IIT Chicago Kent College of Law - Transcript Yearbook (Chicago, IL)

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THE. Q e E i I either a total stranger on skullduggery bent, or by a fond and loving spouse, should there not be a remedy? Yes, there most certainly should not, for did not the old Roumanians say, I-Ieaven helps them as helps theirselvesj' and that then is E.quity's remedy, a soak in the eye for a soak in the eye. q SECOND MAXIMUM. ' Equity follows the Law. In ye olden tymes this meant that. But now it doesn't mean so much, if any. Today, whatever day this happens to be, fa good up to date calendar will be of inestimable value herej it means that after the law gets through with you, the Equity Man will get you if you don't watch your step. In Divorce it works this here way. After the legal fracas in the Domestic Reluctance Court, then you can have recourse to the Humorable judges on Chancery Setting and there you get your solicitor's fees. In Crimes, what does it 'matter who gets there hrst, Law or Equity, the County jail by any other name would swell your feet. . THIRD MAXIMUM. I Where the equities are equal, the first in time shall prevail. That means, first come, first table. If the loving spouses soak each other in the eye instanter, the first law clerk under the time stamp at the Clerk's office gets the barbed wire wrist watch, the second gets darn poor wages. So in criminality, hit him for possibly herj and then run like anything, to, not for, a gendarme who will gather you in his protecting arms 81 squeeze you fondly. FOURTH MAXIMUM. Where there are equal equities the law must prevail. This is a bit harder for the layman to get through his skull, but to us legally learned little luminaries, it's a pipe, as Charlie Dawes said when asked why he carried a monkey wrench in his mouth. This maximum means that if burglar and tenant, or loving spousesff2'j fEach othersjl have such a grip on each other that neither can make a Moscow, during the course of the day a minion of the law will no doubt give you a ride in the lovely Morgan Collins Blue enclosed cars so much seen in front of some of our most prom- inent bootlegger's doors these here days of draught. FIFTH MAXIMUM. QA Fifth is commonly called a quart but don't let them get away with it.j I-Ie who comes into Equity must come with clean hands. You've read these Sherlock Combs Stories where the safe- Cnounj -blower always works with gloves on. Well, those writers tell you it's to prevent getting the furniture all full of finger marks, but it's no such a thing. It's to be prepared to come into Equity, that's what it is. These safe-blowers aren't so dumb. In Divorce and Murders the point is to leave the body alone after you shoot him, or else wear gloves. SIXTH MAXIMUM. He who seeks equity must do equity. In other words, instead of waiting for equity to to all the work for you, go out and do your job and then get the equitable O. K. This is particularly applicable to Divorces. Like, for instance, suppose one of the fond, dutiful and loving spouses is 1925 l ii ix Page 167

