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Page 16 text:
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The Jeffersonian Page 12 Monday, June 7, 1926 HAND BOOK A VISIT TO THE UNDER-WORLD WJmton Sanger I am dead. My spirit wrote this. In the year 1926 Hermes led me down the dark and perilous passage to the fields of asphodel where the tired and worn out spirits of men dwell. It is now 1980, exactly sixty-four years since I died. Since that time my class companions of the June Class of the year 1926 have been gradually joining me. I remember that in the “J6” English classes we studied Homer’s Odyssey. When my companions arrived in Pluto’s kingdom, they were somewhat surprised to learn that the spirit of Homer is as active here as he was on earth. We have a spirit lodge where we pass our weary time. It is called the Jefferson J6 Lodge of the year 1926. Once a month the spirit bard Homer sings and tells us of the mortal past. Homer is one of the few spirits that is allowed to know what is happening on earth. The last time he came he amused us, as is his wont, by giving us epithets as wre entered. Said he, “Leo Nedoff, that heavenly gift to the gum companies, mayhaps when you know that England has a monopoly on the rubber industry you will be happy that you have your imaginary gum! You, Elizabeth Baxter, the ‘A’ girl, were you on earth you would now find it much easier to get your ‘A’s’ because they study now with radio ear power.” Towards a group of shades in commotion he glanced, saying. “Pauline Kantrowitz, continual arguer, whom do you disagree with now? To the opposite entrance he turned, addressing thus, “John Olmstead, little boy of toys, what childish apparatus have you now?” As numerous papers and scraps began to blow across the room from some carelessly kept desk. Homer laughingly called for George Andrews, litterer of books and desks. At this a burst of laughter was heard. Frowm-ing, Homer cried out, “Edwin Conklin, easy of mirth, do you still laugh so heartily and loud?” C. F. New students entering Jefferson are not familiar with the building and have many other problems that arise during the first few weeks of the semester. For this reason, the “President’s Council ” suggested issuing a hand book for the convenience of the new Jeffersonians. Mr. Sifert appointed an executive committee consisting of five members, namely: Forest Pester, Chairman, Beverly Bunn, Camillus Fitzgerald, Mary Burnet, and Adele Wurdeman. The committee expects to have this hand book printed by next September, ready for the use of the new students. Three groups of students have made the Jeffersonian a success, the staff, the mechanical staff, and the loyal subscribers. I wish to thank these people for the splendid cooperation I have received. J. L. McRae, Instructor of Printing “Blah, blah, blah!” “Ah!” said the bard, “that must be Bob Woodruff, endless everlasting discourser.” “Someone stole it or I might have lost it,” cried a voice, probably Victoria Thompson, incredulous loser. “You lost it!” mocked Homer. ““Fine!” quoth the poet as Eleanor Mickelson, teller of humorous stories, related a joke. “Jack Gleason, beloved by the maids, pray tell us the secret of vour charms,” sang the bard in light humor. “Dorothy Cutler, sad and downhearted of face, is there nothing that can make you laugh or smile?” Even Dorothy’s face broke into a broad smile at this sally, and we spirits, quite happy and satisfied, returned each to our own shadowed abode. PARENT TEACHERS’ MEET The social meeting of the Parent-Teacher Association, on May 17, was the closing program of the year. The following program was given: Song by 8A chorus. Song by 8th and 9th grade chorus. Violin duet by Elliot Hoffman and Harry Bertelsen. Selection by the Orchestra. Song by the Boys’ Glee Club. Following the music program, Mr. Giddings gave a talk on his favorite topic, Music. He told us of the educational value of music; and how careful teachers must be when teaching vocal music in the Junior High School. Then he spoke of instrumental music. He said that if he had several hundreds of thousands dollars, he knew exactly how he would spend it. It would go toward school-owned instruments, including a pipe organ. In this way the orchestra would be made a balanced one, and more students would be able to belong to the orchestra. Between two numbers of the program, Miss Wisely explained how unbalanced our orchestra is and how badly it needs new instruments. She announced the Benefit Program of June 10 and appealed to the mothers to aid in selling tickets. Then followed a short business meeting after which refreshments were served. Winners of the J’s. (Continued from page 1) Edward Hoye, Howard Jensen, Norman Jensen, Vernon Johnson, Elmer Lehman. How ml Meagher, Forest M’ckelson, Leonard Nelson, Hildur Paulson, Myron Paulson, Forest Pester, Jack Price, Herbert Rend, Charles Reif, Edwin Booth, Robert Sanders, Billy Scott, George Taylor, George Terp Alvie Wh:te Howard Wilcox, Wallace Williams, Clifford Wyeth, and Jerome Zalkind. The boys who received “J’s” because of winning the boys’ championship basketball tournament are: Edward Hoye, Kenneth McLaren, Leonard Nelson. Cecil Saunders, George Shama, and Carl Sodren.
