Harrisburg Academy - Spectator Yearbook (Harrisburg, PA)

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CLASS PROPHECY Battle of the century! William Bromley, Broad Street gossip columnist, was attacked in the Ritz Club by Robert Little Caesar Henry of the Musicians Union. Bromley in his column in the Snooz revealed that while ten thousand musicians are starving, Henry, who draws a salary of twenty-five hundred dollars a year, is giving nightly champagne and caviar orgies in his palatial Fifth Avenue Mansion. FF if ik PF In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, copper name- plates in Bahrenburg's Milk Bar mark the spot where customers Lee Otto and Bob Brenner have drunk seven thousand gallons of root beer. all :lf lk ik John Turns was regretfully turned down yesterday when he asked to have his birth date changed from 1921 to 1935. Turns explained that he is just getting out of college in time for the christening of his third grandchild. BF H4 Sk wk The scientist, Robert Sheaffer, was observing the heavens through a huge telescope on Peter's Mountain. Suddenly he announced, It's going to rain. Several scientists clamored about him saying, What makes you think so? Because, said Sheaffer, My corns hurt. John Warner, who invented the new electronic vibrator radio, is resting quietly, and his lawyers, Coale and Van Alst, have informed us that they will fight to the end the absurd claim brought against Warner by Fred Spotts, who claims that he invented it first. Spotts, you will remember, had the same trouble with his last three inventions. Plfvkvkbk Word has just come from Switzerland that a hermit has just come down from the summit of Mt. Neverest, where he has lived for twenty years. Robert Wagner, the hermit, gave his reasons for his forsaking humanity as a desire to repent for his greatest vice, causing parking meters to operate without nickels. Hkvkikbk John McGinnes has been secretly married to Miss Dixie Cupp of a famous Harrisburg family. They are honey-mooning in Wormleysburg, where they are staying at the Melvin-Leon Plaza Hotel. The manager, Mr. Glass, is a school friend of McGinnes. PAGE 33

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'I CLASS PRQPHECY We turned on the radio. It was June 7, 1970. Good evening. This is radio station WHA of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Robert Scullin speaking. And now for the news. This reporter was shocked to hear of the present whereabouts of the hit song writer of a few years ago, Don Fingers Holmes, who, as we all know, wrote the hit tune Unstable Mable. He's now playing the piano in Chi- chi's Musical Bar. Rumor says that it's Pim- lico. Pl' ,lf Pk Pk Kenneth Wright, the originator of the hrst syndicated church in America, The Wright Wing, preaching from his bullet-proof Lincoln Continental convertible, yesterday announced his candidacy for the presidency of the Anti-Vice League. Mr. Wright is bishop of Linglestown. Dkfklklk Roger Smith, president of the Society for the Preservation of the Antiquities of Lemoyne, tonight will speak in the back room of Fickle's Place on the influence of Lemoyne on the cul- tural history of Whittle's Corner. Hkflffklk Gerald Kaspar has switched to Calvert. Clear heads choose Calvert. john Hanna and Richard Farley, Scotch drinkers, have resigned from that exclusive organization. Hklkvlivlf The noted novelist and journalist, Austin Dougherty, whose latest work is From Seeds to Weeds or How to Plant All Those Seeds That You Got From Ma Perkins Last Year And Don't Know What To Do With, has decided to write a mystery cookbook. One ingredient from each recipe will be omitted. During his European travels, William Noggle was arrested for throwing a pop bottle at a passing woman. He explained, I just wanted to get acquainted. Pl' :lf Dk PF Gilbert Stouffer, the roofing magnate, we hear, is publishing the manuscript of an un- known author, Burton Weiss, a graduate of the Harrisburg Academy. At present, Weiss is employed by the L. B. Sniff Car-washing Em- porium. wk lk PF is We hear that the wit Lawrence Kampel attended a dinner party the other night. In the middle of the main course, he seized a bowl of cole slaw and poured it over the head of the matron seated next to him. How dare you, she bellowed, plucking strips of cabbage from her hair. How dare you throw cole slaw at me? Mr. Kampel blanched. Good Heavens! he stammered. Was that cole slaw? I thought that it was spinach. Aflklkik Mario Broutin, Costa Rican Consul at Dun- cannon, recently was seated at a dinner party next to a woman who did not know that he spoke English. At dessert, she turned to Senor Broutin and said, Likee Cakee? Broutin played along' and nodded his head affirmatively. Later, after he had delivered a speech to the gathering in flawless English, he turned to the somewhat flustered woman and said, Likee Speechee? PAGE 32

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CUM LAUDE SOCIETY OFFICERS Prefident . . . RAYMOND D. KENNEDY Secretary . . . . JAMES B. ScHocK In the fall of 1905, Mr. Abram Harris, a graduate of Wesleyan University, con- ceived the idea that secondary schools should have an honorary society the aim of which should be the encouragement of high ideals of work. The next spring he discussed the plan with several masters of the Tome school, and his idea met with approval. Soon afterward, that school formed such a society, and in a short time several others adopted the idea. The name of the organization was the Cum Laude Society. The Harrisburg Academy secured a chapter in 1921. Acertain percentage of the senior class and an even smaller percentage of the junior class are elected to the society each year. The scholastic standing of the students governs the elections. The boys who are made members of the Cum Laude Society are presented with a gold key and a certificate. INITIATES Members-in-Course Senior: WILLIAM S. NOGGLE DONALD M. HOLMES ROBERT HENRY JOHN E. TURNS ROBERT E. SHEAFFER fzmiorr DAVID KAUFMAN PAGE 34