High School of Commerce - Tradesman Yearbook (Boston, MA)

Text from Pages 1 - 44 of the 1927 volume:

Leadership in Business calls for a Thorough Business Education The College of Business Administration BOSTON UNIVERSITY ofers courses which give technical, liberal and ethical training and lead to the degree of Bachelor of Business Administration, Master of Business Administration, or Bachelor of Journalism. The Day and Evening Divisions of the College of Business Adminis- tration hold the same relation to Business that schools of medicine or of law hold to their respective professions. While earning a degree students may specialize and attain a high standard of proficiency in a particular position. The College prepares for positions of responsibility in Accountancy, Industrial Management, Journalism Advertising, Teaching, Credit Management Foreign Trade, Correspondence Supervision Banking, Insurance, Sales Management Retail Store Management Established in 1913 Day and Evening Divisions 123 Courses 90 Instructors The College of Business Administration EvERE'rr w. LORD, Dean - 525 BOYLSTON STREET BACK BAY 8810 Mme T' TRADESMAE Published Four Times a Year by the Students ofthe High School of Commerce, Boston, Mass. VOL. XIX. APRIL, 1927 No. 3 EDITOR IN CHIEF Norman B. Leonard ASSOCIATES Richard Grant Brian Emerson William Polansky Michael Norcott John Conway Artin Aslanian John Griffin George Cosgrove Walter Swift John Tynan Ezra Leboff Carl A. B. Johnson ART DEPT. LITERARY DEPT. James Boylan ALUMNI EDITOR Frank R. Beede William F. Kenny George H. Kelley John B. Burke Edward Learv James F. Houghton BUSINESS MANAGER William M. Hurwitz LOCAL EDITOR ATHLETICS BOOKS John Kohler Howard Dacey Harold Forrester James E. Brady sl OUR 'ILLUMINATI 'XVe've all in childhood days sxveated nobly over that versilied platitude which announces: Lives of great men all remind us VV'e can make our lives sublimeg And departing leave behind us Footsteps on the sands of time. True enough, we are bound to admit. Still the accent sounds a trifle rusty and sepulchral, like the voice of Hamlet's father in the cellarage. The trouble with us is that we're infected by the Missourian bacillus. We refuse to worship our great men as if they were godlike heroes. 'We have learned that the Father of Our Country never despoiled the cherry orchard, we suspect that even Santa C1aus's beard will not withstand too vigorous a pull. Perhaps we go too far in this nonchalant attitude towards our heroes. In the High School of Commerce, surely, we have never been over-senti- mental or blatant in the worship of our local magniiicoes. Nor shall we now, let us hope, commit that sin against good taste and decency. Nevertheless, though as schools go we are still very young, we have our outstanding hgures. VVe are not yet twenty years old, yet we have sent out into the world scores of men who have made their mark in many fields of endeavor. W'e think you will be interested to learn about some of these men. So from time to time we shall publish in the alumni column brief accounts of Commerce graduates who are working at interesting jobs. YVe shall not indulge in eulogy, for these men are still very much alive and forging ahead. XVe shall confine ourselves to the bare facts expressed as concise- ly as possible. In the facts alone, however, if you read alertly, you will hnd much to make you proud to call yourself a member of the same body of alumni that includes such significant personalities. And perhaps Cwho knows?j you may End a suggestion or two that will help you in the great struggle to succeed. COMMERCE LIFE Late in the month of October, last year, a meeting of the Student As- sociation took place. This meeting was called to discuss the publication of a book which would show the life of the Commerce student throughout the school, and to show it pictorially. The idea was submitted by Mr. Downey and it was immediately met with approval by the Council. T Z THE TRADESMAN A committee, headed by Stanley Norton of 4-l, helped Mr. Downey to carry this book along until a successful publication was reached. Practi- cally the entire financial support was given by Mr. Luther Manuel, a Com- merce graduate in the class of 1924, a grad who was very eager to help the school in any possible way. It was through Mr. Manuel that the suc- cess of the book was determined. The cost of the book exceeded by far the price asked. For many months Mr. Downey, with the committee, worked very hard to get this book published. Very few, especially among the seniors, realize what value this book will be to them in a few years to come. Nothing of its kind has ever be- fore been produced among all the schools of the city. CO-OPERATIVE PLAN OF COLLEGIATE EDUCATION . Need of higher education in modern life is no longer open to doubt. Young men and women who have an opportunity to attend institutions of advanced learning and fail to avail themselves of the privilege seriously limit their chances of advancement. E A few generations ago only the wealthy were able to carry the financial burden of collegeg however, today the avenues of assistance, the co-oper- ative plan being but one of the many, extend the privilege to all who are ambitious and who are willing to sacrifice certain pleasures temporarily for more ultimate values. At the present time twenty-one colleges, Northeastern University, of Boston. Massachusetts, being the largest in New England, are operated in part or wholly upon the co-operative plan. Allowing for particular adap- tations for each school, the co-operative plan provides for alternate periods to be spent in college and at work in the industries. Students apply tech- nical theory in industry before it is forgotten. On the co-operative plan, two men NM and NU called alternates, enter school during the same academic year. lXfl', enters in September and com- pletes his freshman year by April 15: N enters in January and completes his first year by July 15. Both begin their sophomore year about the eighth of the following September. , M attends classes receiving his technical training for a period of five weeks while N is engaged in the industries. These Hve weeks periods continue throughout the year except for alternate six weeks' summer va- cation. This is true for all years above the freshman year until commence- ment. Students on the co-operative plan, during their Working periods are paid employees of their respective firms' and compensation is determined by the extent of the students' experience and training, but in no case is it below the minimum for a given academic year. At time of graduation the student has acquired not only a college edu- cation but also the equivalent of two years of practical experience and is, therefore, ready to retain on a full-time basis his co-operative job or begin a new one as an experienced man. A Entrance requirements of co-operative schools are the same as those for admission to conventional schools of collegiate grade and may most easily and clearly be learned from school catalogs which are usually sent free of charge upon request. 3 TI-IE. TRADESMAN A REVUE OF REVIEWS With the passing of snowballs, both overhead and underfoot, signs of spring again draw close to this section of mother earth. The only review in this case is bruised backs, wet feet, and slippery corridors. As to the support, in track, hockey, and the buying of Commerce Life, what did you do? Many copies of Commerce Life were left over. Was it nonsupport on your part or on the part of the fellows next to you? Another thing, there are only a very few days from now until the prize drill. Have you done your best in drill periods? If you have, the best of luck to you. Carry away the well earned stripe and when you look back, from time to time, review the winning incident. WVhat about your marks? Two more by-monthlies and then the long vacation. Do you feel as though you were earning this vacation or is just the mere passing of weeks, in their customary routine, bringing it to you? Think it over. The end of this month brings about a main event that shall go down in Commerce history as its predecessors have done. Don't forget, it's the Commerce Revue! Fellow students, under the coaching of Mr. Decelles, are going to put it over with a crash! You put it over with your cash! Many John Barrymores have written their own lines. Come and help them succeed. It's the twenty-second of April. HAMLET Last night the boss slips me a ticket Fer a show by the name Barrymore What was wrote by a bird they call Hamlet An' believe it or not, kid, I'rn sore. Fer it's gloom from the moment it opens Till the time the theayter shuts, An' the company's half o' them loony An' the rest o' the cast is all nuts, This Barrymore lad is called Hamlet But his real name is George W. Gloom, He's a regular Life Ol the Party, He's as jolly an' gay as a tomb. His old man was King o' the Denmarks, An' the poor simp's gone weak in the bean, Fer his dad has been croaked by his uncle, Who, right afterwards, marries the Queen. So young Hamlet just hangs around sad like, An' he talks to hisself like a nut, But as yet he ain't hep that his father Was bumped off by his uncle, the mutt. One night he slips out o' the castle An' goes up on the roof fer some air, When along comes the ghost of his father, An' he shoots him an earful fer fair, That lowlife, your uncle, has croaked me, An' has went off an' married your ma. Will you let that rat hand you the ha ha? Says Hamlet, Just you notice me, pa. I 4 TI-IE TRADESMAN M Young Ham has a frail called Ophelia, An' her pop is a dreary old goof. An' they can't dope why Hamlet's gone batty, They clon't know what he seen on the roof. Well, Ham goes an' calls on his mother, An' he bawls the old girl Tout fer fair, Then he sees somethin' move in the curtains, An' he thinks that the uncle is there, So he jabs with his sword through the curtain An' he cries, Now we're even, my lad. But it isn't the King but Polonius, And he's killed poor Ophelia's old dad. Then Ophelia, poor kid, just goes daffy, When she hears how her old man is crowned, An' she goes around singing like crazy, Till she walks in the lake and gets drowned. There's a jolly old scene in the graveyard Where Prince Hamlet gets into a scrap With Ophelia's big brother, Laertes, Who wants to muss up Hamlet's map. Then the King says, Now boys, don't act nasty I know -how to fight this thing out, live got some tin swords at the castle, An' we'll frame up a nice friendly bout. Then he winks at Laertes and whispers, We'll knock this here mut for a goolg I'll smear up your sword with some poison, An' we'll make Hamlet look like a fool. - So they pull off the bout like they plan it, But the king thinks his scheme may slip up, So he orders a cold drink for Hamlet, An' some poison he sneaks in the cup. Then Ham and Laertes start lighting, And the king slips Laertes the wink, But the Queen she ain't wise to vvhat's doing, An' she swallers the king's poisoned drink. Then Hamlet gets stuck in the shoulder An' he sees hows he's framed from the start, So he switches the swords on Laertes, An' he stabs the poor bum through the heart. An' he says, '4Well, let's call it a day. Then the Queen dies, the King dies, and Ham dies I calls it a helluva play. fRepr1nted from OPERA GUYED by Newman Levy, by permission of and special arrangement with Alfred A. Knopf, Inc Authorized Publishers. J 5 W ,L , , ' V ivi ', L' ' . egg.: ' f 5 , , ' 1 . -, W j V rx W h , :. I . ff 55 1.':iii-5 1 N '1' 'X ' . 1.-.-'-. -' i f 'Y xivlgiw-TZSASSE in W? LPG?-57 X W , -Eg JF 'sa ff rkiffwwifaeia ., f rf... . af at X ,,, W if a S r A f :f?r9, fI'1:,,fP'i :'.s1e' WML 'A .cms J,-P 5 if in '- TEC 'vFlfl?'t, 41:46.11 Ll 3. ,ip Q.. 1 . at v-g5f,Z,gQff, 5. an . ' it 'fi wer, 'if l1?,' ,,i2C.2q ' - ' ritz? 5511.-Q . if ' . 