Indiana University School of Medicine - Caduceus Yearbook (Indianapolis, IN)

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VOI.. I NO. I gri.yi momi n is in mi iiistoky or sen The name Sanjaya Bhagavad-Gita Arjuna is often touted among medical circles as the inventor of the IV. It is commonplace knowledge that in the early 1800's, this Indian anesthesiologist utilized bamboo shoots to replace fluids in a severely dehydrated aged sage who succumbed to evil vapors and cholera. Unfortunately, no credit is given to Sri Pranananananada, the medical student on call that fateful night, who was given most humble task of starting IVlee. It was the same Sri P. who, over a decade later, invented the finger, which revolutionized the removal of impacted fecal masses. The artist refused to be named. (Hint — she is a medical illustrator somewhere in a Gulf city that rhymes with Gnu Morleans.)

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May 15, 1977 cr THE NEW ENNUI JURINAL OF SCUT JUL A r; JL K C I -•c jr ; □ r THE I V• COATED HALLS OF TH, American College of Scut uni T ...n rs □ Located on a sprawling square block campus, the American College of Scut offers medical students ready access to the Dog Pound and City Abattoir. Besides offering basic courses in Phlebotomy and Foley Insertion, the College prides itself in a wide range of continuing studies including Advanced Impaction Digitalization and Post-Graduate Sputum Collection. Tradition is the keystone of scut education, where eager students have for years diligently shunned reading assignments and ardently disregarded call respon- sibilities. And the AC of S is tops in its sports division. The Fight'n’ Scutters have won the Lab Result Relay and X-Ray Transport Marathon for seven consecutive years. Scutters offer an affirmative answer to the challenging question, “Can you polish stool?” School Symbol: the mushroom Mascots: scutty dog and her offspring, the scut puppy Former Symbol: two lips rampant on a professor's ass Famous AC of S Quotes: “We have met the enema and it is ours. Motto: ,A medical student is not unlike a mushroom; he’s kept in the dark and frequently coated with stool. Don’t draw blood till you see the yellow of their eyes. ” Official Song: “Be True to Your Stool It’s not the length of the needle, but the magic of the performer. t-w —'£' SCUT FACILITIES 1—Famed Scutland Yards 2—The newly completed Scut Yacht Club and Private Intercostal Waterway 3-Highly successful high-rise on-call extern penthouse

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4 THE NEW ENNUI JURINAL OF SCUT May 15, 1977 The Pathologic Guide to the History and Physical A paucity of literature exists describing a pathologist's approach to the history and physical. The NEJS now presents such an article as a service to its readers. This section issent free of charge to medical students, interns, and other housekeeping staff only. When did you first experience the pain Does your stool glow in the dark? Do your teeth itch? What is the air-speed velocity of an un- ladened swallow? 1 — INTRODUCTION: A firm, warm handshake will allow the interviewer to gain the patient's confidence and transfer germs. This is a good opportunity to examine the nailbeds to note if the nails are asleep. 3 - INSPECTION: Careful visual exami- nation should be executed in the best tradition of General Anesthetic, Major Criteria, Extra-Corporal Pump, and Private Parts. One should always note if the bucket looks like it's a little pail. 2 — HISTORY TAKING: Keen interrogation skills and a finely-tuned hearing aid are definite assets for the pathology interview.