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Page 32 text:
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APRIZE STORY THE ARK By RUSSELL CHISLER One day some twenty odd years ago as 1 was digging for gold. I discovered an old manuscript, tattered and torn and marked with age. Upon investigation I found it to be a diary written by Noah, himself, describing the trials and troubles encountered while commanding his ship during the flood. He probably lost this while digging for water. The diaty ran thus: I, Noah, in the year of our Lord 1466 B. C. with all my cargo boarded the good ship Ark. which was lying about one-fourth league off the coast of Asia. Although many people thought me crazy, they all came down to the wharf to see Mrs. Noah and me embark. A very good crowd they were too. as they presented me with a gold handled umbrella. JAN. 3. 1416 B. C.—It is now raining. It is coming in very handy though, as we don’t have to water our stock. All of our live stock are on the main ship, except one pair. The skunks are drawn in a small boat far enough behind to insure health and happiness. This boat serves as a guard house for all refractory hands. One siege is always sufficient to make an unruly hand quite docile. JAN. 4—Course, straight ahead. Wind- high. Sea. very calm. Ship’s run—2 leagues. Mrs. Noah complains that the ship is beginning to smell like a barn. I went down and took a bath. It still continues to rain. All the clothes are dirty and no place to dry them. jan. 5—This morning I went below and inspected the condition of our cargo. I found everything in number one condition (except) that some of the animals were crowded. The Shetland ponies and poodle dogs are beginning to need exercise. (The picture writing in the next seven pages is not legible. JAN. 12—Still raining. The mountain resorts are now doing a good business. The thing that puzzles me most is that the almanac promised good weather. Jan. 13—Nothing happened. JAN. 14—Course: Same as yesterday. Wind: calm. Rain: wet. Sea: High and a bit choppy. We played a new game today. I think they called it Mah Jongg. There is an upright post out on the deck with the letters N. E. W. S. on it. On top there is a hand which spins. I played this game this morning with the cook. He always put his money on “N and. by Jove, he always won. As you all know, no one can put it over on me like this. So the next time I played I put my money on “N” and lost every ttime. I found him out. though. He had a horseshoe he held on the letter his money was on. I thought I would get even with him. So I went down below to the stock barns and persuaded the groom to help me pull a shoe off the old mare. I then put my money on S” and held the horseshoe there, but. much to my dissatisfaction, it stopped on ”N” every time. One of the deck hands told me this evening that the post was a compass and the supposed horseshoe was a magnet. JAN. 15—Course: ahead. Wind: dead. Sea: rough. Mrs. Noah is complaining that the dashing waves are taking the marcels out of her hair. I’ll bet she will find fault when the sun shines on the forty-first day. This morning one of the tadpoles jumped overboard and the life savers spent several hours rescuing him. I have beeti worrying ever since we started because I don't believe the chiggers are mates. The camels are affected with a dangerous disease. They haven’t drunk any water for six days. I have a funny pair of birds in my collection. They always insist opon roosting in the top of the clock. About every hour they come out and say Cuck! cool” 'They don’t eat anything. This morning I tempted them with one of our
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Page 33 text:
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worms but they refused it. JAN. 16—It is still raining unmercifully, never stopping long enough for us to take a few pictures. We are now over Paris. It certainly is a shame we are so near the city and cannot visit it. I am making a number of mistakes in commanding the Ark. But they can be overlooked. This is the first Hood I’ve ever been in. Last night the mice broke loose. They caused a lot of excitement before they were rescued, especially among the women. JAN. 17 The typhoid fever germs are getting very thin. .Mrs. Noah wants me to throw them overboard. But I’m too kind hearted to do such a severe act. This morning I heard a funny noise. I found two long-bilkd birds with voices Just like men. One of them holloed. Hello.” The other said something about a cracker. I’ll have to be careful what I say. They repeat everything they hear. This evening one of them called me Whiskers” and I took him down to the engine room and wrung his neck. JAN. 18—The moth food is getting pretty well gone. Only one more carpet left. This was the day for my egg. Didn’t get it. for it was the old hen's day off. We are now sailing over the Atlantic Cable. Had to raise the rudder. In direct line of ocean steamers. Must speed up. I'm not particular about getting wrecked. Our potato bugs have marvelous appetites. They made way with all our spuds. JAN. 31—One of our bulldogs buried his bone in the coal bin this morning. He wouldn't let the fireman have any coal. Had to go down and chase him away or the ark would have stopped. I'm going to move the book worms to Mrs. Noah's cook book. Ought to find something they like in there. JAN. 32—Course: Some as yesterday. Sea: smoother. Wind: higher. Ship’s run: four leagues. We celebrated mine and Mrs. Noah's sixth golden anniversity last night. We danced by the song of the crickets. I made several mistakes. Hadn't danced for 300 years. The cook bothers me. She wants the feathers off the bird of paradise when they die. Ham played me a dirty trick this morning. He came up and said I was wanted on the ‘phone. Got half-way down and fell the rest of the way. JAN. 40—Last night when I went down to give the apple worms an apple I found the second mate fishing in the gold fish bowl. Just received a wireless saying. Do your Christmas shopping early.” We are now across the equator, judging from the heat. We don’t mind, simply turn on the electric fans. Two deck hands just had a fight. It was to see who’d feed the microbes. One slew the other with a sling shot. Reminds me of the time David slew the giant. Our appetites are good. The pigs nearly starve. The giraffe has a cold. We used 150 pounds of meat and 50 yards of muslin to make a poultice for his neck. Food supply is low. JAN. 41—Day for my trial. Charge: Cruelty to animals. I knocked the stuffing out of a teddy bear and tried to take the spots off the leopard with a curry comb. Also, mixing sawdust with the bran I fed the chickens. Judge pronounced me not guilty. Reason—too young to be so cruel. I'm only 500 years old. He said if I was convicted it would be a blot on history. Best animal keeper ever known. Great problem now—the disposal of the rusty relic, the ark. Maybe I can sell it to a museum. The crane has a bad leg. Has to stand on one foot for hours at a time. By Jove. I’m going to study up on animals before the next flood. JAN. 42—Today I gave the elephants an extra peanut apiece. Now they’re sick. Hard to keep the files off the fly-paper. Don’t mind my two pets but I hatd their children. JAN. 43—12 o’clock. Stopped raining. Sun is shining. Our radio is out of commission. So we let the women hang clothes on the aerial We men went down and curried the rust off the animals. Let the microbes out to play on the deck, now we can’t get them back in their cages. JAN. 47—Gosh, my toe hurts. The male elephant stepped on It this morning. The alligators are getting lonesome. Had Ham to paint them a swamp scene. I have a bad tooth. Haven’t nerve enough to pull it. Fastened a string on it and tied the string to the door knob. Sat down in a chair to wait and there I sat for two hours.
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