55 1 - W ' . fi 'HF' L t ' Rf Y' QF X 'ii ,- 5:1-1 'ai' me . . 'V ' f- . 1- .' ,f. .av . fa, fi R tary' lil, ., ,Y, 3, f 5' . A ' eff? -i f '. i A.I':A E'-M9 Hifi 5-.E-will .'i -5.551 , . v .' -f 1: 'l - ' 1 5535 :fir l, w5gg35fx.zshltss '.QHb?li'l!,zfiT'Iii5,gS3lt' f sv, inter' Leif., E' Zn. .faq .. fr m ' L12 v Q- , 'gg f. .: ,s,,? 5 F fr -Qfw 4.4 :-iii ' Y - 9 it ' ',' , . w El - eg' , 2 5:31, :aff 52, '-fifif f. ' I it Us -uf 5-Zin. 5 ' l i., f u,,.,a1Qfaf.' 'QM .',. 4 s . ,, X f ., f.'aawgay V,,s., :f .:. 55' ' I 'ga l'.:,SpQAi ' 5' Slay-'4v3lf i B -K,:2ef?9 - W L C-i.. ' 'if.'3r.,JEu.e?1f' , . A Q' L X! Axxjfgg' '- 95' ,,.' Qi, nv? Q U- . . 1p',, . -ha! ,.. .U Q. , , vw .as - N A -- BILL SEES THE SHOW By Robert E. Murray Bill was walking down the street. He wanted to take his girl to the big show but with the tickets at three dollars apiece and other expenses equally as high, he figured that it would cost him ten dollars, which was nine dollars and eighty-five cents more than he possessed. He took out his hfteen cents for the hundredth time and looked at it mournfully, trying to ngure out some way to increase it. Suddenly he saw a man come out of a nearby store and tack up a sign, which read, Boy Wanted to Work after School for the Next Two Weeks. Seeing this, Bill went inside and asked what money he would get if he took the job. The man said, Well, if you'll work for about an hour and a half every day, except Saturday, I'll give you five dollars a week. ' Two times five makes ten, ' thought Bill, and the show's two weeks from today. I'll have just enough timef, Report here Monday afternoon at half-past three, said the man, and be sure to be here on time. Going up the street, Bill met a friend who had heard his hard luck story an hour before and was puzzled to see him so gay. What happened Fi' he said, Did some one give you the ten dollars? No, said Bill, and proceeded to give the glad news. You're lucky, said the friend. What are you going to do there ?', I don't know, said Bill and when his friend asked him what kind of business it was he had to answer, I didn't find out .But undiscouragecl, he went home, where, on hearing the news, his father said, Who will do the work around here while you're gone ? Bill had not thought of this, but finally decided that he could do it when he came home. Monday afternoon he appeared at the store early, and when the man who hired him saw him there, he beckoned him to come out into the rear of the store. There were big piles of circulars there, and the man, giving Bill a stack of stamped and addressed envelopes, said, Put one of these in each en- velope, and then seal them and bring them to the Post Office. There were over a thousand circulars and Bill, being a slow worker, did not finish till a little before five. The glue on the letters was very thick, and had a very bad taste, but, Bill not being accustomed to office work, licked every one of them. 6 THE TRADESMAN When Bill was going out to the Post Office, his stomach felt anything but pleasant, and he felt that he must have absorbed several old fish from the envelopes. One of the workers noticed him and asked if he was sick. Bill gave the reason for his trouble and instead of gaining sympathy he heard a roar of laughter. Why, you poor simp, said his questioner. Why didn't you ask some- body for a sponge. No wonder you feel sick. Bill reported then next night and went through with his work all right, but it was very tiresome and he was glad to get home at night. For the rest of the two weeks Bill worked hard and when he got his ten dollars he felt very proud. The night of the show Bill dressed himself up and went down town to the place where his girl said she would meet him. She arrived only half an hour late and they went to the theatre. Two of the best seats, said Bill proudly. Standing room only, was the answer. If you wanted seats you should have reserved them. Bill relayed the terrible news to his girl, who gave him one look and said, If you think that I'm going to stand, you're mistaken. I think you planned the whole thing so you wouldn't have to buy seats. You can stand if you want to, but I'm going home. As she departed, Bill stared after her dumbfounded. O, well, I might as well make the best of it,', and turning to the ticket office he said, One standing room. LOST By I. F. Houghton, '27, Elizabeth gazed around. Above her rose great sky-scrapers. All around her was the life of New York. Elizabeth was lost in the great city of New York. She was frightened, for she could not speak. She had been dumb since the day of her birth. Elizabeth had wandered around the great city all day long, and now as night was coming on she began to be really frightened. One can easily realize her situation, She had not eaten since noon the day previous. The swaying mob on all sides of Elizabeth seemed to overwhelm her. Tears rose in her eyes and a great lump began to develop in her pale throat. Not one of those thousands bestowed as much as a glance at her. She felt miserable. At least all of these people had a place to go to at night and a bite of food waiting at home for them. Elizabeth came to a doorway. She felt very tired and so she sat down. After watching the surging crowd move on this way and that, she fell asleep. When she woke up Elizabeth found herself in a lady's arms. Oh you poor little thing, the lady said, where have you been all this time ? Elizabeth's eyes became watery. She had at last got home. It was owing to a young newsboy who on the previous night had found Elizabeth asleep in a doorway. He saw Elizabeth's collar on which was her mistress' name and address and an inscription which read, Whoever finds this dog, please return to the above address and receive a reward. The newsboy had received the reward of 31.00 and Elizabeth returned home none the worse for her experience. 7 THE TRADESMAN NOTHING BUT HOKUM REEL ONE Boneheads Both Brasstop Bones, the wonder sleuth-the wonder comes from the pub- lic's letting him live-and none other than I were seated in our chairless fiat, saturating our tonsils with some Anti-Volstead stuff which Brasstop, in his role of detective, had confiscated. Being a detective has its ad- vantages. I was perusing one of Rafael Sabatini's worst crimes, entitled, The Feather Pushersu and Bones was with difficulty digesting an authoritative work on What the Well Blessed Sleuth Should 'Ware', and trying to look intelligent at the same time. He found it hard work. Coming to a par- ticularly complicated paragraph in a chapter headed: Where to Find Clues When There Aren't Any, he soon became hopelessly lost in a long contortion of many-syllabled, meaningless words. I-Ie heaved a heavy sigh, which was echoed by our phone. I Bones instinctively reached for his revolver, but remembering that it was empty-clue to the fact that he had emptied the six bullets in a traf- fic cop's body that day-he placed it back in his shoe. Answer the phone! he snarled. I did. I-Ie1lo! quoth I. A sweet, gentle voice, reeking of garlic and delivered with force enough to make the receiver tremble, smote my ear. Izis Mr. Bones speaking? I grew hot under the collar. To be inistaken for Bones, that human mis- take, that menace to civilization, thati. It was an insult! UNO! I roared. UNO!! Disease! NO! Bones leapt up, kicked my feet from under me, and grappled with the phone. Soon the wire was burning with his alleged English, which is of the crushed variety. ' 'TI-Iallo . . . Yeh, this Nowhere 123456789 . . . TI-IE Mr. Bones Speak- ing . . . Huh? . . . alright . . . sure . . . s'lunk, nobody! He hung up, and turned to me, eager-faced. QI-Evidently, he saw a chance for a free feed.j A mystery! he said briskly and slipped before the bureau, looking keenly into the mirror thereon, which cracked for the third time. CI-Ie had only used it twice beforej 1 With the skill of a Commerce student disguising himself as a female for a Commerce Revue, he slipped on a wig and false beardg not to men- tion a false noseg darkened his skin with a mysterious concoction of ba- nana-oil and applesauceg went into several convulsions behind the bureau, and finally crawled out from under the carpet, disguised in a fashion that would have made the astute Mr. Nicholas Carter shoot one of his innum- erable assistants, just out of pure pique. I-Ie jammed on his derby, grabbed three revolvers. snatched a sword- cane, and wrapped his mitts about a few bottles of poison. So did I, with the addition of a knife slipped down the back of my neck. For both Bones and I are firm believers in Napoleonis famous outburst A pound of pre- vention is worth 1000 pounds of policemen. 8 THE TRADESMAN Then we slipped down the trembling stairs-almost as bad as those in front of the State House of Incorrection-with great caution, but Bones -may his tribe decrease-slipped and fell upon the stairs, and the stairs, unable to stand beneath the fall, collapsed like a house of cards, hurling Bones and me upon the floor. By some miracle the Hoor did not give way, but stood fairly firm beneath the impact. Stumbling to my feet, and letting loose some sulphurous language, I Ttaggered through the door, and into the waiting bus, a product of Ford's iumor. Bones, who had alighted upon his bean-and was, therefore, uninjured, cranked the benzine buggy, and hopped in beside me, nimbly clearing the door which didn't exist. The machine woke up-it actually did, occasionally--and we were off in a cloud of dust and a rattle of loosely jointed machinery. Why, I bellowed above the din caused by our laboring chariot-it knocked worse than a politician describing a rival candidate- Why did you tell me to answer the phone, and then do it yourself ? Just caution! roared Bones, his voice mingling with the curses of a lamp-post leaner, whose support had been knocked from under him by our ambitious bus. I thought some of my enemies might be trying to kill me by telephone, so, knowing you would be glad to take the risk, I asked you to answer. When nothing happened I took it myself-your stupidity would have given our would-be client a poor opinion of our efficiency. REEL TWG Hidden Clues in No Man's Land Bones headed our product of Ford's eccentric imagination towards the great Narrow Spaces, Where Men Are Men and Murder a pastime . . . that is to say, South Boston. We soon arrived at the jungles of South Boston--a live mile trip com- pleted in the snappy time of three hours. Reaching one of the best streets -the car could barely manage the ruts and hills-the machine stopped of its own will before something which bore a faint resemblance to a house. I fell off the car from my position on the spare tire. where I had been ever since a part of the car fell off two minutes after we had started upon our epic trip. Bones politely kicked open the door of the house, and we stalked in, while in the streets echoed the screams of some unfortunate being put to death-which is the genial South Bostoner's idea of a nice time. We were greeted by a bimbo whose face was hidden behind a tangled outgrowth of wiry hair, he gave the impression of a wild animal lurking behind the shrubbery. His very appearance did much to convince me of the possibility of Darwinls theory. Hello, said Bones, I am TI-IE Mr. Bones, and this --he kicked me on the shins- is my assistant, MacAroni. Now, just whatls the trouble ? The other tore his hairg the false wig fell off. My namef' he sobbed, is Peter Pickle, and my rat-trap -a tear fell from his glass eye- hath been stolen! I-Ia! Ah! I-Ia-ah ! quoth Bones, trying to look wise-a difficult task. . Say,,' queried Peter gently, reaching for a baseball bat. Why this haw-haw stuff, you--? 