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Page 12 text:
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CLASS WILL We, the Jewell High School Senior Class of 1971, being of sound mind and body, or some reasonable facsimile, do hereby will and bequeath the following: I, Vicki Lynn Baker, do hereby bequeath to Susie Rinkes my half of Virginia's locker. To Tami Holmes I leave my ability to walk fifteen miles with my mouth shut and to Patsy Breshears my Mary Poppins T-shirt, which I never had, I, Buddy Ray Bowman, do hereby bequeath to Mr, Peterson two things---my hair and razor, I will my body to Mr, Peterson's biology class, for studies of prehistoric man, To Carl Norman I leave my ability to mow a lawn, May he use it in good health, I wish also to return to Steve Olstedt his tennis shoes. I, Donald George Enevoldsen, do hereby bequeath to Mr. Peterson my entire collection of disected toidleheads. To Alden Borders I leave my Try a Natural High button, in hopes that he can accomplish more with it than I have succeeded in doing, If nothing else, Alden, you can hang it on your biggie and glare at it, I, George Allen Foster, do hereby bequeath to Toby Norman, my ability to get stuck in any place possible and the spirit to walk o ut. To Duke Wilson, I will a superb Franklin baseball mitt, in hopes he'll have one next year, I, Dale Lee Goodman, do hereby bequeath to Alden Borders my ability to pick out good recipes in Home Ee, class, He really picked some baddies. To Duke Wilson, David Twombly, and Steve Olstedt, I leave any paper they haven't already taken, and to Tim Foster the ability to foul up the annual without even trying. I, Randy Lee Larson, do hereby bequeath to the Drivers! Ed, class, my ability to shake up the Drivers' Ed, teacher, and to Sam, the ability to call off school, I also leave my car to all misled Ford lovers. I, Gary Lee McGlothen, do hereby bequeath to Tim Foster my ability to miss Mondays. My locker and reversable I leave to Dave Samuelson, if he can get the door open, To Keith Borders, I will my ability to wield a mean ax and roll a mean tire, I, Herbert Dennis Olstedt, do hereby bequeath to next year's study hall the ability to make Mrs, Peterson and Miss Locke insanely jealous of Raquel Welch and Twiggy. I leave my blooper pitch to anyone who thinks they want it. My Pete Maravich socks I will to anyone who can catch them, I leave one big, bad green 1957 Plymouth with a big six to Brian Embury in hopes that he'll drive it off the Sport's Acres cliff, I, Donald Spencer Stauffer, do hereby bequeath to Dave Samuelson my ability to get technicals-- which he's already started to use. To Steve Olstedt I leave my shop ability, particularly varnishing, To Brian Baker I leave nothing. I just thought he's like to be mentioned, I, Virginia Twombly, do hereby bequeath to Sharon Morgan my paisley locker by the window. To David I leave my ability to shoot baskets from the girls locker room, My advice to next year's Senior Class on their skip day: If you go to Nicolai take plenty of food and good walking shoes, To the incoming Freshman Class the best of luck, We, the Class of 1971, do hereby make Sam an honorary class member for his ability to drive 190 mph through a herd of elk at the game refuge without hitting a single one, but bringing out enough turkeys for dinner for two weeks, To all underclassmen, Good Luck,
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Page 13 text:
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CLASS PROPHECY Who's this sneaking into the corner of my crystal ball? Why it's Vicki Baker in her purple 1963 Corvair. Would you believe that after 156 tries for her driver's license she still doesn't have it? She is trying to dodge the cops because she is wanted in 49 states and has a $5,000 bounty on her head. She always said that she liked excitement. Well, she has it now, because if she gets caught now she will either get the electric chair or the rope. Good luck, Vicki. Oil fields of Texas are now coming into view and Buddy Bowman, Standard Oil's No, 1 derrick climber, is high on a derrick. Buddy is now famous for doing the roll that he was noted for in high school from the top of an oil derrick. Decending at 132 feet per second, Buddy does three and one half rolls before he hits the ground 400 feet below. I see the noted Civil War authority, Donnie Enevoldsen, really hitting it big in the civil war business, After a year in Mr. Peterson's U, S. History class in high school, he was soundly convinced that the south should theoretically have won the Civil War. So now he's down in the deep south stirring up another Civil War, which he plans to direct himself. Because of his acute personal desire to reap the spoils of war, he is going to direct it in such a way that the south will not only win all the battles, but actually win the war. Now what's this huge object coming into view? Why, it's averyfat man, Well, of all people, it's that varsity eater of the Jewell Home Ec, Class, Dale Goodman, He now works in the circus and is known as The Fat Man, He weighs approximately 858 1 2 pounds. He is eating all he can, because when he was in high school, his Dad told him if he got up to 1,000 pounds he would buy him a Yamaha. Well, get going Dale, you only have 141 1 2 more pounds to go. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's look forward to one of the more productive members of the class of 1971, Allen Foster, He now runs a world famous business, known as Ace Foster Exterminators, Inc. He has a special thing for flies, and he is known to have killed five with one fling of the rubber band. This is the only method of extermination that he uses, He is known to his associates as King Killer. See, Allen, your seventh and eighth grade years weren't wasted. I see Randy Larson wearing a badge and carrying a pump 22. Why, he's the new sheriff of Jewell, Oregon, and is trying to get a reputation! Randy claims the state police will sink their teeth into any- thing he says. He has recently been investigating the barn burning within the city limits of Jewell, I see Randy staying up all night trying to catch the suspected arson, Unfortunately, while he stayed inside the Trail Tavern the arson struck again! Oh, well, tough luck, Randy. What's this I see? It looks like a very shiny ball. Now I recognize it, It's Gary McGlothen's head that some drunk shaved while he was in high school, I didn't think it would ever grow back. He is now living in Outer Mongolia and is in the process of being inagurated as the national bird, Well, I hope he likes his new national image. I see Herb Olstedt pitching the last place New York Yankees to an American League pennant with his famous blooper pitch. Somehow he managed to get by the American League hitters with it. I see the last game of the World Series between the Yankees and the Mets. The series is tied, three games apiece, It is the last of the ninth, the Yankees are leading 2-0. The Mets get the bases loaded and Rick Cropp comes to bat, On a two and two pitch, and Herb pitches the blooper-- Wow!! Cropp hits a long triple and the Mets win 3-2. Herb seems to have lost his blooper, but still he spends his time in the bull pen. He is employed by the Yankee Stadium maintance crew. His job is picking up papers and sometimes he even gets to sell popcorn, Now folks we look at the life of Donald Stauffer. Donald now lives in Hollywood, California, He is the manager and owner of Apollo the Wonder Dog, who is supposedly known to be 85 years old, Apollo and Donald have taken over the Lassie and Timmie series. They make regular trips to Mars to film the series on the old ranch. Donald has also taught this wonder dog to throw his hip out of joint any time he wants to, Another one of our graduates of the Class of 1971 is Virginia Twombly, who has been living as prom queen in Saudi Arabia with her fifteen husbands and thirty six children. Virginia has finally fulfilled her dream and gotten a triple king sized water bed.
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