High School of Commerce - Tradesman Yearbook (Boston, MA)

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TI-IE TRADESMAN M Young Ham has a frail called Ophelia, An' her pop is a dreary old goof. An' they can't dope why Hamlet's gone batty, They clon't know what he seen on the roof. Well, Ham goes an' calls on his mother, An' he bawls the old girl Tout fer fair, Then he sees somethin' move in the curtains, An' he thinks that the uncle is there, So he jabs with his sword through the curtain An' he cries, Now we're even, my lad. But it isn't the King but Polonius, And he's killed poor Ophelia's old dad. Then Ophelia, poor kid, just goes daffy, When she hears how her old man is crowned, An' she goes around singing like crazy, Till she walks in the lake and gets drowned. There's a jolly old scene in the graveyard Where Prince Hamlet gets into a scrap With Ophelia's big brother, Laertes, Who wants to muss up Hamlet's map. Then the King says, Now boys, don't act nasty I know -how to fight this thing out, live got some tin swords at the castle, An' we'll frame up a nice friendly bout. Then he winks at Laertes and whispers, We'll knock this here mut for a goolg I'll smear up your sword with some poison, An' we'll make Hamlet look like a fool. - So they pull off the bout like they plan it, But the king thinks his scheme may slip up, So he orders a cold drink for Hamlet, An' some poison he sneaks in the cup. Then Ham and Laertes start lighting, And the king slips Laertes the wink, But the Queen she ain't wise to vvhat's doing, An' she swallers the king's poisoned drink. Then Hamlet gets stuck in the shoulder An' he sees hows he's framed from the start, So he switches the swords on Laertes, An' he stabs the poor bum through the heart. An' he says, '4Well, let's call it a day. Then the Queen dies, the King dies, and Ham dies I calls it a helluva play. fRepr1nted from OPERA GUYED by Newman Levy, by permission of and special arrangement with Alfred A. Knopf, Inc Authorized Publishers. J 5

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THE TRADESMAN When Bill was going out to the Post Office, his stomach felt anything but pleasant, and he felt that he must have absorbed several old fish from the envelopes. One of the workers noticed him and asked if he was sick. Bill gave the reason for his trouble and instead of gaining sympathy he heard a roar of laughter. Why, you poor simp, said his questioner. Why didn't you ask some- body for a sponge. No wonder you feel sick. Bill reported then next night and went through with his work all right, but it was very tiresome and he was glad to get home at night. For the rest of the two weeks Bill worked hard and when he got his ten dollars he felt very proud. The night of the show Bill dressed himself up and went down town to the place where his girl said she would meet him. She arrived only half an hour late and they went to the theatre. Two of the best seats, said Bill proudly. Standing room only, was the answer. If you wanted seats you should have reserved them. Bill relayed the terrible news to his girl, who gave him one look and said, If you think that I'm going to stand, you're mistaken. I think you planned the whole thing so you wouldn't have to buy seats. You can stand if you want to, but I'm going home. As she departed, Bill stared after her dumbfounded. O, well, I might as well make the best of it,', and turning to the ticket office he said, One standing room. LOST By I. F. Houghton, '27, Elizabeth gazed around. Above her rose great sky-scrapers. All around her was the life of New York. Elizabeth was lost in the great city of New York. She was frightened, for she could not speak. She had been dumb since the day of her birth. Elizabeth had wandered around the great city all day long, and now as night was coming on she began to be really frightened. One can easily realize her situation, She had not eaten since noon the day previous. The swaying mob on all sides of Elizabeth seemed to overwhelm her. Tears rose in her eyes and a great lump began to develop in her pale throat. Not one of those thousands bestowed as much as a glance at her. She felt miserable. At least all of these people had a place to go to at night and a bite of food waiting at home for them. Elizabeth came to a doorway. She felt very tired and so she sat down. After watching the surging crowd move on this way and that, she fell asleep. When she woke up Elizabeth found herself in a lady's arms. Oh you poor little thing, the lady said, where have you been all this time ? Elizabeth's eyes became watery. She had at last got home. It was owing to a young newsboy who on the previous night had found Elizabeth asleep in a doorway. He saw Elizabeth's collar on which was her mistress' name and address and an inscription which read, Whoever finds this dog, please return to the above address and receive a reward. The newsboy had received the reward of 31.00 and Elizabeth returned home none the worse for her experience. 7