9 TI-IE. TRADESMAN Pm not laughing, said Bones, hastily, 661,111 only thinking- I started incredulously. What! I cried, thinking!! Where, asked Bones, ignoring his assistant, where was the rat-trap last seen? Right here!,' Pickle pointed to about six square feet of Hoor which were now entirely covered by Bones' huge feet. I was gonna put a chunk of Limburger in it. I went to get a piece. When I came back, ,twas gone! Ah, woe is me! He gnashed his false teeth so furiously that they fell out. Bones eyed the six square feet with what he fondly believed to be an eagle eye. Suddenly, without a sound, except for a loud, piercing cry that cracked the cuspidor, he leapt upon the floor, squinting at -it through his favorite-and only-instrument, the magnifying glass. He sniffed about excitedly, and his nose was so long and strong that, like a vacuum cleaner, it swept up all the dust within a radius of ten feet. I knew it would not harm him, however, for Bones has a stomach like the inside of a concrete mixer. He even drinks European coffee! Our client looked on, a look of keen interest in his glass eye. Bugosh! quoth he, I always heard as how Mr. Bones could disguise himself as anything from an elephant to a cuspidor, but I never believed it. Yet here heis, a human vacuum cleaner. Even if he doesn't get back the rat-trap, I can have him sweep all the Hoors, eh ? He looked at me. He is a marvelous masqueraderf' I remarked, emptying the bottle of banana-oil, and he can disguise himself as anything ranging from a mon- key or Tony the VVonder Hoss to Duke the Wonder Dog or Fido the Won- der Fish. Bah! Bunk I Pickle made his meaning clearer, Banana oil V' 'Tis true, ass,', I growled. All he does is improve his face-not an easy task-and . . . Here I plugged the gas lead. The subject of my eulogy was conspicuous by his absence. , Pickle-he certainly had the habitual appearance of one who has swal- lowed one, also noticed it. Egad, quoth he in the tones of one announcing a great discovery, the sleuth has gone! and he peered about the place, convincing himself that nothing had disappeared along with Bones. A simple, trusting soul, this Mr. Pickle. fTo be concludedj . THE MANIACS. By john B. Burke I was captured, there was no getting away from the fact, and I could not have chosen a worse band than this one to fall into. To make it worse, these men were maniacs. I cannot clearly remember many of the circum- stances preceding my capture. It seems that as I was walking along, a man with a heavy black beard, dark bushy eyebrows and coal black eyes, stepped out from behind a tree and asked me to direct him to the nearest town. While I was explaining, several other figures emerged and were beginning to surround me. I at once suspected a trap, and my hand flashed to my hip pocket. Suddenly I felt a sharp blow on the head and then-oblivion. 10 TI-IE. TRADESMAN When I regained consciousness I found myself in a small room made of stone and cement. A rank odor similar to stagnant water greeted my nostrils, and there was a damp feeling in the air. There was no light vis- ible and I suspected that I was in a sort of a dungeon or underground room. After what seemed to be four or live hours, a door suddenly opened and the room was flooded with light. I immediately made a minute ex- amination of my prison. It was about twenty feet long, ten feet wide and fifteen feet high. I was about to inspect further when the door was closed and the light blotted out. While I was lying there I began to think of the position I was in. I could conceive of no plausible reason for arousing the anger of these men, or could I recollect anybody that I had for an enemy who would capture me like this. It suddenly flashed upon me that perhaps they would try to starve me, but while these thoughts were rushing through my mind, sleep overtook me. Upon awakening, however, I found that my first fears were groundless, for on the Hoor not far away from me was a bowl of water and some vic- tuals in a dish. Soon after I had eaten the food, I again slept, and I dreamt of many weird and fantastic things. Suddenly and without warning I was rudely jerked from the ground and pulled into the air. For a moment I was nonpulsed at this maneuver, but it did not take long for me to come to my senses. I was being drawn up through the ceiling by a rope which had been fastened about my body. As I passed through the ceiling I found myself in a dimly lighted room. My first impulse was to cry out and ask them what they meant by bringing me here, but on second thought I remained silent. I could see at a glance that these men were not responsible for their actions, by the very look in their eyes and the manner in which they were dressed. But this wasn't helping me. There were seven of them, all seated at a large table facing me. They wore long black flowing robes with a skull and bones pictured on the chest. After they had looked at me for several minutes, one of them stood up and motioned for me to come for- ward. I decided it was time for me to talk and I asked why and with what right they had taken me prisoner. My captor seemed to ignore my question at first but at length he said that I was a menace to the Order of the Green Goats, and that I had violated several of their rules, Cthough he would not tell me what they werej and that after much deliberation, they had decided that I should die between midnight and seven o'clock the next morning. The method of execution was not explained and after that I was lowered back into my prison to await the worst. At about six o'clock the next morning I was again drawn up through the aperture and placed before my captors. The black bearded one an- nounced that my time had come. I was blindfolded and told to step live- ly. After walking about five minutes I came out in the air. How good it felt to breathe fresh air again. The cloth was removed from my eyes and I saw, much to my astonishment that I was in a small clearing in the woods which was surrounded on all sides by high mountains. I knew that in this god-forsaken place, no one would ever hear me shout and come to my rescue. The next objects that met my gaze were two wooden frames outlined against the sky. One, I could plainly see was a gallowsg the other, I could 11 X xv. A I -5- gg nur-- U D -zy as , V, I x I A V i ki jg? lrfmfg ..- V Q2 SW ' DAVISj'l QV E Nu Q Y r Q K ll K3 ' YYA' Comme'-el: gg.-, for-even' .r:L -X3 , 51.117 Lf Ji, Q2 QOMMERCE STUDE T N X j Emfpom the Poumue ovaR HIS Boom H I I - I I c oo t J Commzvce'-.Q I XNW, QVPXYS' a : ' 9 f JH' ZA I I L I- J -NA...-Q , ! 5 VH MYUKOTHER AT xsscoub PAST Q oo VM s1c1rAND .f CANTC E Q : Z' TOEQSQZOYI7 ' 'TE' I A ,ij A A! V' I 0, 2 ulle:-41 Q .HJ THEANSWER X TO A W 5ENuoR'5 W 1' PDQ!-win AN SWER! 3989- UI, Tl-IE. TRADESMAN not describe, though it seemed like a pile driver. While I was wondering which one they would take me to I was led towards the latter. As I looked upon it I realized that this was the most fiendish method of execution in modern times. There was a space of about six feet between the uprights, and here was a huge wooden block with manacles on it. At the top of this device was a gigantic piece of iron, six feet long and three feet wide. This was raised and lowered by a rope which was attached to a tackle. One pull of the rope and this mass of iron would come down with crush- ing force upon the wood. I had no time for further thought, for I was seized and placed upon the block of wood and tied. Une of these men stood with his hand on the rope and the rest looked on. I could no longer thinkg cold beads of perspira- tion stood upon my face and forehead waiting for that pull on the rope, that would blot out my life, but it never came. Suddenly a great shout smote the air and-the sound of musketry was heard, mingled with cries of pain. My executioner gave a wild scream, tottered and fell at my side. The next moment a figure rushed up to me and cut the thongs that bound me. As I arose a peculiar sight met my gaze. All my captors were stretched out on the ground, killed or wounded. The state militia, who had been looking for these men had come upon their stronghold at this opportune moment for me. MIXED HATS By james J. Gilmartin There were few sales on Monday and Mr. Smith, head of the millinery department of a certain department store, walked in furious. If you girls don't sell something today, he said, you won't be working here much longer. The girls said they were sorry and would do better. What they thought was, If people don't want to buy hats, we can't make them. A distinguished-looking gentleman escorted a young lady into the mil- linery department with the evident intention of buying a hat. The salesgirl, thinking of what Mr. Smith said, began commending the hats on the counter. The customer tried on nearly all the hats in sight, while the poor salesgirl tried to make a sale. Thinking she would try once more she picked up a small hat. I don't know where this one came from or where it was made, she said to her- self, 'but I'll have to make a sale. She told the customer everything she could think of, that it came from Paris, was the latest style outg and other things. The customer looked pleased and the salesgirl thought she had made a sale at last. Finally the customer picked up the hat and said, 'fAfter what you say about my hat, I don't think I need a new one. The salesgirl could think of no reply. l3 BUT THE MY FIRST SHAVE By Doran Did a gang ever shame you into getting a shave? VVell! they did this little thing to me. VVhile in the second year of high school I got my first shave and wished it had been my last. I was sick and tired of hearing everybody kidding', me in class about the hair on my upper lip. Every morning it was an ordeal for me to go to school, for no sooner would I step in the home room than some smart aleck would say, Good morning, John, how's the mustache coming.along? or VVhy don't you put some milk on your face and let the cat lap it off? At last I became desperate. There were only two things left for me to do: First, to leave school Qwhich I couldn't very well do because of my parentsj 3 second, to get a shave and surprise the world. After much deliberation and thinking I decided upon the second course of action. It was on a Friday I made up my mind to do this because my weekly trimming was due the next day. Friday night I went to bed at nine o'clock, which made my parents worry over me for fear I was not feeling well. Let me tell you, there was no sleep for me that night, for no matter how hard I tried to rest, I always kept thinking of the barber's on the morrow when I was to get my face scraped, After what seemed an eternity, Saturday came with rain. I got up at seven o'clock and went in the dining room where the rest of the family were eating breakfast. My father looked at me queerly and asked if I felt all right, which I told him I did. There were no more a surprised family on the whole continent of East Boston that morning than mine. I had the whole household guessing what was the matter with me, for I went to bed so early and got up at seven, without being called. Saturdays, I usually sleep till around ten and here I was up at seven. Something was rotten in Denmark, my sister informed my father. My mother wanted to know if I was in love, my father asked if the unexpected had happened, if I had got a job for Saturday. I informed them that they were all wrong. The barber shop was opened and when I went there it was doing a rushing business-by the door! No one had to wait, for it was run on the modern system: One barber, no custoinersfl After many unsuccess- ful attempts, l finally managed to stumble in the beauty parlor. The chair was vacant, so I did not have time to ponder and get cold feet. Did you ever sit in a dentist's chair? Well! that was how this chair seemed to me. I told the barber to trim my golden locks. Anything else, son F l4 Tl-IE. TRADESMAN he inquired after this was finished because I did not leave