Hawthorne High School - Ursidae Yearbook (Hawthorne, NJ)

Page 28 text:

-':,,K- CLASS WILL WE, the Class of 1935, being sound of body and mind, do draw up, certify and endorse this last Will and Testament regarding the disposition of our worldly goods. We leave the Freshman Class to the tender mercies of the Sophomores, and direct that they be taught to respect their superiors, if they don't learn another thing. Any Freshman caught making a face at a Senior, kissing a Iunior, or snapping the locker of a Sophomore, is to be summarily imprisoned in the iron grasp of the upper classmen, and disposed of according to the en- ormity of his offense. We also leave three shovels and two picks with which a hole is to be dug in the back of the school. This hole is to be kept full of water at all times so that recalcitrant under-classmen may be disciplined at a moment's notice. We leave to Mr. Van Stone one Chemistry Professor's Manual fwith an- swers. We leave Mr. Brubeck an honorary membership in the Tall Story Club, and two tickets to the Follies. Mr. Duursema gets an' inverted right parallelopiped turned inside out: all sides of which are perpendicular to almost any two skew lines, and equipped with steam heat and a tiled bath. Mr. Trend shall receive one pair of rubber tired stilts and a book of magic. To Messers Lawrence and Geier we leave all books in the library on commercial subjects, plus a year's subscription to Ballyhoo. To Miss Meuche we leave three thousand copies of Caesar's Gallic War and as many more of Cicero and Virgil plus a beautiful engraved picture of Herr Hitler. To Messers Focht and King we leave a basket of daisies and a Wreath of roses, respectively. Mr. Palmgren shall receive The Private Life of Mrs. Roosevelt fsuch as it isi, a complete leather bound embossed edition of Hart's Contemporariesf' To Mr. Iohnston we bequeath the other classes that hope to follow usp May God be merciful unto him and theml We leave to Miss Lang the empty chair once occupied by George Grillo, three straw hats, and a memorandum pad to be used at teachers' meetings. We leave Miss Beatty an autographed set of Dr. Hubbard's Five Foot Shelf of Books, and a grass skirt to match. Miss Vermeulen gets Fanny Farmer's Cook Book and six delicious packages of Iello. Miss Flynn deserves nothing but praise for her work as our class advisor. We dedicate to her The Hymn of Praise with words by Stewart and music by Meister Csingerl. Meister also got in a few words. We must leave something to Mr. Gray and Mr. Fischer! They shall get one left-handed monkey wrench, one muffler for that truck, and we hope a forge shop, as well as our best wishes for the future success of their department. It will be a great blow to Miss Thoms to lose Doug Moore, so we'll leave her an all-day sucker, to take his place. To the rest of our dear teachers we leave-the loveliest, the cutest, the sweetest, and the most utterly stupid and asinine creatures-The Freshiesl We hope that they can steer these misguided and disillusioned kiddies through the halls of learning without damage to the Hallsl We are proud to say that our school is better for our having been here, and our teachers wiser by the same token. The Class of 1935 will go down in History as the founder of ideals and precedents that will keep Hawthorne for- ever the school among schools, and the beacon by which succeeding genera- tions of Hawthornites may guide themselves in the struggle for finer existence. And so we depart into the cruel world: may God bless and forgive our ego, and the devil take him who laughs! -REEDER BUTTERFIELD. 424b URSIDAE

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-'W - AN EVENING IN NEW YORK IN 1950 LADIES and Gentlemen: This is station WHHS broadcasting from the studios of the N. B .C. network in Radio City, New York. Tonight we are pleased to present for the first time on the air, Ted Stazeski and his orchestra, starring Pete Verberckmoes in Hold that Tiger -Play Stazul After listening to Ted's marvelous melodies for fifteen minutes, all faint memories of Eddie Duchin, Glen Gray, Rubinoff, and Don Bester faded into oblivion. Suddenly the loud blast of an accordion interrupted our appreciation of music, and none other than Snake-Eye Lewerenz, the Wrangler from Okla- homa, strode in manfully, playing Mel Gi1l's latest song hit, Cowboys of the Prairie. Snake-Eye's pockets were bulging with U. S. Treasury Notes-the was Chief Engraver of the U. S. Currency Department last yearl. The announcer, who was Herb Toll, seemed quite perturbed after Lewerenz had gone off the air. We soon found out what was troubling him. Iimmy Wiley, national golf champ, who was to address us next, had not yet appeared. However, Toll as usual, was quite equal to the occasion and for one-half hour he entertained us with an impromptu talk on Mountain Climbing in the Watchung's. When he had finished speaking, he gave a review of the next day's radio programs. We have in the morning, said Herb, setting-up exercises under the supervision of Ieannette Famy and Al Grefe. At 8:00 A. M., we will hear a beauty talk by Eleanor Buis and Eleanor Duursema. At 8:30 A. M., Mary Zirpoli will deliver a lecture on how to talk over the telephone. At 9:00 A. M., Tracy O'Hara will speak on Sign Painting, Yesterday and Today. At 9:30 A. M., Miss Marjorie Bowman, editor of the New York Herald Tribune, will lecture on 'How to make your newspaper a success.' At 10:00 A. M., Marvin R. Pike and Dom D'Auria will give their daily sport talks and at 10:30 A. M. Larry Mahon will comment on current events. From 11:00 to 11:30 Peter Yago- dzinski, coach of Princeton's football team, will speak on athletics. From 11:30 to 12:00, George Maher will talk on bowling. From 12:00 to 12:30, Miss Doris Wright, internationally famous pianist, will give a recital. From 12:30 to 1:00, Edwin Vandenburg will lecture on psychology. And now, ladies and gentlemen, said Herb, I know that you are all waiting for this next part of our program. We are going to broadcast the fight between Henry CBoo Bool German, and Primo Carnera, Ir. This bout, as you know will decide the heavyweight championship of the world. - Sympathy welled up within us. Stay and see poor Primo murdered? Never! On our way out of the studio, we bumped headlong into Doug Moore and Al Meyers, who were vehemently arguing over whose yacht could go the faster. They appeared glad to see us old Hawthornites, and insisted on taking us to Macbeth in which Bill Meister and Charlotte Berry were appearing. We piled into a huge Cadillac and went whizzing over to Broadway. Doug called our attention to some orators who were standing on soap boxes waving their arms in a most peculiar manner. Huge crowds were surging around them. Who do you think they were? None other than George Harris and Fred Steins, lecturing on the merits of the great organization of chemists The Waiters. CPor further details, see either Mr. Van Stone or Secret Agent K-6.5 As we approached 42nd Street, we were caught in a traffic iam. A1 leaned out of the window to ask the driver of the big La Salle next to us what the trouble was. And who but George Grillo should put his head out of the window! Upon observing the occupants of other cars around us, we were surprised to recognize some of our old friends. Evie Curtis was driving a huge gray roadster. To our left was a 1935 Model T Ford with Cleo written all over it. Piled hap- hazardly in the front seat were Charlie Tanis and Reeder Butterfield. Perched on the running board were Dan Whitney and Howard Glover. The back seat was full of frying pans and straw hats. It appeared that the boys had just re- turned from their annual trip out to South Dakota. All of a sudden, the cars in front began to move, and we could see quite plainly what was happening. Two rival test drivers for General Motors, Walt URSIDAE 425P