Ipswich High School - Tiger Yearbook (Ipswich, MA)

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seen Doyle, Christopher, Ewing, Hills, and Hayes guns on shoulders, marching day in and day out and sacrificing the time that they so much wanted to put in- to study, you would agree with me. Marriage and divorce have taken their toll in our colony as in every other, I suppose. I ought therefore to mention the most celebrated of our colony who have contemplated or are contemplating entrance into the matrimonial realm. Among the most recent marriages were those of Mr. Ewing and Miss Munroe, and of Mr. Phelan and Miss Merry. I am requested by my brother and sister citizens to give them our best wishes for a happy and prosperous union. I am forced also to mention with regret the divorce case of Mr, and Mrs. Merson, nee Natalie Brown. Rumor mentions a co-respondent but I think the court granted Mr. Merson his divorce papers on the ground of cruel and abusive treat- ment. Recently the young ladies of our city decided to hold knitting parties every Thursday night and the boys decided to go to hold the yarn for them. Of course we were pretty green at first, indeed so green that when one of the young ladies exclaimed, “Eve dropped a stitch!”, I very politely volunteered to hunt for it and did so for about fifteen minutes be- fore the laughing told me that there was a joke in it somewhere. But now I must -close this history for our colonists feel once more the uncon- querable call of the American pioneer, and therefore find it necessary to dis- band that we may go forth into newer and unexplored lands. In closing, and as we part, let me express the hope that our future history will be as happy and successful as this of our four past years. EDMUND WITHAM GIFTS TO GIRLS A short time ago I went to consult the well known fortune-teller, Mrs. Hokus Pckus Hoo-Doo, concerning some ap- propriate gifts for the girls of the Class of 1925. You can see for yourself, there- fore that the very valuable and useful gifts which I am about to present the girls were decreed by the unerring hand of fate in the guise of a fortune-teller. I gave the prophetess the names of the girls, and with no hesitation she began, “Mary Beals is a very studious young lady. Give her a wheelbarrow so she may carry her books around with more ease.” (wheelbarrow) The next name on the list was Natalie Brown. The old gypsy looked at me and giggled. “Natalie loves? — literature. She reads vast stores of books. I am confident that this bookworm will prove to be a congenial companion.” (worm) Then the old woman said, “My clair- voyant gift tells me that Elsie Hull is your class soloist. Give her this voice (s) trainer so that she may irrigate her voice.” (small bottle of punch) The old hag paused awhile and then continued in a sterner tone, “Mildred Jedrey should follow her father’s pro- fession and become a policeman, or rather a police lady when she leaves school. Here is a billy club. She may bep in practice early on Ewing.” (billy club) “I can see by the name of the next person, Jennie Jianakountzos, that that individual is a good girl. Tell her to avoid that tomboy, Isabelle Swasey, and give Jennie this medal for good be- haviour.” Then the old gypsy took me into her confidence and said, “Do you know that Dorothy Merry is in constant danger of getting lost in Pine Swamp? Give her this flashlight so that she may never be “Phelan” to find her way.” She uttered a rasping cough and con- tinued, “Give Mary Munroe this dish pan to fill up (Philip) her hope chest. “I am sorry for Margaret Phelan be- cause she has to wait and wait for her brother’s private jitney, namely, ‘The Lip-htning Despatch’ to take her home nights after school. Give her this donkey as a means ef conveyance. She will be home before her brother has learned not to throw erasers in school and other nec- essary points in school discipline. “Audrey Patterson,” my never-failing crystal tells me, “is rather lazy. She hates to walk upstairs. Give her this private elevator to take her up.” (tack) The old gypsy locked puzzled. Then she left the room, but returned almost immediately and said, “My trusty Ouija board informs me that Mildred Pickard does not take enough exercise. Here is a rocking-horse modelled after the presi- dential steed of the same species. By means of this she can study and exercise at the same time. “Alice Mullens is rather fond of poetry. Give her this book of Whit- tier’s “Assorted Poems.” The old lady got up and walked around for awhile. Then she said to me, “When the Ipswich to Rowley unlimited, over- 28