the chair. Yes, yes, I guess so, stammered I. Shave?', asked the tonsorial artist smil- ing, thinking he was cracking a joke. Yes, answered I brightly, for it was a relief to have him guess. The wielder of the razor was thunder- struck to think that I should start to shave so young. I-Ie tried to dis- suade me, saying, once I started to shave, my school boy complexion would leave me, but I was determined to have what I wanted. VVith a sigh of resignation the barber filled his shaving mug with hot water and worked up a lather which he gently applied to my face. If you don't want to go through with it, son, all right,', said the barber. I told him to hurry and have it over with. I-Ie took one of those straight- edge razors and began to strop it. After about two minutes of this work he reached over and plucked a hair from my head and cut lit to see if the razor was sharp. Evidently it was not, for he still continued stropping and this time reached over and pulled a handful of hairs out of my scalp. He gave it the same test and it must have met with his approval, for he began his carvings on me. First, he drew the blade down my cheeks. Next came the massacreg he started to shave on my chin and upper lip. Witli every stroke of the blade it seemed as if he pulled the hairs from the very roots. I stood it for a while, but at last had to let out a ,series of yells. Now, I did not know two spinsters lived in the same house as this barber shop who were enemies of the proprietor. They heard my screeches and telephoned the police that a young man was getting killed in the barber shop. The guardians of the peace came and questioned the barber and me about the affair. We told them it was absurb but the barber had to do some explaining as wellas I. The sergeant asked why I got the shave and if my folks knew it. I did not know he was kidding me and an- swered all his questions earnestly and truthfully. No sooner had I an- swered all his questions than he started to laugh and told me it would be less trouble for the police if I took my shaves at home from now on. VIEWS ON THE WAY TO COMMERCE By Harold F. Forrester A I leave my house at 8.00 o'clock and saunter towards Huntington Ave- nue. I pass by Symphony Hall where heartrending solos may be heard for two dollars, and by Horticultural Hall which is opposite, where exhi- bitions of plant and animal life are held and attended by nature's noblemen. Turning down Huntington Avenue, the first building I see is the Tent ballroom where jazz is supreme and where drug-store cow-boys strut their stuff during spare hours. On the other side of the street is Back Bay Post office where correspondence school students get their diplomas. Then comes a long row of stores which deal in everything a student doesn't need. My eyes tiring from the glaring advertisements, I wander towards the Boston Conservatory of Music, which has a steady stream of fiappers pouring in and out, no doubt learning to sing Grand Operas and striving' to emulate Mary Garden. The next building is the Y. M. C. A., taking up quite an amount of 15 THE TRADESMAN space. This organization is known as the Big Boys club. Beside this is a shanty with a glaring sign, The Cure-Ant Health Center which is quite a contrast to the Opera House across the way which has housed more Hamlets than the characters on your laundry check. Next comes Tough's College where students learn to become butchers and plumbers. All previous buildings are eclipsed by the splendor of the Boston Art Mu- seum, which has in its collections articles of rare beauty and value from all the world, including an almost extinct specimen from South,Boston. As I pass by Greenleaf Street, a large brown building looms in front of me known as the Went-b1'oke Institute. This building houses some of our future Edisons and it has a dominating aspect over the surrounding apart- ment houses. .4 I finally come to the Girls' Normal School and feel safe in saying that all peaches are not canned. Turning to my right down Longwood Avenue I see the more dignified buildings of the Harvard Medical and Dental schools, which overshadow our own Louis Pasteur Avenue. I arrive at school at 8.55 and the beauty and grandeur of these buildings are lost to my memory as I pore over the day's home lessons. QI-iinisj THE NOJSCHOOL SIGNAL By john Ryan. Izzy looked' out the windowg all the madness of the universe was raging. The wind shrieked along the ground like an unleashed terror, driving the snow along before it in such an unrestrained fury that it might well be called a blizzard. I hope that there will be no school today, said Izzy as he sat down to eat his breakfast. He finished his breakfast and started to read a book, but he was not destined to finish it. He happened to look up at the clock just at the time the hands were pointing at 7.45. He thought of the no- school signal and listened for it and was surprised to find that there was no sound. He was puzzledg so he waited for five minutes to see if there was some mistake, but still no sound greeted his waiting ears. Now Izzy had a perfect record in school for attendance and he had no desire to molest it. Almost instantaneously he had made up his mind to go to school. He donned his coat and hat and made his way out to the street. Out in the street he paused to see how bad the storm really was. The snow was about two feet deep, and not only that, but the wind was blowing as hard as ever. He thought that he could take a street car to school, but there was none in sightg for the simple reason that they were not running. Undaunted, Izzy started again on his way, precarious though it was. He tried to walk rapidly, but the gale crazily fought him. wrapped the burlap coat about his legs, beat against his bodyg the snow seemed to fill his shoes, making every step a conscious dragging effort. He realized, in exasperation, that his progress was appallingly slow. He had been out in thetstorm only fifteen minutes, but he thought that he had been fighting the gale for an eternity. ' He was now half the way to school, after having fallen down about three times. Picking himself up for the third time, he looked stealthily around and slinking into a nearby doorway, lit a quenchie, a fatigued Fatima. l6 seal? Wi THE TRADESMAN This seemed to fill him with renewed hope and courage and he again started on his way. When he reached Longwood Avenue, he wore a look of 'utter exhaustion. The few people that passed, regarded him with sur- prise, for he had forgotten to put on his hat. We now find Izzy turning the corner into Avenue Louis Pasteur, all but dead from exhaustion. The sight of the school filled him with renewed vigor for he anticipated a warm welcome, he had not seen anyone else enter either Commerce or the school opposite. He would be the only one in school and that was something to brag about. He mounted the steps and rang the bell. After a while the door was opened by the janitor who eyed Izzy with surprise. What do you want? he said as Izzy managed to squeeze by him and the door. Izzy turned around sharply and eyed the janitor, also with surprise. What do I want? he repeated. Why I want to go to school, if that means anything to you,', he added with a sneer. I That's a foolish answer, said the other, getting impatient. What do you really want here now? To tell you explicitly why I came, I did not hear any no-school signal. So you really believe that there is school today, said the amused janitor. That's taken for. granted, he said with a peculiar smile. Izzy was now thinking that the man was out of his head. The janitor walked over to the wall. He pointed at an object hanging therefrom. Look, he said, that is why you did not hear any no-school signal. When he turned around he was surprised to see that the poor boy had faintedg the object was a calendar. It had conveyed the message: Satur- day, the 26th. BATHLESSBURG By A. Aslanian The month of December, 1920, found m'e in the city of Le Havre in transit for the land where bootleggers and bricklayers are the most pros- erous. P As practically all boats were sold out weeks ahead of the voyage, we de- cided to let the populace of Le Havre have the honor of our stay in their city for a couple of months. I was walking on the main street of this famous seaport one day, when I stopped and watched the women doing their washing in the public wash- tub. This may be briefly described as a big, oval, cement washtub, re- ceiving its fresh supply of water from a big faucet at one end and dispos- ing of its Commerce Soup fdirty waterj through a sewer at the other end. Ah, said I to myself, 'would that there were but one sex in this world, so that I could go lin that basin and rid myself of a few ounces of dirt. My body hasn't felt the touch of soap and water for two months, such a town, they call it Le I-Iavre, I call it 'Bathlessburg'. I So saying I walked on and what should I suddenly spy but a sign an- nouncing that the building was a bathhouse. 17 THE TRADESMAN I dashed in and stopped only at the counter and asked the man, How much, combien, quando, kany? in every language I knew. flue franc for the water and one-half for the towel and soap, was his rep y. I went through my pockets and found that I was just two francs rich, so I hurriedly paid the fee and followed the porter who ushered me into a small bathroom. I-Ie Washed the tub and filled it with luke-warm water and looked at me and smiled-. I returned his compliment, but still he smiled. I suddenly remembered his purposeg so I tipped him with the remainder of my wealth. At last I got in the water but no sooner had I gotten wet than the tub looked like a branch of the Muddy River, so I opened the plug and ap- plied the soap. After the tub was dry and I full of soap, I stretched long- ing hands to the faucet and turned and turned, but all in vain. Hey there, Adolphe Menjou, come in here, I yelled. The attendant came in and upon seeing the empty tub, exclaimed, Mon Dieu, you wasted a whole tub of water and you are still full of soap, well, you know the price of the water, a franc a tubf, But I tipped you with my last sou, said I. I haven't got the price of another tub of water and I don't have to tell you how badly I need water. No franc, no water, said he as he walked out. Werlltthat soap of yours is going to have the honor of being washed with American water, said I as I dressed up. ' .i. THE THREE MUSKETEERS By Cecil Wriglit NVar, war, wa1',', that was the cry in the year 1918. I enlisted in Di- vision 4C. and woke up four months later to find myself in France, where men are weak and women drive Hivers. My hrst day was entirely devoted to dodging shells to the tune of We're in the Navy Now. After playing for a few hours I was convinced that the game was a little rough. I did not mind the sound, for I had heard Savage's radio many times. The constant glitter of the shells in the sky looked like Doc. Feeny's ties. Nevertheless it was wonderful scenery. Looking at my shoulder I saw blood running down my shoe and then I became blood-thirsty. A second shot came whistling in my direction and I watched my chance to return the shots. I fired my rifle and there was the Kaiser. I said, Big boy, you have taken advantage of me but you won't walk home this time. I then went softly to sleep with a two pound shell in my finger. My buddy fRunt Carriganj kicked me gently and I awoke to hear him murmur, Boots, boots, boots, nothing but rats, for he was doing his duty shining shoes. I-Ie said, IfVho got you, old thing? I replied, The Kaiser. He gruffly exclaimed, Where is he? I pointed to the place and he said, Well, it certainly looks like the Kaiser but that is 'I-Iarryf the strong man of our company. just then a 18 THE TRADESMAN cloud of smoke came over and we glimpscd Harry following a RED CROSS NURSE around. The war was