Harding High School - Folio Yearbook (Bridgeport, CT)

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THE SPECULATOR VOL, IV THE WARREN HARDING HIGH SCHOOL No. 1 SPECULATOR WIRETAPPERS INTERCEPT A LAWRENCE SPY MESSAGE CANDIDATES OUT FOR SOUP TEAM Continuing the Harding policy of Athletics for All , the A. A. in co' operation with the cafeteria manage' ment, has taken the initial steps to organize a Soup'Gargling team. The brunt of the work is benig taken on by Director Ricker, who has hidden in the inner recesses of the l18 sancf tum delicate apparatus, built during his war work with explosives, for measuring the intensity of sound. The first tests are now being conf ducted using the early candidates to determine with what kind of soup, fa soup by any other name would be as wateryl, the best results are ob' tained. Daily practice is being held, lasting from 2:30 until the soup iss gone. Thus far the indications are that the psychological effect of calling the soup clam chowder swings the tide of bubbles in the direction of the clams trying out. The gentle but persistent snapping of the clams held close up is said to increase greatly in volume of noise. Altho Lindy soup is no longer served, an effort will be made to try it, in order to determine whether the noise of the motor exerts any influence on the sound of the soup. It may be possible to enter players with each kind of soup. Early candidates include Lynch and Umstatter, tomato specialistsg Thorne, D'Louhy, Mike Turko, Louis Wagner, and uncounted others who are demons with the Noodle variety. Director Ricker is compiling a schedule to include the strongest schools in the state. Central will be handicapped because of the number of its lunch periods and the conse' quent lack of harmony. Derby hopes to put a strong team on the Held, due to the abundance of soupfmaterial in the nearby Housatonic. Stratford, Fairfield, and Terryville are hopeful of success in the Beanfsoup field. THREE HURT AS RIOT BREAKS UP FACULTY MEETING Iffensored Continued on Page 3 LATE NEWS BULLETINS Harding Beatss Central NEWFIELD PARK-Today Hard' ing High smothered the venerable ri' vals from acrosss the river by the score of 2fO, when brilliant strategy on the part of Manager Nolux pref vented the enemy from reaching the battlefront. Under the inspiration of a dream, the capable pilot planted two tons of loam, well watered, at the corner of Seaview and Stratford Avenues, and the Red and Black Bus became mired. Brains Wins Again CENTRAL HIGH-Brains beat brawn here again today, when Wil' liam Collins of Warren Harding earned 96 on the College Board Eng- lish Exam. NEW BUGS HEAD WILL END TORTURE OF KITTIES That dissection of felines for the advancement of science will be frown' ed upon in the future was the star' tling sentiment expressed in no un' certain terms by Imnota Sucker, new- ly elected president of the Bugology Club, in an interview yesterday with a Speculator reporter. What are to be the main points in your policy as president? inquired the reporter. Well, you see I- You mean you will have bigger and more frequent meetings ,is that it? Well, that is not- Yes, I get you. What about chlo' roforming and dissecting? Chloroforming! Why I- Yes. I thought that would be your stand on the matter. But Dissecting! I never ev- I'm glad to see you're progressive. All the rgeat leaders are opposed. But I- The members will be pleased to have such a firm executive. How soon will your new policy go in force? What new pol-3' Immediately, you say? But what about the cats already condemned? They will be- Given away? Who gets them? Dammit, I said- A very good idea. Are you plan' ning any other new policies? I have not yet pl-- Too many to mention here then, you say? Well, will you mail them to me? Ifm much obliged for the inter' view. Sucker, who has been prominent in Continued on Page 3 lf95 fl British Home Office 10 Downing Street London, S. W., E. N. 6 Report on Conditions at Warren Harding High School, Bridge- port, Conn., U. S. A., Deemed Menace to British Supremacy Under your direction I made a vis- it to Harding for the purpose of sizing up this dangerous spot. I wish to connrm the impression that they are a wary bunch. My first attempt to gain entrance to the institution under the disguise of a book agent ended disastrously, several ofhcials pouncing on me immediately and ejecting me with violence down the granite front steps, which are in- numerable. Before attempting another assault on this vicious citadel of danger, I decided to make underfcover attempts to learn of a safe approach. By means of perusing much violent lit' erature which is disseminated at regu' lar intervals from the structure, I conceived a plan. Meanwhile I had sized up the physical layout of the place and the possibilities for escape. The building is a squat but extensive red structure on a precipice, along the edge of which tear beastly yellow omnibuses. The rear is guarded by lofty walls, whence an attack could be made only with difficulty. There are numerous exits thru which the villains might escape if attacked by a superior force. But back to my means of entry.- Appropriately disguised, I purchased a plain black sweater, on which I attached a large yellow letter H. Then, at a deucedly early hour, I entered the building in the midst of the inmates. Passing thru a heavily armored front entrance, in which an ambush could be easily laid for the invading forces, I turned to the right and entered the first door, where, as I expected, I found a mahogany bench with two inmates seated on it. I took my place there, secure from observation. Here for two days I looked and listened, picking up many facts which convincd me of the im' portance of this menace. I learned that a group of master seamen is being trained here to challenge the supremacy of the British navy, and that this body has outclassed every such organization in this section of America. I learned that the stu' dents participate in something over three hundred daily discussion forms, where every possible aspect of the weaknesses of the British Empire is Continued on Page 3

