now to one writers Hope's RETURN OF KIN IS OUT TO WIN Running around the Adams campus these days is a young Fresh- man eager to join our athletic squads. Your reporter first spied him trying out for the Track team, but he was so pidgeon toed that he tripped over his own feet. Next he tried the Swimming team but when told to dive turned kind of yellow and wasn't seen for dust. Still undaunted getting his signals I spied our Freshman getting his signals mixed while attempting to offer his talents to the football team. He is now the official cap- tain of the Girls' Cheer- leaders. Exclusive: On sound authority it has come to this reporter that this freshman is none other than the third cousin of Harold Wis- chert voted the most outstanding boy athlete of the June 1946 grad- uating class. .mom Artist Doesn't Fail But Lands in Jail Mr. Fred Zinna, one of Greenwich Village's most temperamental artists, was recently seized by an arm of the law when he tried to improve upon the posters in the Second Avene EI. As a re- sult, he is now paint- ing murals on the walls of the State Haven for Anti-Social Char- acters. His keeper magle the following statement to the press: He has plenty of time to do a good job, and we have plenty of walls. 28