Ipswich High School - Tiger Yearbook (Ipswich, MA)

Page 30 text:

CLASS WILL By Seward S. Tyler Be it Remembered that we, class of 1922 of Ipswich in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, being of sound mind and memory, but knowing the uncer- tainty of this life, do make this our last will and testament, hereby revoking all former wills by us at any time hereto- fore made. After the payment of our just debts and funeral charges, we bequeath and devise as follows: To the Freshmen Item: Room V with its double seats conducive to sociability and to 100% on examinations. Item : The feeling of superiority char- acteristic of sophomores in general aris- ing from the knowledge that they aren’t the freshest and greenest things around. Item: The privilege of living in close proximity to the most respected and awe inspiring class in school, and the right to cast occasional glances of awe and admiration across the hall. Item: The joy and importance of be- ing initiated into the “parlez-vous” and “oui oui” class with the injunction not to talk too fluently and confuse or em- barrass the instructor. To the Sophomores Item : Room II and what goes with it. Item: The privilege of having Miss Ferguson spell the words correctly for them across the hall. Item: The distinction of having one unruly member of the class appointed for black-board duty. Item: The right to call themselves “upper classmen” and to look upon senior year and graduation as faint possibilities. Item: The pleasure of engineering a Junior prom when there are as many different ideas on decorating, music, and refreshments as there are members in the class. Item : The distinction of feeling them- selves originators in something truly novel in the line of fragrant odors and explosions. The benefit of their chem- ical research work is left to those for- tunate enough to have classes in Room III. To the Juniors: Item: Room IV with its stern guard- ian and privileges. Item: Front seats in that room for those who manifest an abnormal degree of sociability in their make up. Item: A color chart to be purchased by Mr. Tozer and kept in Room IV so that the inhabitants of that room may be able to distinguish between yellow and gold. Item: The proud privilege of taking seats to the extreme right in chapel. Item: The importance of having two of their number conduct the musical part of the program at the chapel exer- cises. We suggest Dondero and Kent to succeed Misses Harrigan and Web- ber. Item: The honor of taking the town by storm when they put on their senior play, and the invitation to repeat it in Rowley and the surrounding theatrical centers. Item: The joys of financing the last issue of “The Tiger” for the sake of having their pictures in print once in a life-time, and the advantage of profiting by our experience in undertaking a senior “Tiger.” To Parker Atkinson, three rolls of cotton batten (large size) in order that he may block up his ears and study in peace, safe from his annoying class- mates. To Frederick Bailey, a book entitled “Ways and Habits of Women” by “Al” Spyut. The author has made an ex- 28

Page 29 text:

knows himself. I don’t suppose you believe me, but in a few minutes I will prove it to you.” While I stood gazing at him, wonder- ing who he was, and where he came from, he said in a sharp voice, “Come, come, girl don’t stand there that way dreaming. Bring me a glass rod.” When I brought him the rod he bade me sit on the bench and watch him very carefully. With the rod he began to stir the mixture in the bottle, at the same time muttering magical words that I under- stood to be, “Yoyo kile hoeto mete” over and over again. While he continued to stir and mutter, the bottle grew larger and larger until it was the size of a dish pan. Then he stopped muttering and with his rod, struck the side of the bottle three consecutive blows, and from the middle of the orange and white paste rose a hand, holding a chair. The old man nodded to me to take the chair, and as soon as I did, the hand disap- peared. Then the old man began to speak, “I want you to give that chair to Seward Tyler, I don’t know what is the matter with that boy. There isn’t a chair in school that he can sit in without either breaking it or falling out of it. I hope that when he goes to college he will take this chair with him, for I know he will not care to spend his allowance for refurnishing the college class-rooms with chairs.” “To your class baby, Wilfred Dunn,” continued the old man taking another gift from the mysterious hand, “I will present this rattle. It will serve to keep him occupied during the period of in- fancy and childhood, when all small boys are more or less troublesome to the big fellows. The hand next brought up a whistle and the old man went on, “This whistle will be of great help to Nicholas Kala- boke. Marianna is a very difficult name to pronounce melodiously, and with this whistle he can always get the right pitch.” “And this head of cabbage,” continued the mysterious stranger, is for Palmer Perley.” If he intends to be a florist, roses of this variety make the best bouquets and are the most profitable.” The room now became filled with the odor of fragrant flowers, and the hand held up this puff, and box of powder. “John Clasby,” he went on, “seems to have a craze for powder, and other cos- metics.” I remember seeing him dis- play at least six different kinds of face powder at one time. Does he give it to the girls, or does he use it himself?” “I hear that one of your classmates is going to explore the “wilds of Maine” this fall. No doubt this little weapon will protect him from the wild animals, and as he has been elected the best look- ing boy of the class, he will need to be protected as well from the “vamps” of the Maine Woods.” Of course he meant our President, Ross Whittier. “And if Walter Callahan,” concluded the Old Man, will make frequent use of this ball of twine to attach his belong- ings to their owner, he will not be con- tinually losing them.” His hat and note-book we remember as being of a particularly migratory nature. He stopped a minute and sat gazing into the bottle. Then he continued, “And now, My Senior Girl, have I not succeeded in proving to you that I know your classmates?” Before I could an- swer, the room was once more filled with dense white smoke. When this cleared away, all that remained was a daisy, our class flower. Bernice Narkun. 27

