Indiana University School of Medicine - Caduceus Yearbook (Indianapolis, IN)

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6. To some, attending Medical School is like attempting to have intercourse with a pachyderm, in that . . . a. You must aim high. b. You must make sure the beast doesn't roll over on you. c. You must wait four years for the final results. d. If the beast defecates on you, you know it. e. All of the above. 7. (To see if you were paying attention) The dibucaine number really is . . . a. something smoked by young clinicians. b. something done in the 1940's by Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. c. Flemish for Dial-A-Prayer . d. a racket controlled by the mob. e. obtained by dividing serum iron concentration by the number of years Nixon was president. f. one of the many nebulous points taken out of this journal. g. any two of the above (N.B. marking this response means you don't know what the hell you're doing). Send your answer sheet, along with two (2) Krugerands, and one pint of type 0 blood. Results will be mailed promptly. «9 «ffSCTttiC C.i Kh Vu ftT H tsP|TAL-5 WHEKJ YCX) vWo -ft ex N x.cw.. A-vcAjb V Upjyours Co. x .r = y - ✓ . - (r ' nfJt (tr 23

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National Bored Mini-Testes These are type XX questions. So choose any response that might have any bit of truth, or any that might confuse you. Just remember that your entire future is at your pencil ( 2, of course) tip. We've got you by the short and curlies!! 1. Which of the following would be the proper enema order for a 44 year old seen in the E.R. complaining of constipation? a. One Fleets STAT, then again at home if no results. b. One S.S. enema q8h until clear. c. One part Ex-Lax, two parts mineral oil qAM. d. One HIGH, HOT, HELLUVALOT, STAT, may repeat X2. 2. You are called to restart an I.V. on a 40 year old lady receiving D5W at K.O. rate. It is 3:00 AM (Greenwich Mean Time). Proper response should be . . . A. D C I.V. b. Use an 18 guage intracath post curare, the latter used because the patient does not want an I.V. c. Hang up, resume sleep. d. All of the above. 3. You awaken at 6:00 AM and find yourself snowed in. As a 3rd year medical student on the Medicine service, you should . . . a. Risk frostbite and loss of auto trying to get to Wizard. b. Call Nanuck's Dog Sled Taxi Service . c. Go back to sleep. d. Make a mad dash for the last available flight to Hawaii. 4. While attending a Dean's Hour (WHAT?) presentation, an associate suddenly jumps to his feet and shouts: You've raised your last pass level ! As he begins to run toward the podium, you should . . . a. Spear the upper outer quadrant of his left buttock with a syringe loaded with Haldol 5mgs. b. Pretend you do not know this disturbed fellow. c. Caution those asleep beneath the balcony to watch for a falling object. d. Help this fine fellow lead the pack bent on tarring and feathering the Dean. 5. The Dibucaine number . . . a. Represents the number of ring structures in dimethyl chicken wire. b. Is the number to call for a good massage. c. Divided by the inverse of the current temperature in Kelvin, reveals the new NBE pass level. d. Represents the amount of normal saline in ml's used to cure headaches in the Emergency Room. 22

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After taking your basic science courses, you would feel most competent in treating which of the following clinical situations? a. Doing surgery upon anesthetized dogs who (until you cut on them) have no apparent illness. b. Treating Kangaroo Rats who are only excreting a urine of 1,000 mOsm liter. c. Sympathizing with the next of kin of the frog whose head you just pithed and cut off. d. Evaluating the maladies of living Homo sapiens. If you said A, then you can take my place in Pharmacology lab. If you said B, then you have learned absolutely nothing of any value at all in this course and probably went to lecture too often. If you said C, then I would say that you have learned callousness in this course, to say the least. If you said D, then you must have done an admirable job of sifting through this barrage of information to find truth . . . Congratulations! Medical students perform operation upon dogs in physiology lab, because . . . a. The dogs were referred in by a vet for possible corrective surgery b. These labs probably provide the medical student a chance to do amazing research which may win him or her the Nobel Prize. c. They teach new concepts not seen in lecture. d. These dogs were notorious bank robbers on the outside and were sentenced to this death by a judge. e. It is very humane for medical students to kill dogs in order to learn to handle the sight of blood. If you said A, then you are quite naive, in fact, I have some land in Florida I would like to sell you. If you said B, you are egotistical regarding your lab skills. If you said C, you obviously have never read the textbook. If you said D, then you are in need of psychiatric counselling because medical school is getting the best of you. And finally, if you said E, then you gave the answer that is the old faculty stand-by. Of course, if you think this is a good question, then you might suspect that the right answer is indeed: Really, why is that? !?! U Ki o ! art •••