Indiana University School of Medicine - Caduceus Yearbook (Indianapolis, IN)

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THE NEW ENNUI I URINAL OF SCUT May 15, 1977 You don’t have time to read these notes now, because you're a Junior. I don't have time to write them because I'm one too. You have no interest in these, because you've already taken your final, and this manure wasn't on it anyway. However, I have been oaid for them, so I'm gonna do them, mostly, 1011 just let you see some of CENSORED's comics, which are intsrsetin r rather than bore you with lecture details which aren't. Hiring me to take notes is about like hiring Richard Srcck to head a nurses training program. .-WPK The Wornin of SELF A FoUiculaf polmaf groi V+h, curved bucked teeth j0 Intractable blindness urge Asleep at iec t once a 2.4— hour F rio Fulminant demenVi a 2. +ype5 ay adult-onset -7 listtn for . sthi£ophWc bruit over brain b) 'jeu nile-dvwet don't letvour mama .aHKvoU ! (rUetil Warty, rustutef Under gar rnenft ItafsticK to a smooth a d • or a minimum of 30 seconds. Any lesb We Mid be considered hejati I' Report all suspected cases of £ElF-Abuse toyouf Vocal ciA H Or Piocese . There is hope forth ;? pdr erh.-. but (leHs hot kid ourselves) m?t f uch . Croi4 for byttf AMA Krrfi Mg bafory AKftjrfipn.j • This page of important medical knowledge really appeared in the final edition of the Class of 77's class notes. Records were set by this edition which contained only 29 mispclings. 32 grammatical errors, 17 misrepresentations of fact, and three insulting admonitions against students chewing gum. insulting the professors, or snoring too loudly. These were the least number of such mistcaks per day of notes on record. (Source: Ripley's Believe It or (let Cathcterized. 1977)

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VOL. 1 NO. 1 MD - CB - C. W. McCALL F.T AL THE EAGER BEAVER BREAKER 1-9 G Breaker 1-9. good buddy, this liar's the Eager Beaver. What's it lookin' like over your A-C joint?” DCs big four plus, we got us a pecker-checker in a plain white wrapper . .. he’s fixin’ to poke a silver stallion up the third leg. C'mon.” 'Predate that Breaker. You go Tutte i le )veM) h Cwir Treat waiting to catch a pump or bean out of the nearest bone box. Also got a picture-taker and lead-mouth in my eye balls. What's it like U ouHiorsej V “Mercy sakes, good buddy, we got us some awful purty Nightengales with great sets of alveoli. (Looking out the window) Whoo-whee, that neurologist shore can hammer down.” “Put your metal to the petal, breaker. A big four-plus and eighty- ! ejghTs oubonej 00 Translation: Eager: Breaker: Eager: Breaker: Eager: Hello, Breaker 1-9 |handle = name, for a specific orthopod |, this is the Eager Beaver [handle for a particular AOA candidate). What’s if looking like over your shoulder? [ie. - behind you) I’m most appreciative. There’s a urologist in a white coat preparing to do a cystoscopic exam. What’s your news? Thank you. Make note of a surgeon and internist over by the emer- gency room hoping to obtain a heart or kidney for transplant pur- poses. I also can see a radiologist and staff man. Now, what’s going on at your hospital? Very good, my friend, we have some very pretty nurses with pleasing personalities. (Looking out the window] My goodness, those neurol- ogists can rapidly examine a patient. Perform a good gynecological exam. Breaker. Thanks alot, my friem' End transmission.

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National Bored of Medical Examiner’s Test Part 11 9 Instructions: Get into a crouch position. Grasp heels with hands. Lean forward so as to bring vertex of calverium into alignment with one’s perineum. Recite a benediction and kiss your medical career goodbye. •'or multiple insult (pieslions, mark answer sheet with heavy lines using only a Number 2 pencil or the blood of a virgin. mark A if answer is 1,2, and 3 “B” if answer is 1,3, and sometimes 2 “C if answer does not include 4. 5, and possibly not 2; no, better make that 3, 4 and possibly not 5 “D if answer is A, B, or C; mark only one answer “E” if answer is “Catch 22” 1. ) You arc on call in a community Emergency Room. A 42 year-old male, who has been playing pool, presents with an eight-ball lodged in his right eye, the result of over-zealous scrutiny of play. On the basis of your fundoscopic exam of the right eye and eight ball, does this patient have a hematoma? 1 Maybe 2 Ask again 3 Answer is hazy 4 Absolutely 5 Definitely not 2. ) A 17 year-old male presents with acute onset of bilateral testicular pain. Careful history taking ascertains that the patient has just been to a drive-in move with his 16 year-old girlfriend (Gr O, P O) where the couple engaged only in vigorous foreplay times two hours. The likely diagnosis is: 1 Boogie Fever 2 Love Hangover 3 Statesboro Blues 4 Venus Stasis Ulcer 5 Kung Flu FightV 3. ) The proper thing to say to the mother of a child presenting with enuresis is: 1 When it rains, it pours.” 2 “Baliff, whack his pecpce.” 3 Look on the bright side, he could have hematuria. 4 You know where to put the cork.” 5 Just point to your diploma and smile. 4. ) (T or F) Toilet seats are transmitted during sexual intercourse. 5. ) (T or F) A seminoma is an Indian who lives in the Everglades. 6. ) (T or F) The front-most tooth is named the cuspidor. 7. ) (T or F) The most deadly reptile is the Monty Python (the Silinauti chccztwit). 8. ) (T or F) A pressure sensation in the introitus occuring with exercise and radiating to a jaw is called vangina. (proceed to complete questions 9 through 978 on the following pages)