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Page 15 text:
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Monday, 7, 1926 The Jeffersonian Page 11 The Loud Speaker Yet the East Claims to be Ahead It seems that a young bride, tuning in on the daily cooking lesson from the Minneapolis-St. Paul station, got herself all tangled up with the daily dozen from W. L. W., Cincinnati, which is only six meters away, and this is the report she was able to hand to her husband when he ca ne home for dinner. “Hands on hips, place one cup of flour on the shoulder, raise knee, depress toes, and wash thoroughly in one half cup of milk. In four counts raise and lower left foot and mash two hard-boiled eggs through a sieve. Repeat six times, inhale one-half teaspoon salt, one teaspoon baking powder and one cup of flour. Then, breathing naturally, exhale and s;ft. Attention. Jump to a squatting position of quick 1 me. Twist sideways and forward left and right as far as possible and beat eggs swiftly and briskly, arms forward over head. Raise the cooked eggs with flour in four counts and make stiff dough, which is stretched at the waist. Thighs flexed, lie flat on the floor and roll into marbles the size of a walnut. Hop to a straddle in boiling water but do not boil at a gallon. After 10 minutes remove and wipe with a rough towel and serve with fish soup. The Minneapolis Journal Leonard Nelson: “George, have you ever been in an accident? George Shama: “No, but I’ve refereed a basketball game. BUG HOUSE FABLES Gym. classes play every day. No “homework is ever assigned. The height of hard luck in Grand-dad’s days: ‘To get a haircut just before an Indian massacre. Jim Williams: “Sssshhhhh, they sleep!” Jack Price: “Who sleep? Jim Williams: “My feet. Myron P. (to old negro): “So you remember way back to the Revolution, do you? Sambo: “Yassa. De Revolution and Gen’l Washington an’ all them.” M. P.: “Perhaps you were a witness of the fall of Rome? Sambo: “Nossa, Ah didn’t ex-ctJy see it, but Ah recollect 'nearin’ somethin’ drop. Helen Millman (excitedly): Oh, Miss Purdy! did you know that there were two men in the library ? Miss Purdy: No! Who? Helen: . Wight-man and Lyman. “Now I understand why these ‘hot house flowers’ must take reducing exercises: they do not have the benefit of going to school. Yesterday I wore my hikemeter all day. I found that without purposely exaggerating my mileage in the least, I had walked fifteen miles, one-half of which was done in the school building. Richard Whitely—101— (after distilling water to which materials had been added)—We drank it to prove it was pure. Traffic officers are never on duty. Lessons are always excellent Lost articles are always found and returned. Halls are always quiet and clean. Ink wells never tip over. Seven B’s never get lost when they first arrive. There are always short lines at dri iking fountains when you are thristy. Teachers never scold. Lunch lines are never long. Waiter: Has your order been taken ? Elmer Dahlin: Yeah, and so has Bunker Hill. George Shama: What does Ed. Conklin do with that loud red tie of his? Irving Dunsmore: He wears it during Latin. When his head falls down on his chest, the tie wakes him up again. “This is what I call a clean get away, said Jack Price, as he left the Turkish bath without paying. Student in Mr. Haugen’s C. L. P. class: In the census, under which of the nine heads of occupations does fishing for diamonds belong?
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