Hiram College - Spider Web Yearbook (Hiram, OH)

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CHAPTER I OF THE BOOK OF BEELZEBUB. Now it came to pass in the third year of the reign of Grover, surnamed Cleveland, who reigned from sea to sea over the forty and five provinces, when William, surnamed McKinley, was Gover¬ nor over the province of Ohio, that Eli, the priest, surnamed Zollars, was chief Rabbi over the school of the Prophets at Hiram. On the thirty-first of the tenth month of the year 1895 , there was trouble among the sons of the prophets on Hiram Hill, for behold it was on the evening of this day commonly called, in the Book of Superstition, Hallowe’en. On this night for a long time Satan had gone forth and entered both into the young men and maidens, and did bewitch them to do evil in the sight of all the Elders and Judges of Israel, and to exceed¬ ingly vex their righteous souls by assembling themselves together and making a great fire to the Evil One, and then by going forth into the city and tearing up the sidewalks, stealing corn fodder, put¬ ting the chariots in the top of the temple, and doing divers other deeds well pleasing to Satan. Now it came to pass on that night, that about two score maidens who lived at the Inn, called Bowler, and who are ruled over by one elderly maiden named Martha, sent forth two score messages to the noblest sons of the prophets and requested them to sup with them that night. When this company had assembled themselves, and mirth and gladness ruled the house, behold, about two score and ten young men of the baser sort came together, and, being filled with the spirit

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The meeting o’er, for home they start, But he, ’micl flutter of the heart, Forgets his overshoes; He back returns, at last they’re found, Soon at the door he ’gain looks round; The maids he nowhere views. A wicked Prep these tidings gives, “Thy maid has gone to where she lives; ' The Freshman stood aghast. With maledictions ’gainst his shoes, With breathless haste, face changing hues, Swift in the night he passed. In wild despair he plucks his hair; Two fleeting maids before him there He ever seems to see; One slight of figure; at her side One great of stature, tall and wide, With laugh of childish glee. The damsel’s house at last he gains, Nor finds the damsel for his pains; His way he backward turns; The sorrowing maids he met alone, “Good evening, Mr. P.,’’ says one, Toward whom his spirit yearns. Ask me not what that Freshman feels, Perchance his reason stoops or reels, Yet one deep vow he swears; Now when he maidens takes to church, Yes, every time he’s on the perch, No overshoes he wears. 26

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of envy and wickedness, they plotted together for mischief against the people of the Inn and against the good people of Hiram Hill. And behold, they caught a young swine and put it into the feast room and into the bed-chamber of two of the young maidens of the Inn, and caused a great commotion in the Inn, for the beast was an unclean animal. They also shouted with a great shout, and threw themselves and mortar also against the door of the Inn. And they did that which was an abomination in all Israel, to the buildings and gardens and lands of the chief Rabbi of the school of the prophets. When Eli, the priest, heard of the defilement of these young- men, his spirit sank within him, and he was filled with wrath, and smote upon himself, and said, “O my soul.’ Then all the Rabbies and Elders and young men and women in whose hearts was no mis¬ chief, rose and took counsel together, and said, What shall we do. J For behold, the good name of our school and our city is held in con¬ tempt by all the land this day, and we shall be a hissing and a byword in all Israel. Then they called together the Sanhedrim, and sent forth a de¬ cree to all the unruly fellows of the baser sort to appear before the high court on a certain day. When they came together Eli, the chief Rabbi, and Bailey, the Deanite, inquired diligently what these young men had done. And they said unto Eli and unto the Sanhe¬ drim, “Behold, we have made ourselves the ‘riff-raff and rag-tag’ of society and have done evil in the sight of all men. For we did push with our hands, and dance with our feet, and shout with our voices, and daub the Inn with mortar, and put swine into the bed-chamber of some of the goodly maidens, and have done that which did please Satan greatly. Now look,—we humble ourselves and beg forgive¬ ness of the Sanhedrim, and what more can we do? Then said Eli, the chief Rabbi, “Because thou art sorry for thy sin and hast humbled thyself, we forgive thee this day if thou wilt pay into the treasury twenty-five pieces of silver, and do no more according to the custom of the Evil One on Hallowe ' en.” And they said, “This will we do. Then there was peace in all Israel, and every man went to his tent, and the wrath of Eli was appeased. 28