getting tiresome and we were thinking of shows, skating, and other sports. About two weeks later, we ran across Harry. He was all excited, being shell-shocked although not very seriously. He said, I just shot the Kaiserls hat off without hitting it. We had to agree that he was a good shot. Of course, this ended the war. we started home, but after reaching London we learned that Harry was not with us. We found out later that he had swum the English Channel. King George was giving a dance, so we decided to attend. The King wanted to decorate us for being so brave, but we declined. About nine 0'clock We left because that was Carrigan's bedtime. The next day we sailed for home. Harry enjoyed the trip home because he could fish from the ship. The hsh were not as big as Coolidge's but he was satisfied, and we were because it kept him away from the women. After reaching home we found there was nothing but Fords, Fords, Fords and more Fords. We went to Washington and collected our back pay and also our bonus and bought a Ford. Harry however killed this pleasure by trying to run up a lamp post. Years roll by and here we are, the Three Horsemen of Lolly Pop Land. You may ask, How and in what way did you benefit from this war? I can honestly say that Carrigan secured enough money to buy a horse- blanket, Harry won fame, and T received enough material to write this story. Thus history repeats itself. THREE INTERESTING SIGHTS 19 E S SAY S RIDING IN A BOSTON ELEVATED TRAIN By Lewis Drouin After a tantalizing wait of about ten minutes we see a train approach and a sigh of relief goes up. At last the train has arrived and you will soon be home. The train stops and you find yourself the middle of what seems to be an avalanche of people, all shoving, shouting, and groaning. You can't help yourself, you are pushed and shoved around with the rest of the sufferers. Finally a burly starter pushes you in the car when the car is already full, and holds you in until the door is shut. After taking a careful inventory and Ending no bones broken, you try to read a newspaper. After reading the small space that is open, you desire to turn to another page. This is a very poor idea, however. As you open the sheet, the man in front pushes against you and he crushes the news- paper almost beyond recognition. The newspaper is then put in the pocket. just then the train stops. There is no strap around. just as you thought, the train starts very suddenly and jerks forward, throwing you onto the lap of a fat lady. You rise hastily, grope for a strap and finding none, stand there fearfully. just then you drop your bundle. After it has been stepped on several times, you are just reaching to get it when a man with a smell of liquor on his breath, asks you for a match. As you utter some remarks, a small, severe looking man on your left says, Sir, there are ladies present. Ah, is this your stop? No, well, just then you are shoved from one end of the car to the other, your corns are stepped on and you find yourself outside on the platform. A hurried rush again brings you into the car. Wl1at's that, a seat? Another rush and just as you are to seat yourself, an old lady with such a sweet motherly face comes into the car. Of course, as a gentleman you must give her your seat. The train then progresses uneventfully for a while. Then it stops. Not a sound. The motor has stopped and the silence is broken only by a loud voiced woman down at the other end of the car. The train jumps forward, stops, starts and then comes again to a full stop. Ah, here she goes. A sud- den lurch of the train causes you to step on the foot of a venerable appear- ing old man. Even the hard-boiled that surround you cover up their ears at the beautiful language that trickles out of this man's speaker. Now, your stop at last, but you're not out yet. There are about forty 20 TI-IE. TRADESMAN other people that want to get out. As you try to crowd in front of a lady, she gives you a withering glare and says, Sir! You then meekly await your turn and after being pushed up against the side of theldoor-frame about five times, you are once again free, out in the great open air. If you don't believe that all these terrible things will happen to you, board a train bound for Dudley Street at any of the subway stations some evening at 5:15 o'clock. All these things will happen and perhaps even a few more. i THE BATH TUB By Philip Carrigan. Saturday night comes around and the bath tub racket starts again. The Four Washmen come galloping down the stretch leading to the House of Cleanliness arrayed in bath robes and towels. Sprint! yells the Old Man. Inch by inch I nose them out as my feeble legs race mechanically on to the goal, the Bath Tub. The race is mine as the door looms up within a few feet from me, when the Old Man gives me the leg. My brothers gather around me, seeing the race is lost as far as they are con- cerned. They try to look happy. Slidel yells James. Safe on Home! yells Qwnie as I go careening on to the stair post. Talk about your indoor sports, I think the dash to the Bath Tub pro- vides the most thrills and spills. If Nurmi ever got in this race he would look like a snail compared to us Four W'ashmen. The only thing missing is hot puppy venders and a crowd. Finally you get up and stand in the bread line to await your turn. Getting impatient, you open the door to tell the one to hurry up and a piece of soap comes in contact with your nose. Finally stepping over the threshold to the house of Cleanliness, you start to do some fancy skating on a piece ofusoap. You even write your name on the linoleum and make an emphatic end by grabbing the electric fixture and biting the dust. You then unloose the knot your arm is tied into and step into the bath tub unconsciously and go for a slide. You wake up a few minutes later and straggle out, not looking any better but a lit- tle worse. THE WIND By W. S. Reid Robert Louis Stevenson writes, Like ladies' skirts across the grass, Oh wind a-blowing all day long, in his immortal poem, The Wincl. Anybody can see that Steve must have worn a derby hat and ridden in horse cars when he pulled that one. In order to cause the effect described, the modern girl would be forced to walk on her knees. However, he is quite successful in pointing out to us that the wind. like the Shakespearean Ariel hides behind a cloak of invisibility. It would certainly be embarrassing forAa nervous individual to see a puff of wind bearing down upon him in the form of a lump of solid material with. perhaps, a few horns sticking out on either side. Still that might be de- cidedly convenient as a warning to lightly garbed female pedestrians on Tremont Street on a gusty day. 21 THE TRADESMAN The IVind is a haughty creature. I-Iis enthusiasm in bossing people about is boundless. He demands respect, and orders that men bare their heads whenever he passes. If the innocent bystander does not yield to this whim, he rebukes him by yanking off the offender's hat with his own swift hands and, with rising anger, perhaps tosses it in a mud puddle, or steers it into the path of a Mack truck in order to inflict a more lasting punish- ment. Some narrow-minded individuals think that the wind was invented to blow leaves around, or for the purpose of turning weather-vanes about. This is the height of ignorance, however, as the wind can serve humanity with great efficiency, when properly reined. Holland's population, today, would consist almost entirely of haddock and mackerel, with, probably a few sardines and horned pout scattered here and there, if it was not for the steady breeze of the Dutch lowlands shifting across to revolve the huge wind-mills for which that country is famous. On the other hand people have connected propellors to small dynamos to charge radio batteries. Is the wind a detriment or an asset to man? I decided it was about even. So I resolved that I would leave the question to the judgment of a coin. I-Ieads-a detriment, tails-a benefit. The nickel went spinning into space and dropped with a clink to the Hoor. After numerous revolutions, it got up on its edge, rolled about, slowed down, and stuck there-upright in that position. Even the forces of Luck are intelligent. WEATHER FORECASTING VVhy do you always remark scornfully as your eye catches the weather forecast for the following day, Oh what a lot of applesauce? Now as a leading forecaster for the Boston Wo1'ld,', I shall endeavor to explain to you this lost art in which I am trying to reawaken interest. In doing this, I will also list a few of my own personal achievements. I secured this position mainly because of my wonderful qualifications. I had been dopester on horses for several years and as I had never even guessed nearly right, the Board of Directors chose me from a large number of applicants. Since all of my other great achievements have been marked by simplicity I shall not try to explain them, but will attempt to unravel for your benefit my procedure for reaching a conclusion as to forthcoming weather conditions. A ' I have been guided in my work by several fundamental principles which are as follows: ' A Blizzard is a form of major disturbance for which the prediction is always. Clear and War1iie1'. A Hot VVave is what happens when the prediction is Severe Cold Spell Grips Country, Ice Storm on Way. Wlien we say, Conditions favor no change during the next 48 hours, we mean A Hurricane, a drop of 20 degrees, and a Cloudburst before Noon. These and other things such as plain living, ability to think, and guess work have aided me considerably in my light for success as a weather forecaster. 22 ll Books- ld and ew THE EMPEROR JONES fl3y Eugene O'Neillj 'E's a better man than the lot o' you put together. This is a play about an American Negro, who has established a kingdom on a West Indian Island. He dominates the ignorant negroes and bleeds them of what money they have. He is hnally chased out of the island. His character may be determined by one speech he makes to awhite trader. Ain,t a man's talkin' big what makes him big-long as he makes folks believe it? Sho', I talks large when I ain't got nothin, to back it up, but I ain't talkin' wild just de same. I knows I kin fool 'em-I knows it -and dat's backin' enough fo' my game. The firm way the author develops his character makes the reader feel sure that all African kings are unscrupulous. The white is one of those persons who have so much leisure that they have taken to illegal practices. He is supposed to be a smuggler and his lowly, cowardly nature is shown by his obsequiousness to the Emperor. During the play a tom-tom is kept beating and this makes an uncanny impression on the audience. Of course a reader does not hear it, but the very words of the characters portray their fear of the war drum. The mo- tive of the play is terror. The emperor himself is a tyrant and a grafter, who has dominated his subjects by his cleverness and good luck, but one can. truly enter into his motives and appreciate his cunning. -johnson. MAIN STREET Sinclair Lewis Do you find pleasure in reading American romances, in American towns, by American authors? Then read Main Street, by Sinclair Lewis. The story takes place in a small town in the central part of our country, but any part of the country would do. The story would lit perfecly in an old New England settlement. Picture an ambitious young girl, having recently graduated from col- lege. The height of her ambition is to rebuild a town, to have her name on everybody's lips. A doctor, who came from a town similar to the one of her thoughts, was introduced to her. She became interested in him and soon married him. After their wedding trip, Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Kennicut left for Gopher Prairie. 