The Illman School - Span Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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And then we see the orphan asylum, famed for the motherly care which Mamma Watkins, the matron in charge, bestows upon its inmates. She also writes, it is said, editorials for the Siaudard. Scranton left behind we now come to the great city of New York, where we shall remain some time. The first important sight is the noble countenance of New York's most prominent citizen, U L. Cf' Cummings. Mark his noble look and kingly manner. Sarcasm? Oh, never! The next old acquaintance is H. K. Corbin, who has discovered the only way to be in time for breakfast in the morning is not to go to bed at night. Still another wonder, and this time it is the darling of the Four Hundredf' E. Delano, jr., Record: fifty cigarettes and fourteen high- balls in one hour. That large and imposing,Turkish-bath house on Broadway, which you see, is kept by Messrs. Hardy and Allen. Look at that organ-grinder there ! Can it be our old friend St. Muffin from Sunny Italy? The Saints forefend ! Yes, it must be so, for he is playing in front of Ikey Marston's pawn shop. Look, the proprietor comes forth, and they embrace with tears. A touching sight l As we direct our gaze towards Brooklyn we see Dowie II marshalling his hosts for a crusade on Gotham. His exhortations are perfect, but his management, like that of a basket- ball team in ages past, is rather faulty. Now we resume our northward journey. Gazing down We 11093 T , EMORY JOHNSON, Residing at Spuyten Duyvel. Thatis all. Tarrytown is next in line. What do we see here? A house in the center of a forty-acre lot. Guards at each gate. Women forbidden within the grounds under severe penalties. Yes, it is our old friend, Jesse B. Nichols, who, after being disappointed in love siX times, has at last become a confirmed bachelor and woman-hater. A sad sight indeed, and a warning to all. As we leave Tarrytown and start westward we Hy over the little hamlet of Cooperstown. Only a former head of the Sixth Form lives here, so it is not worth while to descend. What good did his brilliancy in recitations do him? you ask. Why, they say he do plant them bean oi hisn be Geometry but I guess thetis all.', 22

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a seat, you will soon be able to have the future disclosed. Ah ! I thought so. The lecture has begun and your head is nodding. There ! just a moment more and it is done. ' Pk X :F X Pk FK X Pk FK DF ' Presto ! Awake ! What a strange world is this ! 'Tis 1925. First of all we ascend the old familiar steps of the Sixth Form Flat. But, what a sight greets our eyes ! Small children occupy the rooms which once held Washburne, Congdon, and other great men, and the halls are iilled with the childish prattle, which, however, is much more sensible than the language used here in the year 19o4. What is the meaning of this ? you ask. That's easy-the new rule went into effect last year, and no boy is allowed to enter the school who is more than four years old, and no one can enter above the First Form. i - E As we contemplate this pitiful sight a sudden whirr is heard at the window, a11d looking out we behold a fully rigged airship hovering in the air. Whose invention? you ask. Why, that of Great Edisonis Greater Pupil, otherwise known as Diana Shaffer. He has already invented fifty-eight scientiiic wonders, and now is at work upon the fifty-ninth, by far the most difficult. However, as we are to tour the country we had better board the airship which is waiting for us. First stop, Lancaster! As we reach North Duke Street a strange sight meets our eyes. Can this be our old friend, E. Graybill, of bygone days? Alas, 'tis true! He has broken all the scales in Lancaster County, so his weight is not determined. As he sits by his barrels of sauer kraut and pretzels, smoking his long pipe, we get this answer to our inquiries, K' Vas I efer un adelete? Ach, yah I Back by der Hill School yet. Und mein left pectoral muscle-H but here we leave him, as he has started on an unending subject. Our good ship takes us northward, and we pause a moment over the famous town of Scranton. Ringling Brothers are exhibiting one of its citizens, VV. J. Phillips by name, and we see him advertised as nine feet tall and still growing ,H but there are others who claim a pass- ing glance. Here is the board of aldermen with J. Taylor-Schneider Foster throwing books and ink at the chairman, and demanding to be recognized. He is also prominent in social circles. Oh, yes!

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Westward, Ho, again! Chautauqua shows us E. Fenton Gilbert addressing the annual edlicational conference on different methods of teaching Trigonometry, but as he is too profound for us we turn our ship toward Buffalo. h What an impressive sight is this! A regiment of soldiers is being reviewed. See, they stand at parade rest. The noble colonel unsheathes his sword with a great iiourish. We listen for a ringing word of command. Instead, the following greets our ears: Men, I don't know what command to give, but get back the way you were any way you canf, Do you wonder that Colonel Park is the ladies idol? a We now put our ship in readiness for a long journey-and sail away for Duluth. En routewe look southward at the flourishing Pennsylvanian city of Tidioute-G. M. Grandin, prominent citizen. The population consists of two chickens, a dog, and the aforementioned G. M. G. Naturally Mr. Grandin has attained prominence in this community, but they say the dog is a close second. f But our real destination is Duluth. Arriving there, we send our cards to Mr. Congdon's oifice, and ask to be allowed to see the great man. Thunderous growls and curses come from the inner office, and the boy comes running out with a scared face to say Mr. Congdon is busy. It is rumored that this same Mr. Congdon has already killed off two office boys in fits of anger, and that his present servant only escapes through his nimbleness. Oh, yes, Mr. Congdon is a nice, kind man, Iim sure! ' Travelling south' from Duluth we catch a fleeting glimpse of St. Paul and its most remarkable citizen, Mr. R. Hale Noyes. He is renowned for being the only man west of the Mississippi Cor east of it, for that matterj whose legs are more than six feet long. Some say that in the future his body will vanish and his neck grow from his hips, but I am inclined to be a bit skeptical about that. ' g V We now move on south and pause over the Illinois State Penitentiary. The leader of the Chicago gas ring, notorious for the graft which he stowed away for himself is confined here for a long term. Let us listen to the words which come from his lips, and maybe we can guess who he is : My gosh ! Ah, ha ! it is Banks after all, and justice has come at lastf'