Page 31 text:

tr mely careful study and expresses himself forcefully. To Evelyn Bamford, a twelve cylinder alarm clock and a tricycle to assist her in reaching school on time. To Bernice Connor, a large sign to wear upon her back, reading, “Don’t shoot, I am not a zebra.” To George Porter, the M. H. S. Army and a book on squad movements. To Julius Caesar Bean, the honor of being President of the Latin Club be- cause of his classic name and proficiency in the subject, also the hope of its great success under his leadership. To Robert Kent, a copy of “How to Keep from Blushing” by Roseltha Witham. To Helen Bruce, one strong voice with the hope it doesn’t get her into trouble when whispering. To Albert Spyut, a Rolls Royce to con- tinue his study of womankind, also a book entitled, “How to Shimmy” by R. M. B. To Ruth Gilday and Dorothy Man- thorn, some adhesive tape to hold the boys, who are attracted to their desks before school, after school, and at recess. To Nancy Homans, a dog to keep the cats from jumping at the rats in her hair. To Elsie Manzer and Beatrice Tufts, a vanity case. To Robert Nicholl, a volume of Snappy stories, and some advice when and where not to swear before the flap- pers. To Olive Pace, a bell to wear around her neck to denote her presence in the classroom. To Elsie Marr, her sister’s reputation and class title, hoping she will use it with discretion and not try to work it exclusively. To Dorothy Shaw, the chief guardian- ship of The Tiger with the injunction to keep him filled up with good, digest- ible food so that he will always be good natured and not hurt anybody’s feel ings. To Jonathan Hall, a mouse-trap to catch mice for the girls and one teacher. To Anita Daniels, the missing man of the Junior Prom. To Helen Rogers, an introduction to our honorable classmate, Mr. Dunn so that he may teach her how to grow. To Arnold Hamilton, a yellow arm- band and to his twin sister Hollis Ham- ilton, a green armband, hoping the colors are appropriate. To Paul Raupach, a pair of wings be- cause of his angelic disposition, char- acter, and face. To Petit William Burke, a chain for his Eversharp pencil so that he may be able to keep it from the clutches of un- scrupulous teachers ; also, a fountain pen so that the teachers may be left in peaceful possession of theirs. To James Burke, the championship of the inter-scholastic track meet of the Slow-feet High School. To Ruth M. Brown, a can of Dutch Boy red lead, sufficient quantity for twenty dances, or ten parties, or five walks in the moonlight, or one trip down river. To Leo Dondero, the responsibility of upholding the reputation of the baseball team next spring. To Mary Richardson, a suitable coiffure as bobbed hair is not becoming for a Senior. To Althea Whittier, her brother’s recipe for good looks as Whittier our honorable President, is the “prettiest” fellow in the class. Having heard from reliable physi- cians that Helen Kimball is not likely to outlive the M. H. S. Seniors, we did not wish to run the risk of having our valu- ables passed on to undesirable heirs and therefore are leaving her nothing ex- cept the hope that her evil ways in this 29