23 THE TRADESMAN When she arrived, her heart sank. The people were so ignorant, and so inquisitive, always hunting for some news to spread around the little town. And the town! Muddy, dirty streets, no sidewalks to speak of, dilapidated one storydwellings, and the town hall Qthe main attraction in Gopher- Prairiej closely resembled a large barn. She was downcast. She decided that she did not love her husband and that she was going back to the city. Did she leave her home? Or did she remain under the perpetual stare of the gossips? Did she rebuild the town? I am not going to tell you. You can find out by reading the book. THE PARODY OUTLINE OF HISTORY By Donald Ogden Stewartt Imagine oneself waking up in the morning and hearing a newsboy yell: Colombo does the trick, and then in detailed fashion describing how Colombo made an egg do its stuff in front of their highnesses, Ferdy and Isabell. This was the beginning of History according to our esteemed friend, Mr. Stewart. I-Ie then goes on to tell us how the Puritans and their Pris- cilla Cwho loved her ginj knew all the time that john Alden, her sheik, was putting a trick on her fiance, old man Standish. History repeating itself, we find General Grant joining a temperance so- ciety and fooling the Wets. Ending with the World War with all its barbarous cruelty, we find a Y. M. C. A. secretary posing as an angel and bringing our blood-thirsty doughboy up into Peter's haven and giving him the gate. The book is a pleasant combination of humor and dull reasoning. The characters believe in true burlesque form and make the outline a delightful farce from beginning to end. . -Forrester. ALICE ADAMS By Booth Tarkington A novel of the different type. In most novels the hero and the heroine come out on top after encountering difficulties. Not so in this story. A daughter, who is working very hard to get a place in society but meets with many obstacles, a mother, who tries as hard as the daughterg a father, who is very backward until urged on by his daughter, a son, who is disinterested in all family affairs and who later ruins everything by his doings, such are the characters in this story. The story opens in a sick room, with Mr. Adams cranky, as most sick people are. He has the formula for making glue but will not use it. Mean- while the daughter is carrying on a courtship with a Mr. Russell which proves quite successful until it is shattered by the misdoings of Father, who uses the formula which partly belongs to another man, and by the son, who misappropriates a sum of money belonging to his employer. Alice having lost her place in society and her finance, is forced to enroll at a Business College to take her place as one of the breadwinners of the world. -Powers. 24 JQQTHLIQ I lb lt N x E,R,H9 Dorchester 131-Commerce 100. Dorchester beat Commerce in its annual track meet this winter, get- ting back at us for beating them in football. But by no means did our opponents walk over us. Cowig was a sizzling success in the 600 yard run for the seniors. Haney, a runner in the intermediate, showed his success and talent as a sprinter. CAPTAIN GUMPWRIGHT of the . Track Team Commerce 0. East Boston 0. East Boston played a defensive game, and we were unable to break through their four man defence. They checked repeated attempts to score. There were no outstanding play- ers. The game was very colorless. Brighton 2. Commerce O. This was a holiday game and the players showed the effects of too much celebrating. At game time Coach Hoey's team consisted of three goalies to go on the ice and had to present a patched line-up. Stoneham 4. Commerce 1. After holding Stoneham to a 2-1 score up to the final period, our lack of practice allowed Stoneham to score two goals. Not being used to playing three periods, our play- ers weakened in the last two min- utes. Cassidy scored our lone goal on a pass by Capt. Cullen. Cassidy, Cullen, and C. Cutler stood out. Commerce 1. B. C. H. S. 0. With the exception of Capt. Cul- len, who was out sick, we presented our regular line-up for the first time, and forced the dopesters to take a back seat. 25 - THE TRADESMAN A CONSTELLATION OF THE FIRST MAGNITUDE Collins scored the winning goal on a brilliant dash down the ice. The work of Collins and the Cutler brothers was brilliant. Newton 6. Commerce 0. Dr. Martin, coach of the Newton hockey team, refereed. Commerce 1. Angel Guardian 1. This game was a hard fought one and proved very exciting. Collins scored first on a brilliant solo dash. The score remained the same until in the gathering dusk, Fitzgerald of the Angel Guardians managed to net the puck when Herculson's vi- sion was blocked. ' C. Cutler and Collins starred for Commerce. It was learned in this game that Cullen would be out for some weeks owing to his sickness. Commerce 2. J. P. H. S. 0. jamaica Plain played a hard body checking game while we played the puck. C. Cutler joined Capt. Cullen in enforced exile when his shoulder was fractured after a particularly strenuous body-check. The loss of these two stars played havoc with the chances of the team. Collins scored both of our goals and was the individual star of the game. Commerce 1. Charlestown 1. Commerce played well consider- ing the fact that our line-up was composed entirely of subs. Pierce scored our only goal in the first pe- riod. Kolowsky tallied for Charles- town. Lawson and I. Cutler played well for Commerce. 26 THE TRADESMAN Commerce 1. South Boston 1. This game was largely a defen- sive game and had few features. South Boston scored first on a rath- er lucky shot that bounced off Her- culson's glove. Cassidy tied this up on a pass from Collins. Desperate hockey was played in the last few minutes by both teams, but they had to be content with a tie. Cassidy starred for Commerce. Trade 1. Commerce 0. This game was very slow and the players seemed glued to the ice. Captain Cullen played his first game since the Stoneham game and showed up excellently. Trade won on a corner shot that barely went inside the net. Cullen and Walsli played a strong defensive game. Milton Academy 5. Commerce 0. Milton with a much heavier team tallied three goals before we were warmed up, but were forced to ex- tend themselves for the remainder of the game. Herculson saved us time after time with wonderful stops. VVe weakened a bit in the last few min- utes and Milton was enabled to score two more goals. Capt. Cul- len, Walsh, and Herculson played a great game. Latin 2. Commerce 1. Latin managed to score on two close-up shots that barely eluded our goalie. It was a hard-fought and very fast game. Chris Cutler returned after a four-game absence. Cassidy scored on a close-up shot. Cullen and Collins kept the Latin goalie busy. The team put up its best game of the season. SWIMMING TEAM The Swimming Team under the careful coaching of our new Coach, lVl'r. Leidner, started the season vic- toriously by swamping Trade 91-44. The next meet we encountered last year's City winners, English High School. The final score was English 78g Commerce 62. Our next start proved more close but we this time came ahead of Rindge Tech. by the score of 32-28. star this year John Nemo Doran., winner of three of the Reg- gies in his Backstroke. It has been hard to find a capable compet- itor for him as yet. The fast senior relay team comprises: Arthur Noel Levy, john McCaul, Fred McAuliffe, and, of course, our champion, Captain Johnny Doran. The outstanding has been Captain CAPTAIN CULLEN of the Hockey Team l 1 ru -3 P l I r 1 . 4 I - 2 gi? Q 1 y . SN --mi, 1 L15 X A 1 XS T 2, rg., ' . Gerard Cahill, ,21 ujerryu Cahill who was both a student and a teacher at the High School of Commerce is now em- ployed as a clerk in the United States Senate. He' is also trying to persuade the teachers in George- town University to give him a de- gree as a Bachelor of Laws, class of 1928. jerry was a member of the class of 1921 at Commerce and contrib- uted for four years to The Trades- man. He was appointed Editor- in-Chief in 1921. He managed the track team the same year. The Dra- matic Club claimed him in his third year. Jerry was elected a member of the Senior Council and was also Vice President of his class. On the Honorship List for Scholarship for three years and on the Honorship List for Attendance for his four years-these are other achieve- ments. After graduating with his class Jerry became a member of the fac- ulty here from 1921 to 1923. He al- so was treasurer of the Alumni As- sociation at the same time. He took the Pre-Legal Course at George- town University for one year. Jerry has been Historian of his class at the university for the last two years. His picture which ap- pears here was taken for the year- book of his class. The curious thing about Jerry is that it's hard to decide which liked him best-the teachers of the school or his fellow students. Commerce has no alumnus more loyal. 28 THE TRADESMAN George Salloway, '12 Another noteworthy graduate is Mr. George H. Salloway, who after graduation from Commerce in 1912 has had an interesting variety of experiences in the outside world. Mr. Salloway, while at Commerce was captain of the track team that won the Annual Regimental Track Meet for the first time. He also served on the editorial staff of The Tradesmanf' During his summer vacations he worked in Keene, N. H., and Brockton in the food busi- ness. After graduation in 1912, he went to work for his father in the retail market business. For two years prior to the war, he took over the active management of this bus- mess. In 1917, he enlisted as second class seaman in the Naval Reserve, and i11 1918 went to Annapolis Acad- emy for Reserve Officers' training. After overseas service he was dis- charged as Lt. U. S. Naval Reserve. In 1920 Mr. Salloway entered the employ of the Butterick Publishing Company as a cub salesman. Wliile working for this firm, his advance was rapid, for when he left two years later he occupied the position of New York divisional manager. At present he is engaged by Conde Nast Publications. This type of work draws heavily on the principles of economics and market- ing that he absorbed at Commerce. Doctor john Rock '09 john Rock of the class of 1909 is at present in private practice in Boston. He is also on the staff of the Boston Lying-In Hospital. Mr. Rock took a post graduate course at the school, after which he spent a year in Central America with the United Fruit Company. Following this, he worked a year with Stone VVebster and Company. In 1911 he entered Harvard College and graduated four years later. In 1914 he entered the Harvard Medi- cal Reserve Corps. He was then appointed general surgical interne at the Massachusetts General Hos- pital and later appointed resident surgeon for the Free Hospital for Woinen and the Lying-In Hospital. Mr. Rock has been in private practice in Boston since 1921. He specializes in Obstetrics and Gyn- ecology and teaches the former in the Harvard Medical School. Edward F. Conley, 2843 Wasli- ington Street, Roxbury, and a mem- ber of the Class of 1920 of the High School of Commerce has enrolled in the mid-year entering class of Northeastern University, Evening School of Commerce and Finance. He is now employed as cashier for the Cudahy Packing Company at 112 South Market Street, Boston. 29 , W ,Mfr Q H U, 'fllfimwi Ihlv W1- CZ I 5 ' r ,' G G 'Q I . ', fl! ,ff , 41 ': 1' ,rl . ' -glgziff 'jg3j.:5...Q '-I . if it -AQ Qfpii-QE'-:.'