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and order than heretofore, and as a re- sult there appeared more and more crim- inals in the stocks on Main Street to be g’azed at and taunted by the public. It was during: this year that a terrible disease attacked our colony and those afflicted were forced by the Board of Health to be tag:g:ed with a sig:n on which was printed “I am lost.” Henley was attacked several times and has been sus- ceptible ever since as was evidenced the other day when he appeared at the Fi-ench settlement with a sign on his back and was femoved on account of it. The next year we changed the site of our colony and were regarded as old set- tlers by the newer immigrants. During this active year of our history we were piloted under the firm and able hand of a female president. Miss Brown. There was a great deal of propaganda previous to the election, for although the female suffrafrists held the majority, we trusted that the manly looks of our candidate, Mr. Damon, would win the hearts and votes of the sentimental sex. Our ex- pectations proved unfounded, however, for Miss Brown won by a large majority and certainly the success with which our settlement continued that year shows that Miss Brown was ably supported by all her subjects. Another change that year was in our attitude towards new-comers. Being now firmly established and old settlers, we Doked upon new immigrants with much anbnos’ty and we now played the part of tho savage by subjectinp- them to the “third deo’ree” in the old chamber of horrors which wo now confiscated for ourselves. During that year too, was celebrated a great pageant more properly called a promenade. In order to launch this af- fair successfully, a group of intelligent men and women were chosen as a com- mittee. There was more or less scandal connected with the meetings, and graft and inefficiency were two of the charges which the committee had to meet but as I was a member myself I am able to guarantee that all our meetings, night and day were conducted in a perfectly 1 usiness-like manner. Then ' came our last and most active year. Day in and day out we have been extremely busy preparing to break up oui- colrny and depart for new and un- exploit d lands. But jus because we have been busy do not think that we have had no time for recreation and ad- venture. For example, we had been going ' pretty strong and acting without due re- spect for law and order when the wrath of the Lord descended upon us. Divine vengeance followed swiftly and two of our number, Mr. Ewing and Mr. Phelan, received severe chastisement. It was during the early part of this year that we produced a sleeping beauty in the person of Henley. There was only one difference between Henley and the real sleeping beauty — she was awakened by a handsome prince, Henley was awak- ened by the passing bell. Early this spring we put on a great show for the benefit of the public. Of course this is done every year by the senior or older colonists but it was so much better this year than ever before that I just cannot help telling about it. It was a great success financially, too, the net profits amounting to about 165,- 000,000,000 marks more or less. The people who had the opportunity of seeing the performance have often commented upon its excellence but if they wanted to gaze upon genius unrestrained they should have attended some of our re- hearsals. Merson and myself could have run Mutt and Jeff, Ham and Bud, or any other “Plus” and “Minuses” out of busi- ness, Miss Swasey had Houdini beat all hollow when it came to magic, (she used to revive Miss Beals from fainting fits with an ink bottle), and when it came to Boob McNutt you should have seen Pasukonis! Shortly after this we were treated to an eclipse of the sun. As many people could not afford the time or expense to journey to Connecticut to see it, some in- genious person (I think it was Doyle,) arranged a mechanical device in our city by means of which unsuspecting people could see (or feel) the phenomena in spite of the distance from the main scene of action. For further information you are requested to observe the damage wrought to and about the windows of our city. During the first part of May we held a great international athletic meet against all the surrounding nations. We prepared diligently for this day for many weeks but were defeated by the Winthrop people. We came off glorious in defeat however as was evidenced at the stadium on Market Street, when, led by our dazzling choir leader, Mr. Ewing, we broke forth into the strains of “How- do ya do” and congratulated our victors. Perhaps you will not believe that we trained vei ' y assiduously, but if you had 27

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loaded jitney breaks down, Beatrice Ricker has to walk home. I hope this package of Allen’s Foot-ease will prove useful.” Then I heard the old gypsy chuckle. “Ah, Isabelle Swasey, that old rascal. I hear she is class baby. But I’m sure she cannot fill the position without the help of some local coloring. Give her this large baby carriage (small one) and a rattle so she may make some noise. Da! Da!” “Bertha Savory alas! likes to watch something thrilling and exciting. Just let her see this hold-up.” (suspenders) “Give Angie Wile this book of Cross Word Puzzles and see if she can do them as fast as she can typewrite. “Mary Woleyko loves curls. Give her this (Farina) so she may see how it is done.” With this final suggestion the fortune- teller concluded. After paying the charge of five dollars which she demanded, I started home wishing the girls of 1925 a happy future and also wdshing that I had my money back. THOMAS DOYLE. GIFTS TO BOYS Seated one night at the radio, I was weary and sore distressed. For gifts for the boys of ’25 I was indeed hard pressed. Suddenly while in this fix I heard a voice say, “River Styx — Station H. A. D. E. S.” Then it continued slow but clear. And the following words came to my ear. “When underwear flies through the air And senior girls are shocked, G’ve Jackie a box with key attached So he may keep his locked. “Christopher is the class artist And possesses a gift immense. If no other subject presents itself. He may use this on the old back fence. (whitewash brush) “To Tommie Doyle I must confess And you, too, perforce must feel That he needs this injunction. Beware! ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’! (Framed motto) “You remember Ewing’s accounts were slightly mixed When he returned from town. This book may save him similar troubles If he’ll jot his expenditures down. (expense book) “At the rate poor Hale is going His tongue will never last. Give him some molasses candy So he won’t talk so fast. “Hayes is a hard proposition He is no joke you see. But this loving cup from Woolworth’s Will express your loyalty. “To your dear little sleeping beauty (Henley) You may give this comfortable bed So that when he becomes too drowsy He may rest his weary head. “Hills in cheer leading at ball-games Has filled his friends with elation. Give him a baton to cheer him on And show your appreciation. “Now you didn’t elect a class orator But you will all agree I am sure That this little soapbox suits Merson And that nothing will suit him more. “Passionate” Pasukonis Might possibly add to his fame By reading this little volume Entitled, “What is there in a Name?” “Phelan is class musician He plays just like a fairy. To him present this instrument To help him to get ‘Merry.’ ” (violin) Little girls wear dresses. Shaw says, “Boys do too.” To please him, then, present him with That dainty one of blue. To that poor little boy they call Eddie Give this candy he loves so well In return for all that was captured Just after the recess bell. So thanks to his voice from the River Styx Which got me out of this awful fix, I now had gifts for every one And my class-day part at last was done. I was, however, nearly dead So I heard hiln sign off, then went to bed. MARY MUNROE. 29