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THE N3 Page 166 , D E j j The Maximums of Equity fWith Suggested Revisions Relating to the Modern.App1ication.J As Revised by HAROLD T. HUBER. ' , . ' f Equity jurisprudence today is practically the same as it was when NVillie, who started the darn thing, was right in the middle of his Conquering. Law and Equity are about the only things that have not changed at least in some slight degree. Among the more important changes of note along other lines, are changes that gradually came about and are taken as matters of course by we of this day and age, but were totally and entirelyunknown to the old timers of the Crusades, the. Palisades and during the reign of William of Orange, the Crangeades. A For instance, pajamas, or as the sons and daughters of Britain so very quaintly term them, pyjamas. Absolutely unknown to them of whom we speak. Loud speakers and super-hooperdines were unknown, although they probably had their table talkers and some type of ear phones, although the namehas changed somewhat, as the earlier references all seem to be to beer foams. But you get the idea that most everything is different these days. Everything but Law and Equity. Cf Law, the least said the better, for we can always struggle along even if we don't know our Ward Committee- man or the Clerk of the Speeders' Court. But with Equity it is something else again. That has just got to be changed and why not now and by the students of Chicago-Kent? I The foundations of Equity are the Maximums, so called after the Em- peror Maximillian of Troy, or Schenectady, whichever it was. These here Maximums have heretofore been applied to Trusts and Dead Beats, Real Estate and Mortgages, Accidents, Mistakes, Injunctions, Etcetera and so forth. And they have done fairly well, but are hardly adapted to present day conditions. Today in our Courts only four kinds of suits are in style, namely, to wit and viz., Divorce, Criminal, Saffron Cab and I. O. U. The last we can leave to the Supreme Court of Checaugau with its rubber stamp pleading and its knock down and drag out Little Claims Court. , ' ' The Saffron Cab suits, which include other personal injury and property damage suits, can be and are well taken care of in the Common Law Branches. Which leaves Divorce and Criminal matters and here is where, by a slight revision, Equity can make a name for itself. 'So in order to simplify the change, the old Maximums are hereby revised and newly in-' terpreted, and passed on to the readers of this here Cap and Gown Album for their consideration, noting the application of the old style Maximums to Divorce and Criminal Procedure. .FIRST MAXIMUM. Equity will not suffer a wrong to be without a remedy. This is the backbone of the whole carcass. Sure, Equity won't. And why should Divorce and Crime? None, is the answer. If one is soaked in the eye by 1925

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THE. Tx N6 Q 4 sure that he or she could be more fond and dutiful and loving to another's spouse, why let he or she make such arrangements to bring such a thing about and when that has been done, equity will do the rest, usually by the way of an agent, the coroner. ' . I SEVENTH MAXIMUM. Equity aids the vigilant and not the indolentf' In other words, if you don't keep on your toes you don't get to first base with the equators or dispensers of equity. Don't let. the grass grow under your feet, and if the afore mentioned spouse talks about Bertha or William in his or her sleep and your name is Florence or Claude, equity won't help much if you don't step on the gas and get the facts in the case and act upon them. Likewise in criminal matter. If you happen to be murdered or manslaughtered and like a rummy don't say anything about it, don't blame equity for not taking much of an interest in your affairs. I EIGHTH MAXIMUM. A Equity imputes an intention to fulfill an obligation. In divorce, equity assumes that the he-spouse will show the she-spouse 'where to get off at, as a fulfillment of the promise to obey, which is still, as in the days of the bond issue for the. Pyramids, still snickered out during the ceremony that does you in until death takes away the sting, and to criminals not so well versed in equity, a hint at this time to shoot if they say they are going to, would no doubt be well advised. Nothing gets the Honorary Judges so sore as for a stick-up man that's supposed to be in good standing to go back on his word. NINTH MAXIMUM. Equality is equity. A good terse explanation of this maximum would be, Take a guy your own size. It looks fierce to see a little bit of a mur- derer, scaling a hundred and ten, confronted in the court room with a two hundred and twenty-pound corpus delicti. E-quity's mission is to even things up, and in the above instance equity would no doubt award the de- fendant another murder free, because there certainly was an imposition somewhere. In the same manner, where the difference in weight betwixt and between loving spouses is over fifty pounds, equity will require the heavier mate to keep one hand strapped behind the back, and in case the difference is a hundred pounds or more, brass or platinum knuckles to match the ring of servitude will be presented the runt out of the fund left over after the attorneys, solicitors, advocates and counsellors get theirs. . TENTH MAXIMUM. Equity looks upon that as done which ought to be done. If for in- stance a man leaves his jewelry store open all night, equity will award the cleaning out contract to the five finger artist in whose district this gentle- man has his place of business. Likewise if a fond -spouse catches her hus- band with some dizzy blonde, equity will decree that the wife should go out for an evening with either a lounge lizard or a cake-eater, for equity will not stand by: and see the husband get the only gypping. Take a reference here to the Illinois law on that point. Yousta vs. I-Iasbin, 414 Ill., 1925 Page 168