Joel Braverman High School - Summit Yearbook (Brooklyn, NY)

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Applied? lVlan, I LIVE in the BIVITI l'm not amused. lt seems to have been bashert that I meet you on this curb, lVlr. Wino. Let me teach you the Charleston, assign you a Senior Project, and astound you with my vast knowledge of obscure-mathematical-concepts-which-you-will-re- gard-as-trivial-until-your-third-year-of-college-when-you-will-again-encounter- them-Ithis-time-in-their-proper-context?-and-say-I-remember-Wally-said-some- thing-about-that. For instance, originally the square root of 3 was 1.2 15 in honor of the llllagna Carta. Then, in seventeen-eighty-something-or-other, they decided to change it to 1.732, in honor of George Washington. lt'll probably stay that way for another cen- tury or so. But there's talk now of changing the value of pi to 1.964 in honor of the Beatles. IYou realize, of course, what that would do to the shape of the circle as we know it today.l Are you bothered by that? uHuh?u 1 4 Good, You're already improving. Now, you put yourkleft foot overhere, and you kick twice with your right foot, then back like this. . .you're catching on fast lVlr. Wino. That's fun, he said breathlessly, stumbling into the gutter. Can you do this? Within five minutes, I had learned the iitterbug Cliflikol melamdai hiskaltiJ. And now, I sat down beside him on the curb, it's time to give you some written mat- erial. I just happen to have on me the Fibinacci Quarterly, CHOOSE YOUR SEX ETHIC by Rabbi Eugene Borowitz, THE ANNOTATED ALICE, THE AMERICAN WAY OF DEATH by Jessica Nlitford, and THE LONELY IVIAN OF FAITH. I can't read that, he interrupted. The Rav's language is too rich for me. lVlr. Wino, I remonstrated, the Wolowelsky Attitudinal Reform Program does not work alone. I'm not here to drill you. You'll have to do that on your own. I sat there grinning at him until he had finished reading. lt is now time to test the effectiveness of the WARP, l said. Here's a straw. Use it. He stared at the straw for a minute. Then, with trembling hands, he took it and trield unsuccessfully to get it into the mouth of the bottle. l can't do it! he cried in espair. This is a sight problem, lVlr. Wino, I said contemptuously. Now don't feel pressured, but I'm not going to stop grinning until you learn to use a straw. That was the incentive he needed. After 6.90063 minutes of fumbling, he succeeded in inserting the straw in the bottle, and grinned triumphantly back at me. As I walked away, I looked back, and saw him trying to slurp Teachers' Scotch through his straw, dance the Charleston, and balance CHOOSE YOUR SEX ETHIC on his head all at once. As I said, he was a clever wino. You may ask, how am l going to make the clever transition back to the original topic, Teachers' Scotch? Observe .... ROOF! Here I am! 77

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wearer' -Km . a , ' ,E i- Blur? , ' ,, , , KM .A , K I . ,gr ,,,.,,mWjA..,LrV:w . VK I . M--it -W, I , Teachers' Scotch By J .B.W. When I was first asked to write this advertisement, I was bothered, how could I, a mathematician, philosophy teacher, and relentless moral crusader, write an advertisement for liquor? But then I realized that if l didn't write it, someone with no concept of hisfher personal kidushah pro- bably would, and it was my moral obligation to prevent that. After all, be- ing stranded on a desert island with only half a trig table is better than be- ing stranded on a desert island with no trig table at all CAre you bothered by that analogy? So am l.l. Besides, I'm not being put in the Seniors' section, and they have to give me my gag, you know. It's a tradition. Several weeks ago, while on my way to judge a Ii'-eating contest, I encountered a wino who sat on the curb, guzzling Teachers' Scotch straight from the bottle. lVlr. Wino, I said, animals guzzle'Teachers Scotch straight from the bottle. lVlan uses a straw. You appear to be ethically bankrupt and low in spirit. He peered into the near-empty bottle. I don't know about ethics, he replied, but l sure am low on spirits. He was obviously a clever wino. You are obviously a clever wino, l said. Allow me to introduce my- self. I'm Joel B. Wolowelsky. You're putting me on! he began to chuckle. No I'm not! Come on.. .Whatls your real name? Joel B. Wolowelsky! I stood by, puzzled, as he howled with laughter. A crowd began to gather. It was time to call forth my Strategic lVlulti-Utility Grin Cproperly timed and directed, the S.lVl.U.G. can scare the pants off even the most obnoxious honor's class.l. ln what seemed like no time, but was actually 15 .762 . . .seconds, the crowd dispersed. . I now turned back to the wino. He was now backing off warily. , IVlr. Wino, I said, l assume you've applied to BMT? 76

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Flower Girl . Markovitch . Operator . . . Hotel Manager Peter Boroff The Doorman . The Waiters . 4 Bibinski . Ivanov .... Brankov . D. Steven Canfield Choreo ra her Commissar .A Veratffi. lst Reporter . . iRachel'Heisler . . Jeddy . .Nechama Maizes Wendie Barsk . . . . . . y .r . .Joseph Triebwasser . . . .Andy Poritz Michael Rosenberg . . .r.Harvey Wind . . Pudge Listhaus . . Joel Selter M. Berkowitz, Esq. ,Michael Schneck . Nathaniel Wagner .Maidelle Goodman .t .BassieyMaizes . A Adinah Gross Zend Reporter . Sherri Sohn Photographer . gjtg y . tit, Henry Anhalt Janice .D . D. . . . Barbara Storch Director ertgi . . teri i.A'l'lenl Parker Stages rrtg . rgrit David.Lerich ' rg y A Ari Goodman Aefstz-Dirirectorfi . fte A. ttft .Sfhalva Gaffney Napoleon, . itgrit . rg,rgrrt . Nachum, Hymowitz Sonia . .l G ris cha r .Helene Scholsinger Q u 0 Q A A A CREDITS Music 84 Lyrics .... Book ..... Director . . . Set Designer. . . Asst.Director . . Choreographer . . Pianist . . D. . . Production Manager . . Stage Manager . Backstage Crew . ' Scenery :sf 7 -,if, ' Program Cover r . . . i.Cole Porter George S. Kaufman Leveen Macgrath ' Abe Burrows . .Yitzchak Goren . . . Yitzchak Goren A. Milty Grunzweig Maidelle Goodman . Bonnie Aronovvitz .A . r. Harvey Wind . . David Lerich . . Bruce Bandler A +Arir-Goodman David Axelrod ' l Arnie Kanarek f. .f-RefneerSohn Milty Grunzweig Alice Handfinger Elise Daniels ft chael, Scshnetck , .... Jeddy . IArny Hendel