Hillside High School - Epoch Yearbook (Hillside, NJ)

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teacher you are deserving of commendation. Your evident affec- tion for those little east-siders wins our admiration. A whistle blew. Brakes were jammed. Squeaks were heard, and then, Don't you know what that whistle means ? The unfortunate whose emergency refused to work mumbled, sputtered and blushed. The policeman turned away but not before we recognized him. Howdy, Captain Steinholtzf' A lady with the sweetest face one could wish to gaze upon, stood talking to a small boy. The boy seemed rather puzzled and unable to comprehend the lady's statements. Finally with an exasperated motion the lady began to explain her statements over again. The boy mumbled, I don't understand. The lady gave up in disgust. We don't blame you Eve. Anyone who can't see why right angles are equal is dumb. A tall thin lady with gray hair loomed in sight. Grouped around her were seven children who proved to be her very own. When we inquired her name, she blushed, stammered and finally ejaculated: It-It's Sophie. Airy fairy Lillian! True and yet untrue. Your excess weight proves that your boyish form has taken flight but ah, Lill, don't worry. Your better half loves you, anyway. A word to the wise is sufficient. See Jack Burt. A serious face with troubled eyes and pensive mouth. Ah damsel, why grievest thou? Art thou weary or do your feet hurt? Cappy! I wouldn't have believed it. An old maid like you to attempt to Charleston. Follow in the footsteps of your reformed sister. She hints that the Salvation Army needs a few more volunteers. Madame, can I be of any assistance to you' Yes, for goodness sake hurry! I have a dinner engage- ment and the condition of my hair is deplorable. Give me a sheik bob, hurry! After that we'd better rest. Madge of the blue eyes and beautiful golden hair. The only female woman left, has joined the ranks and made this an era for better and bigger bobs. For thee, dear one, I'd leave home. The dear one glanced contemptuously at the speaker and con- tinued to read. Her book must have been absorbing for she didn't even look up. The afflicted person spoke again. Dear one, what are you reading F Goodness, inquisitive, I'm reading how tomatoes can be best baked. And with a snap the book closed. Dot Utter had f learned her lesson. Never fool with a tomato 'cause you're apt to be squashed. An adorable ink spot adorned the tip of her nose. Her desk was strewn with papers. A cat purred at her feet and the pen of inspiration moved quickly. The great Margaret Wehrfritz sighed and laid down her pen. Her wonderful novel on Rheu- matism and Similar Ailments was completed. An immense automobile was racing up the road. A liveried chauffeur drove it. In the back a man sat smoking a cigaret. He looked out of the window and from behind an attractive Van Dyke, we recognized Spencer Williams. Prosperous from the beginning his immense wealth placed him on the market as a most desirable bachelorg but feminine charms held no lure for him. His large police dog, Mike, was the only one who occupied any major place in his thoughts. A large assembly room filled with students. Every one of them was intently listening to the well-chosen words of an im- pressive speaker. We looked at the speaker. It was no other. It was Tom Woodfield. Mischievous Tom, who had, through diligent study and hard work, become principal of a large high school. Mr. Wukitsch, your mail. The pretty stenographer laid it upon the desk and walked away. Mr. Wukitsch, older than when we knew him but otherwise unchanged, spoke a crisp Thank you and picked it up. As president of the Consolidated Steel Company of America he gains our respect. And then a heavy puff, puff and the one whom time cannot hush, runs in-late, of course. Because of her throaty ways Klinker Klein has become a part of the Metropolitan Opera Com- pany. She has deserted meat balls in favor of fried chicken, and when stage duty no longer calls, she scribbles away on her Cook Book. There are many little Klinkers puffing around, and a charming bald, fat husband frelated to King Colej watches them puff-and lets the chicken burn. Helen is very happy! Again the curtain was drawn. Our glances into the future were over. The pals and comrades whose characters had been so queerly depicted had vanished. All was dark. Nothing was left but faded memories. Yet, those memories will remain forever, treasured as something worth having. HELEN KLEI N, Prophet.

