Indiana University School of Medicine - Caduceus Yearbook (Indianapolis, IN)

Page 32 text:

II ADVERTISING SECTION Philosophical Intricacies of Calcium Biochei Isorr al Breakthrough Really Coat am' ( Will ( Reservi Hypercalct Iftjnction PICK UP A COPY OF OUR HOUSE ORGAN — IT'S FREE Me Castle ttledicine So light. so refreshing, your patients will say .. . “Gee, doc, I only drink one beer a day!” 41 Highway iNow in convenient six and eight packs of traditional KROCKPOT Nine out of ten psychiatrists recom- mend K rock Pot for treatment of hypochondriasis. ... simmers agitated patients down . .. brings pimples to a boil . . changes dolor to calor in min- utes .. . no loss of esteam when used with a lid Now available by mail. We pay tho post a go I Place a $30 chock or monoy order to NEJS Med Merchandise, c o editors, in a plain brown papor bag, in tho oak tree outside the Memorial Union. Ano gallon bottles or new recyclable aluminum drums. nymity guaranteed.

Page 31 text:

VOL. 1 NO. 1 ADVERTISING SECTION 13 The Coprolalia Foundation’s Flea for Contributions Three children will needlessly suffer this decade from Coprolalia, the “Creat Crippler of the Oral Stage of Development. ” A healthy child the day before, Johnny learns to speak words of joy. “Mania’s” and “dada's” ring through the air. Then suddenly, for inexplicable biochemical reasons, tragedy strikes. Little Johnny's words change from “kitty” and “bow- wow” to “peepee” and “caa-caa.” The disease's course is unpredictable. For the lucky, there will be remissions. On occasion, the fortunate coprolalic may attend short birthday parties or a quick wedding. But no one can predict when an impulsive “weiner in your eye” or an unthinking ‘poopoo” will interrupt a birthday song or ex- change of sacred vows. For the less fortunate, the course is rapidly downhill. Johnny appears at his mother's bridge club dressed in his cute fireman's suit telling the gathered matrons that he will (in so many words) put out their fires with his peepee. The future for all stricken with coprolalia is a question mark. Some, with proper rehabilitation, will secure jobs. Prom- inent examples include Howard Cossell, Harry Truman, and Richard Nixon. But for most, life is a bleak dismissal from society, a world haunted by pariah, those shunned as lepers of a modern era. BUT THERE IS HOPE ... with your dollars, time, support, and dollars. Doctors arc experimenting with “oral dialysis” where the mouths of coprolalics are hooked to soap suds exchangers for fifteen minutes three to four times a week. Results arc promising. Remissions up to six hours have been obtained, but the process is expensive and unproven. Until medical science finds the answer, help it meet the challenge. Send your dollars to: Coprolalia Foundation c o editorial staff of NEJS Buenos Aires, Argentina •Coprolalia (Or. ZHIT meaning “stool , lalia meaning “to speak”|

Page 33 text:

ADVERTISING SECTION 15 DRAW THIS BLOOD! Chest Gut Blood Muff Scrotum Lucency Squire “Eggs-Ray” Vision Glasses Amaze your staff doctor with premature diagnoses!! Be the life of the party!! See thru alibis. Detect brain tumors. Harmless mam- mograms. Count the change in your pocket without be ing embarrased. These amazing glasses are guaranteed to discriminate between the four Eggs Ray densities: Earth. Wind, Fire, and Water. Proven in tons of clinical situa tions. No known contraindications. Use by pregnant women and children under 30 not yet approved. Journals Caution: these glasses caused bladder cancer in tost mice each fed five pounds of 2-naphthylamine per day over a two year period. Do you have hidden phlebotomy talent? Did Fate decree a career in Scut for you? Do the Scut!! “ Look, Fellows and Gals!! You can earn no spare money in your free time!!” If you're a man or woman medical student 21 years or older, you can be a happy prosperous scut dog. Join over 30,000 men and women who win not ono dandy free prize and never come close to earning $5 to S10 a week doing scut. Pictured below ere some of the swell prizes that will always be out of your grasp whan you do scut. Send your name, address, and $1050 yearly membership fee to the American College of Scut, c o editors of NEJS (Swiss Bank Account 4705B), and you too can do the scut! Swiss Medical Corps Knife r liematest tablets Not having your stethoscope when you suspect a murmur is like for- getting toilet paper on a campout. Don’t be caught with your pants off when a Swiss Medical Corps Knife can place medical technology at the flick of your blade. Developed and distributed by Bedside Manor. Inc. Reflex tiamm'- Radiation source and Polaroid film for portable X-rays Gynecological stirrups Stethoscope Proctoscope Washington Manual’