-.ffy N D ' ff -ii iif f ufil li ,4 .W , ' f , ' IF!.DoRAN'zs. I -2 fJ:.g '. Q. fl' . I tk-lfff' ' THE FAIR VISITOR'S COMMENTS fPlayed to the tune of, Something E1se. J O Say, I think this is A Most Gor- geous school. I MEAN, I ACTually do, and who is the WONderful boy acting as a captain freferring to Coggillj? O he drills SO MASTerfully, he does honestly. CThe bell ringsj And you say this is the fourth period? Gee, its SO THRILLING, honestly it reminds me of a football-game. And O LOOK at the cute boy wearing spats CSmithD. Isn't he a handsome CREAture. So manly looking, don't you know. You Mean to say this is ACTually the lunch room? Such a cozy room, and these Kosher sandwiches are delicious, I MEAN, they ACTually are. Well, really, I MEAN, ACTually I do, well anyways, I always liked lunchrooms. ESPecially, you now know what I mean. I think I really like your clubs, HON- estly I do, they are so PROductive, you know. But I mean to say, they are PLUtonic. Do you know what I mean? But you have the business system. I don't mean to EXpress my thoughts in words. But anyways, I always thought that this was a BENelicial sys- tem, actually I did, And you have such a Harmonious BAND. Honestly, I mean, I think you have. You know, music is so INspiring at times, well anyways, I mean your band is REALLY ENtI-Ira1l- ing, I mean it is actually is. But I think I don't know anything about things in general, but honestly, I mean EDucati0n is a MOST INter- estiug thing because I mean, you AC- Tually do, do away with those INNoc- uous thoughts of being a peculiar per- son I mean, you actually do. Well anyways I am so sorry to leave, HONestly I am, I mean the time taken has been so instructive, ACTually that's what I mean. FORRESTER. FAMOUS SAYINGS 1. Eet is enough, I geeve you E. 2. Schocial schavingsf' 3. You're going to get a-E. 4. Is that so? 5. Oh, what is the name? 6. I-Im, what did I give you last month?,' 7. t'It isn't so extree good. 8. Now, I'm supposed to be a law- yer. 9. Please? l0. Shut up, Coggill! fby alll Famous men have failed in answering the following questions, what can you do with them? 1. Who named the Atlantic ocean and what name was it given? 2. What popular brand of automo- bile has four- wheels? 3. Name three letters of the alpha- betg can you? 4. If Edgar A. Poe wrote The Rav- en, who wrote Bye Bye Blackbird? 5. What popular vegetable speaks for itself? 6. Why do you persist in eating onions when you have halitosis? 7. If a card sharp loses does he be- come a flat? 8. Why do immigrants, when they get on a street car, think that they are paying to hear the conductor yell out the streets. 9. What does your latest picture look like? 10. Why are you reading this? ,-Mlli.. Cadet fleaving for Europej- What are they doing? lst Malte- Weighing the anchorf Cadet- Aren't the customs regula- tions toughexfn blazes, though? -West Point Pointer 30 BOSTO age NSTITUTE Complete Courses ACCOUNTANCY BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION Day and Night From a High , V S h ol gf. 14511511 cofo 1 , A l 1 , Commerce I - , - ' ' ,Q ' ., ov? P 1 -5 Graduate gi gfiiicxrs ? 1uMlu0u5.L. class of 5, .i A 1921 ' Pi 5 Q fg.1,:VS.Vfj, N 26- ml wi-K STREELOSTOEUGBUBY ZA' 19 G.'P.h'v Francis 3' gviauon Pioipllieiuimmg' D055 e . hp! the 45 glaeegon. BSB , amiga Yoltezn of Ziigininz Wally' sea to ol we in W B' M751 Mer 15 eh YW! ur who nf-81 emu-U be W 1 an very 91,94 at flea ins?-fig, me Wie have if which 'Ii iii? has Rings 51818219 for one grainiirtfm. Niuonmbxgt is so paces some is not ml? nt pos ,H o t in mu- lfugigzzitzfztnhugxeaaer- rested nomo? Ziaolnzrelee afar' Pace sxlieots 14-yu v41'L'iJ5 if W3 'ilu er H 7 du and t. YI q-, y Graduates , than twain a nstttute' and 1 'an mer ei? we 1 for me Hold Qgistglbanxs to Y te am 3 'Lot . mm Respon 0 ' :race 1n:'f'no,, gm. 1 am 1 Slble S9035-we ff ry Success. B ver: tri! - - as ve ur Positions your 'whine you G '10 4 This letter is only one of hundreds of unsolicited letters we receive. Business success demands special business training-the kind we give at Pace. Only the trained man can survive modern competition. Pace Courses include a complete business curriculum: Theory of Accountsg Applied Economicsg Organization and Financeg Practical Accountin 3 - n g Lawg Auditing: Taxation. Write, Phone, or Call for Full Information. Phone . Boston Mann w ' 4064 TREMQNT TEMPLE BLDG, Mm. 31 THE TRADESMAN Frank Powers is certainly advertis- ing this school to his friends when he can afford to buy The Commerce Life and distribute them among his gang. lk lk Bk all The lunch hour crowd surely are fresh air fiends. How about it, boys? lk ik SF ak Shullman is getting along Hrst rate in his new position. ak Sk wk wk If Ryan from West Roxbury does not stop getting fatter, the laundry man will be charging extra.. Sk Sk if ill Mr. Walsh recently asked a member of our faculty if a cotton gin was a new drink. Pk ak 14 Sk Doctor- You cough easier this morn- ing. Magner- I ought tog I've been prac- ticing all night. ik Sk Pk if Mother- Son, I don't believe you washed your face at all. Freshman- If you don't believe me, look at the towel. Ik Pk Bk P14 John- Willie, have you an ear for music? Y Willie- I ought to have, I got two drums. Fitz- Did you take a. bath? Boyce- No, is there one missing? Pk Pk all Pk Tenderfoot- W11y do they have knots on the ocean instead of miles? Smart Guy- Well, you see, they couldn't have the ocean tide if there were no knots. bk Pk Ik PK Senior- What's the matter, Kean? Kean- Work, nothing but work from morning till night. Senior- How long have you been working? Kean- I begin tomorrow. The laziest man we can imagine is one who sits up all night to keep from washing his face in the morning. -Georgia Tech. Yellow Jacket Pk 214 Pk PF When a traffic cop bawls you out, be nonchalant and light-a bo-mb. wk ik Dk SIG A tourist went all over Ireland and came home and didn't tell any stories about the jaunting car driver's wit. -Life. 32 any 795 SSIDN ff UNMIK RQN Prepares for S P1 ' . 'find SCFS Graduate? COMMERCIAL scl-lool. m POSIIIOIIS Offering BOSTON AdV5I1Cf3mC111- .1.w. BLA ISD E LL Princip al Bullefin Senf 33LI B0yISll0l'LS1. Upon Requesf 5Zf.fQZf.fl0Zg2 FALL SESSION OPENS SEPT 6 SAVE SYSTEMATICALLY ONE DOLLAR saved weekly with interest added quarterly ' will amount to S 52.83 in one year 350.77 in six years 107.77 in two years 417.80 in seven years 164.94 in three years 487.55 in eight years 224.43 in four years 560.14 in nine years 286.34 in five years 635.68 in ten years INTEREST STARTS FIRST OF EACH MONTH BANK on COMMERCE AND TRUST COMPANY ' Bank of Commerce Building 21 MILK STREET, Corner Hawley, BOSTON, MASS. Member Federal Reserve System WHEN PATRONIZING ADVERTISERS PLEASE MENTION TRADESMAN 33 THE TRADESIVIAN Coggill- Was that p'liceman ever a little baby, mother? Mother- Why, yes Francis, dear. Coggill- I don't believe I've ever seen a baby p'liceman! Ik Bk Pk ik Employer Qto oiiice boy?- If any- one asks for me, I shall be back in half an hour. Davis-L Yes, sirg an' how soon will you be back if no one asks for you? Sk Pk bk vk O'Ma1ley- Did you like the last sweet I gave you? Kelley- Yes, why? O'Malley- Oh, 'cos Fido spat it out twice and I thought there might be something the matter with it, that's l. al Pk ik Pk Sk Mr. O.- Pardon me, but would you mind lending me your spectacles a moment? Ziminsky- Witli pleasure, sir. Mr. O.- Thanks awfully. And now, as you can no longer read your news- paper, would you kindly pass it over to me? 1 ik Sk lk Sk Mr. Carter- Are you any relation to Joseph Cronin? Cronin- I am Joseph Cronin. Mr. Carter- Ah! Then that explains the marked resemblance. lk Bk Sk ik It seems mighty queer to see one of our captains in so many pictures in the new book The Commerce Life. f PK ek ik ik There is another' student who is a Captain in Military Drill and he takes English with Mr. DeCelles. He is the only one in his division who gets an A in that subject. sk ek Sk if What is the great attraction in East Boston. Ask Ballerini. He knows. Ik bk wk Sk Can anybody recommend a good diet? Ed. Kenny is getting rather fat. Sk Ik bk ak Welcome to our new Teachers, the students 'with a drag. tKeep still, Cog- gillj. - Sk Pk bk Sk Anyone who desires to learn the new dance, Black Bottomf' should apply to Jack Donovan. Lessons given in the lunch hour. bk Sk Sk lk The fellow who has a jinx following is our well-known student, Chris Cut- ler. Ike Miller, the triple threat of his Division, the laughs, sings and dancesj, is waiting for the baseball season to open. ik ik Sk ak FORGETTERS Forget the slander you have heard, Forget the hasty, unkind work, Forget the quarrel and the cause, Forget the whole affair, because, Forgetting is the only way. Forget the storm of yesterday, Forget the chap whose sour face Forgets to smile in any place, Forget to ever get the blues, Forget the knocker-BUT PAY FOR THE TRADESMAN. Pk wk Pk 'F Scollius- I had a most exciting time today. Lordan- You don't say so! Scollins- Yesg I ran into the middle of the street, flung up both arms, and stopped a runaway-cab horse. Lordan- Pooh! that's nothing. D'ye know what I did the other day? Scollins- Nog what did you do? Lordan- Why, I stepped to the edge of the pavement, held up my little fin- ger-, and stopped a taxi. ek lk wk Pk Kennedy- Have you been vaccin- ated? Doyle- Yes Kennedy- Where? Doyle- In Forest Hills. Bk Ik Sk ik Many boys are talking about McNally going out for track. The reason: he could win by a nose. Ik Sk Ik Sk Sommers- What's the chief product of So. Boston? Barese- I know, but I Won't tell anyone. Sommers- Why? Barese- Business will stop. ik ik Ik Ik Neitlich- I bet I can make a worse face than you can. Coggill- You ought to be able to. Look at the face you've got to start with. ek Sk all wk Sullivan-2-1- What is it that a Ford runs on, a man eats with, and a girl brushes her hair With? Lydon- I give up. Sullivan- A road, his mouth, and a hair-brush. 34 WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIllIIIlIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! 1 i NIIIIIHIASIEIIN UNIVERSITY SBHUULS or Q BUSINESS AIIMINISTRATIUN i Q AND ENGINEERING T Q Four Year Professional Courses In i I E E ! BUSINESS MANAGEMENT i A ACCGUNTING AND FINANCE i 5 CIVIL ENGINEERING i 5 MECHANICAL ENGINEERING i E ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING E E CHEMICAL ENGINEERING 5 2 ADMINISTRATIVE ENGINEERING 2 i i i Leading to the BacheIor's Degree. i ! THE COOPERATIVE PLAN E i Alternate study in college and practice in the industries under i supervision affords the student an opportunity to earn a con- Q i siderable part of his college expenses. i 5 REGISTRATION i Students admitted tothe Freshman Class in September or Jan- E uary may be ready for the Sophomore Work before the follow- 5 ! 2 ing September. 2 i E i Catalog and information sent upon request. ! E NGRTHEASTERN UNIVERSITY E i Department of Admissions E i Milton Schlagenhauf, Director Q E BOSTON, I 7, MASSACHUSETTS i i i IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIli!IlliIiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlI!IIlIIIIlIIIIlIIIIlIIIIl' 35 .X X' A nity Ii TF' lil l azf 0 , 9 ' 0 .Q fy ,I 1 , v'If'y. 'JW' ' LI' f, 4Q. f b ff 'i v e - 74br Vf Ni' L . I ,'T2:v1 Q24 . ll Z .1 I' M. - Xl I' - R M-. FOR VALOR Who gave yo-u the black eye? Gave me?'i Boy, I had to fight to get that! -Life SIS sk if at PLAYING SAFE Rafter: 'Tm becoming so nearsighted that I bump into people when I walk along the street. Shafter: Goodness, man! That's dangerous. Why dontt you buy a car and drive it? --Life bk wk as all Telegram to Friend-Washout on line, cannot come. Reply-Come anywayg borrow a shirt. -Denver Parrakeet Sk lk :lf 44 Farmer Kto druggistb-Now, be sure an' write plain on them bottles which is for the Jersey cow and which is for my wife. I don't want nothin' to' 'appen to that Jersey cow. --Tit Bits if Pk Pk wk I can hardly hold my eyes open. How do you expect to- with your hands in your pockets? --Notre Dame Juggler Pk Sk if FF Judge-The policeman says that you were traveling at a speed of sixty miles an hour. Prisoner-It was necessary, your honor, I had stolen the car. Oh, tl1at's different. Case dismissed. -Ulk, fBerlinJ Sk if bk S1 I don't, think their pitcher is very scrupulous. Meaning? I just overheard some one say he pitches underhandedf' -Notre Dame Juggler Sk wk if 24 IT COST A LOT. She wanted a sealskin coat, but you ought to see what a beautiful Wrap Crapl I gave her. -EX. vlf Pk all Sk IT'S A FOOLER Ike- My stock is slipping. Mike- Vell, for vy don't you vear gartersf' -Ex. - lliae-2 Baby-Googly ikkle wopple zump. Fond Mother-Yes, dear, that's the public library. -M. I. T. Voo Doo. ak wk bk wk Drunk-Shay, where does Tom Ma- loney live? Friend-Why, you're Tom-old boy. where does he live? Shure, but -Carnegie Puppet Sk 'F ,le wk DPFPDPIPPPIP rrcwrq 5523 H0145 Crow o o U-,l'hSP'h 33:1-93.5 my-n S ,cms-H ....,,,D'wr1g M Cnr-4-P-4 Nawmz WQJQ me 5::n9'U'E 53:42 Bs-'ES ' sz 2 swarm of wolves is a pack. pack of camels is 15 cents. 