Iowa Wesleyan College - Croaker Yearbook (Mount Pleasant, IA)

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Best, Cheapest, and Cleanest COAL AND COKE Of All Kinds Delivered to All Parts of the Citv H. H. HILLS Phone 54 • -$K® 3 S ® $ $ e ® S s S $ S S Automotive Animal Life A balky mule has four wheel brakes, A billy goat has bumpers. The firefly is a bright spotlight, Rabbits are puddle jumpers. Camels have balloon-tired feet And carry spares of what they eat, But still I think that nothing beats The kangaroos with their rumble seats. His Seat of Trouble My brother surely loved the bees, He always was their friend, He used to sit upon their hives, But they stung him in the etui. FANKHAUSER DAIRY CO. Mt. Pleasant, Ia. Queen Quality Butter and Ice Cream Doctors Recommend a Plate of Ice Cream Daily for Health Milk, Coffee Cream, and Whipping Cream Page 217

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Tenant: “The root is so bad that it rains on my head. Mow long is that going to go on ?” Landlord: “What do you think I am—a weather prophet?” Sarah: “That awful landlady of mine is telling scandalous things about me. Ethel: “Why don’t you dare her to prove her charges?” Sarah: “Well. I’m not such an idiot as that! “That’s a new one on me,” the monkey said as he scratched his back. If They Had Played Golf What notables might have said (for print): Caesar: “1 shot, I sliced, I bunkered.” John Paul Jones: “I have not yet begun to putt.” Napoleon: “The old guard lies, but never remembers.” Perry: “We have found the balls, and they are ours.” Ethan Allen: In the name of Great Hobby Jones and the U. S. Golf Association.” Lawrence: Don’t concede the putt.” Drake: “Time enough to finish this Eighteen and beat the Spanish too.” Jackson: “Don’t shoot until they’re on the green.” Sherman: “Golf is hell.” In The Spring “Please!” “No,” Oh, please do.” “Positively, no.” “Please, just this time.” “1 said no.” “Aw, Ma, all the boys go barefoot now. 216

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Impossible A man was seen standing before a billboard in Toronto shouting: “It can't be done! It can’t be done!” “What can’t be done?” inquired an inquisitive spectator. The man dumbly pointed to a sign, which read: “DRINK CANADA DRY” Where Ignorance Is Bliss Dora was so dumb that she thought that— An echo is merely a hole in the wind. A normal school is where they teach normalcy. An Aspirin tablet is something to write on. A grid leak is a rainstorm on a football field. A fire plug is a new kind of chew. A mixed metaphor is some kind of cocktail. The Farm Bureau is a piece of furniture. Rebate means to put on a fresh worm. I lie Kentucky Derby is a southern hat. The Board of Kducation hangs out in the lumber yard. The weather bureau is part of a bedroom set. Lansing. Mich., is a major operation. Marcelled hair is a new way to cook rabbit. Davenport, la., is a sheik’s workbench. A march can be played on the ear drums. Chilling Thought “Speaking of bathing in famous springs,” remarked the tramp, “that reminds me that I bathed in the spring of ’98.” Both Dumb She: “The Lord made us beautiful and dumb.” It: “How’s that?” She: “Beautiful so men would love us—and dumb so that we could love them.” Page 21S