Holy Cross School of Nursing - Lamplighter Yearbook (Calgary, Alberta Canada)

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IN THE WAITING ROOM TO THE DOCTOR Rule to follow when in doubt— Cut your patient ' s tonsils out. Use no ether — but take care— Let him watch the whole affair If he ' s faint and weak inside — Remind him of the ones who died. But you mustn ' t let him shirk — Make him help you with the work. Make him hand you tools — that ' s right — Make your patient hold the light. Tie his tongue down to his chin — Prop him open, then climb in. If the patient starts to gag — Stuff his mouth up with a rag. If he ' s scared, devoid of pep — Describe it to him, step by step. Explore his toothy cave within — Rest your elbows on his chin. Tell him not to squirm about Or you ' ll cut his gizzard out Snip with vigor so he ' ll hear — Hang your scissors on his ear. Cut his innards till he bawls — Just pretend you ' re cutting paper-dolls. When you ' ve finished, then give up — Take your knee off— let him up. Pat him fondly on the back — Tell him that they might grow back! — Donald D. McRoberts. The big transport was flying over a provincial hospital for the insane. All at once the pilot burst out in loud laughter. A passenger in¬ quired, What ' s the joke? I was thinking, replied the pilot, how bothered they will be in the hospital when they find I ' ve escaped. I don ' t know what ' s the matter with tl at nice doctor. He was so attentive a few minules ago, and now he won ' t even look at me. Perhaps he saw me come in. I ' m his wife. I got this bottle of brandy for my mother- in-law. I ' d say that was a marvellous exchange. Optimist: A middle aged man who believes the waistband of his trousers has been shrunk by the cleaners. He: What would you do if I should die and leave you? She: Leave me how much? Wise or Otherwise After marking a set of exams from one of the group during the past year one of our faith¬ ful instructors has taken down some of the new meanings for these words: Meningitis — a female complaint — loving too much. Strabismus — (cross eyes) — a secret of the medical profession. Dimples — Scars from being bitten. Broken Coccyx— Falling hard for someone. Frontal Arch —Caused by stepping out. He who laughs last, is usually slow at catch¬ ing on. Boy: Give me two four watt bulbs. Clerk: Two what? Boy: No, four watt. Clerk: For what? Boy: That ' s right. What is the difference between a man and a mouse? — One wears a hat. Mb ' (J .W 7 A ' iou tArsr jerc 4 f ru.. If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair, is the latest advice. If this doesn ' t work, use the other side of the brush and the other end of the child. The unanswered question: Who missed the food coming down the laundry shoot from Ped? YEAR BOOK, 1955 PAGE SIXTY-THREE

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PHARMACY

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Fireman: There ' s a fire in 88, what would you do? The student runs and closes all the doors, very efficiently. Fireman: But nurse couldn ' t you first check to see if you could put the fire out yourself? Nurse: Maybe, on some floors; but on St. Ann ' s things are done different. FIRE DRILL Night Nurses Clifford — Beaumont I wonder if in year to come — say ' bout 1983 They ' ll have two nurses quite like you and me, We check the penicillin and miss the a.m. dose Check the pharmacy and can ' t find the one we need the most. Then check the patients, it ' s after twelve you know! Me on St. Francis, you on St. Joe A window down, a bed rolled up, ten women on the pan, Frosst 222 — the patient wonders just what there could be to do; A quick reading, a light in 34, Another man barely gowned a standing some¬ where on the floor, The man from 37 sitting in 38, back to bed you ali, time is getting late! It ' s now one-thirty our flashlight burning low, but peace and serenity, Oh at last! What was that terrific crash? Why Mr. Leet — too weak to move a lash (?) So back over those sideboards you must go. For it ' s coffee time, in case you don ' t know. Well coffee tides us over till seven-thirty on the dot, By this time we wonder if we ' ll make it or not. 234-2 Fell out on his head, 237-1 Sorry he ' s dead. 230-1 Didn ' t sleep much last night, 236-1 Wasn ' t in bed enough for the bugs to bite 238 Well he ' s fine and so on down the line. 260 Catheter — it ' s pulled out. 267 Levine tube neither in or out. 273 Depression and gout. 274 and 75 Quickly while this luck holds out. Ah, what do you know, we ' re all done, Pharmacy, bottles, tray and away we run Terrible we say; but a lot of fun! DON ' T Don ' t grumble, don ' t bluster, Don ' t dream, and don ' t shirk. Don ' t think of your worries, Just think of your work. The worries will vanish, The work will be done. No man sees his shadow Who faces the sun. Popularity Thomas Bailey Aldrich Such kings of shreds have wooed and won her, Such crafty knaves her laurels owned, It has become almost an honor Not to be crowned. L ' Envo Goodbye, old years with days forever ended No moments left for recompense, for tears Behind; time ' s grave, fast-sealed and unattended Before; life ' s rainbow beckoning through the years. PAGE SIXTY-FOUR HOLY CROSS HOSPITAL