Indiana University School of Medicine - Caduceus Yearbook (Indianapolis, IN)

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Original Articles IT'S YOUR MOVE! SUBJECT RESERVOIR FOR DOG SURGERY’ DUNN MEADOW MUTANTS During World War II the U.S. Government sponsored a research project at I.U. Bloomington to test the effects of genetic irradiation and administration of chemical mutagens on medium sized animals. About 600 purebred and mongrel dogs were used as the test samples and they were afterwards released on campus to evaluate progression of after effects. The results so far indicate that these dogs have remarkably long lifespans and develop few of the stigmata of aging; however, most of the dogs have acquired mild to moderate deformities and still emit variable levels of gamma radiation. (The I.U. students have affectionately named these creatures Dunn Meadow Mutants because of their tendency to congregate in Dunn Meadow, a grassy mall on the I.U. campus, and their characteristic appearance.) Our experience with these animals in the Medical Center dog labs has proven them to be especially hardy subjects, often surviving 3 or 4 experiements before they succumb. Although 4% of medical student experimenters have received lethal doses of radiation (only significant to the 0.04 Peon level) in today's world of soaring medical costs we feel this new reservoir of dog lab subjects should be tapped to its fullest potential. But for many patients, their move never comes. For one reason or another (age, guilt, depression, etoh, etc.) they cannot complete the pass . As one patient put it: There's no lead in the pencil . TRY STIFFERINE University studies have proven the effectiveness of STIFFERINE to combat flaccidity in the male. In fact, one study (unpublished) noted increased libido in female subjects (who were accidently given the drug). Dosage: (Adults only) 1 tablet, q4h prior to the wild act. (Use 1 2 tablet when racehorse siring is the goal). Contraindications and warnings: Be CAREFUL!!! Use in males already erect has resulted not in growth, but in severe damage to the male organ! There is one case of glans explosion! From your friends at PLACIBA 16

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The New Hoosier Jurinal VOLUME 298 FEBRUARY 2, 1978 NUMBER 5 Original Articles Perianal Contusions (Shaft) Syndrome) — A Retrospective Study of Etiology. Legume Ingestion and the Breakwind Syn- drome. Enhancement of Lecture Hall Somnia by Hyper- kodachromia. Palpitation and Morbidity After National Board Examinations Type I and Type II. Incidence of Impotence in Limp City, Nevada. Reversal of Cytoxan-induced Pancytopenia by Cytoxan Withdrawal in Cytoxan-resistant incomplete Reiters. “Three hundred and Eighty” — A Substantiated Case Report of A Number Acquiring Alarm- ing Importance. Medical Progress Plebotomy: The vein of our existence. Dog Surgery or How to Ignore Your Conscience: An update. Bilateral Hemiballismus and Stuttering (the Helicopter Syndrome). A new Look at the Digitalis Myth: Digitalis Inferior to Placebo in Control of Uncom- plicated Congestive Heart Failure. Sensitivity Training in Antibiotic-resistant Strains of Pseudomonas aeruginosa. Helen Keller Disease: Hear no evil. See evil, Speak no evil. Medical Intelligence Peyronie’s Disease — A New Angle. Starting the IV or Totally Anonymous Venous Return. Crotch Crickets: Discovery and Elimination. Schmoo and Fools — they just don’t sound alike. Masturbation and Echolalia Lalialalia: A Case Study of Ralph Alfalfa. Cecopharyngeal Fistula and Coprolalia. Coprophagia: Consensus Validation by 10,000 Flies. Editorials Dyspareunia — Better than No Pareunia? Filched Foramina — Who Stole the Donuts? Who Cares About Medical Student Apathy? Dyslexia: An All Too Common Nephomenon. Indiana Department of Public Health. The Leutic Lament. Correspondence Richard Nixon on the Hypocritic Oaf. Subject Reservoir for Dog Surgery: The Dun Meadow Mutants. Medicine And Public Affairs Medical Graffiti Comes Out of the Stall. It’s Ten O’clock; Do You Know Where Your Cadaver Is? New Toilet Seats for the Prevention of Syphilis. Lackanookie Disease Treated with Tincture of Pokalottatwat.

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CROTCH CRICKETS DISCOVERY AND ELIMINATION Of all the vermin that stalk mankind, none is more persistent, evil, or dreaded than P. pubis, a.k.a. the pubic louse, crotch crickets. Knowing no geographical or social limits, this elusive beast defies man's every attempt to rid himself of it. This report shall relate a new method of banishing the bugs. Methods of Study Emergency Rooms of the lesser Indianapolis area were contacted and asked to notify the Crotch Cricket Hotline whenever a suitable patient crossed the threshold. In the study were 88 patients of various racial, sexual and ethnic backgrounds. We tested a new form of extermination in 44 patients, which were randomly chosen. In this method, one-half of the pubic area is shaved. Sterno was spread about the remaining area in a dose of 1 gram per square foot. After igniting the petroleum product, the little rascals could be seen running for shelter. At that time, the clinician was able to skewer the devils with an ice pick. Results and Discussion The study was successful on several counts. Primarily, the parasites were eliminated quite well in the selected group (the control group did not fare so well, as they still kept the beasts). Very few parasites were left completely untouched in the selected group. Secondly, the treated group had a zero recurrance rate after six months of follow-up. Thirdly, very few dared to call upon the places in the study for treatment of pests, freeing the staff for more enjoyable pursuits. Thus it is proposed that this method of elimination of the dangerous P. pubis is safe, economical, and accepted by patient and practitioner alike. HERE TODAY . . . WHERE TOMORROW? What calamity might befall you as a student, a resident, or an unemployed phlebotomist? We at YOUR LIFE AND MONEY MUTUAL want to provide to you at reasonable rates the protection you deserve! Guard against: 1. accident 2. death 3. health 4. troublesome illnesses We have a policy to cover you in any situation that may arise!! Our claims have included: death after eating hospital food, laceration by knitting needle during lecture, dermatitis caused by wearing cheap honor society jewelry, and infection from bites from patients. WE SUPPLY COVERAGE FOR ANYTHING! SOUND GOOD? IT'S GREAT! Call our regional office (if by some act of God we've failed to badger you into submission already) for information. Remember our motto: WE WANT YOUR CASH Call toll free: 1-800-382-5968 Fuc-5968 17