Indiana University School of Medicine - Caduceus Yearbook (Indianapolis, IN)

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6 May 15, 1977 THE NEW ENNUI JURINAL OF SCUT The New Ennui Jurinal of $cu+ Official Organ of The American College of Scut Production and Design: William Horatio Cowbell, M.l). Conceived and written by William P. Kenner- ly, M.l). and William Hubert Crowded, M.l). Photography and Ace Shoe-Person: David Jaynes Additional Art: James Cordell (“Ic Cordu”), (Ball State School of Architecture), Doug Cresslcr, and Samuel L. Scott, III (graphic artist, Pratt Institute, Brooklyn) Additional Writing: Neil J. Baker, M.l). (Stanford U. School of Medicine), Tom Bridge, M.l)., and Mike Burnley, M.l). Special thanx to: Mrs. Alicia Hartsock, typesetting Dick Maurer of Josten’s American Year- book Company, editorial assistance Cynthia Hirtzel (Northwestern Institute of Advanced Basketweaving), proofreading and other people too embarrased to be mentioned Any similarity to real people, living or dead, and places in fiction and semi-fiction is pure- ly coincidental. The 16 page humor section entitled “The New Ennui Jurinal of Scut” is copyright 1977 by William Cordell and William Kennedy. Final note: This humor section is not an official publication of the Indiana University School of Medicine. The faculty and admin- istration neither condoned nor had squat to do with it. THE AMERICAN COLLEGE OF SCUT Committed Committee Members Anne T. Acid Mandy Bell Sarah Bellum Rhett Bloodsill Ann L. Canal Sister Coele Meg A. Colon Perry Condral Nick Cropsy Luke 0. Cyte Molly B. Drum John Diss Dan Drites Bill Duct Barry M. Enema AI Factory Jean I). Feet Chris I), dally Anne dina Fay do ytosis l.ynii dula Ollic duria AI K. Hall Luke Hernia Claire L. Hydrate Dee Hydration Max Ilia I irry Inx Jay Junum Brad K. Kinin Dcsi Moc Lace Anne and Phil Laxis Fran U. Lumm Neuronald McDonald Basil R. Membrane Meyer Metrium Clint and Linda Mycin Leo Myoma Andy and Colleen Ncrgic Jan Niculatc Pete Nis Eric Noid Sid Novium Lynn Noxin Eddie Ology Al O. Pecia Polly Peptide Neal Plasm Silvia M. Pregnation Frank Psychotic Ed Renal Art Ritis Bill E. Rubin Donna Rubison Pete Russell Monty Saccharide Otis Scope Telly N. Seflon Harold Spot Rusty Sputum Hugh Stacian Graham Stain Ann d. Tensin I.ee 1'hal Hal O. Thane Ann S. Tbesia Neuman Thorax Ray Ticutum Angie I. Tis Yuri I. Tiss Sarah Tonin Hal 0. Tosis Dick Toulcurcaux Mac Trix Phil Trum Sally Tursika Kathy Turc Sue Tour Hugh Turcss Paul Vis Perry Winkle

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VOL. 1 NO. 1 THE PATHOLOGIC GUIDE TO THE HISTORY AND PHYSICAL 5 4 — PALPATION: Laying on of hands is a diagnostic therapeutic concept dating to Hippocrates and recently perfected by Xavier Hollander. Put your finger in every orifice. Put your head in, if it fits. 5 — AUSCULTATION: Although an important ex- amination technique, this will probably never surpass the popularity of osculation. Listen carefully for murmurs, gallops, rales, and things that go bump in the night. 6 — PERCUSSION: Great pathologists including Drs. Ginger Baker and Gene Krupa beat this into the ground. 7 — REMUNERATION: A meticulously performed H and P, incor- porating basic scientific skills, is certainly its own reward. Be prepared to resusciate patients unfamiliar with physicians' fees.

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VOL. 1 NO. 1 MD - CB - C. W. McCALL F.T AL THE EAGER BEAVER BREAKER 1-9 G Breaker 1-9. good buddy, this liar's the Eager Beaver. What's it lookin' like over your A-C joint?” DCs big four plus, we got us a pecker-checker in a plain white wrapper . .. he’s fixin’ to poke a silver stallion up the third leg. C'mon.” 'Predate that Breaker. You go Tutte i le )veM) h Cwir Treat waiting to catch a pump or bean out of the nearest bone box. Also got a picture-taker and lead-mouth in my eye balls. What's it like U ouHiorsej V “Mercy sakes, good buddy, we got us some awful purty Nightengales with great sets of alveoli. (Looking out the window) Whoo-whee, that neurologist shore can hammer down.” “Put your metal to the petal, breaker. A big four-plus and eighty- ! ejghTs oubonej 00 Translation: Eager: Breaker: Eager: Breaker: Eager: Hello, Breaker 1-9 |handle = name, for a specific orthopod |, this is the Eager Beaver [handle for a particular AOA candidate). What’s if looking like over your shoulder? [ie. - behind you) I’m most appreciative. There’s a urologist in a white coat preparing to do a cystoscopic exam. What’s your news? Thank you. Make note of a surgeon and internist over by the emer- gency room hoping to obtain a heart or kidney for transplant pur- poses. I also can see a radiologist and staff man. Now, what’s going on at your hospital? Very good, my friend, we have some very pretty nurses with pleasing personalities. (Looking out the window] My goodness, those neurol- ogists can rapidly examine a patient. Perform a good gynecological exam. Breaker. Thanks alot, my friem' End transmission.