15 cents is a lot. A lot of real estate is a mess. A mess of ostriches is a flock. A flock of fish is a school. A school of fish is a place where they play football and win moral victories. Sk Sk Pk Bk A TOUGH RACKET Hello, Brown. Are you using your lawn-mower this afternoon?', Yes, I'm afraid I am. Splendid! Then you won't be want- ing your tennis racket. I've broken mine! Bk Pk if Dk OH! Traffic Cop- What's your name? Truck Driver- It's on the side of me wagon. Traflic Cop-Ctrying to read namelz It's obliterated. Driver- Yer a liar. It's O'Brien. Sk Ik wk wk BENEVOLENT Old Lady- Here's a penny, my poor man. Tell me how did you become so destitute? Beggar-I -was like you, mum- a-giving away vast sums to the poor and needy. 14 BF Sk Sk TRY IT! How to ask a girl for a dance- May I have the honor of shaking your frame for the next twist? 36 TI-IE TRADESMAN A NEW APPROACH I say, old chap, didn't I borrow five dollars of you last week? No, you didn't. How careless of me. Could you let me have it now? -Boston Trans- cript. :le :le 4: up DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Gentlemen of the jury, the defendant killed in self-defense! OFFENSE ATTORNEY: Did the mur- dered man draw first? D. A.: No, but we are prepared to prove that he would have drawn first if he'd had a gun. all ik Sk vt THE ROOMMATES Say, Bob, can I borrow your pen? Sure thing. Got a sheet of writing paper I can use? Reckon so. Going past the mail box when you go out'? , Uh-huh. Wait a minute till I finish this letter, will you? All right. Want to lend me a stamp? Yeh, Much obliged. Say, wl1at's your girl's address? -California Pelican. ae nk ,wk wr THE ORDER Hello .... Gimme Main 8036 .... Yeah. . . Hello, is this Mac?. . . fLowers voicel Say, Mac, this is Bill . . . Say, send up a quart, willya'. . . Yeah, same as last time, only not so watery, ha! ha! .... No, it 'wasn't so good last time. . . What? . . . Yeah, just a little party. . . Yeah, birthday celebration ...... Yeah, Willie-he's nine today. . . Like it? I'l1 say he likes it! . . . Yeah, 'at's right-choc- lut and vinella-rush it right up, will- ya, Mac? . . . 'Bye. Sk lk if vk Corrective Old Gentleman-My little man, you mustn't say, 'I aint going! You must say, 'I am not going,' 'He is not going,' 'We are not going,' 'They are not goiugf Little Johnny-Ain't nobody goin'? wk Sk if if How to -prevent a fire-insult the janitor. Sk Hk 'F ik ONE NEVER DOES Did you get a good allowance on the car you traded in for a new one? Well, not as much as I expected, but then, I didn't expect to. Ducrot-Hey, don't spit on the floor! Wife-What's matter. Floor leak? -West Point Pointer Pk Sk il' wk Judge-Did you or did you not strike this woman? Landlord-Your Honor, I only re- marked that the wallpaper in her apart- ment bore iingerprints. Judge-Two years for knocking her Hat. Next case. -Bucknell Belle Hop. bk :lf if wk First Student-Good gosh! they're advertising shoe shines now for live cents, let's get one. Second Student-Aw, they're probably no good, and besides I've got on my roommate's shoes. -Alabama Rammer Jammer. lk Sk III 'lf EXIT NONCHALANTLY A college student arose from his table in a fashionable dining-room and walked toward the door. I-Ie was passing the house detective at the entrance -when a silver sugar- bowl dropped from his bulging coat. The guest glanced at the ofhcer, then turned with an expression of polite annoyance towlards the occupants of the room. Ruflians! he said, Who threw that? -Stanford Chaparral. wk if Sk wk HEARD IN 211. Your old man wouldn't have trade, if he hadn't gone to jail. -Ex. ak SF 11 lk So's your male parent. ik Pi! all Pk HEARD IN 307. Mr. Weiss- Neckes, why is it that every thing I tell you goes in one ear and out the other? Neckes- I didn't know it did sir. Voice in rear- That's right, it does- n't. Sound can't pass through a vacuum. Sk ,ll ik vk UP TO DATE. Father-You are just like a musical scale, daughter. Flapper-Ho'w's' that, father? Father-You begin with dough idol and end with dough fdob. -Ex. Bk ,if Sk 24 IS ZAT SO? Room- Sorry, old man, that I lost your gloves. Maye- That's all right, I lost your Stetson. Room- Fine, the gloves that I lost were in your overcoat that I borrowed from you. -EX. 37 TI-IE 'TRADESMAN ROUGH? TOUGH AND NASTY Heard on a street car: Pipe down, big boy, or I'l1 take you out and bend you like:Peter Bent Brigham. ,lf 214 all wk Doc: I hope, Kelley, you are going out for track. Kelley: I am, sir, but my father hasn't changed his-. Doc: Well, wear your sister's. if Sk PIG if HOW HORRID t' Young Lady: Please show me some IGS. Salesman: A gent1eman's tie? Young Lady: Oh, No! It's for my brother. ik ak vk his THE PURPLE COW . I never saw a purple cow. I never hope to see one. But I can tell you anyhow I'd rather see than be one. -Ex. is Sk ak his Young man! to hostessl You have children, have you not? Hostess: Oh, yes. I have a boy seven years old and a little girl of five. Young Man: I declare, how time has flown. It doesn't seem possible that you have been married twelve years. ,lf lk PK Sl: Barber: Do you want anything on your face when I get through? Victim: You might leave my nose if you don't mind. ik Pk is wk Registrar of Voters: How old are you n1adam? Ancient Female: I have seen nine- teen summers, sir. Registrar: Er-um! How long have you been blind? bk rl' ik PF IN THE HOME OF A NEWSPAPER HEAD-WRITER Mother: James, Willie has been a very naughty Kiddie this afternoon. I wish you'd Flay him soundly. Father: Oh, tut! Did you Probe the matter to see if Willie was really at fault? Did you hear his Plea? Mother: Yes, I held a Quiz, but there was no Truce. Father: Did he Ask Ban on Whip- ping? Mother: I should say not. He even dared me to War on him. Father: Oh, he did, did he! I will Seek Willie .... Willie, come here. Willie, this Irks me more than it does you. I do not like to Flaunt my author- ity. You know I would much rather Laud than Flay you. However ..... There! ..... And there! What's that you Aver? Willie: Son Sees error of ways As parent Uses Rod. Father: Very well, Says parent. Take care you do not Cause Break with your mother again. A. H. F. if ik S!! Say, DODDH-H What is it, sonny? Do all dental students look down in the mouth? -Wisconsin Octopus lk PK Sk Sk 100 PER CENT PROOF What makes you so certain you can't afford to send your son to college? 'Tm sending him. Sk PF wk SF He's so dumb, he thinks Scott's best work was Emulsion. if IF if is Well you know what one Gold Dust Twin said to the other: 'Lux against ,, us vk if if Sk EYE AND EAR OCULIST thanding sight-testing cardjz I want you to read this, please. OLD LADY: Would you be so kind as to read it for me? My sight is not very good.-Punch. ,lf Sk :lf if WHAT KIND OF A PLACE IS THIS? Isn't it strange Launcelot, that this beautiful island should smell of Ham? You must remember Guinnere, that we are in the Sandwich Isles. -Ex. ak :ie ek is , SNEEZE IT. The Irish name of the new Dublin broadcasting station is, Stasium Crao- ibhscalleachain Aith Cliath. We hear that the sympathizers in England have already sent the announcer many pac- kages of throat lozengers. ek if 21 if A P. A. I-I. S. WOMAN Madam, could I interest you in buy- ing a car? You might try. . Dk elf ik Sk HOW DARE YOU! I-Ie- You sure have a ine coat of tan. Been at the beach long? She- Sir! That's my bathing suit. :lf ,lf Sf ek A Russian Proverb says, Before going to war, pray once, before going to sea, pray twice, and before getting married, pray three times. 38 R. Scocozza School of Music Established 1 904 PRIVATE LESSONS ON SAXOPHONE, TEN OR BANJO and other Wind and String Instruments Rates very Reasonable Rooms 1 1 - 1 2 699 Washington St. Boston 15 School St. 15 School St. Rosenfield 8z Rapkin B. S. C. Uniforms Officers' Pershing Caps Officers' Leather Puttees Officers' Sam Browne Belts Open Until 7 0'c10ck Every Evening ROSENFIELD 8: RAPKIN MILITARY oUtrFITTERs MORSE'S EMULSIFIED LINIMENT The Olive Oil Liniment Unsurpassed when applied for Neuralgia, Neuritis, Sciatica, Rheumatism, Lumbago, Sprains, Strained Muscles, Pleurisy, Chest Colds, Laryngitis, and Sore Throat. Contains no Alcohol or Nar- cotics, is absorbent and never blisters. SOLD BY 15 s I. Is. 5 h . C cow Ffiglfc 001 St HOUGHTON sc DUTTON E COMPANY I WHEN PATRONIZING ADVERTISERS PLEASE MENTION TRADESMAN fr A LV lv WISE BEES SAVE ' WISE FOLKS SAVE HONEY MONEY AFTER GRADUATION When you apply for a job some day the employer will ask What have you clone? When you tell him how you earned money, and that you've saved some, he will be glad to get you. A bank account is a good reference. HOME SAVINGS BANK 75 Tremont Street Boston, Mass. Q L v S U F F O L K A W CLASS .PHOTOGRAPHER to the High School of Commerce Founded September 19, 1906 for Four Year Coux-se?LL. B. Degree DAY SESSIONS 10 A.M. to 11.30 P.M. 4 P.M. to 5.30 P.M. EVENING SESSIONS ' 6 P.M. to 7.30 P.M. 7.30 P.M. to 9.05 P.M. Students may attend any division ox transfer from one to another LARGEST LAIV SCHOOL IN NEXV ENGLAND H' h f ' l li I , I'ireii:1eliieniiin32IerceceTillyliiisnlzgzglmzinlixggsngo 250 Huntington Avenue Catalog Upon Rfqufff Opposite Symphony Hall GLEASON L. ARCHER, LL.B., LL.D. DEAN . ' Special LOW RATES to Students 20 Derne Street QRear of State I-Iouseb Boston- Mm- and Their Families Telephone Haymarket 0836 WHEN PATRONIZING ADVERTISERS PLEASE MENTION TRADESMAN NURTHEASTERII UNIVERSITY EVENING School of Commerce and Finance Through its Evening School of Commerce and Finance, Northeastern University offers the following advantages to graduates of the High School of Commerce. University business courses of a practical nature for employed men and Women at convenient evening hours. Study programs in Accounting and Business Administration leading to the degree of Bachelor of Business Administration CB. B. AJ. Opportunity for specialization in four-year, two-year and one- year study programs in fields of Finance, Credit Management, Salesmanship and Advertising, Traffic Management, and Rail- road Transportation and Accounts. Instruction by problem and case method. Each subject becomes vitally interesting through the study of actual business situa- tions. A faculty of leading business and professional men who are ex- perienced in the operation and managements of business con- cerns. . Association with fellow students who are selected because of their ability and who are serious in purpose. Average age of students is 27 years. Location in the heart of the educational and cultural center of Boston within sight of the Opera House, Art Museum and Symphony Hall. Easily accessible to all main lines of trans- portation. Graduates of the High School of Commerce admitted Without condition. I School founded in 1907. Facts show that of the graduates at the time of admission only 2572 held executive positions: while at present 7276 are in positions of executive leadership, With a corresponding salary increase. School 0pens Monday, September 26. For catalog address .School of Commerce and Fmance CARL D. SMITH, Dean Y. M. C. A., 316 Huntington Ave. Back Bay 4400