Harrisburg Academy - Spectator Yearbook (Harrisburg, PA)

Page 36 text:

'I CLASS PRQPHECY We turned on the radio. It was June 7, 1970. Good evening. This is radio station WHA of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Robert Scullin speaking. And now for the news. This reporter was shocked to hear of the present whereabouts of the hit song writer of a few years ago, Don Fingers Holmes, who, as we all know, wrote the hit tune Unstable Mable. He's now playing the piano in Chi- chi's Musical Bar. Rumor says that it's Pim- lico. Pl' ,lf Pk Pk Kenneth Wright, the originator of the hrst syndicated church in America, The Wright Wing, preaching from his bullet-proof Lincoln Continental convertible, yesterday announced his candidacy for the presidency of the Anti-Vice League. Mr. Wright is bishop of Linglestown. Dkfklklk Roger Smith, president of the Society for the Preservation of the Antiquities of Lemoyne, tonight will speak in the back room of Fickle's Place on the influence of Lemoyne on the cul- tural history of Whittle's Corner. Hkflffklk Gerald Kaspar has switched to Calvert. Clear heads choose Calvert. john Hanna and Richard Farley, Scotch drinkers, have resigned from that exclusive organization. Hklkvlivlf The noted novelist and journalist, Austin Dougherty, whose latest work is From Seeds to Weeds or How to Plant All Those Seeds That You Got From Ma Perkins Last Year And Don't Know What To Do With, has decided to write a mystery cookbook. One ingredient from each recipe will be omitted. During his European travels, William Noggle was arrested for throwing a pop bottle at a passing woman. He explained, I just wanted to get acquainted. Pl' :lf Dk PF Gilbert Stouffer, the roofing magnate, we hear, is publishing the manuscript of an un- known author, Burton Weiss, a graduate of the Harrisburg Academy. At present, Weiss is employed by the L. B. Sniff Car-washing Em- porium. wk lk PF is We hear that the wit Lawrence Kampel attended a dinner party the other night. In the middle of the main course, he seized a bowl of cole slaw and poured it over the head of the matron seated next to him. How dare you, she bellowed, plucking strips of cabbage from her hair. How dare you throw cole slaw at me? Mr. Kampel blanched. Good Heavens! he stammered. Was that cole slaw? I thought that it was spinach. Aflklkik Mario Broutin, Costa Rican Consul at Dun- cannon, recently was seated at a dinner party next to a woman who did not know that he spoke English. At dessert, she turned to Senor Broutin and said, Likee Cakee? Broutin played along' and nodded his head affirmatively. Later, after he had delivered a speech to the gathering in flawless English, he turned to the somewhat flustered woman and said, Likee Speechee? PAGE 32

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CLASS WILL E, the graduating class of 1948, thinking ourselves to be sound of mind while others think something opposite, hereby do declare this to be our last will and testament: SECTION I To THE HARRIsnURG ACADEMY, we leave our everlasting loyalty and esteem. SECTION II To the FACULTY, we leave our sincerest gratitude for the work that they have done on our behalf. SECTION III To MR. KENNEDY, we leave an attentive assembly and a student body that puts its books in its lockers. To MR. DoE, we will unbreakable test tubes and chemistry students who learn valences. To MR. SCHOCK, we give a ponyless Latin Class and a quiet fifth period study hall. To MR. CASSARA, we leave a lunch which begins with Pate de Foie Gras and ends with Crepe Suzettesf' To MR. WILLAIID, we bequeath a history notebook and textbook that coincide. To MR. DIEHL, we give a life supply of his favorite hard candies and a pair of pearl-colored spats. To MR. CAMBPELL, we leave an automatic pencil not inscribed with Property of U. S. Government. To MR. OHL, we will students who really try to set good examples for the younger boys. To the STATE, we leave a student body that never bothers them. SECTION IV To JoHN MILLER, DoN HOLMES leaves the piano at three-thirty. KEN WRIGHT leaves his good looks to Bon ROTHROCK. ROGER SMITH leaves his taste for fine things to RONNIE RASHINSKY. To LEE JAVITCH, Bon BRENNER and MEL GLAss leave their quiet dispositions. GIL STOUFFER, JoHN WARNER and GERRY KASPAR leave their love for pool, Fords, and women to GENE WAEELE. JACK MCGINNES leaves his peaches and Cream complexion to RAY FARR. To the school, FRED BAHRENEURG leaves a picture of Bugs Bunny. JOHN TURNS, WAYNE ALDINGER, and Doc DOUGHERTY leave their zest for studying to anyone who needs it. FARLEY leaves his unsmiling face to DAVE KAUFMAN. SI-IEAFPER leaves his quiet way to DICK SHERMAN. VAN ALST and WAGNER leave their ability to smoke in Vet smoking periods to any other non-vet who can get away with it. Bun-r WEISS leaves his ability to throw the bull to anyone who wants it. Bon HENRY leaves a piece of John Harris paper to everyone. SECTION V To THE GIRLS who are entering the school next year, we leave a group of boys who are as good looking as we. PAGE 31

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CLASS PROPHECY Battle of the century! William Bromley, Broad Street gossip columnist, was attacked in the Ritz Club by Robert Little Caesar Henry of the Musicians Union. Bromley in his column in the Snooz revealed that while ten thousand musicians are starving, Henry, who draws a salary of twenty-five hundred dollars a year, is giving nightly champagne and caviar orgies in his palatial Fifth Avenue Mansion. FF if ik PF In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, copper name- plates in Bahrenburg's Milk Bar mark the spot where customers Lee Otto and Bob Brenner have drunk seven thousand gallons of root beer. all :lf lk ik John Turns was regretfully turned down yesterday when he asked to have his birth date changed from 1921 to 1935. Turns explained that he is just getting out of college in time for the christening of his third grandchild. BF H4 Sk wk The scientist, Robert Sheaffer, was observing the heavens through a huge telescope on Peter's Mountain. Suddenly he announced, It's going to rain. Several scientists clamored about him saying, What makes you think so? Because, said Sheaffer, My corns hurt. John Warner, who invented the new electronic vibrator radio, is resting quietly, and his lawyers, Coale and Van Alst, have informed us that they will fight to the end the absurd claim brought against Warner by Fred Spotts, who claims that he invented it first. Spotts, you will remember, had the same trouble with his last three inventions. Plfvkvkbk Word has just come from Switzerland that a hermit has just come down from the summit of Mt. Neverest, where he has lived for twenty years. Robert Wagner, the hermit, gave his reasons for his forsaking humanity as a desire to repent for his greatest vice, causing parking meters to operate without nickels. Hkvkikbk John McGinnes has been secretly married to Miss Dixie Cupp of a famous Harrisburg family. They are honey-mooning in Wormleysburg, where they are staying at the Melvin-Leon Plaza Hotel. The manager, Mr. Glass, is a school friend of McGinnes. PAGE 33