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you are loosing your sunny disposition? fPerhaps she isn't ac- countable for all she does, for, Her heart's in the highlands. J Oh, well. don't take it so to heart. Your name won't be Johnson much longer. All was quiet. The gentle whirring of the wind seemed to lull the world into forgetfulness. As we gazed further into the leafy woodland we spied a maiden. Clad in white she presented a pleasing picture. The purity of her expression rivaled the purity of her gown. Unshed tears trembled in her eyes. Wfeep not, fair Edith, Buddy'll come home from war soon. Yes ma'am, this paint is guaranteed to last. You won't get a bargain like this every day. Look at those hardwood Hoors. Surely, you don't doubt my word. No, we don't John. You're not only a good salesman for Kennedy's real estate, you're an asset to the class of 1926. There's something tender in the moonlight, and ah, beloved, the beautiful calm reminds me of you. More action,--action! bellowed the coach as the hero fin- ished. Do you think that'll do? Here, do it this way. The grimy gentleman grasps the damsel and attempts to illustrate. The hero glares and then does it according to instruc- tions. Yet, he Who labors reaps a harvest, and Dave MacNeil was never known to fail. He'll rival John Barrymore yet. A little bungalow on the outskirts of the village. The smell of baking bread, and a young gentleman of six summers busily eating dirt. Willee! Willee! Then the lady appeared. VVe shall draw the curtain on the next scene, because painful things are better when skipped. Again we see VVillee. Tears falling and chubby hands besmeared with dirt, wiping them away. Have a heart, Mibs. Remember: you have a healthy wallop and you might hurt him. In a cozy room hung with chintz drapes and furnished with old-fashioned over-stuffed furniture, a lady sat knitting. She had snow white hair attractively bobbed and curled. It was the year 1966, and as she looked back and recalled the joys of her youth, she sighed. Alas, she thought, men may come, and men may go, but I go on forever, alone. Cheer up Jayne, it won't be long now. Lead Kindly Light. --the voice stopped and because of the abruptness of its ending, a sense of queerness overcame us. We looked and looked and looked again. It couldn't be, but, yes it was. Standing on a street corner, clad in Salvation Army uni- form, waving a tambourine, stood Esther, the Peg of our High School days. Reformed and reforming. Come on now, let's sing again. It'll take more than a song to survive the shock. For I'm a masher, sang a gay tenor. We turned to get a better view. Yes, it was NValdo. Dressed to the minute finclud- ing spatsJ and ogling at the passing females. Ah me, life holds surprises for us all, but little did we dream that this would happen to the sedate Waldo Nickerson. Now, Joe dear, this is the third time I've asked you to hang that picture of mother, a sweet voice droned. Joe dear stretched, threw down the newspaper and grumblingly got up, glared -at the world in general and accomplished his task. Joe Policastro of all people obeying a woman's command. Joe of athletic fame and frame. Life's many untold histories astound and repel but could we, in sound mind, imagine this. Ah, frailty, thy name is man. Among the hurrying crowds in a large department store, a small boy stood, crying. XVant mamma, want my mamma. A man of massive frame but kindly face attempted to comfort him. The infant continued. Don't want big fat man. want my mamma. The floor walker known to us as John Franklin gave up in despair. After many futile attempts he located the desired mamma QP. S. The youngster's name was Hock.J Thud, thud, thud Cand another thudj. The nail was in its last resting place. The carpenter sighed and the h.ammer dropped causing a fifth thud. Should he or shouldn't he? VVas he a coward? He-once state captain of basketball? Ah, me, no! He would ask her. He did. They lived happily ever after. It is worthy to note that Mr. Dubow dines at the Roberts' apartment on Tuesday evenings. A maiden sat at a desk and steadily pounded a typewriter. Her eyes were very bright and as she transcribed we shall de- scribe her. As secretary to the president of the Consolidated Gas Company, she is one of the greatest successes 1926 boasted. Good for you, Johanna! 'On a stage whose settings revealed royalty, a very attractive speaker gained our attention. Her oratory was so celebrated that even the great did her homage. The gift of expression had not been disregarded and we hope that Jackie's success will be as lasting as her sunny disposition. Remember folks, she collected ballots with Isadore once, now she has others do it for her. Oh Josephine, my Josephine, the years may come and go but your beguiling ways remain unchanged. As a kindergarten

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LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF 1926 fr, E, the class of 1926, possessing on the whole a per- L 1 L' 7' fectlv sound mind and the ability to read and write by-,PS do hereby w1ll and bequeath all our worldly posses 3 J ' .1 1 - 1 INV X if , v L X - sions including real estate, stocks, insurance policies, mortgage loans and old sneaks. To the class of 1927 we will our political abilities, our good standing with the Hillside Police Force and the slightly pinned up but carefully rolled green and white streamers used for Senior Prom. They may be used again with careful handling-we suggest sterilized rubber gloves for the person of delicate taste. To the faculty we bequeath all our blotters and joseph Subpoena Policastro's mislaid gym towel to be used to evaporate the tears which it is customary to shed upon our sad departure. To the freshmen we will a new Columbia harmonica with the understanding that they use it to the best advantage to become popular, so that they may no longer be termed those green little freshmen. Q Home, Sweet Home is not so very ditficultj To NValter Krumbeigle we bequeath Evelyn Sterner's antique green sweater guaranteed not to rip, ravel, or run down at the heel-this he is to wear on all important occasions, including music lessons and boxing matches. To Lillian Patton, future editor of the Guide Post, we affectionately give all the pencil stubs and nibbled erasers which may be found around the premises of Margaret Wehrfritz. To Jane lNillmot and Woolsey Haetle, we hold up as an example of gentle ways of speaking, Albert Bell. To Betty Harvey we bequeath a little of Madge Tunison's non-vampishness with the hope that Betty will not be afflicted with cross eyes. To Virginia Joyce we leave all stray scraps of stretchable elastic for her to use at her own discretion. To the sprouting vampires of the underclasses we leave Esther Middleton's ardorous duties of bringing into the limelight of social circles, the juvenal indoor sheiks. What of more importance can we leave the future Seniors than Macaulay's Essay on Johnson, the valuable parts of which have been neatly underlined by the industrious QU of '26. We will Spike VVi1liams' array of tardy marks to any undergraduate who can uphold the standard which Spike has attained. This is quite a desirable position, taking into considera- tion that one is always sure of forty winks during detention period. Our 1926 sign we will to Mr. Sandford. tHe will find it among the debris on top of the cloak ro-om.l This piece of art he may either frame or donate to the Volunteers of America. To the poor unfortunates of next year, we will two,dozen pairs of fur lined pajamas to be worn in case of another coal strike. To the Board of Education we will 5131.05 toward a fund for new auditorium chairs with solid backs in order that the future slaves of learning may not be burdened with round shoulders. To the S. G. A. we also will 31.05 for barbed wire for fencing off the baseball field and 31.05 for bayonets for ticket men. VVe hope that these improvements will end the haranguing phrase where's yer ticket ? so that we may gaze upon the ball game in peace. CC'ontinu,ed on Page forty-onej