Haverford School - Haligoluk Yearbook (Havertown, PA)

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CLASS PROPHECY Another wobbly, eh? said the cop. He smacked me behind the ear with his lead pipe and everything went black. When I came to, I found myself in a hospital along with many other labor agitators. Fred Gottshall peered at me from the next bed through the bandage covering his head and said: Them bulls mean business, don't they? I tried to smile but couldn't. The doctor looked at me and grunted: Take it easy, you anarchist, Litton. I started to ask how he knew me, but I recognized that it was my old buddy, Chris Smith. I didn't know you worked here at Bryn Mawr, I said. Smith replied: There are a lot of things you don't know. You don't know that all you guys working for Wally Dyer are going to be deported for your un-American actions in striking against companies supplying strategic mate- rials for the government. Maybe you don't like the wages the workers get at places like Torn Russell's Midnite Auto Supply Corporation or Mike Roberts' Innisfree Speed Shop. Sam Dixon is making a good living installing triple pots and boring larger cylinders down at the shop. Glen Gerdelmann is doing well working for Russell, and he only works three hours a day - midnite to three A.M. You guys are no good. Look at the other men in our class. They are all successful, every one of them. Lots of them stayed right in this area, many of them are still connected with the school. Take Chuck Olson,for example. He started work for the school as a cook, and now he is the Dean of Boys - a position he has always aspired to. Olin West - he's been head of the athletic department for 10 years. His football teams have never yet lost a game. Dick Eckfeldt, PG, has cap- tained the team every year. Ralph West was finally made head of the English department and is honored and re- spected as a gentleman and a scholar. Joe Scattergood is the director of the Building Fund Drive. You can see him every day cruising around in his pink Caddy convertible with Bill Frankel, the contractor for the new field house, and Tag Geer, the designer of same. The field house, incidentally, has the most advanced wrestling facilities in the world. Unfortunately, poor old Neil Buckley hasn't won a match since Tom Webster left in '57.', Whatever happened to Tom? I asked, beginning to become interested in my dear old class. Smith answered: I've got to leave. John duPont is in serious condition. He broke his leg falling from an eagle's nest at Hawk Mountain. Here comes Dr. Alles, he can catch you up on the rest of our lousy class. Smith had a few words with Alles and then hurried out of the room. Van came over to my bed and spoke: So you want to know about our class? Webster is the head professor of Physics at M.I.T. Many who have studied under him admire his wit in employing such parables as The Tale of the Foolish Ant to explain complex prob- lems in the theory of time structure. Several men work here at the hospital. Dr. Jim Eaton is in charge of the alcoholic patients. Dr. Tom Chase isa specialist in women's diseases. Did you notice the murals on the walls as you entered the hospital? - oh, I guess not. Well, anyway, our own Dr. Chuck Diamond painted them. For red, he used blood, for yellow, ear wax, for green, well . . . by the way, Fred Carter decided not to go into animal husbandry, so he just prowls around here cleaning up under the operating table. He sup- plies Dr. Diamond with his paints. Allan Lipsky, of course, is the head of the department of mental illness heref' Just then, a car came tearing down the Barclay Highway outside, making a noise like an airplane. Its radio was blaring out one of the hit jive tunes of the day. The Barclay Highway, in- cidentally, is named after old Charlie and goes from the Undine Barge Club

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to the west coast. I asked Van about the loud car. Oh, he said, that's Tony Neff again. He comes past here every day about this time. That jazz he's playing on his radio is sung by Oscar Goodman, who is still the idol of millions of teen-age girls. Have we got anyone else in the entertainment world? Yes, as a matter of fact, we do have a few. Jay Allen is the top name among the hillbilly singers. Pete Ward is starring on Broadway in Dick Led- with's hilarious musical comedy, The Four Piglets. Suave Alton Thorough- good appears in many cigarette and liquor ads in magazines and on tele- vision. Jim Maxfield is a singing disc jockey for Henry Welsh's prosperous radio and television network, while lawyer Bill Whitelaw has kept Jim from doing anything illegal in his little enter- prise. Dave Mcllvaine isafaith-healer on television. He and his business manager, John Reed, are doing very well traveling coast to coast with their nationally famous tent meetings. Steve Vehslage is a professional squash player and for 10 consecutive years he has been the world's champion. He works out of the Merion Cricket Club, now owned and operated by conscien- tious Chris Brown. Whatever happened to Bob Gordon, my dear old co-editor of the Index? He is still connected with a scandal sheet, although the Daily News is quite an improvement over the Index. All worldwide and national news is con- densed into one paragraph. Beauty con- tests, murders, and vice scandals get full coverage with those two-foot head- lines Bob likes so much. The daily report of J T. 'tSlimy Tongue Buckley, the gossip columnist, is the favorite feature of many of the readers of the Daily News. A full page photograph of Ollie Cannon and the 2200-pound marlin he caught near the Bahamas appeared in yesterday's paper. Ollie holds several world's records in game fish- ing and is hailed as a master sports- man around the world. By the way, I heard that Larry Buell is also connected with the fish game. He works out of Melbourne Beach, Florida, as a pro- fessional fish cleaner. He can gut and scale a 10-pound trout in 1:52.7 flat. John Hornsey, of Kelly and Hornsey, contractors, has a daughter, Grace, who is going to marry the prince of Monte Carlo this April. Such publicity- its Hornsey for Brickwork now! He supplied the labor for Haverford's new field house that Smith told you about. lncidentally, that building, in keeping with the rest of the school, is equipped with Chinese furniture, all of which was imported by John Girvin. John shrewdly sold the goods to the school by weight, after he bored holes in the legs of the chairs, and filled them with lead. He might have got away with it, except for the..fact that he put packets of another Chinese product - opium -in the up- holstery, and the customs men found it. Poor John fought the case to the Su- preme Court, but Chief Justice William Ewing gave him no less than life at Eastern State Penitentiary. Ted Rauch is there too, by the way. It seems there were some shady goings-on at Rauch's Chimney Point Enterprises, Inc. Well, that's about the story. Is there anyone else you would like to hear about? Is there anyone else? You bet there is! Where's that old son-of-a-gun George Robertson? How could I have forgotten'?. . . George is probably the luckiest guy in our class. He retired after graduation and is now honorary president of the Newtown Square Railroad Company. All he does is read Modern Railroads and watch the trains go by from his front porch, as he skimps by on the S100,000 a year that the railroad pays him. He is the embodiment of the am- bitions and desires of all the class of '57. Thanks a lot. It was areal pleasure learning about all the men of our class - the best class ever !