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THE SPECULATOR I THB SPECULATOR l - Pnsimina infrequently by n notable mfr B L U B S lconmmed fmm Page 'l THE STAFF discussed. Essays are written in cer- E?KE23IAL cgUEB:7E?E BALI-'CHAIN tain of these circles and prizes given .. ,, , I I . Abygginign for .35 8 At the regular daily meeting of for the most Violent- A Hvllfllvl Harding's most energetic organization, I learned that some thirty Hard- Price: Sc per coyg sign up if yon the Ball and Chain Gang, held last ingites are trained' in the 'art of know Whlfl 3006 iv' V00 night in 206, an unusual treat was propaganda, and tri-weekly issue a - provided by the hostess in the shape propagandist sheet, which is eagerly LYCOPODIA In the vertez of the vernal season the lyrical lure of the luxurious leisure of the lichen-laden, coniferous mon- archs of the forest and their lycipo- dian counterparts is so magnetic as to delectify the languid and disinvolved devotee of deep, dexterous, deter- minative devilish concentration on the persistent, incessant, percurrent purssuit of previously and probably permanently private learning. Despite the evident, obvious, incontravertible impossibility of infinite attainment along these lines, inestimably intrin- sic and invaluable considerations con- strain us to counsel our devoted sub- scribers to consent to consecute this idea. Labor omnia. vincit. Forward be our watchword And the grave is not our goal, If we can't work the teacher for a 70 We sure'll be in a hole. Dear Doc: What do you recommend for too much homework? XYZ. ANSWER: Ask me another. Doc Killyuh: What are teachers for? , FROSH. ANSWER: 51300 to 53000 a year. Dear Doctor My English teacher gave me 50 altho I had three 95's. How can I get back at her? QDP. ANSWER: Quit her class. Dear Doc: Your column is the vilest, most li- belous, most anarchistic and intoler- able bit of unnecessary and detrimental space filler ever devised to pad the yellow sheet you write for. Here's hoping you get bumped off within the next 24 hours. KM. ANSWER: Thanks. Don't forget the roses. I don't usually print these let- ters but this one is an excellent ex- ample of what the public seems to think of me. Alas, the life of a pub- lic servant is hard. DOC KILLYUH'S CONSULTATIONS E 1 of some of her best pre-war examina- tions fvintage 19071. The club con- vened promptly at 2:00, and after the minutes and hours of the last meeting, with results, had been re- hashed , announcements of prizes won were made. Milton Belinkie received 4573rd honorable mention for his work on Dragons and Their Habits, entered in a contest conducted by Snappy Stories. Other awards were not released for publication, due to the modesty of the winners. The special treat was served when the program was becoming dull, and Kane, Collins, Hersey, and several others were indisputably asleep, fat this juncture, the meeting became hilarious, following the distribution of the rare papersj It was necessary to adjourn early f11:30j, when certain members had become unmanageable. D. S. C. A new club has been formed at Harding, entitled the D. S. C., com- posed of those who know what the title means. Officers are Smith, presi- dent, Smith, vice-presidentg Smith sec.-treas. It is expected to prosper, under the stimulus of publicity on the back page of the Speculator. HISTORIC FILM SHOWN HERE FOR TENTH TIME Hardingites cheered with joy last week when at the irregular weekly assembly, Yale's Eve of the Revolu- tion was shown. The ovation which greeted the historic film was typical of that which is always granted here to an old favorite fjoke, speaker, pic- turej. The hisses, with which the Red-coats were greeted, showed the presence of the independent spirit of the Colonistss still surviving over a century later in their descendants. This film, which has been shown to Hardingites so many times that even the office statisticians, accustomed to checking the number of failures, have lost count, has become an institution. It is feared that our grandchildren, in the dim future, may revolt whein, inevitably, the film wears out. Pros- perous alumni, mindful of this, are gathering a fund to purchase dupli- cates on especially durable film, so that this crisis may be avoided. E961 bought, and condemned if too eace- ful. I learned that military drilflas are carried on daily in a large armory in the north section of the building, and that the participants are accustomed to demonstrate their tacticul superior- ity over other Americans in numerous contests. During the two days I sat on this bench and wandered into one of the discussion circles. The things I heard I will trust to no cables, but will communicate them to the Cabi- net personally. At the close of the forum there was a stampede for the halls, where pandemonium had bro- ken loose. I allowed myself to be carried by the crowd, and was swept down a flight of stairs to an eating- place, where, amid hideous noises and utter confusion, the asvages swallow their food, purchased at ridiculous prices. Later in the day-how much later I am unable to say-a mass meeting was held, at which the inmates sung barbarous songs and cheered lustily at seditious speakers. Samples of cheers, songs, speeches: Tihs is our day . . . we will win . . . we'll never givein...wewewewewe...yard by yard we'll light our way . . . Harding will turn back the invader. i There was every indication of an ex- pected battle. I would strongly urge a special cabinet meeting to consider defense measures for the empire. This danger must not be underestimated. This week I shall visit the Central High School, said to be a seat of RED propaganda. I do not know what I shall End. It is understood that everything in this dispatch is confidential and SCCFCC. LAWRENCE Who was that lady I seen you wid last night? That wasn't no lady-that was E my wife. EPITAPH Weep o'er the bones of Percy McHashg He didn't know his pomes for his English class. E CERTAIN cEN1oRs CAY l Sammy Dizenzo says he likes Eng- lish. Ben Murphy says he lost the class presidency by a nose. One senior said this column is good.